Two personalities? Guy/girl?...

Lily - I can just give you my point of view.

For me, CDing is a fetish. You can look up transvestic fetishism. If you bf is similar then perhaps you might be put more at ease. I, personally, have no feelings of two selves - I believe I even have posted on the topic. There's just me. Sometimes, I'm "too feminine" but most of the time I'm just a guy. I was beat up most of my adolescent years for being a "f*gg*t" even though I wasn't - I even had a girlfriend. But those football jocks could sense just a little bit too much softness in me, I think - I've always been the guy girls said things like "I hate men, well not you - you don't count" - girls always trusted me with girl talk, changed near me and the like. They'd say I was like one of the girls but a guy - there was no CDing involved, I'm just further toward female on the gender continuum than most guys.

When I dress I'm just turned on. I don't feel like raising my voice and being "Stephanie" - but when I'm dressed I allow myself to act more feminine. So I can get it out - most of the time I'm busy pretending (out of habit) to be more GUY than I really am.

Here, on the forums - its a fun kind of roleplaying for me. Perhaps your boyfriend is more like me if he hasn't confessed a hidden self or introduced you to his dressed persona. For me, the name is unrequired - icing on a cake that exists just to be eaten real quick anyway.

Hell - I forced myself to come up with a name as a way of accepting this side of me. I found it very therapeutic. Like, by giving "it" a name, I could put "it" away when I was done. Compartmentalizing myself to gain control of the urge, maybe? (Kew? ;) ) And, just maybe, a bit of disassociating myself from the "problem" by giving it a name other than myself.

All of that is just me. I really hope that helps... I dug down on that one ;)

Lily ~
When I first read "Jung’s Anima Theory and How it Relates to Crossdressing" ( www.geocities.com/KarenSpecial/junganima.html?200415 ) I said, YES!!! This is me!!!

It's an interesting summery and explains a lot about the impulses and various stages of CDing.

I am one person... with an awareness of my male and female aspects. When I'm in male mode, it is more comfortable to assimilate into society as a "man". When I'm in female mode, it is more comfortable to think of myself as a woman. I don't like the feeling of being a "guy in a dress" so, if I can move into a female mental state, the experience is that much more rewarding.

However, it's not always possible to be one or the other... and what happens is a melding of both. The female that blends into male mode is a pleasant experience but the male that creeps into the female mode is disruptive and annoying. Not much I can do about that... it's probably a testosterone thing, as well as, having a male body that just doesn't look or feel feminine.

Anyway... just one of me. It's cool!!! :cool:

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Originally Posted by Amelie

Maude, You don't want to meet the other person. She is kinda evil, She would rob you, strip you naked and tie you to a lamp-post in downtown Balt.
Unless you like this sort of stuff?
Amelie

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oooo kinky :D

although i have been dressing for awhile samantha has only came out resintlly. i can say that sam and jay are 2 diffrent personallities with a few of the same intrest although jay isn't gay. samantha will look at a few guys here and there. she will also be a little flirtatious with guys. if i'm in drag as samantha im still jay up untill im drunk or somthing inside me says its time for her to come out. she will also come out a little when im not dress. ill walk like a girl sometimes when im not aware of it. or when im having sex with my girl freind and if she is on top and doing certain things samantha will come out. if she comes out and im in drab or naked she will shiver like she's cold as in otherwords saying to me or my gf that "im cold with out my girl clouthes" thats is how i am. when im on here im mostly jay untill a few speical friends start to pm me and then i get a little mushy and girly. thats how it is with me. jay and samantha.samanthajay :D

I'm in the gender continuom boat...I sometimes think that we're doing ourselves harm by labeling ourselves as a male or a female rather than a person with masculine and feminine traits. If everyone in the world were one sex so that no gender-roles could be assigned, what gender would all of humanity lean toward. Would we be right in the middle?

