Are we biased?

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Originally Posted by btmgrl6

Glad you are here. I have no problem with gg's posting in my threads.
i don't understand why so many feel that bias has some sort of negitive meaning. It simple means slanting more in one direction than another. In this instance i am talking about slanting more towards the female point of view.
So on issues that come up that may require looking at both sides of the coin, is a biased group a true reflection on how to settle an issue fairly? I also think that there are a great bunch of people on this sight, very accepting, and very caring. My thread is in no way meant to reflect negitively on anyone.

Steph

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No Steph and it wasn't taken like that either I think its a very good thread. I have to admit tho, on giving advice if there is something that I feel is way out of my depth, or I think is far too personal, I do err on the cautious.
There have been numberous threads of late on relationship problems, either connected to CD issues or not. I dont feel particularly qualified to give advice on either as my expertise and knowledge can only be fairly applied to my own relationship whereby I can see both sides of the coin. That isn't to say that I cannot share my own experiences and hope that theyre helpful, but to actually advise can be a tricky thing.
BEVxxx

...got a "point of view" ?? generated by ,gender,religion,race,nationality... GO FIGURE !? ... though open mindedness ...would be an ideal...

...everywhere..


eh?

Just to throw my two penny worth into the pot, it doesn't matter if your a GG, CD, TG, or any other label, everyone is different and everyone has a different slant on life. Wouldn't it be boring if we were all the same! For me I'm just glad that by some miracle I'm allowed to see life a little bit from both sides of whatever fence you like to sit on. :hugs:

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Originally Posted by btmgrl6

being pig headed is one thing, but being honest with yourself and your So is very different (you in general not personally)

Steph

Does changing your views on tg issues cancel your ability to see ( not saying you have to agree with them) from another standpoint?

If I say that I can see your point ,am I not in essence admitting that this is not just about me? I have some culpability too.

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I can see things from partner's point of view and I have always had great empathy for her position. I have compromised to fit her point of view. I think I'm quite open about what I do - and I'm happy to discuss my activities. Essentially I want to dress and go out dressed on a regular basis. I think she understands what I do and why I do it. I think I have clear idea of what her limits are.

Not exactly sure what you mean in your second point - I think what I'm saying I'm reasonably flexible on TG issues and I have a willingness to be persuaded that long held views are wrong.

Fiona xx

help me understand something please.
In my thread i stated that some cd'ers said that they could no longer see from a man's point of view, because their female side wouldn't allow it. I agree that men and woman think quite differently on some issues. However, a man in a dress is still a man... like myself. And no matter how female i get I can still access the man side of my brain. I'll say this once again. As far as i am concerned I am a girl in a guys body. My brain is wired female. I still have the ability to to understand and accept another's point of view, even if that point of view is a man's.
As for the rest of my thread.. no mention of bad advice was ever given. the jist was getting both sides was far better than one side. most issues that come up in here have to do with both male and female points of view.

Steph

That's what I am talking about... seeing and understanding the other person'e point of view... To do that you would have to put yourself in their place.....

Thank you

Steph

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Originally Posted by btmgrl6

how much credence can we attach to answers given to those with serious issues who come here for help with a problem that could have could have serious consequences?

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Excellent question! I think whether or not one can give an unbiased opinion has little to do with being a cd...they other can or can't. Sometimes what seems to be a bias is simply a result of someone NOT knowing any better.

I received many wonderful responses, public and private, to my threads when I first joined the group. I was so distressed and so grateful for each and everyone of them. Thankfully I could tell who might have been biased and tried to view them as such. I am not sure that most distressed people can do that. I later reviewed these responses again and learned even more by being able to, once more, tell which ones were more balanced.

If one posts a thread looking for supports to their own biases, I believe it can be very damaging. Hence, even when posting one must try to present a balanced situation (another thread?) if one wishes to get some benefit from the responses received.

I have gone over my threads with my husband and he too seems able to distinguish between the more biased and less biased opinions received. This helped me even more. Overall, I BELIEVE IT TAKES AN EXTREMELY HONEST PERSON WHO KNOWS HIM/HERSELF WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW IF THEY CAN PROVIDE A BALANCED PERSPECTIVE, WHO HAS DONE A LOT OF SOUL SEARCHING AND WHO THINKS VERY DEEPLY. We all like to think that we can give UNBIASED OPINIONS but in the end it might be inevitable. jean

as no GG ( in my life) has yet understood my desires to wear "their style of clothing".. I'm not going to short circuit those who might...
I'm single, and..correct me if I'm wrong... but many GG's come here and while welcomed, tend to impose their own ideals of conduct here..or morays ...forgetting that some,,,, may have come here to escape??...

where's the help?? (realy?) "K"

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Originally Posted by JeanM GG

Sometimes what seems to be a bias is simply a result of someone NOT knowing any better.

If one posts a thread looking for supports to their own biases, I believe it can be very damaging. Hence, even when posting one must try to present a balanced situation if one wishes to get some benefit from the responses received.

Overall, I BELIEVE IT TAKES AN EXTREMELY HONEST PERSON WHO KNOWS HIM/HERSELF WELL ENOUGH TO KNOW IF THEY CAN PROVIDE A BALANCED PERSPECTIVE, WHO HAS DONE A LOT OF SOUL SEARCHING AND WHO THINKS VERY DEEPLY.

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I have asked my husband this question many times, now I ask you. Are you capable of presenting a balanced perspective when looking for help and support or are you simply looking for VALIDATION?

