When I first came out to her she didn't want our girls to know. They were 2 at the time. but came out to them when they were 5. They are ten now and don't bat an eye at me now. Since I am transitioning.
Kelsey
When I first came out to her she didn't want our girls to know. They were 2 at the time. but came out to them when they were 5. They are ten now and don't bat an eye at me now. Since I am transitioning.
Kelsey
I am sure I am in the minority, but all boundaries are mine. I value the relationship too much to push things. That said, I am completely shaved, come and go as I wish and do pretty much whatever I want. Out dressed usually three days a week. But I make sure I contribute around the house and try as often as possible to go out when my wife is at work (our work schedules are not in sync). I still always prefer an evening at home (as myself) with my wife to an evening out dressed.
No boundaries here for my wife. She does get annoyed when I shave my face, because I look 10 years younger lol, but she knows I have to in order to come out.
My wife and I reached a point, after 3 years of DADT, that all I need to do if I want to dress at home with her there, is let her know.
I had a number of times, leading up to that, but I find I prefer not to. I am trying to avoid putting it in her face, so it’s rare when I really need to.
Also, any sort of body modification is out. I have a beard and she agrees to let me shave it now and then.
I’m so happy and grateful for how hard SHE worked to accept my CDIng, and I am mindful to not take it for granted.
Chelsea
Boundaries have evolved over the years. I used to dress in front of her. She helped with makeup even. More recently it's been no dressing at all.
She recently told me if I need to dress I should so I'm happy but she doesn't want it involved in sexy time at all.
I haven't dressed again but if I feel comfortable enough to do so I guess I'll be doing it on my own.
She has joked that if I do dress I would need her help because I have terrible fashion sense. I replied that I didn't think she'd be comfortable and she said it would really depend on the context.
I am trying to find good boundaries this time around since when we first did this I went from zero to a hundred in 2 seconds and she got overwhelmed and it damaged our relationship.
I am out to my wife to the extent that she knows I crossdress outside the house. She has never seen my clothing or shoe collection, with the exception of a stray bra or panty or two. She knows that I go to the Keystone Conference and she knows that I have enough clothes to fill two suitcases and a hanging bag, because that's what I typically take to Keystone.
My wife:
1. Does not want to see me dressed, or just wearing makeup.
2. Does not want to see any pictures of me dressed.
3. Does not want to see any of my clothes, either in my dresser, my closet or in the laundry.
4. Does not want to see any any of my makeup, wigs or jewelry.
5. Does not want me to leave the neighborhood dressed, nor return dressed.
6. Does not want me to tell our daughter or to let her find out through my carelessness.
My wife allows me to be out dressed two time a month, with "no rollover minutes" (but not to leave the house or the neighborhood dressed).
When I go out, she wants to know when I am leaving and when I am returning, but not what I'm doing, where I'm going or with who.
Me too! All of it!Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie47
Me too, again!Quote:
Originally Posted by CarlaWestin
As any good lawyer knows, if it's not forbidden in the contract, it is automatically permitted.
I do some minimal shaving, mostly legs, chest and pits, because I don't think it will be obvious, and there's not much hair there to begin with. I don't shave my arms because I do have a lot of hair there, and it will be obvious. I don't pluck my eyebrows or have them threaded. My wife is a very visual person and would probably detect even a single plucked eyebrow hair
I sometimes underdress in panties, a girdle or shaper.
I usually dress in femme yoga pants and a femme top for yoga, but I overdress with male workout pants and top before I get home.
I go out in public dressed, either for a social group or shopping. I usually go shopping in male mode for femme clothes and makeup because it's much easier.
I guess everyone now knows that my wife won't let me get a part time job as a girl as a retail SA, working part time. Please, no more dumping on me. It wasn't originally an excluded behavior,but when I attempted it, it became a new boundary.
If you have any questions about this, please go to my profile and search for "recent started threads".
We don't talk about it too much.
In the past, she has told me to "lie to me" (meaning her). So I do. I will sometimes go out dressed with the cover story I'm doing something else (like bike riding).
Over the past few months, she seems to be mellowing. I went out to lunch (a TG group lunch) last Saturday and told her I was going. She just asked when I got home whether I bought anything (no).
I told her I'm going to Pinkfest in Chicago, and she's ok with that. She would prefer I not go out locally, but she hasn't said I can't. She knew I went out in Cleveland while there for my triathlons.
I keep my girl clothes in our closet and she has bought me panties in the past as presents.
My boundaries is that I don't want to get caught out, but I also don't want to live life in fear. I have wanted to dress like a girl for 55 years, and as I'm not hurting anyone doing it, I am going to get out when I can.
My wife's only boundaries are, don't do anything that has to do with cross-dressing.
The only ones that we have are:
The family is not to know at this time.
No Hormones or implants.
Other than that there are none. I've been smooth all over for nearly 20 years, my ears doubled pierced for nearly as long.
Currently I'm growing my hair out so that I can forgoe my wigs, unless I feel like wearing one.
Her boundary is not to leave the house. We have gone out to Halloween events The main reason is if caught I would have loss my job.
We really don't have any boundaries outside of cheating on one another.
Always wondered when topics come up about boundaries. I wonder if the shoe was on the foot and you started having boundaries about what your s/o could do and wear.
I am sure they would be screaming blue murder if that was the case.
X x x
For the most part any boundaries are the result of mutual agreement. I have never had a strong desire to go out, well one bucket list item is to go to a transformation service and do a day with an experienced CD'er, showing me the town. Boundaries have moved more in my favour through the years, that may be because I never pushed my luck in any areas. We have talked the whole issue several times, and she lets me know when it has been talked to death! I wear lingerie all the time, she accepts that I wear panties all the time, a camisole a lot and pantyhose as the colder weather comes on. I wear skirts around the house very often, but by agreement I don't go out in public with a skirt on, yet anything under my guy clothes is ok, as long as another person wouldn't see it. I have on occasions been asked to button up my shirt a bit as she can see some lace showing while we are out in public.
We have helped each other out while clothes shopping, making suggestions to help in selecting and choosing what looks good. In fact her favourite clothing store is one that I suggested she go to. Life is so much easier living in an environment with love and acceptance. I don't consider boundaries an issue!
PS: I shave, or trim all my body hair and she has never said anything about it. She did ask once about epilating my legs and if it hurt.
My wife's boundaries are based on not wanting it to negatively affect our children. Basically she doesn't want it to lead to bullying. But I can wear skirts like 90% of the time (around home, at work, etc).
Nikki,
The male hair problem is so frustrating , some men have little or no body hair and yet they are't considered effeminate . Eventually your wife will be accustomed to it
It has come at a price but now I have no wife/partner to pass judgement , saying that I do have to totally shave everyday now I'm out full time but it's more than worth it .
The boundaries I'm living with now are concerned with my son and grandsons , I'm just being patient and biding my time .
My wife's only boundaries are when at home, I can wear whatever I want; but when out in public I must always look and act like a lady. Most of the time we're together when I'm out in public. More than once she has stopped me at the door and made me change outfits. Can't complain though, looking back, I can see where she has saved me from more than one embarrassing situation.
My wife was OK with my dressing, However there where rules:
No Dressing out of the house.
No shaving of my legs or chest. That chest hair belong to her.
I was allowed to wear Baby Doll's to bed at night.
rader
My wife's limits for me are pretty much the same as mine, so it is easy! Keeping the spending under control is about our only limit.
My wife's only boundaries are that she won't go with me to a function .....
We have a mutual understanding that it's just the two of us who know. This is mostly based on my comfort level. Although we have never discussed it I know she would not be comfortable with her parents knowing as they are pretty traditional. She would prefer it if I was dressed at all times when home and go out dressed too. She says all the time that she hates seeing me in "dumb jeans" and stuff. I am very happy with the current balance right now.
Out to my Wife a whole 2 months! She loves sex with me dressed(I initially set that as a boundary, but she requests it, so...) She wants me to be me, does my toe nails, buys me panties/lingerie as surprises. It may change with time, but only boundaries now are that nothing affect the kids in any way.
For some of us who have been dressing for a while, boundary setting is an ongoing process that works best with patience and compromise. From baby steps starting 20 years ago, through tears and some misunderstandings, we have evolved with a workable compromise that is acceptable. The biggest factor is that I need to remain supportive and caring husband and most of all a good father. I guess you can say that my "honey do" list gets immediate attention. The hardest thing for me is that my wife still does not want me to reveal my femme side to our adult daughter (even though she is extremely open minded).
In a nut shell my boundaries are basically:
- dressing at home when my wife is away,
- keeping my stash secure and hidden away,
- my wife still does not want to see Sarah,
- I can attend events like First Event and Fantasia Fair,
- I can go out in meet with T friends in safe places, but not drive.
My wife and I don't have "boundaries," per se; meaning she has never said I can't do something. She is supportive, or at least tries to be, and is doing her best to accept me for who I am.
If anything, my boundaries are set by the confines of work and society, and how we choose to present. We do have a couple of unspoken or self-imposed ones, like we're not telling our kids I'm transgender until later (medical/social transition or out of high school) - And yes, I'm sure they suspect, but haven't said anything - and I choose not wear more feminine attire out of the house.
Oddly though, I do have polish on my toenails at most times, shave my legs and body always, underdress (undies and cami/sports bra) everyday, and often wear light makeup in public, which are noticable. She also lets me fully dress when I want, though she'd rather not see pictures or have an in-person view. We haven't discussed me dressing in front of her after the kids are in bed, but I don't think she'd mind. (Not minding and being comfortable with it are different.) And I keep my clothes and undies in the closet and dresser next to my male attire and her clothing (she does share her clothes with me, and vice versa).
I think I have a very good situation.
I have one boundary. Unfortunately, it is my wife's inability to accept the idea that the athletic man she married is a crossdresser. It offends her sensibilities about me, although she'd never object to any other married man doing it. So, to continue, I must deceive my wife, something that goes against my own sensibilities. The only times I can dress are when my wife is on a trip somewhere and that occurs only once or twice a year and is very unpredictable. I guess maybe that is good, as I would certainly spend a lot more on clothing were I in female mode more frequently. As it is now, I buy a few T shirts and jeans every 4-5 yrs, having no interest in male clothing.
I know a couple with a 50-mile rule. No cross-dressing with 50 miles of their hometown.
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Did Michaelangelo put massive hair on the Statue of David? No ... !!!