I'll keep it simple FUN Thats the main reason. It just adds to the fun. Sitting around the house all day can get boring no matter how many you have to try on.
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I'll keep it simple FUN Thats the main reason. It just adds to the fun. Sitting around the house all day can get boring no matter how many you have to try on.
I wanted to go out because it made me valid. Charlotte existed.
Now, I have reached a point in my life where I have accepted that I cannot and will not transition, will never be passable, and ultimately the whole thing is a waste of money, time and brain space.
I'm still here because I know this could pass, and I'm still interested in the topics, but I have really passed by because of the negatives.
I'm sorry to hear that, Charlotte. For what it's worth, based on the photos you've posted (I just looked), you could easily blend out in public. You look really pretty and feminine and your make-up skills are great (I'm looking at your non-Faceapp modified photos). Don't give up completely. Maybe transitioning is not your end-goal (mine neither), but it doesn't mean you can't still enjoy "vacationing" in CD land, even if you don't actually want to live there full time.
I've just recently begun walking into my therapist's office lobby dressed. Other than that, I've only been out in androgynous mode a couple of times. Basically, I'm doing some self directed "exposure therapy" to a place that feels safe. I've run into other clients a few times, mostly women, to mixed reactions. I have not interacted with anyone directly other than my therapist, but I'm feeling a sense of accomplishment in facing my discomfort. Still a long way to go.
The receptionists at Doctor's and Dentist offices are more than accepting of my feminine attire despite obviously knowing I'm AMAB as I've not changed those records.
I'll often get complements or have a short conversation.
Marion
Camille for me its to normalize things, i feel im two spirited and it just compliments the second side....im out once a week at the least and trying to make that more often now that things are getting back to normal or as normal as we can in a new environment...
it offers a risk reward situation for me as well as ive come across situations where ive had neighbors, work associates, and my most nervous when i thought my niece may have been shopping with her university sisters this past November....gets the old blood moving fer sure....
so social needs works for me....and nowadays im not crossdressed....im just dressed....
Once your used to going out, its amazing, I go out at least once a month overnight. Once youve been out dressed theres no going back, I go shopping during the day and pubs and clubs at night.
I have a simple answer:
Positive affirmations exceed negative looks and comments.
Steffi,
If I may modify that statement a little to make it fit how I have felt sometimes when risking it all and going out in spite of my better judgement: "The hope of positive affirmation exceed the fear of negative looks and comments".
- Suz
I first ventured out for the adventure, and for a new experience. Now that I feel so much more confident, I enjoy it mostly for the freedom. At home I dread the unexpected visitor or the early arrival. Being "found out" is a constant worry. When I go out, I get away from my usual haunts and am not worried about encounters of that sort. I can enjoy being Geena without the concerns of "being seen."
One thing I discovered, though, is that I am not driven to get out for the sake of getting out. It's like I need a reason or a destination to do so. Over the winter I would go out to get something or (better yet) to meet with someone, and it was wonderful. I hope to do that again.
Tho I have not ventured outside as Grace. I have been having the urge more and more lately and I am tryin to build up the courage to do so. And it so I can show Grace the world
For me it was all thrill! I still remember the first time when I was 15 or 16, dressed in my mothers clothes, taking a late night stroll around a couple blocks in the small farming village I grew up in. The thrill was just amazing! And was just as amazing decades later when I went started going out enfemme in my own clothes.
Well, I'm not full-time femme - but I'm not "just" a crossdresser either. What I really am is conflicted.
And because of my SO's limited acceptance and strict rules - I don't get out any more.
Having said all that, I'd like to add my reasons for WANTING to get out - and the one recent outing I risked.
As Sara, I'm lonely.
Very few people know I exist, and of the few that do, only one has actually "met" me.
Even my SO steadfastly refuses to acknowledge my feminine self. I'm always <male name> - no matter how I'm dressed or what I'm doing.
Validation, acknowledgement, acceptance - call it what you will. I just want to be able to be in the company of someone and just be Sara - with no <male name> involved at all.
If I could find companionship, friendship, or whatever in the process - HEAVEN!