I wont be able to review these responses for 3-4 weeks, but look forward to reading them. jean

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Originally Posted by Khriss

as no GG ( in my life) has yet understood my desires to wear "their style of clothing".. I'm not going to short circuit those who might...
I'm single, and..correct me if I'm wrong... but many GG's come here and while welcomed, tend to impose their own ideals of conduct here..or morays ...forgetting that some,,,, may have come here to escape??...

where's the help?? (realy?) "K"

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I look for opinions that help me understand my cd husband. I wish to LEARN, LEARN, LEARN. :) JEAN

sorry everyone...I did start a new thread with the question above...still learning the system. Thanks for you infinite patience! jean :)

Yes, I would say we probably are, but it wont be somerthing we intend to do.

Peoples opinions and responses are based on so many different things that this is a very difficult question to answer.

As has been said earlier Experience, Prejudice, Gender, Upbringing, Education etc, all play a part in our replies.
It would be interesting to hear the response of FTM to the same question

If you had asked "are you biased" you might get different responses

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Originally Posted by btmgrl6

Glad you are here. I have no problem with gg's posting in my threads.
i don't understand why so many feel that bias has some sort of negitive meaning. It simple means slanting more in one direction than another. In this instance i am talking about slanting more towards the female point of view.
So on issues that come up that may require looking at both sides of the coin, is a biased group a true reflection on how to settle an issue fairly? I also think that there are a great bunch of people on this sight, very accepting, and very caring. My thread is in no way meant to reflect negitively on anyone.

Steph

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On issues that come up that may require looking at both sides of the coin, is a biased group a true reflection on how to settle an issue fairly? Well Steph when the other side of that coin for the person asking [like a GG] is a CD who better to ask than another CD? That’s what I love about being here, it’s not negative to find bias. I get the scoop from you all, your reality is not the same as some so called normal guy. You’ve been forged by fire. We can post in more than one section. Like the GG, GM, MTf or FTM to get a well rounded response or just askfor everyone's input in a single thread. I can get lots of opinions. Yes, they are bias in that they are from a femme [or CD] POV if I only post and ask for CD input in the MTF forum. I mean no offense when I say this, especially to the transwomen here, but each of you started life as someone’s son and later you may have been [and in many cases still are] a brother, a father, a BF, a husband or a S/O. I trust these feelings and experiences you had at those times are still available when you are relating to someone who needs a more unbiased or male POV. When it is one of the “ladies” here asking for input or help from others there is going to be bias. If you have a roomful of girls/ladies talking to one another you are very likely going to get a femme POV. And honestly there are plenty of threads here that if I didn’t know I was at a CD site it would be impossible to distinguish the GG from any of the other girls here.

Are we biased? Of course we are, everyone is to some extant, that's simply human nature. I really don't consider it a gender or trans issue, but an issue of individualism. No matter how hard we try, we have a biased slant on things in our favor, we try to justify as much as possible, as individuals.

I think it's hard to say it's a biased slant towards our "femme" side, at least for most trans people, because many are still torn and confused over this side of them. So many have not reached the point of self acceptance, so to me it's hard to lean towards something you're still fighting over. That's not to say it's not possible, I suppose some can do it sub-conciously, but I doubt it.

For those who have reached self acceptance, like myself, there's still the issue of learning what it's like to be female and to allow the thoughts and feelings associated with it. After a lifetime of self denial and trying to change, it takes time to really get in touch with your inner self and to understand it. For me it's still a learning process that has it's starts and stops, it's ups and downs, but I'm slowly getting there. Hope this makes sense.

Karen

Not all advice is good advice. Any one individual, when polling a diverse crowd such as this one, would have to, out of necessity, sift through the dirt to get to the gold. I try to keep my responses clear of an overtly femme bias, because biased answers to any question are not clearly thought out and well balanced. Most of us here already know the femme (CD) point of view. Whether we are seeking validation or support, or really trying to find answers to complex questions, we all need the input that others are willing to give. Some of that input is going to have a certain bias to it. It's up to us to sort it out.

Yes, Steph always. You know me........Ericka

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Hi Steph,
What an interesting Post. Personally speaking I'd say that the men and women are very different in their thinking. Having read alot of threads on here I think generally speaking the advice and support given is very intelligent and well thought out. However, it is obvious when its a CD giving it as apposed to a GG. I dont believe by putting on a dress a CD suddenly starts to think like a woman would do. We are all shaped by our upbringing, Gender and social class etc and whether or not we like it, we all have our own little prejudices. .
What men would think of as a harmless bit of fun with nothing else in it, a woman would read allsorts into. We are pretty complex in our thinking really.
However, isn't it nice to get a balance. I have learnt so much from the CDs on this site and it has helped me enormously to understand where my partner is coming from. It has also helped me to realise that men and women are definitely wired up differently and come at a problem from entirely different perspectives. That is why I like this site so much because there is such a good balance.
As for TS Well they are women. Which makes you wonder if the difference between male and female is a hormonal one. I have a very good friend who has had the change and to be honest she is just one of the girls even in her mind set. You can bet your going to get a womans eye view on something if you ask her what she thinks on a particular subject.
Take care
BEVxxx

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I believe that Bev06 has got it closer to right than any of us crossdressers are ever likely to.

If a GG meets someone she is attracted to knowing already that he crossdresses then she has every opportunity to examine her feelings and to see where both are are coming from before deciding how far to take it.

Those who have spent time on the forum know already that the reasons, background and the extent of CDing are wide and numerous.

When however the crossdressing is discovered after the relationship has settled in it is totally unreasonable for the CD to assume that the GG should accept it. The whole matter of a a normal hetrosexual relationship is suddenly beeing thrown into confusion. The CD without warning has changed the rules of the relationship. That can be unfair and unreasonable. I believe that, at that stage, the CD has to look for the GG to lay down the ground rules for the future of the relationship.

The idea the because a male dresses as a female, that he can decide that he thinks as a female is ludicrous. Genetic make up goes much further than that. We can try but we are beholden to the GG to give the true view
Carol