I need answers about my cd boyfriend...please

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Originally Posted by jam1973

ALSO....since I am learning and I want to be more supportive. I would also like to know if I call him a her and when.
We are able to be completely open and honest with each other.
I will, from your replys, have a heart to heart talk with him/her (sorry about putting both him and her I really have no idea which is appropriate). I also am not scared of his , lack of better terminology, coming out and my feelings involved with that. I am more concerned about me falling for a person, that will in the end, not be 100% fullfilled by me and will find his desires of another man are stronger than the relationship with me.
Keep in mind our relationship is only a couple weeks into it. I appologize if some of my questions seem out of the ordinary. I do want to be there for him, and help him and myself better deal with emotions that we may have or will have.
In my heart and mind he/she is the perfect PERSON for me.

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A lot of us still think like guys! We're trying to help u solve your problem and answer your questions.

In fact, your post should create more questions, than answers! These r the questions u need to ask him, and yourself. U can learn a lot about CD lifestyles from this site. But, we r as diverse a group as just about any other group with thousands of different folks. About the only thing we have in common, is the clothes we occasionally wear!

And please excuse the folks who thot u mite be a troll. U seem so unbelievably accepting, understanding, and sweet. U r like the GG many of us dream of meeting!

Let me ask u a question that many here would like to ask, "Do u have a single sis?" Or, in my case, is your mom single?

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Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter

Hunnie, you are in the right place! I'm a GG as well and in a similar relationship with a cder that didn't come out to a girlfriend prior to me. Although I have had friends almost all my life that cd, its different for everyone.

First, there is a lot of self exploration involved for both you and your tgirl. Don't obsess over the "what ifs" because life can change in a heartbeat and not have anything to do with cding. Learning, experiencing and growing together allows you both to form a strong bond.

Second, if you are the first he's opened up to, then rest assured its not his intention to use you. He's trying to do the right thing and be honest and open. Ask any cder here, that's a HUGE step in the trust department.

Third, there is a LOT of information all over this site. You might be interested in a few threads even I've started, as many I post, deal with subjects other GGs have mentioned to me. (I'm a bit of a big mouth, lol)

Lastly, I have to give you praise. True acceptance of another is an amazing thing. Wanting to help them grow as a person is truly beautiful. Is it possible that you help him achieve his goals in cding? Sure. Will he leave you afterwards? Its possible but not likely if he's trying to be so open with you now. Is he bi? Would it be horrible if he was? Life is what you make of it. All these questions can only be answered by time. If you don't take the chance, you could miss out on an amazing experience.

And for the record... I was my ex-husband's "bridge" and it collapsed because of his own self loathing. This site helped me realize it truly had nothing to do with me. And despite how it ended, I wouldn't have given up a moment of the experience. :)

Best of luck!

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Well said, DemonicDaughter!

I think we vary so much along the spectrum of gender identity that you will get any answer you want to believe. I don't know about your boyfriend, but I can give you my feelings about this: I think of myself as a man who likes to wear women's clothing. This site has helped me accept that more readily, but it still strikes me as a little odd...

I had recently had a friend who became a lover and a steady presence in my life. However, we decided we were not going to fall deeply in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together. However, we still get together pretty regularly just to talk. She is now a friend "with benefits." Some time after we ended that part of our association, I told her I was a CD. Turns out, she was fully accepting. I can be dressed either way when we are together. I would say that if anything, we have become closer and more free in conversation since my revelation.

The above serves to set the stage for one answer to your questions. I have known I like women's clothing since I was six, a half-century ago. Only in the last couple years have I really begun to accept myself. Having another person know, with an improvement in our relationship as a result, astonishes me and fills me with gratitude. While I've always wondered what it would be like to actually be a woman, I am pretty comfortable with being a man also. I have no desire to actually become a woman at this point. I have to think that if I knew at 15 what I know now, that might be different.

Like others here, I suggest that you ask, directly, the questions you have. He may have to think about the answers and be unable to provide them at the time, but he needs to know your concerns.

Sorry to have been so long-winded...

Lee

You are what you are honey....it takes someone to objectify you to make you something else...yes you CAN objectify yourself.

If, however, you simply show up as you are, accept what you do, and set boundaries around what you don't accept you will have a short, or a long, or an eternal adventure being and (re-)discovering yourself with another person who is (re-)discovering him/her-self.

If there is a particular future you need to have and it isn't in there somewhere, well you have a choice to make.

Whatever you do, be yourself. Parting with others is very sad. Parting with yourself is tragic...the greater part of dying, actually.

:hugs:

She's a lucky Guy to have had you, whatever you choose to do.

:rose: Roberta :rose:

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Originally Posted by lisa_e_love

As someone who has kind of been hurt in a LTR because my CDing didn't fly well with her, let me first say that I think it's awesome that you're so accepting of his habits.

That being said, sometimes accepting and running along with it when you know it's going somewhere you're uncomfortable with would be more detrimental to him emotionally than to just be up front now and lay out clear boundaries.