This reminds me of a question I had for you girls...When I'm dressed or in drab I feel uncomfortable using any name but my own. Although I use the name "Alayna" as my user ID and it's my "femme" name, I still prefer to be called Marc even when I'm fully dressed and made-up, hair and all. It sorta feels fake to me, like I'm hiding something or being insincere or something. It just doesn't really feel like "me". Does anyone else feel this way? Am I just not used to the whole idea? Maybe it's an example of the gender continuom?;) If anyone has experienced this, what did you do? Did you ignore it until you got used to it?

whoa..too many questions at once...This has been kind of an issue for me of late as I'm now dressing up and going out more often

We are all individuals so there is no "one" answer. My friends tell me that the clothes don't make the man (or woman). I'm told I'm the same regardless of the mode I'm in. I display a lot of feminine traits in male mode and I'm sure the opposite is true as well. Hopefully your SO does not have a hidden agenda. I would imagine that he/she just prefers to be open and honest with you. I would take that as a good sign. I believe I'm about halfway on the gender continuum. I transition back and forth without a lot of fanfare or liberating feelings. I'm just being me.

well I guess I have to weigh in on this one! I feel that my feminine persona allows me to express the more female side of me, which I feel that I cannot express when dressed in my male drabs.. however, more and more I have been trying to get away with wearing more feminine cuts of clothing and experimenting with light amounts of makeup while in male mode.. so it seems that my female side is creeping into my male life more and more, and I'm ok with that...

just so you all know, I've been hanging out on the beach in southern mexico, which explains my absence.. and since I have to pay 10 pesos per hour of public internet, I don't get much of a chance to check out the forum!

but I'm not dead, and any rumours as such are greatly exaggerated!

a la huego!

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Originally Posted by chocolateboygirl

just so you all know, I've been hanging out on the beach in southern mexico, which explains my absence.. and since I have to pay 10 pesos per hour of public internet, I don't get much of a chance to check out the forum!
but I'm not dead, and any rumours as such are greatly exaggerated!
a la huego!

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CBG, good to have you back.

JJ

This is me... no woman and man personallities, just me. I've always remembered growing up having to mentally change my poster and manerisms so I wouldn't stand out against other guys. I always admired tom boys because I though they had the best of both worlds except for the slight teasing. The thing is, there is no common term (that I know of) for boys that are girlish. They just get mocked and beat up in school. I am a girly man, some days I feel like jeans and a t, others nice slacks and a lacy top. The only way I feel I would be accepted is if I go all out and put on a wig and pretend I'm a women. I love my birth name and can't see giving it up, but I us a alias online so its more comfortable for others.

My best advice Lily is to read the advice here but please don't catagorize your boyfriend. Please let him be who he needs to be.

yes.when in femme i am different then when i am not.the women who know both sides of me and interact with both prefer, spending time with racquel.very few men know racquel but the ones who do prefer the drab me.

Well I thought a while back I had two personalities, but lately it's like they've just impacted eachother and got all entangled up in one another! :p So now Im wearing women's belts to class while en-drab and mens shoes while en-femme! And dont even ask me what sex my earrings belong to anymore because I couldn't tell you. So I honestly couldn't tell you. I think in the big picture though it's just one big dynamic personality. :)

I don't feel that I am two people. Rather, I like the continum thought, I slide from one to the other and in a perfect world I think that I probably be androgynous in my dressing and appearance. I don't see the harm in wearing a skirt, heels and still be me if that was the mood I was in. Realistically though in todays society this is a recipe for disaster. I don't try to act differently but neither have I gone out en femme and tried to pass as a GG because I know that I can not at this time. I've been out dressed on halloween and been me.
Please don't be threatened by his femme persona it really is our way trying to be a complete person. Be supportive, set guidelines and you might be surprised by the wonderful person you have chosen to spend your life with.

i some times feel like wendy's like involved in a relationship with this guy and thay just can't get it right..........kinda this love hate thing going on ...............you know "he is such a asshole why don't you leave him????"..................sick and twisted ya.......... but sometimes i love him.................just a on off switch would be nice

Here's another stuck somewhere in the continuim. I was a late in life baby to parent that lived fer from populated area. My brother is several years older than I, and there were no other children my age when I was young. The only people I was around the formative years were my Mom, and her friends. Dad worked 6/7 days a week, and when he was home, ruled with an Iron fist. So there are two opposite role models. I admired Mom, and helped around the house, and with the cooking, but also strived to be the little man Dad wanted. In school, my best friends were often girls, and I sometimes related better to them than the guys. I was never much into sports, and as soon as I was old enough, got a job, very "macho" type, so was forced to stifle any kind of girli stuff. As soon as I was out of High School, off to the military, again, all the macho stuff rules the lifestyle, with the occasional chances to act a little femm. Now that I'm retired from the military, back in the work force, I find myself again in a totally macho type workplace. This leaves little room for showing the softer side to the world, so I am forced to just show it to myself, and all the wonderful friends here. I can't imagine changing the male lifestyle I've chosen, I work in a sport related job, and it is my favorite form of recreation. So just like most here, there is on person, just forced to adapt to differing circumstances. Hope that makes sense. Huggs, Bonnie