For me dressing is a lot of things that I don't quite understand yet. It could be about not being me for a while I'm not sure. Not only is it a thrill it excites me and makes me happy. Going out is an extension of this. Still in the closet (only wife knows) I have only been out twice full femme for early morning beach walk but want to do more. Would love to wear dress or skirt as part of every day attire but I've got a long way to go before that happens.
I still don't understand just why I go out all dressed up. I don't think I pass. I try my very best. Like others have stated it is so freeing. Adventurous.
Oh to be out and about in your favorite outfits. Hearing my heels on the concrete. The nylon tights brushing my dress as it flows in the cool breeze. Then to top it all off a cool drink while at the local monthly meeting of accepting others. Bliss.
We're all different, but I stand by my statement as it applies to me. I've had enumerable positive affirmation events and very few negative looks and comments, most of those from teenage girls.Quote:
Originally Posted by Suzie Petersen
On the way home from Keystone, I was walking on the sidewalk when a couple of teenage girls walked past me. I could detect recognition in the eyes of of at least one of them. They walked past me silently, but I'm guessing they were questioning each other with something like, "Was that a guy or a girl?" After I went past them, I turned around to look directly at them behind me. They looked like they were still puzzling it out. I considered that a victory because either they weren't sure or they didn't sweat the details.
It the women's consignment store, one of the SAs is college-aged. Once she figured out that I was shopping for myself, she wanted to know my pronouns. I old her it depended how I looked (or presented). I'm I looked like a boy (as she usually saw me), I was he/him. If I looked like a girl, as I might be if I was showing off my outfit to the SAs at the store, I was she her. She didn't blink an eye when I asked her to find a top that matched the jeans that I just picked out.
I have many similar positive encounters with GGs, and even a few with GMs. I even kissed a GG while (I was) wearing a dress. I've also been hit on by a couple of GMs. That was a little creepy, but still a positive affirmation if you put the right spin on it.
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I agree with Camille. You are way too cute to totally abstain from a vacation in CD-land occasionally.Quote:
Originally Posted by Camille15
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[QUOTE=Maid_Marion;4641326]
The receptionists at Doctors and Dentist offices are more than accepting of my feminine attire despite obviously knowing I'm AMAB as I've not changed those records.
I'll often get complements or have a short conversation.
Marion
/QUOTE]
Several of my doctors and all of my therapists have seen me en femme. And some others that haven't have seen pics of Steffi out and about.
I will say that my neuro/psych told me that one of her intake nurses was uncomfortable seeing pics of me en femme. Guess who is no longer my intake nurse. I schedule my appointments on her off days with an affirming intake nurse.
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I thought that the first time I went to Keystone, but I just loved going shopping with 30 girls, going to a friendly restaurant with 30 girls, going to the casino with 30 girls and going to a disco bar with 30 girls. At the casino and the disco bar I interacted with GGs and other normals and even found a GG posse to dance with.Quote:
Originally Posted by DanielleDubois
The first time i went to the casino, a couple of GGs wanted to take some pics with us. I acquiesced gladly. I'm sure that I ended up on someone's FB page, but I was fine with that.
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There's still time to sign up for the esprit conference.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie47
https://www.espritconf.com/
It can't be too far from you.
I've "talked" to others here who are considering. You may even be able to find a "partner in crime".
There were at least 10 of us at Keystone. Look around the forum to see our group pic.
For me, it isn't about "not being me for a while." Just the opposite - venturing out en femme is, rather, a way to honor an aspect of the whole me that has never gotten enough expression.Quote:
Originally Posted by EmilyShy
For 45 years as a crossdresser, I never went out. I always marveled at and was envious of so many of the ladies here. For the past 8 years, I dared to go out on Halloween and the one or two days preceding it. Only in the past five months have I started going out at other times. I have been out at least a dozen times so far this year, and it feels wonderful.
Here is a recent entry from my journal: "... a tranquility came over me late in this outing. On the way to my last shop of the day, I became very conscious that I had been going about the area, in and out of stores, as a woman. I was wearing a bra and panties, I was even wearing bright orange leggings, but I felt at peace with myself and with life. This is all beyond anything I ever imagined ..."
