Printable View
I don't have a Heather persona. The only thing that changes is what I'm wearing. If I were 100% cross dressed and had the outward appearance of a woman, I'd still be my wife's husband and want to be that person. If she ever wanted to go out shopping with Heather, I would gladly go but I'd have to become a good actor to pass as Heather. The mannerisms and voice just wouldn't/couldn't come naturally.
Brittany doesn't really have a persona yet. With my only CD time being late in the evening after everyone else goes to bed, I'm limited in my opportunities. I would love to explore more about who I am as Brittany.
I don't have a female persona so when I dress it's me with makeup, forms, and different clothes. However the way I look is so remote from my male mode that I feel like I'm different, it blurs the lines between male and female and that is the fun side of it. But it's an outer difference, not something within. Apparence, not essence.
My wife who is puzzled beyond imagination by this proclivity solved this in part by creating a female persona for me and naming it. So during our discussions, there is actually a feminine me, a putative entity that I don't relate to.
Monica is a much more relaxed, happy, and enthusiastic version of myself. More joy. Less anxiety. Behavior, mannerisms, etc are otherwise unchanged.
Similarly, I have found the personality qualities I have ascribed to Kris influencing me. More able to live in the moment without undue worry about past or future events, I too have become a much more relaxed happy and enthusiastic person. And that has been a very good thing!
Yes, I do seem to have somewhat different male & female personalities (or maybe just slightly different behaviors if you prefer). I have had 2 wives in my life, and both told counselors that I seem to have a distinct feminine side. It somehow came without effort on my part, and I like it that way. As many here have noted, it is nice to get away from the masculine mind set sometimes. ?.vale
I try to be as organic as I can about the whole process, including an understanding that, in spite of my best efforts, I am still basically a guy in a dress.
Having no illusions, I definitely do not do things that make me look "forced" in any way. For example, I do not make a conscious effort to alter my voice because I feel it would (A) sound forced and therefore unnatural, and (B) It would not fool anyone anyway.
Since Covid hit, I haven't been nearly as outgoing as before, but my joy in crossdressing comes in part from breaking the pattern of behavior I've come to expect from people when they see me as a man. It can definitely be an eye opening experience.
Boy me is an introvert. I've taken the Myers Briggs test several times officially (not using a test freely available on the Internet) and I pin the scale as an introvert. Steffi is an extrovert. She has no problem walking up to a stranger in the supermarket and complimenting her on her nails, makeup, clothes, jewelry.
Steffi loves to dance. Boy me needs at least a couple of drinks before he is willing to dance. Steffi doesn't dance any better than boy me, but she just doesn't care what other people think. Boy me does care about what other people think about his dancing.
This is an interesting topic.
In my case i dont really feel any different as a person. Although I do drive to the letter of the law, I dont really change anything.
I see me in the mirror looking what i think is hot, and I love that feeling.
Im still me though. Im ok with that.
HAaving said this, I am far more relaxed as Kym.
The name Kym was dreamt up for this site, (there is a reason) but will stick with that if I ever do venture out properly.
I agree...this is an interesting topic. I don't think I ever thought of Jocelyn as a different persona, but instead a different side of my overall persona. Like many others said I feel softer, more relaxed, care less what others think (about my dancing, not about my outfit--I care much more in fact!), and my mannerisms, affect, and mood all change, but I just think that's in me regardless, and cding makes it all come to the surface more? But maybe I'm thinking about it wrong...
Very interesting topic for me. I've been trying to figure out how to reply for a while now.
FYI, I'm trans with no plans to publicly transition.
I do have two separate personas. On one level, I'm Dana even if I'm pretending not to be. But, I've spent most of my life pretending to be him. That makes it difficult for me to know what is or isn't real about the two personas. Was "he" constructed to hide Dana from the world? Is Dana constructed? Are they both in there, mixed up together?
I've always been fairly perceptive and have taken to heart comments that I've heard. I have memories from very early on of comments about people who didn't "act right" according to their assigned sex. Did I internalize those comments and spend the next couple of decades trying to perfect presenting as a straight, CIS male? Maybe. Probably.
I have noticed that it feels very natural to feminize my movements when I dress. I'm not saying I necessarily get things right, but it sure seems to come easily. But, do I make myself act more feminine or do I STOP making myself act masculine? I really don't know.
I never enjoyed shopping until the first time I went shopping for women's clothes. Nowadays, drop me at a thrift store and I'm happy as a clam! Did I not like it because "men don't like shopping"? Did I not like it because men's clothes are utilitarian for me, but there's something authentic and interesting about women's clothing? Does the pink fog just naturally roll in if I'm shopping for women's things for myself? I don't know.
