Sex Question to all CDs from a curious GG

Kali,
Like the others here, I can't answer for your SO. We're all different, so I can only tell you how I feel.
My wife and I have enjoyed pleasing one another without either of us being overly dominant or submissive, we just go with the flow and do whatever we feel like doing at the time. I love it when she wears anything sexy to bed, but sadly she rarely feels in the mood now. I'd also love it if she'd accept ME dressing sexy for bed. She knows, but can't get over her inhibitions. And if we were both dressed, it'd really blow my mind. In any of those three scenarios, I expect I'd feel no more dominant or submissive than if we were both naked.
I've also tied her up a few times before bringing her to orgasm, which I suppose is dominant behaviour, and I'd love it if she'd do the same for me, which I suppose is submissive. Sadly, I think my renewed interest in CDing is turning her off any sort of sexual activity with me at present, and I'm not rocking the boat because I love her dearly, and we have a great life otherwise. I'll just keep trying to win her over, and I suppose that's also submissive.
I hope you can get something useful out of my ramblings!

All the best,
Tony

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Originally Posted by Karren Hutton

Hmmmmmm. Sex? .......ohhhh SEX! I remember that now!! Hehehe.

Nope. I was always been the maleish one. But then again.... I've never had sex while dressed enfemme!

Love Karren

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I have never had sex while dressed en femme either, but when I fantasize about sex while dressed en femme, I fantasize that I am the feminine partner even though my fantasies involve my SO (my wife). In those fantasies, I imagine her taking a dominant role. When I am not en femme, I definitely take the dominant, traditionally male role.

Sex!?

It's been so long since I've had sex, I can't remember who gets tied up!





Hugs

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Originally Posted by kali GG

Hello everyone,
My question is this: Do you feel that CDing is part of your sexuality?

I wonder if this is very common, or if there are CDs out there who, when it's time to have sex, just "switch", rip the clothes off and have at it, enjoying what society tends to think of as the "masculine" role, the "taker."

Best wishes,

Kali GG

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It's part of my sexuality but not the whole thing, through out my life my gender balance has been like shifting sands and even when not dressing noticably it has always played out in my sexuality

I used to be more Male and be more assertive in bed, even when my partners were being very dominant but over the years as I've become a little more comfortable with who I am I don't bother with the pretence of trying to be male in bed even though I've never dressed for my wife

It's the one time I can open up and let my emotions out fully as it's something she actively encourages, although it even confuses me that I groan like a woman when I get carried away :eek:

In this corner... Prince Charming

In this corner... Submissive CD

Sexuality is so complicated isn't it? I mean, the male is supposed to do this... and the female is supposed to do that and we have procreation.

Now that that's settled, what we really have is two people who have proclaimed their love and desire for each other.

Setting aside the "roles" the "Victorian Age" assigned to each of us by our birth sex, we as human beings have aspects both masculine and feminine within us. Not some, but ALL of us.

Masculine does not equal strength any more than feminine equals weak. Marriage by it's very nature is a mutually agreed submission, one to the other. If we need rules for our lives, including our sexuality, we know through history and theology that the Stronger shall serve the Weaker and that both will benefit greatly. So who really serves who?

If one is weak whether it be in body or Spirit (will), then is it submissive or "feminine" if they serve, or is it a matter of natural selection?

If one is weak, yet hides the insecurity and lack of grounding with a domineering or bullying manner, is that masculine?

On the other hand, if one is strong in both body AND Spirit, and chooses to serve, is it submission? If so, is it feminine... or is it masculine... or... does it have a gender at all?

People sometimes fall in love with the role they picture their partner in rather than the living, breathing person they accepted as their mate.

If your CD husband doesn't give you pleasure by "taking his pleasure in you", (Prince Charming) then shame on him. If you don't take your pleasure in your CD husband and express your needs and desires directly and clearly to him, (feminine prerogative) then shame on you.

Societal roles are assigned to give us the right to "judge", this is "right", or this is "wrong".

Given the choice, would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?

The choice IS yours.

Love each other first and always.

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Originally Posted by kali GG

Hello everyone,

I apologize in advance if this question seems intrusive, I really don't mean to be rude, but I am making an ongoing effort to understand CDing, specifically as it relates to my husband.

My question is this: Do you feel that CDing is part of your sexuality? For example, my husband, a CD, would prefer to be submissive in bed, "serving" me, as it were. I think most people would agree that has traditionally been the "feminine" role in sex, so I correlate that desire with his dressing in a way.

I wonder if this is very common, or if there are CDs out there who, when it's time to have sex, just "switch", rip the clothes off and have at it, enjoying what society tends to think of as the "masculine" role, the "taker."

So often, I hear, "it's just clothes." I know that for my husband, that's just not true. There is definitely a desire to identify as a woman in bed. How about for you all?

