how about working on the relationship?
I read a lot of the posts and wonder why some couples are together.
I wonder, if they aren't enjoying their lives together.. or if one or the other side feels soooo put upon.. Why stay together, but not find a solution?
I see people saying "I love him/her.. he/she's my soulmate.. " and yet here they are whining and verbally bashing that object of their affection.
I see two possible solutions.
1. fix the relationship. find a way for both parties to get what they need and be happy together.
2. get out and let each of you find someone they can be happy with.
I think that for most couples #1 would work. But what's happening now is that they're not working on the relationship but are blaming the CDing or the unaccepting partner for all the trouble. They go off and get their release through dressing or through denial. Leaving the core problem untouched.
The CDing isn't the big bad guy here. And the wife isn't the big bad guy here. We pretty much all accept that CDing or being TS is not going to go away. But are we finding out WHY the unaccepting wives aren't able to accept? And are we working on a solution that addresses both parties needs? Are the CD's looking inward and really finding out what they need so that they have a clear vision of what they need from a relationship and what they have to offer?
Its easier to dress up (even if its in secret) and feel better for the time being.. and its easier to pretend that its not really happening (even if we know where the stash of lingerie is) and our husband is exactly who we thought we married. But is it loving to either our spouse or ourselves?
Yes it takes effort. It may take outside help.
And the final answer might be that you're actually stopping eachother from being happy simply by being together.
I now return you to your regularly scheduled program.
Love & Hugs
~Kitty~
I'm new here and not real happy either.
Knowing that it was a pretty big deal for a potential girlfriend much less a potential wife, I told the woman I would end up marrying about my desire to crossdress early in our relationship while we were dating.
About once or twice a year, before and after we were married, she'd let me wear something in the bedroom. Less frequently we'd have brief conversations about it.
Otherwise I was "discrete," limiting my dressing to times when she got home from work after I did or when she went out. That wasn't my "dream come true", but we were very happy in the other areas of our marriage.
After over a decade of marriage we recently had some more extended discussions over the past few weeks and have reached the conclusion that she has a strong aversion to being exposed to my crossdressing in any way. Her strong aversion is no more likely to go away than is my strong desire to crossdress.
We have agreed that "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"/"keep it discrete" will be our final answer on the subject, including the agreement not to rehash the issue since there is no reasonable chance of either of us changing who were are in regard to this topic at this point in our lives. We've decided that this agreement is the worst possible one we could have made except all the others we could think of.
There are no issues related to kids or religion: she is very liberal with her only "moral" rules being no kids, no animals and--for us--no other people. I had always hoped this open-mindedness would lead to a greater acceptance over time of my crossdressing, and I believe her when she says that she sincerely hoped the same thing. Instead, we discovered that it is something that she will never be comfortable with at all.
There's a big difference between hearing from your spouse "I'm not interested in participating in your hobby" and being told fairly clearly "I have a such a strong aversion to your behavior in this gender/sex area--which we know is a more important area than most--that I must ask you not to expose me to it in any way, ever." I don't fault her, but it still hurts anyway.
There's also a big difference between "even if the odds aren't great, I can still hope she might really accept this part of me" and "I have no hope her aversion to this part of me will ever change". Again, I know it's not her fault, but the loss of hope is not trivial to me.
I love her, I know that our marriage will survive and I understand that her aversion is really no more a choice for her than my desire to crossdress is for me, but I'm still not real happy with the way things worked out.
