A Halloween party? Hmmmm. Should I?

I don't know precisely how "all out" I will be able to go, what with being in grad school and only having a few days left, but I am definitely going to go to this party en femme. I'm not worried about looking perfect, anyway. I don't think that's of paramount concern on Halloween.

We had a lecture today at grad school about taking action and taking risks instead of just being too introverted and safe. We usually learn by doing and then knowing, not the other way around. For instance, when applying the scientific method one begins with a hypothesis which one must then test in order to prove or refute it. I think I need to test myself in much the same way.

I think it's more than possible that I might learn something valuable about myself that might help me at least make progress figuring out my gender -- even if it is only Halloween. I might learn that I don't like being dressed in public, but that would still be very valuable knowledge. Besides, I might (very well) learn that I love being dressed in public, too. The Halloween party is scheduled to end by 10pm so that people can go out or do other things later. I might well have a good chance to go out in public dressed as Lisa and test myself with that, too.

I don't know what I will or won't learn with any certainty, but sometimes you really do just have to take the risk. Sometimes, you can't know if something is right unless you try it. Sometimes, unless you're willing to take a risk, progress can not be made.

I think this is one of those times. At least, if it's not, then I haven't the foggiest idea what is.

I've located a wig shop only a few minutes' drive from my grad school and I'll be able to stop in on Thursday. I am going to try to get myself to jokingly ask one of my female friends, "So, who's coming in drag? Someone always does and it's always great fun!" That will give me a better idea of how people might take it. I figure if I'm not able to get myself to do either of those things, then I'll know that I'm still not ready.

However, I really do want to do this. I've waited a long time to go out there and be my girly self. I'm going to do it.

The makeup and nail polish might be a bit of a trick to pull off (unless I can get myself to ask one of my female friends for assistance) but at the very least I'll have the wig (which I want regardless of whatever else happens) and can wear that and simply shave my face very closely. I'll have a lot of time down near the school before the party starts and there's a mall only, oh, fifteen minutes by car. I might be able to get a makeover there at the makeup counter or something. I'll just have to see what I can do and just go with whatever I can get together.

Well, wish me luck!

Hugs,
Lisa