I can't do it

Re: There's just something about putting a wig on and towering over her (Shes 5ft6, i'm 6ft 5) whilst dressed in clothing that is feminine whilst being this 200lbs man that just feels embarassing and stupid, and that if I feel like that she must also think "WTF am I doing with this man“

I’m 6’4” 210 pounds myself, I get it. And here is how I got over it. My then girlfriend, now wife, bought me a birthday gift. It was a five class series in burlesque dancing. Each class focused on a specific item: wearing and dancing in heels, how to interact with a feather boa, a class on opera length glove removal, how to do a stocking peel, etc. I was the only male in a class full of women. It was intimidating because I didn’t want to be seen as the guy perving out over the women in class. But they soon saw I was trying my best, just like they were.

The women had their own body image issues: too old, too big, too clumsy, too shy. We bonded over the ridiculous nature of what we all were doing, trying to learn accept ourselves and just have fun in class. Over the course of the classes I made lots of friends and I continued taking more classes. We still see each other today, that first class was 12 years ago. I’m going to Las Vegas in a few months with two of them and we’re going to see some shows all glammed up. They don’t know me as anything but a part time crossdresser.

Everyone has their own issues to work through. I know I don’t pass but people who you love and care about you are resilient. I’ll leave you with one of my favorite pictures. I tower over these girls, I was too big for the backdrop, but totally worth it.

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I was the same way at first and I was young around the age of 16.My mom and wife when we were dating encouraged me to do it.I listened and wife was right with her by my side

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Originally Posted by Debs

My wife has to inspect me before I leave the house !!, she says "That skirt is way to short for you to go shoppoing in !!!, so after several outfit changes, I get the nod that is ok to go shopping, lol

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My wife is the same at times last time was with a top that was a little too revealing

Charlotte, I do understand the feeling you have and although I do not dress often (Would love to do it more) I don't know that I would do it in front of my wife. She is only of the tolerate level and is ok seeing me dress, but the act of doing it front of her seems like another level. Having said that, I do put on panties in front of her almost every morning as we get ready for the day. :idontknow: There are as many rules, standards, levels as there are ladies on the site, each of us trying to make our way as best as we can.

Mercedes XOXOXO

I dress as MIAD in front of my wife, and it's not easy. She's much more at ease with it than I am. On one hand I am embarrassed to dress in female clothes before her, on the other hand feeling accepted like this is a wonderful feeling. After doing it a dozen times, it still feels weird, but not as weird. Once, we played a board game together, which means we had a high level of interaction while I was dressed. I really enjoyed it, since this experience felt more natural than just watching TV together. It felt like the clothes were my clothes. The feeling of acceptance went to a new high.

She isn't ready to see me dressed in full nines, and I don't want it either, because the full nines are a private thing for me. It would feel too awkward as far as I am concerned to be with my wife, dressed as a woman and wearing forms and makeup. I wouldn't feel accepted either, because full nines isn't my true self. It's an experience I do once in a while.

But if you feel differently and think you may enjoy being with your wife in full nines, and she's telling you it's okay, by all means do it. Do it softly and gradually, check her reactions, but do it. Women don't say these things lightly. She's making a gift to you and accepting it will tighten the bonds between you. I passed once or twice on MIAD when my wife offered it because I didn't feel like it and in retrospect I regret it and consider it was stupid of me. I should have made the effort every time, because that gift is so precious, it's pure love and should never be turned down.

I know exactly where your coming from. Even after 30 plus years I still ask her every time before I dress up if it's OK with her. I don't like pushing any issues but I do ask her to tell me if it gets to be to much or be honest if she doesn't like it. For some reason even after all these years a few weeks back I wrote about us in a hotel and I had no choice but to get dress in front of her. If felt so strange her watching me hooking up the bra and especially for some reason I got very embarrassed when putting on pantyhose. I always tell her I hope she is honest and not just being polite.

I think it's fair to say that no matter how comfortable we grow with our dressing it's all but impossible to shake off those societal voices that we grew up with that saw people from our community as something to make fun of. Yes society has changed but there's enough who still hold negative opinions of how we present to keep nagging at our deepest subconsciousness.

Letting go of these feeling is difficult. Your desire to not impose your choices upon your partner is commendable. It does seem however that your past relationship is colouring how you act in your current life.

As others have said, talk to your SO. If she absolutely confirms and assures you that being dressed in her presence is OK by her then believe her. By all means seek to limit your dressing but it's time to let go of the guilt.

Talk to her about it and give her time to think about it

I have the opportunity to dress today as the kids are out of the house. My wife was out running errands so I texted her that I was taking advantage of the alone time. She thanked me for letting me know so she was prepared for when she got home.

I felt more comfortable to dress and have her come home than have her be home and change upstairs.

Sadly there has been no acknowledgement of my new clothes but that was probably not going to happen . . . But a girl can hope.

My wife read my post above and had a few comments. She said that the fact I declined her offers to do MIAD with her on a few occasions didn't really hurt her. In fact, she likes that it put it back in some normality, like I'd decline a trip to the movie theater. She also objected to my sentence about women not making these offers lightly. She said that some may feel pressured to do so. So I want to point out that I wrote this sentence not for all women in all situations with a CDer husband, but for women like Charlotte's SO as she described her, in other words, women who want to have an active part in their SO's CDing.

I know how you feel Charlotte. My wife accepts my dressing, especially my wearing a bra around the house, but I still sometimes feel awkward and embarrassed dressing around her.

For a while after I came out to my family, I was embarrassed to put on female clothing in front of my wife. I slowly got over it. It’s just clothes, after all. My clothes.