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As someone who just found out now (a week ago), I would have preferred the upfront method to finding out on my own and assuming something much worse was going on. My SO has had urges for most of her life, but only gave into them furtively and with a lot of guilt until recently. It's really sad to think of all the pain that could been avoided for both of us.
Dee
I believe that not all secrets need to be shared with others including SO's. However, you are enterring into a contract with each other. In this case and due to the nature and potential negative impact that your secret may have to a contractual long term relationship, truth is called for. That truth as stated in some of the posts above, is not only that you have cross dressed in the past, have stopped for now (or is it almost stopped?), and that you may have some future desire to dress again. Yes, it may be a deal breaker for her, but for you it could also be a saviour to you in disguise. If she over reacts negatively, your secret may not be that anymore to your friends, family and those that you love. Good luck in whatever you decide.
I don't think you should tell her. Wait until you have three kids, and she wants alimony, child support, and the house, and she hates you so much the whole town not only knows, but she painted you as some depraved sicko! Then she can bring it up in court and to the newspapers. :eek:
Tell her.
Told my wife early when we were dating. She was accepting and it has worked out well. She now has a part time girl friend to go shopping with etc. Tell her, the sooner the better. Its been said here before, no secrets.
Shawna
You DO NEED to tell. Knowing first hand what can happen if you wait,,, lets just say "IT AINT PRETTY". My SO and I are still married, but even after about 15 years of knowing that has and will not erase the first 20 years of deception.
TELL HER, it will not hurt as much now(either of you), as it will if you wait.
Be ready for several hundred questions within about a 3 second time frame tho.
I like amandachick's advice......been there done that one !
I can't believe this still comes up. If you ain't married yet TELL her ..... no brainer here. (Which reminds me of the time I told my ex of a car for sale at a ridiculously low price..."Honey, anyone one with half a brain would buy this car immediately" to which she replied "What would a person with a whole brain do?" )
Emily Ann
I agree that you should tell and not wait 33 years like I did , but what about education of what exactly crossdressing is and why we doing it ????
The fear of the crossdresser is that she walk away saying " I am not marrying a freak on heels !!!!" Not willing even to discuss this because there might be enough candidates waiting for her. It is all depending on the character of the SO how the reaction will be.
Nobody tells de SO that mostly the crossdresser is the best candidate for marriage because you can be sure he is not a control freak, not a wife beater, not a pedofile and mostly not gay.
A CD is a person with eye for beauty , sensitive , kind for others, open minded, knows how it is to walk on heels and understand how long it takes to put on the make up.
Most important is the CD respect women and also , if heterosexual, he is good in sex.
What can you have better than this ???
My husband told me many years before we were ever able to think of getting married. I'm so very happy that we got married without ANY secrets. Big secrets are bad and have a HUGE tendancy to ruin a relationship, and for you this is a big secret. Put the high heel on the other foot sweetie. What if the situation were reversed? Wouldn't you want her to trust you enough to tell you?