From your brief description of the way he talks about transitioning it sounds like there's a lot more information underneath the surface that he should be telling you to help you decide if this relationship is right for you.

So I'd suggest a more proactive approach. You don't have to be mean about it but I think you should tell him honestly how you feel and your concerns about being a bridge. If you would leave him if he became a woman, TELL HIM NOW. That way you don't spend months in a relationship waiting for him to decide to transition and then leave him feeling betrayed. If you suspect you might be a bridge, TELL HIM NOW. From personal experience, I really really really strongly suggest laying out your personal boundaries now. That way, if he knows he HAS to cross them because of who he is, he should be honest and forthright enough to come out and tell you that he doesn't think it will work between the two of you.

That's really the only way to get him to talk. If he likes you and wants to keep you he might not tell you "dealbreakers" (hoping that you won't care in the long run) unless you come out and say "here are my dealbreakers."

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ive been through this also, and i feel its because she never set those boundaries. please tell him/her what you are and are not willing to support, tolerate, participate in, and accept. and please dont just tell them once, but many times. you can set limits in a loving way, and if those limits are ignored, tell them every time, and by all means, dont be afraid to let them know where you stand, even if you have to tell them you will leave them if it was to continue without resolution.

You are only 2 weeks into a friendship/relationship. I would suggest you not worry too much about the what ifs and just enjoy getting to know him while he enjoys getting to know you. The ability to talk about things openly is a definite plus. Most people are too insecure in the own feelings to be truly honest with others. Only time will tell what will happen.

HI Jam... glad you found us. :hugs: For as early in the relationship that the two of you are, you have progressed rather well. But honestly, we can't answer any of the questions you have posed here... only your BF can do that. I've been married to the same wonderful woman for over 39 years. She knows about this part (CDing/TG) of my life and has been helpful and encouraging. We got to this point because we trust our very lives with one another. We talk to one another everyday! You've said that you don't want to get your heart broken (who does?). Then continue to do what you have been doing. Tell you BF of your fears, your dreams, your desires. See if there is a shared goal in them. You've talked a lot about what s/he wants... what is it that YOU want? Is s/he willing to support those things as well?

I'm an incurable romantic! I really believe that love can conquer all. But that love has to be real, it has to be mutual, and it has to be 100%. I cannot over-stress the need to not just talk, but to communicate with one another. Please do let us know how things go. You have already made a lot of friends here!

Hi Jam, Maybe it's too early to tell just yet. You say the relationship has only been going on for what,2 weeks? He's very lucky to have you! If this relationship developes into something more maybe you should go ahead and be a little bossy and tell him/her that you accept his CD'ing 100%,lock,stock and barrel but that you want a one-on-one relationship and that you want him to yourself. None of this "bridge" stuff. But get to know eachother for awhile.

I do want a long term relationship.
I would not mind if he transitioned, I care about the person not the gender.
No he is not attracted to masculenity.

I plan on staying in this forum and getting support like I have fom all of you. Every one of you have been incredibly helpful. I told "Brandi" that I joined this form so I could understand on a deeper level and she said that will join also to help herself.
I wanted to ask questions to others first cause I didn't want him to feel pressure to answer my questions. I know he just opened up for the first time and I am sure he is full of all sorts of emotions. I want to support his emotions. I want to know how to go about it. Thanks to everyone here I feel more confident about talking about what we both need in a relationship and deserve.
We are meeting sunday and I will definately be having "girl talk". I will also let every one know how it went.
Your support and understanding means the world to me!!!
Thank you ALL !!!

this is a a pic of me Jam and my so Brandi!

Glad to read that your workin on it Jam and you both have spoken about it. I look forward to meeting your SO :hugs:
Kim
xxx

Our talk went GREAT!!!
It was so easy to talk to Brandi. I was amazed how understanding she is as well. Iam not used to being able to discuss my fears and have them heard verses being ignored. I see us together for a very long time. I am sure questions will still appear from time to time. For now I am going to enjoy this great person who has walked , gracefully, into my life.

Our new picture together after I gave Brandi her first makeover. She is so beautiful!! Brandi on left me on right.

[SIZE=2]Jam, congratulations! And well done :clap:! I hope the two of you have a long, happy, and mutually fulfilling life together. I hope Brandi decides to join us soon... I'd like to meet her as well.[/SIZE]

That is awesome! Woo Hoo!!! I wish you all the happiness in the world! :love:

My wife and I read this post together, and at first she saw many RED flags!! Now at the end it seems to be coming together!! I believe that you two are soulmates! You seem to have come together and even through a rocky point still are together, hopefully, good things will continue for you both. My wife strongly believes in the setting of boundaries, some here are against them, they have to be mutually agreed upon IMHO. Best of luck to both of you, and we all hope to hear more good things from you.
Scheryl

I would say that you both are very lucky to have one another. Especially him, to have you. I think it is great that you support him with his CDing. And that you have come here to find help in doing so. Ask any and all questions and please keep the communication open between the two of you. And you will have a long and healthy relationship. Good luck and Godspeed!:daydreaming: