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please hang in there..
i lost my marraige, but it seems to run 50-50 and the initial reaction is not an indication of anything...
in fact, my soontobe exwife...seemed to be starting to get her head around it and at one point "forgave" me....but in the end she just didnt want to deal with it
so you take care of her but also take care of yourself..
michele
Fionasboots
As someone who has a good relationship with my wife over my CDing, I can say that it does happen (we are coming to our first anniversary soon).
My heart goes out to you, you have breached the barrier of silence and suspicion and now trust needs to be rebuilt.
The best of luck and best wishes.
Love Simone
:( So sorry to hear how it all went. Perhaps you could suggest you both go to counceling? It would show that your willing to work with her as well as provide her with insite to cd'ing. Once again, sorry to hear this didn't go well.
Some comments I have dealt with from the SO.
"Why can't you just be a man ?"
"I can't handle this !"
"I don't want to see you like that !"
"What are others going to say !"
So there has never been the lying issue because we both kept things from each other, but only not to hurt one an other. We have been honest about our love but sometimes the truth is not what she wanted to hear.
So do you think she has been totally honest to you ? Not that I want to know I just think it's human nature to be that way. I do feel for you both and I hope a happy out come is soon forth coming. Go into the archives and read up on the subject there is much good advice there. Relationships require daily maintenance and that is key to a lasting one. Take care and give her a big hug from all of us.:hugs:
When I date a woman & I feel there is a future together, I usually tell her within the 1st 3 months...... I just say something like its just a piece of cloth & i like it & its harmless compared to being addicted to:
drugs, alcohol, gambling, porn.... if she cant handle it, then I tell her 3 words
theres the door! :thumbsup:
Sorry to hear this but you now have to give her the time she needs to "get her head round it" as she has said. She will have loads of answers which will need honest replies, she could also benefit a lot if she joined here and chatted with the rest of the GGs here, after all we have all been in the same boat. You've got a hard time ahead of you both and I hope you can both work it out.
Just hang in there, I only found out recently and it is a huge thing to take on board.I couple of weeks of tears and now I want to know as much as I can so we can keep moving forward.
At first I thought it would tear us apart but to my surprise we are probably closer than we have been for a long time.
Good luck will be thinking of you both.
Okay, only a quick post to update everyone, again I must say many, many, many heartfelt thanks for all the advice, help, support, care, etc
Things were pretty bad first thing this morning and my wife was all for walking out or kicking me out. My son (nearly 3) was being unbelievably cute and kept giving us both kisses since he knew we were both sad - he's fantastic :love:
Anyway, my wife suddenly changed tack and asked "Have you got any high heels?" and then giggled. I admitted I had and said they were hard to walk in! I also then went on to tell her about me trying to walk in heels in Liverpool (in drab) which seemed to take okay.
I've emphasised that I haven't used any of her clothes of make-up, she seemed happier about this but was a bit squeemish when I said I had a little bag with lipstick, so I stopped at that point.
I also told her what dress size I was and she said "Oh I've got a dress that might fit you!", she said this with a grin so it obviously wasn't meant as a dig at me.
She also made a comment about ear-rings and I said I couldn't find clip-on ones (where on earth do you get these) and then she said she knew how to get them!
She has now said that we will drive down together to drop off our son with her mother and then she will come back home as she had planned.
This is millions and trillions of times better than the state we were in last night so I feel much, much, much happier :D
I am flying out to India for 2 weeks on Thursday so that gives my wife and I 4 days here without our son which may be good talking time.
She has stated that she doesn't want our son to see me dressed, I agreed completely and said I didn't want that to happen either. I have said that I will answer questions about CDing if he ever asks but will NOT tell him what I do, just my opinion. I have said this about other aspects of our live where my wife and I hold different views.
She also said she didn't want to see me dressed as well, which I also agreed to as that only seems fair.
The whole thing with shaving is still a bit hit and miss though, I did say last night (before dropping this bombshell) that I promised faithfully to let them grow back in Winter. Now my wife is saying she doesn't like them at all and I offered to let them grow back now if it would help cope.
