I am so sick of being me

Hiya Andy. I can only add a footnote to the insights so many have posted above: if you're anything like me, you're just entering into the stage of life where you really begin to integrate all the diverse strands of longing, desires, capabilities and limitations that make you up as a person. It can be very unsettling and frustrating at times, but the deep down unshakeable inner peace that begins building as you work these things through is a wonderful light at the end of the tunnel, keep an eye out for it!

Andy...

Do not despair! I'm 54 and I just put a foot out of my closet a couple of years ago. Yes, it takes a little courage if you are afraid of what others you know think of you, but most people will treat you like a person and everybody here in this group understands what you are going through. If I can be of any help, just let me know.

Sharifemme

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Originally Posted by Andy1087

Well Karen you may think I have a lot of time to live my life, but at the age of 44 I feel my life is over.

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Oh, come on, Andy! That's ridiculous. Look, I'm only a year older than you are, and I sure don't feel that way! I've never been out, and I don't have plans to go out any time soon. But I might. I'm not sure.

Why do you feel this way? Is it because if you managed a passable look, you still feel you are too old to go out and hit the bars like some 25-year old chick? Come on! Haven't you really outgrown the bar scene anyway? None of us are ever really going to be that dancing queen in the night club. We tend to wish we could live that life for even one night, but it ain't gonna happen! There are so many other things to do, though.

Or is it that you feel that you can never achieve a passable image? That doesn't make your life a waste. There are lots of rather masculine looking women in the world, many of whom probably wish they were prettier. Do the best you can with what you have, and then you've done what every one of us has been forced to do. Not one of us is Christie Brinkley, you know.

But know this. At 44, you are just getting to the age where maturity takes the edge off of our fears and inhibitions. At 44, you can begin to appreciate yourself for who you are instead of loathing yourself for who you are not. Count your blessings, and you may find that they outweigh your regrets. Regrets have never helped anyone live a fuller life. Many CD's live their lives with the regret that they aren't female or aren't pretty. But there is no point in longing for something that you won't ever have. So just do the best you can.

Look, ask yourself, why do you CD? Is it because you wish you were a girl? You aren't. It's okay to feel that way, but there is no point in dwelling upon it. Is it because you enjoy the clothing? Well, there's nothing that says you can't enjoy the clothing just the way you are. Take your lemons, my friend, and squeeze them for all the lemonade you can get, and enjoy it. No matter how much I try, I'm never going to look good in a bikini, so hey, you're not so bad off as you might think. There are a lot of us who deal with the very same things as the rest of us. It's all a matter of how you look at it. Chin up!

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Originally Posted by Andy1087

Well Karen you may think I have a lot of time to live my life, but at the age of 44 I feel my life is over.

Andy

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so you think your life is almost over? Im 61 and my life is no way over,just let your heart gide you listen to what the girls on this forum have to tell you dont be so hard on yourself. find that happy place and youll find out how happy you will be love hugs and kisses GeeGee2

I have passed your age and have become serene with the passing years.

Firstly i have learned to lose the guilt i always felt about crossdressing - in other words i have found out how to love myself and that is so important.

Secondly i have come to terms with the fact that i will always be in the closet because my relationships are more important.

Thirdly, i wear lingerie/stockings under my outer clothes most of the time and that makes me feel good because i am always aware of them

Fouthly i have lost my apprehension about shopping and that always gives me a thrill

Fifthly I have found this site and talking about my feminity helps me cope.

Sixthly I quite openly look after my skin and complexion with ,moisturisers, eye shadow cream, satin shower creme, clear lip moisturiser and sometimes a very light foundation cream.

Seventhly i keep my body hair shaved. in this am fortunate in having very little but i took it off gradually.

All of these are daily exercises help me feel that I not losing a feminine identity

As Becky says
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

there is an eighth thing i do - i try to watch my diet. Burgers and fries are out.

Just think feminine

Andy:

The feelings are the only part of this that come natural. The rest of it consists of a lot of hard work and study. If you want to look good as a female, you have to work at it. Yes, you will fail many times and feel like giving up. But if you really want it, you can achieve it.

Look at this girls website. Take a look at some of her first photos and what she has done to get to where she is at today.

http://www.reneereyes.com/

Andy-- I am only 65 and do not have all the answers-- But you have come to the right place-- look- listen - participate-- & and remember WE are all unique-- Not 2 of us are the same-- Love ya Andy-- big hugs
Janice