I have Good news, Bad News and a Question

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JulieRenee

Still with me? OK, here's the question: Tonight, my wife asked me for permission to discuss my crossdressing, and how it's affected her with two of her friends. She says that she feels like she's losing them as friends because she's unable to discuss this huge, painful thing that she's going through. She feels as though I've dragged her into the closet with me. And she's right. I didn't mean to, but that's what happened.

.

---

Hi Julie,
I feel for you all I really do. You have already had some very good advice on here so I will be brief. The only reason she wants to confide in friends rather than a professional is that she's obviously not been acting herself of late. She probably wants to explain her behaviour etc to them in the hope that they will see why she's been acting as she has and be more understanding. I know that if I have something on my mind that I can't share with my friends they instantly know somethings not quite right because I go quiet. If people are in possession of the true facts they can be far more forgiving and understanding if your not your normal self.
Take care
BEVxxxxx

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JulieRenee

Well, shortly after I told her, she seemed to be OK with things, and in my relief that she hadn't immediately walked out the door, I assumed that things were more or less all right. A few days later, I told her that, I wanted to explore my feelings, and asked her if she would be OK with it. Thus, the panties. Honestly? I didn't know what else to try. I didn't know about any kind of support group, and at the time? I don't think I was ready for one.

In hindsight, it was all incredibly selfish of me. I really wasn't aware of how she felt. And she was trying to be supportive and loving, so didn't tell me how much it was hurting her. All in all, it was a perfect storm of miscommunication, her fears and my blindness to her needs.

For those of you who are wondering, the answer is no, neither of us feel like we could be in a sexless marriage for the rest of our lives. Ultimately, if we can't resolve that issue, we'll probably split up, for good. But as many of you have correctly said, we both have very strong feelings of love, respect and compassion for the other. So we're both trying to support each other as much as we can, throughout this time, and we're hoping for the best.

I'm sure, over time, we'll both be posting issues here as they come up. Thank you all, once again, for your help.

---

From this post, it clear you can both move forward here, do what Raksha and I are doing which is slow steps, she visits here, to gain a further understanding of what I really am, (she knows who I am) but by reading my posts, she see's how I feel, and by reading my comment and replying to them as she has done to my posts, she is slowly moving forward I hope, but as I said, I have already accepted she may never be able to fully accept Tracy, and Me in the same body! But I'm happy for her to search for my posts, so she can see my views, she knows there is a picture in my profile, which I tend to change from time to time, I'm even going to set up a blog so I can put down how i feel, and again she can read my inner fellings!

Good luck to both of you and If I can help at all with your feeling, please feel free to private mail me, I can certainly tell you how I've move forward, if you both want to, and as Raksha pointed out, she would be more than illing to help as well.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by raksha GG

Hi, I'm Tracy Victoria's OH. I too tried to be totally 'accepting' immediatly after he first told me, but it was just too much to take all in one go. We've tried recently to take 'baby steps', but it's not been easy - it takes a lot of time, which, to be honest, I'd rather spend as 'husband and wife' time than gf/gf time or family time......... The isolation I felt from my friends when going through the 'bad times' was really horrid, and made even worse by the fact that Tracy Victoria actually liked my friends, and enjoyed spending time in their company too - so I didn't get any privacy with them. I've since found out there was an element of jealousy from him towards that closeness of the relationship gg's have with their gfs.

Recently he's been making an extra effort to take more responsibilty around the house - to be 'the man' of the house, instead of just another 'kid' who I had to clear up after, and it's made a HUGE difference to my life (and from his post, to his CD'ing as well - sounds as if it's excentuating the differences).

If you trust your wife, you have to trust her judgement in her choice of friends. By telling her, you've made the information no secret - you've realeased it into the wild - and now you must trust her, just as you trust her not to poison your food, to take care of your children.

The best thing you can do is talk to her, tell her your fears and hopefully come to an agreement.