The same goes for personality. Is he an overly shy introvert because I'm really an overly shy introvert? Or is he that way because he doesn't relate well with men and can't relate the "right" way with women? Again, no clue. I can say that I hope I find that Dana is more outgoing. That would make life easier and much more interesting! I guess time will tell on that one.
Dana
I love this thread and thank you for starting it, Kris. I'd like to posit outright that anyone (including myself) who is hiding their femininity/CD'ing from their SO's or the world in general but is happily displaying it here in these semi-private forums has, de facto, an alternate and delineated persona. You can't say they're adequately "merged" with your masculine persona or alter-ego if you're keeping her tucked away. I'd also like to state that having a clearly delineated social persona is nothing worrisome; after all, each of us has had MANY personas throughout our lifetimes -- work personas, husband personas, father personas, et. al. Surely your "at church" persona isn't the same as your "drinking beer, watching the Super Bowl" persona, is it? If you've discovered a new, more feminine one, more power to all of us. And if your female persona, as it were, is hyper-sensualized or inwardly (and, often overtly) more sexual in tone than your male self ever was, this too is a pointer to a more clearly delineated portion of your selfhood.
I'm always surprised how many of us associate our female personas only with the moments in which we are dressed en femme. What about the times we're dressed in drab, but eagerly reading/posting here? Is the female persona non-existent without the clothing? Is our outward appearance required to fully trigger our femininity? I'm certain it helps a great deal visually, but is that all there is? Crossing an historically-traditional (and antiquated) binary gender line is no small feat, but my sense in reading myriad posts over the last few months is that -- generally speaking -- there are more hours spent talking and thinking about crossdressing than those hours actually spent dressed. That fact points further to the fact that -- if you have a female persona of some sort -- it's quite a bit more omnipresent than you think.
As for myself, Marissa is a clearly delineated persona and I fully embrace the part, not only with clothing but in mannerisms and speech as well. Do note that you don't have to radically change the pitch of your voice to be altering it; if you find that you at least soften your vocal tones, or speak with a slightly different cadence, you are still changing your voice. Ever since I embraced crossdressing, Marissa is a constant presence in my life; like many, I think she was always there, but I just didn't have the guts to let her show. Readers should note that I have never been a hyper-masculine male and haven't ever tried to be one; it simply has never been in me. I'm also comfortable saying that I have sexual desires for men and am very comfortable with my bisexuality. In bed with men, I've always desired to be a more submissive counterpart, a direct contradiction to sexual acts with women throughout my life. As such, the "coming out" of Marissa over these last few years hasn't really seemed that alarming to me; the need to be feminine has had a direct, tangible tie to my sexuality, and I believe it to be a driving force for me. Sexuality, whether expressed or hidden away, is such a defining power for so much in our lives that I am simply incapable of disconnecting my crossdressing from it; sexuality is a core value, not an ancillary one.
Yet, like others in this thread, my Marissa "persona" is a hyper-extension of my internalized self. More flamboyant, more sensual, more provocative, more over-the-top in physical expression and attire. Is she a more interesting "me"? I don't really think so. Hey, I'm a pretty interesting guy in drab as well! To add, my male self is a helluva lot more social because, well, I'm still holding onto the common fear of being inappropriately judged for being at least "half" Marissa. Paradoxically, it's not Marissa who's suffering at all; it's my male persona that's doing all the heavy-lifting as far as fear is concerned.
Kris makes a great point about some psychologists having a proverbial field day with this bifurcation and its proximity to a split-personality archetype; however, I think we're all happy to know that such a diagnosis would be more firmly rooted in a past where "normal" was a lot less nuanced than (happily) it is today. However, I do question her statement:
I sort of feel the same throughout my day, but the facts don't exactly bear this out. A day doesn't pass where I'm not -- at least subconsciously -- planning my next "Marissa time". I check these forums several/many times a day. I read/watch/listen to crossdressing blogs, videos and podcasts throughout the week. I do SO much for Marissa -- even though I'm in male mode most of the time -- that I have to question if she's really not the one "driving the bus." I mean, if you've posted on hundreds/thousands of threads regarding your crossdressing but haven't spent an equivalent amount of time in an opposing hyper-masculine endeavor (e.g., posting in a forum wherein you fervently and lovingly talk about your masculinity in some way), exactly what is your reality? Add up all the time you spend on/with her. You're not in 'femme' mode only when you're dressed any more than you're in 'male' mode, dressed in drab, but thinking about crossdressing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kris Burton
There are literally tens of thousands of posts here discussing in one way or another how to successfully integrate our female sides with our male sides, and such an act is an inclusive one. Then there are the tens of thousands of posts which talk about the physical act of reducing our maleness (body hair, shoulder width, waist sizes, breast shape, etc.) when en femme, and those acts are entirely eliminative in nature. And you would be incredibly hard-pressed to find a post which advocates a similarly eliminative stance towards embracing one's feminine side/persona. No one ever states that someone should stop discovering and loving their femininity. There is ample negativity heaped upon overt masculinity (often described as restricting or even toxic), and absolutely nothing but positivity when it comes to all things feminine.