Best wishes,

Kali GG

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As far as that whole submissive thing goes yes i want it 1 cause it helps me to feel more feminine and 2 i think it would help explore more of my self but being dressed or not i do not think that changes it at all. I hope this helps....

oh yeah, and I can be either Decidedly Dominant, assertive and "masculine", or I can be Sweetly Submissive, servile and even receptive (feminine). Somewhere in between is who I really am. I am both masculine and feminine.

What I am first, is a husband, who loves his wife. I receive as much joy from giving her pleasure (sexually or otherwise) as I receive from her be it sexually or otherwise.

Hi Kali,

I can only speak for myself; dressing and sexuality are somewhat separate. Please before all the rest of the girls go off shaking their heads, really dressing for me is just being true to what I so deeply feel. Sexuality is mostly separate, but yes, I do so very much feel sexy when dressed. There must be some kind of paradigm there! Dressing is an expression of myself; sex is pure fun. My wife has not wanted to have sex with me dressed, she states that a lesbian relationship is not what she had in mind when we married, but she certainly knows how to excite me by treating me as a ****ty girl when we are having sex. When en femme I feel very sexual, when in drab I do not have the same deep feeling of pure being. Sounds confused, does it not? Really, being oneself takes you to such a fantastic place, all things seem better; reading a book, having a glass of wine, they all just are better when you understand yourself. Really girls; are you not a bit more relaxed walking into a room with your heals on and a short little skirt, in lieu of clunking in with a pair of logging boots on. And do you do feel a little sexier en femme than with a dirty teeshirt and jeans on? Kali, as for me, I am very submissive with a GG; how can one not be?

Hi Kali ,
when dressed 'en femme' and having had 3 girlfriend's who were pretty understanding about it,I definatley was the 'fem one.Two out of the three GF's really liked it as it made a pleasant change from my male self where I was the 'initiator' about 95% of the time or more.
Plus being the submissive,I found it really added to the entire experience for me and sometimes them too.Of course I wasn't the least bit suprised when 2 of the 3 GF's turned out to be bisexual.Maybe that has something to do with it,unless I helped cause it?,lol!.

So yes sisters I am privildged to have had sex many times when dressed,it is simply mindlbowing!,not to rub it in or anything,I hope you all get to experience this some time soon.As for now I am 'asexual!,lol

Sex ?... what's that?

Hugs Sisters Everywhere, :hugs:

Melanie.

I am not submissive when in guy mode. When I turn on the crossdressing switch, I am the female. We have, uh, s-word, all the time while dressed. I can't understand it, but I even have multiple-female-type-orgasms while dressed, and at no other time. Even if it's not, it's certainly not the typical male "reaction" I known and loved all my life. This has only began about 3 years ago. I guess I've reached the height of crossdressing nirvana in that respect.

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Originally Posted by Nike

In this corner... Prince Charming

In this corner... Submissive CD

Sexuality is so complicated isn't it? I mean, the male is supposed to do this... and the female is supposed to do that and we have procreation.

Now that that's settled, what we really have is two people who have proclaimed their love and desire for each other.

Setting aside the "roles" the "Victorian Age" assigned to each of us by our birth sex, we as human beings have aspects both masculine and feminine within us. Not some, but ALL of us.

Masculine does not equal strength any more than feminine equals weak. Marriage by it's very nature is a mutually agreed submission, one to the other. If we need rules for our lives, including our sexuality, we know through history and theology that the Stronger shall serve the Weaker and that both will benefit greatly. So who really serves who?

If one is weak whether it be in body or Spirit (will), then is it submissive or "feminine" if they serve, or is it a matter of natural selection?

If one is weak, yet hides the insecurity and lack of grounding with a domineering or bullying manner, is that masculine?

On the other hand, if one is strong in both body AND Spirit, and chooses to serve, is it submission? If so, is it feminine... or is it masculine... or... does it have a gender at all?

People sometimes fall in love with the role they picture their partner in rather than the living, breathing person they accepted as their mate.

If your CD husband doesn't give you pleasure by "taking his pleasure in you", (Prince Charming) then shame on him. If you don't take your pleasure in your CD husband and express your needs and desires directly and clearly to him, (feminine prerogative) then shame on you.

Societal roles are assigned to give us the right to "judge", this is "right", or this is "wrong".

Given the choice, would you rather be right, or would you rather be happy?

The choice IS yours.

Love each other first and always.

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THAT is exactly what I would have said if I had thought it, and submitted it! My ex was Victorian, man on top, woman under, even though she considered herself a child of the 60s.
MY SO, who is incredibly compatible, was not especially comfortable when Wenda first emerged, but has come to regard her as a 'special' ie 'secret' friend. Wenda is definitely submissive to Jaya. In our other lives, we will probably be about 50/50. We have a 'maid's outfit' for Wenda when we go on holidays, and she has a strap-on which is something neither of us has experienced previously.
I think Nike summed it up very nicely, "would you rather be right or be happy?" If it makes (the both of)you happy, then isn't it right?
All the best:hugs:

Both with girlfriends and with my wife when married, and of course they knew all about my TV side, when we had sex I prefered the woman on top and I took what would be preceived by many to be the "female" role, she made love to me and not the other way around. I have never liked to take the lead so to speak and I detest the stereotypical male behaviour as typified in magazins, books, on the Telly and in Movies etc of "giving her a good seeing to" or "shagging the ar5e off woman" as they would put it as I , and any women with whom I have had sexual relations have always prefered the gentler and more delicate approach as I do myself. So yes, in a sexual context I am the submissive partner.