When I talked to my SO about this, I said that it just felt right and natural to be doing things in the real world as Colleen. She asked if I was saying that I was transgender. I told her no, a better term would probably be gender nonconforming.
It takes time, though, to arrive at such a place. So, I wish for you the time and the space to understand yourself better.
I guess you're right, it's not about not being me as obviously this is me, it's just a new side or angle of me that I'm seeing or portraying. I suppose when I'm dressed part of me is repressed and the other part is portrayed. Opposite when not dressed.
You could say it's like being a business owner self employed. One part of the business you are the employee/worker and other part of the business your the Director. Each role you play has different ways to act and behave.
Not sure if that makes any sense or though
Geena, I've come to feel the same way. There was a time when I needed to get out, just to get out. Once I started going to Tiffany club meetings it became a pleasant routine. Something to look forward to, week to week. I really felt like I lost something when they closed it down.Quote:
Originally Posted by Geena75
Now I only go out dressed when I have a reason to.
Simply to not be alone. Being a widower I decided I?m not going through the same hole get into relationships wait for a long time then come out. They will meet Denise first. I find myself pushing myself to go out so I don?t spend too much time alone at home. It?s so liberating now and fun!
Looking back one of the things that drove me to go out was the desire to walk more than 5 yards in a straight line while in heels. Being indoors was too limiting. It was a slow incremental process starting with night time drives, parking and walking ever further away from the car. I won't describe the whole process, it evolved over years but I reached a tipping point and once passed that there was no going back.
I go out because that's what I do in drab so why shouldn't I experience the same enfemme. True it takes us a lot of effort to get to the point that we came move among the muggles with relative anonymity but achieving that is perhaps part of the reward. It also feels good when folks are willing to interact with us as people. OK they may just be curious and I'll take that but often they're just taking to you, the person and that feels good.
I've also come to realise that now going out give my dressing a purpose. I get chances to dress indoors on a regular basis but often it gets to the point were I've nothing to do other than sit there and that now both disappoints and frustrates. I always give a huge sigh of relief when I go out, it make me feel free.
I have been out with Denise. When she says liberating and fun, she means it.:) She was with me when I got my ears pierced. Best "only slightly alcohol involved" decision I ever made. I owe a lot of new and liberating experiences to her friendship.:hugs:
What Helens just posted sounds very familiar to me.
Wanting to walk more than 5 yards in a straight line in high heels, actually "walking somewhere" instead of just back and forth at home or in a hotel room. Doing what I would otherwise do, such as going for a hike, go fishing (no, not in high heels), go to the store and so on. Having a purpose other that just getting dressed. All of this and more is driving me to want go past this more or less self-imposed lockdown when it comes to the girl presentation. I say more or less, because the primary reason I am not going out now is that it is such a big no-no for my wife, so I wont.
I don't remember my first time outside anymore, but it was when I was very young. Since then there were many times similar to what Helen describes, drive somewhere, get out of the car and take a few steps then quickly back to the car until the heartrate got back below 180 again. Then a few more, then more and so on, until one day when I actually went somewhere for whatever specific purpose, and I just happened to be dressed as a girl. Coming back from that excursion left me with a very different set of feeling than the quick scary out of the car and back trips. This time it was maybe both a little exciting to have done it, and also a little anticlimactic since, well, I had just been to the store to pick up something.
Some of the best times I have had have been with friends where the dressing itself was secondary. The real purpose was to visit, talk, go for a walk etc, and it was just done in girl mode instead.
I wish I could do that now and then, I would cherish that.
- Suzie
Ahhh thank you April, the feeling is mutual :hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by April Rose
I think it comes down to how big the closet is. When we start, we keep ourselves in a very small closet. Over time we gain some confidence and our closet grows to become the whole house. But that is just a bigger closet. So we decide to try going to a group meeting. A bit larger closet, but still not really out in the open. It's not until we venture out in to the wild open public spaces that we have truly escaped the closet.
For me it's more about affirmation that my transition is believable. I enjoy the experience.