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its hard when people who are close can have such differing beliefs, whatever the beliefs are... it can come to cause problems.
but i admire your courage and strength to keep true to yourself and the female within.
stick in there .. who knows if they might come around .. anything is possible.
Oh, I know that feeling. I don't know about you, but for me the not caring part is a defense against my family's rejection. It's the only way I can go on and do what I need to do. I hope things get better for you, though. All the best to you. :hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by OniKoneko
As I've been preparing myself to come out, rejection is one of the things lurking in the shadows. I wonder who it will come from and in what ways. It seems like it's impossible to guess who will accept, who will reject, and who will pretend to accept, but really won't.
I spent probably 20 hours writing and rewriting the letter I plan to hand to my Dad. I've done four drafts and I'm happy with the fourth but I wish it wasn't so long (4 pages). I also ordered enough copies of "True Selves" for him and each of my siblings.
On Memorial Day, I brought the letter, a copy of the book, and the picture you see in my avatar down to their house, but the karma just wasn't there, and my Dad just seemed in such sorry shape that day that I decided to wait. UG!!!!
Chrissy
Rejection wasn't even on my mind, to be honest. What was on my mind was how I was going to live through my dad trying to kill me.
What really upsets me, though... And I don't think I've ever said this out loud where others can hear... *sigh* What really upsets me is that... well... I don't like my dad. He's mean and frustrating and... he is not very likeable. But I love him and my mom dearly. I kind of have to... But... I kind of always had the idea of being "Daddy's little girl" in my head, you know? Like, maybe... just maybe... Maybe my parents would accept it and believe me and just say, "Well, looks like we have a daughter now." I mean... Those were idealistic hopes, okay? I know that. They were stupid dreams that have been crushed and ground to dust... But that was all I had to balance out the fear that I would be booted out of my house or something like that.
I still want to be... I want to be their daughter... but they won't let me. I try, I do... But I can't even wear nail polish in the house, for Goddess's sake. Apparently if I do, then I'll get hit on by gay men or something. Good thing they didn't see me in my skirt today. Wore it for an hour or three. Was very comfy...
But, I digress. I want to be their daughter and they're acting like I'm dying. According to their beliefs, I guess I'm going to hell... but from what I can see, I'm already there.
Just for the record, I haven't come out to my Dad yet, but I did come out to a very, very dear friend from college days who I still see fairly often, and he was soooooooo kind that I wonder why I ever doubted him now. He even called me back as soon as we hung up to reassure me that being happy inside is all that matters.
Today, I also told one of my sisters. That was tougher, and she was totally blown out of the water by it, but she's been processing it since this morning and did call to tell me that it'll be hard, but that she loves me and wants to understand and to stay close. Still, she is pretty shocked that I hid all of this for so many years and that I'm so far along now into my transition w/o anyone in the family having much of a clue.
Chrissy
I don't think I could tell my parents...through years of observing my family's dynamics, I'm certain it would be a disaster.
My dad, waxes between being conservative and not. He would probably oppose it on principle, and would try to find some way to "fix" it. My mom might accept it, but she always tells my dad things on her mind, and then he obstinately argues until she sees things his way. Then, it being un-Christian, he will then tell his sister, my Aunt, who is the big Conservative Christian, and the head of the family, and then she will put immense pressure on me and my family to change my deviant ways. And it will never stop. And if I don't, she'll just shun us. (Like she shunned her son's wife's family for having a child slightly outside of wedlock, even though it takes two to tango). It doesn't help that my family also is putting pressure on me to find someone, since I am the only male child carrying the family name, and also that my parents are paranoid of having nobody to support them, since my sister has somewhat fled the family, because she was dating a 30 year old creep, and obstinately refused to believe he was a creep. So all the pressure is on me, and if they know, they'll think "gay", because in my experience, my family is somewhat not on the bright side in those matters.
My sister, mentioned earlier, knows, and is accepting. But I wish I had parents I trusted, because I would like to be able to shop in SF...
and it didn't go well, but I think there's a chance that he'll come around eventually. I'm not getting into the details, but I'll just say that, like everyone else in my family, he's been jolted into this new reality unwillingly, and it's been a pretty stressful week. Time will tell. I like to think that love will triumph, but who knows? I guess this will show me what my family is really made of, now.
BTW, since I told my Dad, I suddenly felt totally free to tell everyone else of lesser importance, so I told my neighbor across the street, my brother (who I assumed would be worse about it than my Dad, and, who wasn't bad after all), and a few other folks who play lesser roles in my life. While it's stressful, it's totally liberating to finally remove the mask and just be ME! The dust will settle eventually.
[SIZE=3]I'm so happy for you Chrissy. What a relief that must be to not have to hide your true self anymore.
You go girl! :hugs:
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Chrissy:
Congratulations on working up the courage to tell your Dad and others in your family; I know how hard those conversations must have been for all of you! It must be quite a relief to finally be able to be yourself! You never know who in your family will surprise you (in a good way)!
Wishing you all the best!
Hugs, :hugs:
Heather
Hi,
The hardest thing to is to come out, but it is better if you do. Your parents probably know, but it helps them to understand. I came out to my father about it, and he understood -- I wish I could have done it sooner.
Diana