PS - I'm surprised your councellor agreed that stopping dressing completely was acheivable - maybe they weren't that experienced in councelling CD couples? If you go for councelling again - ask what experience thay have, and what they think could be acheivable - that's usually a good give away of their experience ;)

I wish you both the very best of luck in the future, what ever it holds. If your wife wants to PM me, she's more than welcome.

---

What more can I say than
[SIZE="3"]I love you[/SIZE] :love:

Oh Yep

[SIZE="4"]THANK YOU[/SIZE] :hugs: :hugs:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Tracy_Victoria

Hi Julie


I think there is a line we have to draw in the sand some time, yep we all have fantasies, and like to dress when we can, but sometime if we are in a relationship, (and in love) we have to consider there views, and even at times put them first.
However my partner does not like me to shave my chest, she says in makes me look to feminine (well thats the idea!) but because she doesn't like me to do it, I don't as it something I can do for her. I have to admit there have been times when I have 1) really really wanted to do so, and 2) even times in frustration when I have been so close to shaving it and saying to hell with it, but all the same I still have my chest hair. (dispite hating it myself, and as a matter of choice, cross dresser or not, it would all be gone, in a instant!

What I'm trying to get over here, is our partners do not want to be with us because of the woman we want to be come, but they are with us for the man that we are, ie we are the alpha in there life, and are unsure when we start acting as if we no longer want that role, or even worse drop in to a role below them, it kind of clear to see why there is a deep inner fear. Imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed, and she started crossdressing as a male, and started to push you in to side, taking control of all the manly thing you enjoyed doing.


My advice here is talk to your wife, she want a man not a woman, and that clear from what you have writen here. We don't need to wear panties everyday, or dress daily to be a crossdresser. therefore we must find a limit our partner can live with, I'm 13 years in to my relationship, and my partner has seen me dressed 3 time, it may not even happen again, but one thing I have found, is that because I'm not worried about dressing every minute of the day, and I have a line I live to! ie family first, work, (putting a roof over our head) and working together for each other, my dressing not only takes a back seat with me but aslo with her as well .

when i need space, she is so willing to give it, and I have found I can actally be more of a woman, by being more of a man.
I hope my rambling make sence! good luck to both of you

---

Tracy!

Get outta my head woman! LOL I swear this exact thought has been running through my mind for days. I've even said to Trudi, when discussing the various problems the CD's go through here: Being a CD does not mean one has to be less a man! The two halves CAN co exist equally and peacefully! Being a crossdresser does not require that you shirk the responsibilities of being the husband and/or father.

Trudi invests just as much passion in the "male" things she enjoys (golf,:rolleyes: football, work, and ME:D ) as she does her femme time-outs. Beyond any doubt, the person I share life and love with IS the head of this household, with all that entails.

Raksha,
Give that SO of yours a HUGE hug! With this position regarding your relationship, you two are headed straight for smooth sailing with the wind at your backs!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by GG Vanya

Being a CD does not mean one has to be less a man! The two halves CAN co exist equally and peacefully! Being a crossdresser does not require that you shirk the responsibilities of being the husband and/or father.

---

Funny, I've said similar things here, myself. I feel like just acknowledging the girlish part of me, has allowed me to engage with my wife and kids in a way I haven't done in years. I'm glad to be the man, 90% of the time, proud of it, in fact. It's just how I feel, naturally. My problem seems to stem from when I deny that the other 10% exists.

I guess what I'm trying to do right now, personally, is figure out the depths of my CDing, how far I want it to go and really paying attention to my feelings along the way. Sometimes, I feel like just talking about these issues can be almost as satisfying as the actual dressing. In some ways, it's better, because talking it all through gives me a clarity that merely dressing up doesn't.

Ultimately, I hope there is a way to reconcile the two parts of me into a whole person, capable of loving fully and without reservation, and able to satisfy both me and give my partner what she needs.

I'm glad that others here feel the same way. Any time there's a discussion about that topic, count me in! :thumbsup: