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Wow. You've had some super heavy emotional times you have been through these past couple of years, and I'm sure this is going to be another difficult passage when you meet. My heart goes out to you that you have the strength and inner convictions to do what you feel deep inside you must do, but in the most dignified manner. I also feel for your daughter. Life is hard. The life of a CDer and their families even harder. Thank god for all the wonderful comments and encouragement you've received from so many in this thread. May calmness and tranquility be your company over these days.
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I'm no expert in this situation by any means, but I would say do whatever you need to do to make it go as smoothly and as easy as possible. The less crap you have to deal with, the better. I don't see it as "giving in to her demands" but rather as not causing any waves while you're standing in a canoe. Wish you all the best and hope that once its over you can finally be YOU and relax for a change.
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:iagree: What Brianne said; Waves. Canoe. You can make your bold statement when you have the signed agreement in your pretty little fist.
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Brianne,
That is exactly how I see it , she may like making waves but it hasn't got her anywhere , she's the one that eventually will lose out .
Tracii,
You can call it mercenary but I'm trying to do as Brianne suggests because I'm trying to hold onto every penny I can , the financial split has worked out fine but I could have made it a whole lot worse if I hadn't been patient .
The other point is I haven't resolved the problem with my son and grandsons and she still holds the ace cards , I only have access through her , the divorce has to come first then I can sort the other issue out . I agree she will never change , so with time I need to but 45 years of marriage takes some getting over .
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Divorce is a business transaction and is best approached that way. imho. I got divorced last year and you're effectively just winding up the "joint business venture" you both entered into when you signed the marriage contract. If a few minor concessions will make the transaction go smoother then I'm all for that. I do mean minor though.
My ex and I didn't meet in person; we knew that would make things harder, not easier.
But every relationship is different. You haven't really discussed why you're meeting, but maybe one or both of you need to get the meeting with Teresa out of the way as part of drawing a line under the past. I guess I could see that. If it's something she needs and you can give it without great cost to yourself then ok. Greasing the skids never hurts.
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I just want to remind you that nobody here knows you or your wife like you do and nobody here has any stake in the outcome from whatever advice they are giving you. It's best that you do what you feel is best for you.
I will offer this advice though: Wearing what she asked you not to wear is just a bad idea and bad advice. The less you antagonize here, the smoother things will go.
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Eemz,
To me it makes sense she meets me as Teresa , she has all these thoughts going round in her head knowing so many people have met me . Maybe the final push was when she rang last week and I was having a coffee with her sister in my home , I must admit it was an odd situation having a three way conversation when she knew what I looked like . Another problem she could be having is knowing my daughter is very open with me to the point where we've been shopping and seen shows together . I am prepared to meet her she knows that , it's nothing to do with patching things up but more to do with finally meeting my son and grandsons , if it greases those skids then it's been worth waiting for .
Krisi ,
You're so right , why antagonise the situation ? I'm possibly getting away with a divorce costing me a few hundred pounds not thousands or even tens of thousands of pounds . She accepted seeing me and I've told her what I will be wearing besides I have shopping to do before she arrives .
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When the divorce is finally settled for good, how do you envision your relationship with your ex? And how do you think she envisions it?
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Mermaiden,
That's a good question , I guess it depends how the dust settles after the divorce , I suspect she won't change that much she will still try and blackmail me with my son and grandsons . I still have the dog to take care of but when she's gone I intend to travel more , so I won't always be available to fall into her traps .