I think this (and a whole load of other stuff) is something we will have to work on - the shaving could be a problem as I genuinely do like it better now (so much more comfortable) but she may be more anti now which is understandable.
As for the suggestions of getting her online. I will persue that approach and see if she can just look at the GG forum, I think it is way, way, way too early to let her know my persona on here as that will lead immediately to my avatar picture and all the yahoo stuff, she is NOT ready for that at all!
Thanks again all :love:
Hi Feona my wife handledthe news very well but hade all the fears of geting this news but we eased in to it over some time I tell and show her constantlythat I love her some your wife needto know now and in thefuture.
Angie .G
Hi Fiona,
I have read all the posts and am glad that it seems a bit better for both you and your wife at present .
I think that you should try to assure your wife that you love her very much and just try to take things very easy and slowly for the moment .
When the subject of c/d raises its head try to keep it light hearted and not too intense .
I myself think that it it better to treat it as something that you find relaxing and pleasurable ,rather than to delve into all the sexual feelings that you may have .
At the final count only the 2 of you can sort this out ,so just be calm and let her know that you are still the same kind and loving husband that you have always been and lets hope it all works out ok for you and your family .
Thinking of you both ,
''Nishababe'':thumbsup:
Hello Fiona,
If there is true love in your marriage it will out shine these problems that you are having. At times I had questioned if that true love was in my marriage. When I told my wife she cryed for days and had dreams that would wake her up in the night. After talking it all thru she is now pretty much accepting. I find it easier to talk to her about almost anything. There are time when I am stil a bit apprehensive. But overall our marriage is better now than it ever was.
So keep the faith that the love will help you thru this. You wife may have a very hard time dealing with this, and there will probably be some compromises that you both will have to make. My wife has no desire to see me in a dress. She can deal with the lingerie, but no more at this point. A simple compromise for me. There is still time that I can wear my dresses. I just tell my wife to be sure to call before she comes home.
I am hoping and praying for your life to work out as good as mine.
Raychel
Good to see Fiona, that your taking a step back and putting your wifes fears and concerns first. Its early days and allsorts of feelings and emotions will rear their ugly head, but you sound level headed and considerate enough to cope with them. Wishing you all the luck in the world and praying for both of you at this very difficult time.
Love BEVxxxxx
[SIZE="3"]Going through the same things myself now
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=34731
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...ad.php?t=36222
If you would like to chat my Yahoo IM is KristenKelly77
I am not an expert, but going through many of the same thing you posted. The biggert thing go at HER speed and continue to comunicate, when she is ready provide as much information as she wants, books articles, etc. Best of luck and don't give up, remember, you are the reason she married you, Fiona and your male halfs contrubitute to who you are.[/SIZE]
[SIZE="3"]I know where you're coming from, Fiona. When I told my wife she was surprised. Now we share skirts and tops.
Let things simmer down until she's had time to think this over. It's a lot to digest but I trust she will want to know some things about Fiona. I hope things work out for you both.
Gennee[/SIZE]
I do feel sorry for all my sisters who have or are going through hell with your wife. It's been over 6 years now since my wife found my cloths and I had to tell her only I used the word Crossdresser. Anyway I now dress about 95% of the time my wife treats me no diferent what every way I'm dressed. Now I will admit she is fussy about how I dress, her saying is " if your going to do it do it properly". Now what she means is no teenage dressing or dressing like a tart, dress like a lady your age. Been a long long road but I am happy and she doesn't seem to mine, well every now and again she will ask if I would be her husband today, which in short mean she doesn't want me to dress that day. I can live with that.:hugs:
I have found that my wife is ok with having a crossdressing husband (sometimes) sometimes no. It seems to depend on her mood on any given day. Also the time of the month seems to make a differance as to her level of acceptance. sorry gg's but it is true. that time has a lot to do with her mood too. so go slow and if one day she hates it maybe the next she will be fine. so go with the flow. I wish you both the best. good luck hun.