In light of the above, does anyone think her male persona is "driving the bus"? I can pretend she's not, but my female persona has at least one hand on the wheel which, Ouija-like, my male persona finds itself all too often moving in the direction she wants, regardless of whether I'm dressed en femme or not. And gosh love her for it, too.
Wow! So many great responses. As someone who is just starting to really explore the CD life, I have to say I'm excited to get to know AmeeJo better and really incorporate her personality into my everyday life. I'm still interested in all the same stuff (welding, woodworking, tinkering, gardening, baking, BBQ, etc.) but I think looking at some of it from my female side will make me a more complete person and allow me to reach new levels of creativity. I hope that makes sense.
Yin is a very sensual submissive woman.
She loves to stand out. She loves a bit of attention from men.
She dresses to please herself and her admirers.
Yin is totally addicted to shopping. High heel sandals, delicate lingerie, sexy dresses are her favorite.
Miss Dior and Chanel Allure are her scent of choice.
Yin takes to the street like its her catwalk.
In the past few years Yin got addicted to gel manicure and pedicure as well.
very different personalities.
I like doing manly stuff (if there's anything left that's called manly). I like physical activity, hiking, chopping wood, dislike shopping and having my photo taken, introvert even.
Rachel is a social bunny, likes to be the center of a party, shopping and having her photo taken.
We "chat to each other" especially when I try to instill military discipline to my kids and she tells me to "chill out and take the long view", or when advising my daughters about fashion.
My daughter had to learn about coconsciousness as part of her teaching diploma, it was a good fit for me.
Being Rachel is a great escape, but I just haven't had the calling for a few months now.
A fascinating take on all of this Marissa! And you know, it really got me thinking again when you state, in regard to who is "driving the bus", my male or female self:
You're absolutely right. I do spend copious amount of subconscious time thinking about Kris - time online with the forum, shopping for new outfits that I think will look good, thinking abut the next time I will be able to fully dress and planning for same, even fantasizing about future endeavors, outfits, photos, encounters with others. So, whether I am dressed or not, for all intents and purposes she is there, and her influence has been profound. She has her hand on the wheel as well, and I'm the better person for it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marissa Q
Wow Marissa Q--I'm going to be thinking about this all day (likely proving your point...LOL!)
I don't see any different "persona" or personality when I dress. I am the same person, have the same likes and dislikes, political views, etc. I don't see how putting on a wig and strapping on a pair of boobs can change who somebody is. I'll try to walk and speak differently of course, but that is an act, it's not a change caused by the boobs.
Kris Burton I was reading all the replies and then came to yours. I think your on to something. I find myself thinking about Jade alot. What's the next piece to buy for her. When can she dress next. She controls the pink fog. If you try to deny her the fog gets thicker. Yesterday I was putting on the clothes I got over the weekend mixing and matching pieces. One of the pieces was a pencil skirt. Well I had to get to work. A few hours later Jade was demanding to put that skirt back on. Luckily I had an easy work day and was able to satify that need to wear that skirt for a few hours.
So who is really driving that proverbial bus.
Interesting....
My female persona is basically a natural combo of two people..... the only female I have ever really loved and my male self .
She liked to dress classy but sexy and was a bit naughty at times ..... and I have adopted her name
She left me decades ago
I have always been kind, giving and level headed. and always liked myself. ....almost to a fault.
We both came from basically dysfunctional families
In female mode I like to more or less dress like her and sometimes be a bit naughty... but in male mode it's basically jeans and a T-shirt.
.
I definately feel like I have two separate personas, who are different, but also share quite a lot. It is maybe bit like if they were syblings. They are different, but they are having some common history and background so they are both affected by that.
My male me likes adventurous sports for example which is typicaly masculine hobby. When I am doing that, I feel my masculine energy and my feminine part is like some distant dream.
Then when I am my female me, it is the same. It also feels so distant to just think about my male me and I am not at all interested in those hobbies and I can't even believe I sometimes am. It is actually really annoying.
It is hard to tell what is exatly Zuzana's personality, because I am closeted so maybe I will be suprised I was wrong when interacting with others in real world. But I expressed my feminine me online in the past and also I have some self image in my mind when I am her. I feel it, but it is really hard to find words for it. Most remarkable things is that Zuzana is calmer and less ambitious then my male me. She would be probably fine just living simple ordinary life and visiting friends. She has specific sense of humor which is different from my male me and she is weaker in good sense meaning she is able to express sadness and fear more authenticaly. She likes beautiful dresses obviously :-D and cute pets and lovely arts!