another question for all of you - TG and SO after SRS

Ah, so the "penis" word pops up (as it were!!)

If the GG enjoys s*x with a man, then her SRS partner is asking that she totally compromise that part of her life.

Fair? Or not .... Or does she take a lover? It's fair to ask - I might !!

Going through SRS means that the man becomes a woman (in this forum, anyway). That means the GG is now in a relationship with a woman.

Does that not challenge the GG's sexuality? And does she not have the right to choose what she wants? If she wants to have a 'relationship' with a woman, fine. Her choice. But it's HER (the GG's) choice.

I think that time together and age comes into it a lot as well. Been together for many years & built a stable life together? I would be more likely to be closer to a "maybe" than if we'd only been together a short time and I still had my hopes & expectations e.g. children etc.

PS. A relationship with a man is much more than physical - I can't explain the connection & excitement that I feel, but it's definitely there and I can't deny that part of me. I'l bet a lot of GG's agree with me ....

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sharon

So what those of you who are saying that SRS is a dealbreaker is that a penis is more important to you than love? Or is it the embarrassment you will feel being seen in a relationship with another woman?

---

not embarrasment and not a *penis envy* thing.

I want a man. I married a man who likes to CD. NOT someone who wanted to become a woman. Not someone who dressed all the time. Its nice to have Nathan around.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by EmmaB GG

PS. A relationship with a man is much more than physical - I can't explain the connection & excitement that I feel, but it's definitely there and I can't deny that part of me. I'l bet a lot of GG's agree with me ....

---

AMEN!!!!
I agree 100% :hugs: :thumbsup:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by mylitta GG

I'd have to cross that bridge when I came to it. One thing I have learned in my life is never to say never. After all 6 months ago I would have said there is no way I would be in relationship with a CD. You never know what life is going to throw at you, and until it happens, I can't say for sure how I would deal with it.

---

I'd have to agree with you My litta, a while ago I said SRS was out of the question. But we've discussed it since and have decided after having kids it might be an option. Have not totally committed to it but I definatley have no problems with HRT, so going further might be okay..just gonna have to come to that bridge when we get there...seeing as right now I'm a broke college student :p .

The reason I asked my question was not to be antagonistic, but was just an honest question.

I have wondered how my wife would have reacted if I decided to have SRS while she was alive, and I honestly don't know the answer, or even if I would have decided to do so. I know that I wasn't very manly when it came to our sexual relationship, but she never seemed to lose her feelings for me -- well, not for very long a period of time, anyway. Whether that would have been enough to save the marriage, it's only wishful thinking on my part, but my personality would not have changed, nor my feelings for her. Her telling me she would leave me would probably have left me to even more years of denying myself the truth about myself.

Sharon - we weren't being antagonistic to you - just vehemently honest, which is what some people onthis forum sometimes don't want to hear ...

I am sure that your wife would have accepted you in her own way, which I hope you feel some comfort from and am sure would have been perfect for you both. I hope you feel that too.

But, a GG's interpretation of "manly" is very broad - some GG girls like the rough and ready, others prefer the sensitive type, to put it bluntly.

But a male image of manly seems, to me, to be much narrower and more tending towards the 'rough & ready' - we're not that simple us GG's, I'm afraid!

Emsx

Anyway, my simplest point was - it challenges my sexuality, nothing to do with image.

:hugs: I love my boyfriend so much. but I also love him for the man he is, and for how sensitive he is. the idea to have him as a full time female i feel i would have lost a great man that completeme as a women. We have spoke about that and according to him, he just enjoy felling beutifull and femenine and encourage that in him, and both of us enjoy it too.

I would stay. He/She is the same person. Changing gender does not change the person. And I have no problem with being married to a woman.



Louise.

Louise, I think this is a great question and I love the variety of answers. I would think in order for us to full understand each persons/couples answer we would need more information about the couples relationship and we also need to understand that their answer is only for this current point in time.

Examples of more information about their relationship would be both of their views on commitment and the marriage vows. The type of partner that they need: Intellectual, very verbal, lots of time spent together, lots of alone time, length of their relationship, the quality of their relationship and many others. And a big one is how physically intimate they need to be, how they need to be intimate, and how flexible is their needs.

Then add time and change and answers can change greatly.

I look up to those spouses that feel and are staying with their TS spouse. Especial those that did not start out in the relationship knowing they had a TG/TS partner. They have a great love and a flexible love that many do not have.

Answering a question like this is like answering many other what if types of questions. What would you do if your spouse was in a major accident causing some type of major physical change in them. The answers are only a guess based on how one currently feels. If it ever happened the result could be greatly different.

I have been blessed with a wonderful wife. But if I was TS she would have most likely been gone long ago.

I think its you are either able to be accept what would be for all terms a lesbian relationship...not everyone is lesbian.

For me, I don't think I could hand it if Lawren decided to go all the way to tg/ts/srs. It would break my heart, I love all of Lawren, but I'm not bi or a lesbian.

I have to agree with Sharon, if you are truely in love with your partner, then why would having SRS make any difference? If my Tam decided to go down that path, nothing between us would change.

[SIZE="3"]Tammera, nothing would change between you but something would be missing, not meant as a joke, it would be missing something besides the Physical missing "bits".[/SIZE]

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Karen Meadows

This would be the ultimate test of 'loving beyond the exterior' wouldn't it?

I don't think my SO would stay after I had SRS. I doubt I would be able to stay either, because in my case the procedure would mean that I wanted to live exclusively as a heterosexual woman.