Interesting thread: wayne owns two pairs of mens shoes, two pairs of western boots, and two pairs of lace-up boots, most of which are at least 5 years old. He sees absolutely no need to shop for footwear. Wenda has 12 pairs of shoes, one pair of 'decent' boots and two pairs of hooker boots, with 6 pairs of shoes and 2pairs of boots coming. The newest underwear in wayne's drawer was purchasing around 1994, some go back to at least 1989. Wenda's drawers are new and bulging. Wayne is his gf Jo's backer and her support. Wenda is Jaya's serving girl and pedicurist. Wayne's clothes are all pretty conservative. If left to her own devices, wenda's can get a bit ****ty. Wenda doesn't come into the forum now unless she is wearing something, like her knee high stockings, her thigh high vinyl boots, her adhesive A's and her clingy black string top. Jo and Jaya seem quite happy with both of them, as long as they (she)know9s) who they are going to be encountering and going out with. Wenda seems to have a bit of a luxury going, living in a fantasy world without the stresses of a job, bills etc. Maybe an escape for wayne? When I joined this forum, nobody told me i had to think! my head hurts. wenda, maybe.

I find it amazing that some of the closeted girls are the same person in both of their societal roles. My hat's off to you all.
Since I'm in the closet also, who knows who I would be if I was interacting in daily life. Sitting here at home, which is where I am most of the time, or occasional forays out in the yard or in the car isn't a true reflection of who I would be out in the world.
Sharon and Bill share the same brain, the same heart, and the same soul, but their place in our society is vastly different, or would be in Sharon's case. He is a man who has some so-called feminine characteristics such as sensitivity, tenderness, and empathy, but he is still a man, still physically and mentally strong both in how I behave and in how I'm seen by others. I have a feeling Sharon, if and when she makes her public debut, would eventually become more like Bill given enough time. I would like to be feminine in every way possible, but there is a lifetime of maleness in me.
The language I use in this forum are not the words Bill uses. Bill doesn't sign letters with "love" or "hugs", excepting with a select few family members. He isn't prone to say how "cute" something is, or say "sweetie", "cuddles", or countless other words or phrases.
Bill's closet is drab for the most part, in each sense of the word. Every pair of pants is either white, black, or a version of brown or tan. Sharon's closet is full of color, both bold and soft pastels. Bill has always tried to make himself distinctive in the colorful shirts and ties he wears, but they are definitely masculine. Bill also doesn't wear jewelry of any sort, excepting an occasional watch and the cross he wears around his neck. Sharon loves jewelry, precious and costume, as long as it's bright and pretty.
If I am free to be Sharon whenever and wherever I choose, Bill would still exist. I like Bill. I like who he is and I like his ideals. He is basically a pretty good guy. He has his weaknesses to be sure, and many of them!!, but his heart is usually in the right place. Why would I want to lose that? Besides, every love that I have ever had has been as Bill.

I've wandered a bit off topic here, but I'm going to leave my words as I wrote them. The gist of what I started out saying, in my verbous way, is that no matter how closely related Sharon and Bill are, or will be, they are still their own unique personas.

Whew!
Sharon

I think that many of us have multiple personalities without having Multiple Personality Disorder. It's a matter of how functional and well integrated we are. I have perhaps 5 personalities that I can only visit in deep trance. Rick brought Rachel over to the conscious side with a lot of coaxing, pleading and the temptation of lovely clothes.

As Sharon says, language and mannerisms vary according to who is "driving".
You might say that dressing is a "trigger" to bring Rachel to the forefront.

I'm always the same person, but I am not whole without Rachel present. As Stephanie said, Rick is a damaged person without Rachel, and Rachel would be frightened and lonely without her "big brother".

So, same person - but different personalities are expressed. And emotions are processed differently. Not all that different from the way I might express one personality at a business office, another at a rock 'n' roll show.

But we still like the same movies, think the same jokes are funny, like the same restaurants and share the same pain and joy in our heart! :)

that's amazing. its totally like that for me at times too. :eek:

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Originally Posted by Rachel Ann

So, same person - but different personalities are expressed. And emotions are processed differently. Not all that different from the way I might express one personality at a business office, another at night at a rock 'n' roll show.
But we still like the same movies, think the same jokes are funny, like the same restaurants and share the same pain and joy in our heart!

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I like the way you expressed that! Yes... I agree!!! :)

Hmmm.... I go away for a week, and there's so much to think about when I come back!!!

Thanks all, this is all very interesting and useful for me. To reassure those who are worried - I'm not trying to put my bf in a box, or stick a label on him or whatever, I just want to understand where he's coming from, and help him to understand (he's been in major denial for decades) himself too. And I know there are some things that I could have difficulty with, or questions that he won't know how to answer yet, but that you girls can, so that my knowledge of those answers will help him to arrive at his own answers without feeling pressured to immediately give me answers when I ask the difficult questions.

So, once again, thank you! :)

I have read this post and reread it and the more I look at it I feel I am definitley 2 different people, The male macho side of sunday afternoon football, and tailgate parties, I love to hunt although I only hunt with a bow, but I do have quite a firearm collection. Then the femme side of a loving caring person, not really giving any thought to my male side. I am not an analyst,( not too good at spelling either) but this is how I feel, I am two different personalities. I only hope and pray that I don't have a conflict with this as it progresses as it has in the past 6 months, I definitly feel that Georgette is slowy taking over and I really don't know how to cope with it. I guess that I will have to face that when the time comes. :rolleyes:
Wow I said all of that LOL.
LOVE & HUGS

Oo not worry too much about the conflict of two personalities. Just relax and let your femme persona take charge and find your true self. SUSANMAID

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Originally Posted by Lily_gg

I was a tomboy as a kid, but still a girl - and I've never felt the need to look like a guy, even when I wear 'guy' clothes/do 'guy' things - this is why I'm struggling to understand this wanting to look/be completely femme thing I think.

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I, too, went back and re-read all the posts. The above statement sent me deep into thought... wondering why I do have the impulse to dress and express a "female" persona.

I do a lot of the traditional "male" things and I also do some of the traditional "female" stuff that, of course, I do in "male" mode. I do not have the TS feelings of wanting to be a girl/woman. So, now I'm wondering if the female side of my brain is just enhanced by looking the part. Trying to feel it, experience it, adds to the enhancement.

And... why is this CD thing "addictive"??? Is it just an obsessive/compulsive thing... like sports fanatics, shopping fanatics, etc. I was obsessed with collecting 50s memorabilia, at one time. I spent most of my expendable income and all of my free time going to yard sales and second hand stores. I read everything I could find on the subject. I did get over it and now limit myself to art pottery. And, my CDing, has evolved into finding "complete outfits" instead of just a lingerie thing or buying anything "fluffy and shiny".

Still no concrete answers... just more questions.

Unless your boyfriend is TS, you might just think of "dressing" as an expression of the anima that exists in all of us. The level and intensity is where understanding and compromise will come into play.

Good luck... and you are to be commended for, at least, trying to comprehend this fascinating mystery!!!

(Now... I really need to get to all the yardwork that I have been ignoring because I've become "obsessed" with this forum! :o )

:confused: Last week I went on on a house cleaning rampage, My daughter announced that she and her tribe would be here for to spend a few days over Thanksgiving.
Now I have to hide all my crossdressing goodies, make up in the bathroom,
a closet full of skirts and dresses,an overflowing pantie drawer, breast forms.
I soon realized that she had more clothes than he did.
But I live here, this is my home, why do I have to hide everything ?
Because that's the way life is--Not fair but true--
What I wanted to do was wear that nice dress for dinner.
I enjoyed the company- a good time was had by all-
Now Janice can have her turn, she will go out and about this Holiday Season
No one will notice me in those crowded stores and shop-shop -shop.
We just have to give each other the time.
This may not be what a normal person does-- but for now it works for us.

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Originally Posted by Jen_TGCD

And... why is this CD thing "addictive"??? Is it just an obsessive/compulsive thing...

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Jen

I don't think it's an addiction or a compulsion for most - maybe a few go overboard. Addictions and compulsions are inherently bad things of which one seeks to be "cured". Many know that our inner girl will never "go away".

There is a loose analogy to sex: Almost everyone develops the drive at puberety. Some become celibate for one reason or another but the desire and attraction never leave for most of one's life.

Love