Thanks, BonnieAnne, for the compliment. Although I don't consider myself "beautiful," I have been told many times by other TG's that I make a "good presentation" - which includes not only my looks, but also my voice, mannerisms, and movement. I now consider this to be both a blessing and a curse.Quote:
Originally Posted by older not wiser
On the one hand, I was astonished to discover how good I looked as a woman (when I began experimenting 3 1/2 years ago, after abstaining for 30 years). As an amateur actor, I was pleased and proud of my ability to create a convincing female character. I was eager for opportunities to display my skill. However, I was able to perform in drag in only one show per year during the past three years. Therefore, I had to find other occasions to be Maggie - including going out in public and attending TG support group meetings every month. I loved these experiences. Being Maggie relieved the stress, depression, and chest pains that were bothering me at the time. I began to identify strongly with other TGs. On various TG forums, I was urged to embrace the fact that I was transgender and to stop being in "denial." After a while, I began to believe I really was TG.
Central to my enjoyment of crossdressing was the fact that I liked my appearance as a woman and that I was able to "pass" in public. I get no pleasure from simply being a "man in a dress." If my success at female impersonation had not facilitated my fantasies, I don't think I would have continued. I would not have grasped at crossdressing as an escape from the frustrations of my male existence. Instead, I might have found more constructive ways to confront and deal with my frustrations. Perhaps I would not now be going through a separation from my wife. (Or perhaps I would, but for different reasons.)
Because of my experience, I will be more cautious about encouraging other M2F crossdressers to "accept" themselves as being transgendered. While I have no doubt that this may be good advice for many CDers, it might not be appropriate for others, such as myself.
Although I may have had some predisposition toward transgenderism, I now believe that my immediate problem was that the expression of my true masculine essence had become blocked on many levels. Consequently, I had come to experience manhood as simply a phony macho facade. Compared to this, expressing myself as Maggie felt far more genuine and satisfying.
Now that I am working to unblock my masculine side, I am starting to feel the same kind of authenticity and satisfaction as a man that I enjoyed as Maggie. This development has also relieved my depression and chest pains. I am now glad that I did not decide to transition or go any further with crossdressing than I already had.
Remember, I am speaking only for myself. I am not advocating anything for anybody else. I am only sharing this personal perspective in case someone might find it appropriate to their own situation.
Thanks again for all your support and good wishes.
Maggie