I "came out" to my wife about six years ago- at least in conversation. It did not go well either. We both cried a lot, stopped talking to each other, and walked on egg shells all the time. Tension in our house was as thick as fog. I moved out and lived alone twice during the ensueing period. We both ended up on anti-depressants. I sought counselling alone, my wife sought counselling alone, and eventually we went to counselling together. I was certain it was all going to end in divorce court (or worse). It has been a long hard battle. Even after she accepted the fact emotionally, it still came as a shock to her when she saw me fully dressed and made up the first time (about six months ago). She told me that had she passed me on the street, she would not have recognized me. While this bodes well for my Lynnette persona- if she wouldn't recognized me, then it's unlikely that my other friends and aquaintances would either- it really shook her up badly. We had to regroup a bit. I let her watch while I made the complete transformation. We are still dealing with some discomfort but continue to make progress. We truely do love each other and, while this has been a very serious wrinkle in our relationship, it is that mutual love that "endures all and forgives all" that has enabled us to persevere. Buckle your seat belt, maintain your love, seek professional help together, and stay the course. If the love between you and your wife remains strong it can and will sustain you through this difficult time.
I like your tact. Brilliant idea!Quote:
Originally Posted by Mistress Frillee
Fiona,
So Sorry to hear what you are going through. I'm sure it's very painful and scarey. But I think you did the right thing and the best thing. Hiding this from the person you are to be most intimate with does not foster the trust and mutual respect needed in a marriage Turn to those who support you, like here.
Kew
"It's easy for us to sit here and dish out advice from the relative safety of our keyboards"
It seems to me that most of the people who post advice on any of these "relationship" threads are not doing it from any safe place at all. They have been there, and its not some casual deal, but from thier heart the voice of experience. For many, I'm sure it hurts to go back and dig in all that dirt again, but they do it so that others might not feel the pain they had to go through. Just a thought.
Getting to thread thread late....but day two sounds to have a bit of a huge difference than day one.
I think what every person has to realize is that YOU {the tg person} has had years and years to sort through their own inner questions and insecurities and fears and all that. I mean we read posts here every day about people being depressed/having anxiety and overall really having tough times coming to terms with who they are.
Just keep talking, learn right now to start being honest. Please dont' think that by suger coating any other truths about this that is it better.
I think it is great that she is already laying down some of her feelings. Both of you are entitled to share your worries/concerns/dislikes and hopes for the future.
The hard part will be trusting you again, but dont' give her reason to doubt you and begin to know all of you. Hopefully she will have patience and let time heal her wounds.
Best of luck
Fiona,
Glad to hear things are getting better today.
All I will say is that like any part of a successful relationship it will involve compromise, and honest communication, between you.
I will and my prayers for your wife son and for you. :thumbsup:
Susan
Hi Fiona
Delighted that things are getting better. I know there may still be a few hurldes to overcome. A word of caution don't promise anything you cant keep to. Just can say you will try your best.
Remember just take things a her pace.
best wishes
I came out to my GF about six months ago, after we had been together for about year. It did not go well and I did not do a very good job of presenting my Cd'ing to her. She did the freak and wanted nothing to do with me. We still stayed in touch with each other and now six months later we are a couple again. She knows about my dressing but has no desire to see me dressed. I am OK with that, as long as she knows and can accept me for what I am I am happy. Would I like her to be more supportive, of course I would.
I do not push the issue at all and keep it as low key as I can. For me it works as I like this lady a lot. As long as she knows about me and can deal with me I am happy. You may be different and need more support / understanding from a mate than I do.
The point is that she may come around to some level of understanding. It may not be the level of your dreams, but it may be a level that you are comfortable with.
Give her time and take it slow, it may work out. At least I hope it does.
That's good things are going a bit better now. Remember too there are books that can really help. When I first found out, I didn't really know there was such a thing as a crossdresser, so I felt a bit weird about it, but once I started learning more about it(reading/online stuff/talking with Tgirl74), I realized that there were many more people who were CDs, and it became more "normal" seeming to me, you know? So perhaps if you put some emphasis that there are many people who CD, that there are books to help girlfriends/wives out there, perhaps she'll take solice in that. Anyway, I think that's great you were open and honest with her, regardless of what happens you should always be yourself :)