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Heather, like you I am a deep- voiced bass. I try to practice speaking in a higher register, and more softly.
You can try starting in your normal register, and then go up to "la" (do, re, mi, fa, sol, la). Try speaking in that register - see if you like it.
fortunately my voice isnt deep at all, but I do find I talk softer than normal until the wine kicks in, lol.
I try to cut out the baritone part of my voice, but I doubt that I'm convincing. Last spring, I went to the drive-thru at Taco Bell, used what I thought was my best femme voice on the intercom, and was called "sir". It's not just about pitch, though -- I know plenty of women around my age (50s-60s) who have voices as low as mine. Inflection matters a lot, and I haven't gotten anywhere near getting it right.