I don't mind kicking back and letting ner do some of tht love making but I play the major roll most of the time we make love.
Angie G.

From the studies that have been done on crossdressing, sexuality often is wrapped up in crossdressing -- particularly in younger life (i.e. teens and 20s). But it's a complicated picture.

The dom/sub dimension (also refers to as "top" and "bottom") is really independent -- you see both straight and gay couples where one partner is more assertive than the other, and it's not necessarily related to gender -- just as one partner typically has more of a sex drive than the other (again not necessarily related to one's sex).

That said, our culture has traditionally associated "feminine" with "sub" (at least for the past 200 years, for centuries before that women were believed to be the more sexual of the sexes). So it's not suprising that a number of CDs seem to equate the two. And as Marla GG once asutely observed, there's a number of CDs who are "penetration curious" for a variety of reasons.

There's also the aspect of just laying back and enjoying "being done to" as Julie York alluded to. IIRC there's surveys that show the favorite sex act of both sexes is receiving oral sex -- which isn't surprising given that it is usually receiving pleasure.

Also, I think most many feel a lot performance anxiety that most women don't really understand. So if you're feeling a bit uncertain about your masculinity because of your crossdressing, you may be less traditionally assertive in bed. And if you're willing to step outside of the masculine role to crossdress, you're probably more likely to act out a desire to be the "passive" partner.

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Originally Posted by kali GG

my husband, a CD, would prefer to be submissive in bed, "serving" me, as it were. I think most people would agree that has traditionally been the "feminine" role in sex, so I correlate that desire with his dressing in a way.

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I tend to prefer bottom, but I don't think of it as submissive. There are some physical reasons for my preference, which I won't go in to at this time. The major psychological reason is that I prefer active participation from my partners: you are more certain she wants to be there if she's on top.

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Originally Posted by kali GG

to all who have replied so far. I realize I wasn't totally clear: My husband and I have never had sex while he was dressed (although he would love to), I didn't mean to imply that we had. I just noticed his general submissiveness in bed and wondered about the possible relationship to CD.

I know any time we talk about gender stereotypes like "masculine" and "feminine" there are always bound to be as many interpretations of that as there are people...so I'm not trying to suggest that I agree with the traditional view of things...just trying to get the big picture and sometimes to do that you have to make generalizations.

Thanks again,

Kali GG

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..and Your willingness to understand your "partner" is commendable , as long as You both feel safe in such explorations ( concidered-and thought out) Who cares realy ? I'm always hoping my partner would want more from me..sexually.... (an ego-thing?) a given...reguardless of gender conflicts eh ??
Being "right" sexually with a lover or partner ..gets complex...or does it ?? xx "K"

I've NEVER had sex enfemme! But it's a WONDERFUL thought!!:love:

It's always fantastic.
We've tried it every witch way.
Sex, surely, is about enjoyment amd pleasure, Do the washing up some other time.

hope that helps.

Pauline.

I believe that these are separate issues but closely linked. I am submissive by nature and would love to incorporate the dressing part into my sexual life. Forced femininity and submission, servicing my mistress, etc... are part of my fantasies. The dressing part of me is there all the time, while the sex part shows up every so often!

I would say that for me the crossdressing would definitly heighten the sexual responses. Although for as often as it happens around here I will take it anyway I can get it. And my wife will have no part of the dressing.

I wonder how many of us would be sexually submissive en homme as well, if we could get away with it...

I have never had sex while dressed, however I do enjoy both roles. There are times when I enjoy being the dominant one and taking the lead. I do find that if I have been dressing recently, I really enjoy having my wife take the lead and have her way with me.

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Originally Posted by Elena Ambasce

I wonder how many of us would be sexually submissive en homme as well, if we could get away with it...

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I do it's easy, it's the easiest way to be yourself without being asked any awkward questions, and of course if the missus suddenly got the urge to feminise mean I'm not going to resist much lol

:hugs: Is cding part of my sexuality? I suppose it is. It does make me feel different but it doesn't make me act differently. I am the one who usually takes the iniative in bed but it is wonderful when my wife takes the iniative. I wish she would do it more often. I don't think this is a matter of domination or submission; it is a matter of intimacy and trust and the desire to be together.

I suppose it can be, thought I will admit my current realtionship is the first time I have ever actually told someone about me.

Thus far it seems to be going pretty well.

I have always been pretty adaptable in a physical sense. I see no point in defining specific roles for these things. Sometimes I like to take charge others I prefer to have my partner do it. These things of depend on the partner, but the key is to be spontaneous.

Generally I try in all aspects of my life to keep and open mind, why should intimacy be any different