Wife threw out my things.

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Originally Posted by Bernice

This might be a little too hostile, and/or a little too childish, but I think I would box up all her pants and split skirts and sweatpants, and shorts, and comfortable shoes, and hide them offsite, leaving her with only skirts and dresses and court shoes. When she freaks out, suggest that this is exactly how you felt about your involuntary purge, and that she can have them all back on the condition that she discusses this issue rationally with you. Otherwise, she can golly well dress like a "real" girl...

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I know what your getting at here, although perhaps it should just be the more 'masculine' stuff like trousers etc. It would be revenge, but I doubt it would solve anything! Maybe as a parting short in a break up it would make you feel better, but would do nothing to encourage better relations after the split!

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Originally Posted by Bernice

This might be a little too hostile, and/or a little too childish, but I think I would box up all her pants and split skirts and sweatpants, and shorts, and comfortable shoes, and hide them offsite, leaving her with only skirts and dresses and court shoes. When she freaks out, suggest that this is exactly how you felt about your involuntary purge, and that she can have them all back on the condition that she discusses this issue rationally with you. Otherwise, she can golly well dress like a "real" girl...

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I'm tempted to agree. I think that throwing out your clothes was out of order, and that is no way for her to reach any sort of common ground. Insist she stops wearing trousers, and wears full makeup at all times. (lol I wish someone would do that to me, but thats a different story!) Sorry to hear you are having so many problems, and please keep us updated.

Elizabeth,

Firstly, I would like to say that you are just as valid and worthwhile as any other person. The actions of those around you are a result of their own prejudice and ignorance. You may have made some mistakes but, heck, we can't all be experts in relationship handling.

I am a bit shocked that the people around you have treated you in such a way that you considered taking your own life and, what is worse, are continuing to treat you badly in the full knowledge of what has happened. I'm even more shocked that it is these same people who are getting some support in this forum.

Please, everybody, Elizabeth likes to wear women’s clothes and didn't tell her family...is this such a big deal ? To the point of being hounded to suicide ?

Regarding some of the other advice here...

I think that deliberate destruction or trashing of another persons belongings for any reason is way over the line, especially if it is done by a life partner. I feel very strongly about this and when it was done to me in my first marriage I retaliated in kind, immediately and vigorously. It was not a CD issue, by the way, it was, literally, burning of my books...educational textbooks. It spelled the death knell of my first marriage, but so be it. I would do the same again, anytime. My point is that retaliation in kind is a satisfying but irrevocable option and one that I would probably go for, but it is not any sort of way to fix up your marriage.

Elizabeth, be proud of who you are...cherish your gift and please stay in here with us. :hugs: :love:

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Originally Posted by Marla S

Sorry to hear.



Do you know what's entirely wrong with this phrase ?
It's should be:
"My wife and I went to councelling, But she still continues to throw out my clothes."

It's not up to you to give up CDing it's up to her to learn to (at least) accept (better respect) this part of your identity.
And it's definetly up to her to leave your things untouched.:Angry3:

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Sorry to come in on this late, but I had to reply to this, it is not up to the wife to accept. if a woman marries a guy, any guy then finds he does something she does not like (be it crossdressing, womanizing, drinking, abusing her, etc) it is not up to her to ACCEPT!!!

Some SO's try to understand, some even try to help, but if they really, really don't accept that action, any action in there partner, then as some do they have every right to up and leave.

Throwing the clothes away is not the issue here, we all do rash things in the heat of the moment, what is the issue is trust, truth and honesty, and if a SO/Partner suddenly finds out, all is not what she believed the relationship was, then there will be problems, for anyone.

I'm sure my partner would not be please to see a skirt left lying in the middle of the floor that was not hers, but for knowing I am a CD/TV i'm sure any womans reaction would be 1, what the hell is going on, 2, who does this belong to, and 3, who the hell is this woman thats leaving her clothes in the middle of my kitchen floor!!!

Sorry people, I know some people have to live in the closet, and i feel for you! But if you do, you need to cover your tracks for them to at least believe in there reality of being a normal everyday kind of guy, or be honest with them, there really can't be a half way, i'll leave all my girls clothes lying about anyway? Can there?

Just my :2c:

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Originally Posted by elizabethb1

Hello ladies, Let me tell you about my experience about my wife finding out about my interests. About a year ago my wife found one of my mini skirts on the Kitchen floor. She picked them up confronted me. We really got in to it. If fact I almost committed suicide. I was in my truck and had it running with the garage door shut. Lucky my brother and sister came over or I would not be here today. My wife and I went to councelling, But I still continued dressing. About a month ago I went to my hidding place and found all my things gone. She had purged them. I just send out for somemore things and will be recieving them in a few days. I have already received my breast forms, a litttle small but they will do for the time being. I'm wearing some of my wifes things until I recieve and replemished my own things. And I will be finding a better and new hiding place. I'm glade I got this off my breast and told someone about my incident. I feel better now. and will be out in around again soon. Hugs and kisses Elizabeth0.02

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Sorry to hear you're having a tough time Elizabeth.

