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Post #11 pretty much describes what I have seen in a few CDs I know.
That kind of behavior is not acceptable IMO.
Both mine failed because I was not assertive enough or manly enough and both found new partners.
CDing was not a factor for me and both Ex's know all about me now.
Thank u for proving my point, Char. By posting your experiences with husbands that acted rude, disgusting, and disrespectful to their mates. Problems that have little or nothing to do with how they were dressed. :Angry3:Quote:
Originally Posted by char GG
Unless you're claiming fem clothes suddenly changed their natural behavior and character?:eek:
Lexi; somtimes_miss, simply nailed the correct response. Everything stated in that succinct response is why crossdresser marriages fail...
i have to agree with Char (#11). Those are examples of behavior, whether done by a cross dressing man or non cross dressing man, or in fact, a wife or girlfriend would turn off his or her partner.
Over the years I have read many posts which I consider "in your face" posts or "take it or leave it" posts. A man may have total disregard for the feelings of his wife. "Honey, I'm sorry but the weekends are always golfing weekends with the boys followed by some heavy drinking. You go see your family without me!"
Then there are those posts on this site of wives tearing the house apart looking for evidence of her husband's cross dressing. Heaven forbid if she finds a pair of white nylon panties squirreled away in his tool box in the garage.
My wife and I have always considered marriage as an on going work in progress with compromises on both parts. We also don't sweat the small stuff.
Sherry,
I'm inclined to agree with you , many of our generation married young and often not always for the right reasons . In my case we both wanted to get away from a difficult domestic situation , did love come into it ? Looking back perhaps not enough ! I guess 44 years based on that history we did well but I can now see when I came out to my wife twenty years ago it was the straw that did break the camel's back . I'm sure like many you hang in there to see the kids through their education and we still had a business to run but I know it was the turning point for me with my TG issues .
Ironically we're both happier now , being married shouldn't be like you are shackled together but that's how it becomes and often the man makes most if not all the compromises hoping to keep a marriage intact . I may sound more cynical about it now but a good marriage is wonderful but a bad marrige is best ended so both parties are free to move on . Lets not forget being TG is not a crime given the right circumstances it is an enjoyable lifestyle .
Wow!
I was about to reply to char's post, but decided to read the rest of the thread before doing so.
Guess it had an impact on more than just me? :heehee:
Here's my take on it...
Simply omit the CD'ing part!
- "We attended a party together where the [guy] - in full view of the GF - started dirty dancing, grinding away on a man. The poor GF watched for a while then disappeared. I found her locked in the ladies restroom sobbing away. It took some convincing for her to come out. Her boyfriend proceeded to tell her that he was "caught up in the moment". She later found out that [her BF] really liked to be able to attract and be with men..."
- "Another [guy] did not want his wife to go out with him because he liked to party all night with his friends and then eat breakfast with them in the am. He would not go to weekend family functions with her because weekends were his party nights."
- "One other story about a [guy] who only wanted to visit fetish establishments... The wife didn't want to participate so she was painted with the "non-accepting brush".
Does that kind of stuff happen with non-CD'ing guys? Absolutely.
Heck, even feel free to swap out the guy -- with a GG! Similar results, no doubt.
Lousy behavior is simply lousy behavior. CD'ing involved, or not.
Are the majority of CD'ers like that? I don't believe so. But this is the kind of stuff that paints us with a broad stroke, giving us -- and CD'ing -- a bad name.
And yeah, our personal *relationship* with CD'ing is vital. One could go down the list... For example, spending way too much money that they may not have, on CD'ing stuff... Or always being locked away in a room alone for hours & hours on end, spending way too much time & energy on CD'ing stuff, as other important things go left unchecked... Etc., etc.
But again: CD'ing is not necessarily the only potential "catalyst" for this! Swap it out for pretty much anything else, and it could still easily hold true.
I honestly hope it's really not about the clothes/presentation, per se. Though I suspect many (but not all!) GF's/wives still have at least a small issue with that, in & of itself.
Regardless, thank you for your excellent post, char! :thumbsup:
Mine did. More specifically it was the extent of it. She knew before we were married. Over a long period of time I'd lost any sort of balance between male and female. By the time she left, there was not much male left. She thought I was gradually transitioning, and in a way I was. I was blind to it, in a way. I knew what I was doing, but I was blind to how far I'd gone and how it was affecting her/us. We're all prone to continuously pushing forward, and when you continually push forward for decades, as I did, there's just not much further to go. It was years after that I heard and understood a little of what was going on behind the scenes and some of the things that were being said about me, how she'd defended me and deflected things. I was given an inch (many inches) and I took a mile. She found a "real man" before she left me, but I believe she would not have done that if I'd managed to keep some semblance of "maleness" about me.
We had a great marriage, except for that. So, I'm the one. That's the reason my marriage failed. It was not entirely my fault. If we had communicated, we could have made corrections along the way that I think would have been workable for both of us. We didn't, and consequently things got entirely out of hand. I can see it now more clearly than I could when I was in the middle of it.
I was married, Rhonda Jean. Altho we had many differences, for years we never went to sleep before talking things out. No matter how long and difficult it was! The communication seemed to increase intimacy between us. Often ending in passionate sex. Eventually, the communication stopped. Then, so did the passion and sex.:sad:
In my opinion, if a couple doesn't or can't communicate? (Communication being a 2 way street.) They may have a dysfunctional marriage. So, maybe it wasn't all your fault? Our marriage therapist would agree!:straightface:
I my case it had nothing to do with CD'ing. My wife was too busy having sex with everyone but me. Money issues she caused, and her doing Crystal Meth. What can I say.
I got rid of my practice wife for reasons unrelated to CDing. Indeed it was another 20 years before that became a thing for me. However, I can say with some confidence that had I been a CD back then it would have just been another of the hundred and ninety reasons to dump that cow.
She stifled me in every other way, CDing would have been no different.
So yeah, Sherry... Bad marriage.
As for Wifeling well I'd rather lose Abbie than her. Now that's not to say it's anything remotely like 'yes dear. Whatever you say dear'. Lol She'd quickly disabuse anyone of the notion that I'm like that. But she simply means more to me that the CDing. Ideally I'd prefer for it to not come to that. And that's where the ongoing communication comes in...
It goes both way though. How many guys married a woman that was super feminine all during the courtship, but when the marriage happened, the ladies started to "butch up" for lack of a better term. I know TONS of couples that the woman changes when the "I do's" are said. So how many marriages actually fail because the female started showing too many masculine traits? I see a lot of marriages end over a "dealbreaker" issue, whether it is CDing or certain outdoor activities, or "abuse". Then lo and behold the spouses get remarried to someone else and that marriage fails too. (and the second marriage wasnt affected by the "dealbreaker" behavior.) So I agree, I think 0% of good marriages fail because of crossdressing. Most of the ones that do fail because of CDing it isnt the CDing that is the real problem, but one partner has control issues.
Sounds like you are both secure in your marriage and yourselves. Insecurity can wreak havoc on a marriage no matter what the issue is.Quote:
Originally Posted by BTWimRobin
A lot of it was the cross dressing .There was also other things like well crossdressing and then there was lets compromise which meant yea um cannot do this .In the end it is what it is .Was i perfect no but i tried to make up for what i did she did not notice .12 yrs gone by