---

I think I agree with Karen on this. I seriously doubt Carol would want to stick around while I got a BF.

But who knows...we've been through a lot already...maybe we could work something out.

Oh, just asked her - she says probably we would make it work, but as she says it's too complex for an easy answer. I think we would TRY to make it work. But I guess I might have to forget about the BF :heehee: ....

with probably as many answers as there are respondents. For me personally, being Bi certainly helps. But I also do believe that a certain point in a relationship gender ceases to be of importance. At least that is what has happened for Carin and I. Our investment in this connection is too deep and too long to not continue.

I have no idea if Carin will ever live full time en femme. She certainly isn't likely to have surgery given her age (sorry Carin sweetheart).

Thank you for all of your responses. And keep them comng.



Louise.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sobe1ove GG

Neither. If he completely changed who he was, then he wouldn't be him, now would he? At least the him that I know. THAT'S why.

---

while the outward would be different the soul is genderless. JMO though!



Louise.

[SIZE="3"]Yes Lousie, the soul is genderless, I like that Thank you for your post. My wife is Bi also but she isn't comfortable with me going that far and quite frankly niether am I.[/SIZE]

It would be a deal breaker for my wife, she has already told me she would not be able to handle that choice.
Ivey

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Carin's Wife GG

both TGs and SOs/GGs.

How many of you see yourselves together if the TG person were to undergo an actual SRS?


Louise.

---

My wife of 20 years made that clear almost at the start. No surgery of any kind, no hormones, and absolutley no SRS. Heck at first it took me a year to talk her into letting me shave my arms and chest.
I'm OK with this though - I'm at a good place in my life that I will not risk. I love my family, I love my job - it tjus doesn't get any gooder than this!

Kim

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TxKimberly

My wife of 20 years made that clear almost at the start. No surgery of any kind, no hormones, and absolutley no SRS. Heck at first it took me a year to talk her into letting me shave my arms and chest.
I'm OK with this though - I'm at a good place in my life that I will not risk. I love my family, I love my job - it tjus doesn't get any gooder than this!

Kim

---

you do NOT look old enough to be married 20 years!!!


Louise.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by KimberlyS

...
And a big one is how physically intimate they need to be, how they need to be intimate, and how flexible is their needs.

Then add time and change and answers can change greatly.

Answering a question like this is like answering many other what if types of questions. What would you do if your spouse was in a major accident causing some type of major physical change in them. The answers are only a guess based on how one currently feels. If it ever happened the result could be greatly different.

I have been blessed with a wonderful wife. But if I was TS she would have most likely been gone long ago.

---

Time and Change Kimberly. I so agree with you. There was a time for us when hormones or SRS were so out of the question. There was a time for me when physical intimacy was a necessary part for our 'connection' to work (possibly a compensation for unevolved self awareness, possibly not). Now all that seems to be much less of an issue. I believe that sexual satisfaction is more cerebral than genital and intimacy takes a new dimension, but it took a long time to get there.

As for me pesonally going the road of hormones and SRS, well I am way to busy and broke to even put any mental energy into that at the moment. Check back in a few years.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Carin's Wife GG

you do NOT look old enough to be married 20 years!!!


Louise.:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

---

I KNEW I liked you Louise! I'm sure I'm far from alone in this, but these days I want to cry when I look in the mirror. I've never been what I considered an atractive man, but at 42 I've long since come to terms with that. I HAVE always thought I was a reasonably pretty girl. The bad news is that the skin is degrading, the wrinkles have struck, and I deplore what my age is doing to my face. Sounds pretty vain huh?

Kim

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sharon

So what those of you who are saying that SRS is a dealbreaker is that a penis is more important to you than love? Or is it the embarrassment you will feel being seen in a relationship with another woman?

---

The penis ranks right up there equal to love. It is what heterosexual love is all about. Without it all you have is friendship. It is a HUGE sacrifice to make for someone. To live without male/female sex would be too big of a sacrifice. I could remain in a loving friendship but it would not be sexually satifying and I would want to be free to seek the life that I was encoded for. One with a MAN as a partner. Yes it would be a deal breaker for me. I don't feel bad about it either, I'm just honest. Why should the transexual be the only one to seek out and become who they want to be? I have the same right to knowledge truth and happiness. Its boils down to way more than choosing love over a penis. :hugs: Kitty

Survey says......................

My wife has also read this thread, and while not entirely sure, and seeing how where we live srs is probably out of the question, her answer is yes, as is mine...
SRS or no SRS, she would still consider me to be exactly who I am...ME...

For better or worse, richer or poorer, male or female...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kittypw GG

To live without male/female sex would be too big of a sacrifice. I could remain in a loving friendship but it would not be sexually satifying and I would want to be free to seek the life that I was encoded for.

---

I know what you are saying Kitty, And this reply is not meant to stir up any trouble. But I find myself sitting here thinking. What would be so differant if my wife were to get a penis bolted on. Since our last child her drive has been almost non existant. She would still be the same person I married, And the love is still there without the intimace. Sure it is not as strong, but it is still there. I will admit that there have been time that I would have loved to find someone that still wants those intimate moments. But for me at least true love still wins over those animalistic desires.
:2c:

Yes i have consider SRS and my wife knows how I feel about becoming a Female.. She ok with it because she knows I am going through the Hormones now.. Life has been better for the both of us over the last Year!!!
She looks at me at as a man Now Til I go through the SRS !!

Have A Great Day :hugs:

Kim