What had you hoped to acheive through councelling? Did you or your wife expect you to be able to stop? And *why* for heaven sake leave a skirt on the floor? Why not tidy up after yourself? Has your wife given permission for you to wear her things? If not, I think what you are doing is as bad (if not worse) than her throwing your things away - now my Mum always told me two wrongs don't make a right.........

To me, there's more to this than a non accepting wife insisting on a purge - there's some serious communication problems which are leading to a relationship break down - and the CD'ing is a convenient way of each of you to blame your dissatisfaction with the current situation.....

Wow is it really worth killing your self over? Damn give up dressing or give up on her but don't kill your your self!

Elizabeth,

Please, please if the situation ever gets so bad you feel like taking your own life, LEAVE.

I cannot imagine throwing out all the clothes. I could imagine leaving or throwing the cder out or yelling and screaming but not just disposing of the clothes, etc. and thinking that would really accomplish anything.

I must agree with everyone else that you and your SO really need to talk openly. I'm not a mental health professional but it seems to me she has other issues and needs help.

There is plenty of "blame" to go around if that's what you want to do. You don't say how long you have been together but why did she find out when a skirt was accidently left on the kitchen floor?

Start talking about all the issues in your relationship and maybe you can save it. Sometimes it takes a shock to make things better. Time may help but not if you only use it to bury the issues.

Good luck. :hugs:

Debbie GG

At least she didn't set them on fire !!!

I gotta tell you all a funny story. Years ago I was a volunteer firefighter and we responded to a fire call where a couple were arguing and the man finally went nuts and threw all his wife clothes on a pile in the driveway and set them on fire!!! well, when we got there he wouldn't let us anywhere near the fire and the cops had to be called. When the police had him handcuffed he was on the ground and he was so mad that he was eating clumps of grass in his lawn!!! we were laughing so hard it was almost could not put the fire out !!!

Hugs Misty

Hi Elizabeth

I'm really glad you're still with us. I’ve had my moments when I've thought about which way I would commit suicide if I did it (I figured I would probably do it in the garage with the door closed and a big "cinderblock" against the gas pedal while I take a nice long nap in the back with the seats down flat – maybe even have a whole six-pack first to make me drowsy).

It makes no sense to me when people say that suicide isn't the answer. Suicidal people aren’t looking for an answer. They attempt suicide, not because it's an answer, but because they can see no alternative. By the time they make the attempt, they’re beyond feeling hope, beyond thinking straight and, not infrequently, beyond “fit-shaced”. A suicidal person is looking, not for an answer, but for relief from an unbearable amount of emotional pain.

I have read some good suggestions as to why your wife might have felt the way she did. Seeing a strange skirt on the floor certainly can indicate an affair until one knows about the cross-dressing. It’s always hard for the SO to find out that her guy is a cross-dresser and I have always been strongly empathetic to that.

Nonetheless, she should not have thrown out your things. Yes, we have all have done things in the heat of the moment, but the heat of the moment does not justify or excuse one’s actions. Does your wife have a right to be pissed? Absolutely! Is her frustration and emotional pain justified? You bet your @$$ it is. Would she be justified for getting pissed again if she discovered you were dressing again without her knowing? #ell yes! Did she have the right to throw out your things? No way! All of her feelings were totally justified, to be sure -- but her actions were decidedly not.

However, you’re not off the hook, either. I believe that there are always at least two people responsible for every conflict, not just one. You both made your contributions. It certainly does not help things that you hid your cross-dressing from your wife. As others have said, if you are still dressing without her knowing it then that is a big No-No and you are making further contributions to the problem.

Anyway, once again, I’m glad you’re still with us and I hope things work out for both of you.

Hugs,
Lisa

You being a cd is who you are. When people open their minds they realise that the part of you they liked the most and found the sweetest was the traits of being a cd. I can not imagine my wife throwing all my stuff out. I would be crushed. It is hard for me to wrap my mind around how people can be so cold to the ones they love. I am glad you are still with us and hope to have you around for a long time. Keep your head up honey and keep plugging away. You are sweet, and wonderful. Just remember that.

My heart goes out to you and you are in my thoughts.

April Marie

My advice, Get divorced. From what I have read your marriage is dead but hasn't yet began to rot as it surely will. I feel you would be a lot happier being YOURSELF and on your own.

Of course I do feel that a CD should tell his G/F before they get married. I did and our eventual divorce wasn't over my CD side.

Anyway , Good Luck!