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You say you have a therapist. Listen to your therapist. Ask your therapist for advice.
Most of what you get from this forum is sincere enough, but we are not professionally trained, we don't know you that well and we have no stake in the outcome.
You need to figure this out on your own and consider all the consequences. Do you think you would be happy as a woman? Would people accept you as a woman? Can you afford the cost of becoming a woman? Would you be OK with losing family and friends?
Maybe you should spend some time in the transsexual area. Read up on the problems they are having going from male to female. It's not a cakewalk.
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Bandi;
You do have a lot going on, it does not sound like a mid life crisis, but more of a Life in Crisis. Some things to consider:
. Removing the firearms from the home. There is enough implied tension in your OP that gives reason to take that precaution
. Start being realistic about the 'kids'. They are not kids, they are adults.
. When kids become adults, they grow up by leaving home and living in their own.
. Set boundaries for the young adults in your home. They have to pay rent,food, a portion of all home expenses.
. Give firm set number of days 30 max for them to find a job (any job that pays ALL of their bills)
. Explain to your wife that you are not being mean to the 'kids' or kicking them out, you are giving them the tools to be a success in a grown up world.
. Try to get your wife to see a therapist for her issues. be willing to sit in if asked.
. It sounds as if any talk of CD/TG issues will only add to the domestic tensions ( If possible wait a bit)
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This situation is just waiting to explode. Remove weapons before that happens. They aren't kids, they are freeloaders but your wife is too invested to not coddle them further. If your wife speaks that way already, she will most likely never even tolerate it even if it was out of sight (DADT). And the wife's son definitely won't. I don't see how you can mention anything about your dressing without negative consequences while staying in that house.
Your pink fog is pretty thick since you don't have enough time to explore through the fog. So it is hard to gauge where you want to take this since you are mostly living more through fantasy thoughts and not reality. You can't explore this at that house and will never be able to work through it.
Even without the gender issues, this is a pretty bad situation. Any person would be upset with 2 freeloaders in their house. They are capable of more and are just a burden. Having had a few myself over the years, I bet they don't even help much with the house chores and such which is free to do with all their free time. I think this is the easiest thing to work on without upsetting the explosive situation. Regardless of what happens down the line (divorce, transition, etc), doing this will make the wife's offspring so much better off.
I hope you can figure out a safe path through all this.
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Brandi,
You need to really seriously consider when and how much you divulge this side of you with your wife. I don't know much more than I've read in this post but I would hazard a guess that your legitimate requirement for support will most likely be blamed for the ultimate breakdown in your relationship and home life.
It sounds like you already have some big issues going on at home at the moment which I would say need resolution one way or another before you let the cat out of the bag.
It's been a secret for so long, would it not be better to keep it so for just a little longer and try and resolve the other issues first.
In a nuetral trans environment the shock of the 'man of the house' revealing any kind of femininity is a shock but it sounds like you will have a tougher audience than I ever had.
If you can't resolve the issues that are troubling you so much at home i.e the kids (I'm assuming you wife doesn't support your view of them getting some work) is that enough to drive you away before you add another whole new dynamic to it all.
I'm just saying that from your post, it would seem, that your choice to come clean now will be like dropping the mentos in the Coca-Cola and have a more detrimental effect than of you bided more time and planned things out further.
Once its out there is no putting a lid back on.
I should also add that I can understand how it feels having married with this secret. In my case I have so far been lucky that there is a certain amount of tolerance to it (albeit not in her back yard!) All I can do is keep working on it. Slowly.
I do feel for you I really do.
Tammy
