Help in understanding wanted

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Originally Posted by jersey

... not pushing him to discuss but what would be the best way to approach this?
I find the hardest thing is he seems so "butch"" on the outside, yet so sensitive at times. I like the idea of a shopping buddy but how do I get through the idea that if I buy something he might want it? (our sizing is different) How do your SO's get past the "scared to leave your panty draw open"saga? I know these questions might seem so strange but its just whats going through my head. Everyone has brought up a lot of home truths you are all so right:love:

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Maybe the best way to get him to open up is to bring him here! When he sees how open you've been with us, he'll realize that you really are looking for understanding, not conflict. Conflict and more confusion has probabaly been what his secret life has always been about for him...

Have you seen all the very wise advice that the girls and ladies here have already given you? There are many slightly different shades of meaning here, but they're all saying essentially the very same thing: your husband loves you or he wouldn't have shared, he's just as scared as you are about what seems to be a huge problem that really isn't, and that the both of you can be in control of this thing, it's not just "his thing".

Your specific questions have very simple answers really. And the small gestures that they require will give your 'girl' a lot of confidence in you and a great deal of relief. Worried about him wanting something you buy? Encourage him to get the same thing in his own size. Worried about him raiding your panty drawer? Give him a drawer of his own. (It's a lot nicer than hiding stuff in the basement or the attic).

Give him a little gift of something you know that he'll like. That little token of acceptance will be more appreciated than you can ever imagine, and may open the floodgates of tears and conversation at the same time. With the beginnings of a wardrobe of his own your own things are safe. If you don't like him messing with your things, just tell him...gently. This is what the girls mean by boundaries. But, also remember, it's only stuff. And as we've said before, the world is full of clothes! Surely, your love and relationship is more important than a few scraps of cloth!

It's all about perception, dear one! Your perception of his 'affliction' might change to see the advantages of it. His perception of your fear might change to finally see your acceptance of what ultimately may bring you closer together as friends as well as lovers and mates.

We all hope so, babygirl, because as even the newbies above can tell you, there is life after CDing and for many it's a much calmer, happier one, for CDer and SO alike...

respect & love,

deja

:<3:

And take the time to read extensively in the archives. There's an education there like you've never encountered before!

Hello jersey
go shopping together, looking for underwear for you pick up something you
like then ask him if he want any think or suggest something .
one day he will thank you for what you have done.

good luck
carolyn xx

Thanks for asking questions on this site. It shows that you care about your husband, but need answers to questions. No-one really knows why some men like to dress as women, or that some people are or that some are really religious, or jerks, or anything else. It is just the makeup of that individual. Remember that line 'Makeup of that individual.' Take a close look at yourself, and you will see things about you that probably don't fit in with your hubby, but does he give you a bad time about them? Probably not, as he loves you, and lets you be the individual that your are. You need to stand back and take a look at hubby and see 'all' of him. Not just the stud or guy in a dress. You will probably realize that when he is at his happiest, he has had some time dressing. That should be a clue that something 'good' is going on inside him. Try to get him to open up a bit and see what is making him so happy, and perhaps, with love and time, you can help him. If not, I implore you to allow some time to occupy his hobby, so he will remain a happy person. Only time, conversation and mutual consideration on both your parts will get you thru this as a couple. Good luck.

My wife found out a couple of years ago and just went into denial over it never brings it since that day and me being a fool also refused to go any farther with it, so yes keep talking about it with him and work it out and I think you will find it's not that big a deal and have him also join this forum.

Jersey,
I have to agree with Patti above. Buy him a few things in his correct size! If he gets a part of his bottom drawer for 'girl' things, and a little corner in the back of the closet for skirts, blouses, dresses, (They can be stored in garment bags) That will probably keep him out of your things, especially if you are smaller than him. Also mention that him wearing your things will either stretch them out or tear the seams, and then you would have to go shopping for replacements!! (Gets expensive....)
This would be especially true of your nicer things and your shoes!! It just seems that when I started, I was drawn to the silkier, softer things and not the cotton briefs! So-o-o you have to get comfy and find out what he likes and then do a little 'gift' shopping, with him along to help, of course!
That is how my wife and I do things. My stuff is size 18, hers is size 10!
She wears an 8 1/2 shoe, I wear a ladies 10. So unless it is a really loose pair of sandals, I can't wear much of anything she has!
Just a thought....
Lisa Elizabeth

You know, he may not have a desire for panties. I could be something else entirely. So, before buying him anything, it's my opinion that you find out what it is he likes.

IIRC, there's been at least one SO/GF on here who had the buying of a present backfire.

http://www.geocities.com/senorita_cd/menu.htm

Hi Jersey,

I can understand the concern that you both share. Society conditions us to believe that there must be something very wrong with men who want to crossdress. But it is a phenomenon that is not new and a man who likes to crossdress can be as good a husband and father as any other man. I hope that the advice you have received here will convince you that crossdressers are as capable of kindness and understanding as anyone else. What matters most is that you enter into honest discussion with each other and agree whatever boundaries you are both happy with.

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Originally Posted by jersey

Thank-you to all who have posted replies. You are all right there a questions that need to be answered I like the idea of not pushing him to discuss but what would be the best way to approach this?
I find the hardest thing is he seems so "butch"" on the outside, yet so sensitive at times. I like the idea of a shopping buddy but how do I get through the idea that if I buy something he might want it? (our sizing is different) How do your SO's get past the "scared to leave your panty draw open"saga? I know these questions might seem so strange but its just whats going through my head. Everyone has brought up a lot of home truths you are all so right:love:

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I think the answer to this particular question is to buy him some stuff and tell him to stay out of yours. :)

I'm sorry, it's impossible to get.. well that's not entirely true.. your husband isn't gay, or shouldn't be gay at any rate.. I think he might have wanted to try and experiment with what it feels like to wear womens clothing.. if he was young and started or older and started it doesn't matter.. when I started I was younger and I don't think there is a whole lot to worry about.. it is a form of self expression.. if he wears the clothing out of the house, no problem.. but if he wears it to a gay bar and tries to hook up with guys.. divorce time I'm afraid..

You CAN survive as a couple. My wife found out after we had been married five years. I am a very manly man, but as she discovered, I am also a very girly girl. Much more so than she. We have been married for 31 years. Like any relationship, it has had its ups and downs.

I told her because I loved her very much, and couldn't stand hiding a part of myself I couldn't deny. Telling her was the most terrifying event in my entire life. I was prepared to loose her if it came to that. She deserved to know everything about me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

She was shocked. She was relieved. She knew there was something different about me. Something different from every man she had ever known. It was she that made me understand that I had to be comfortable with my dressed self. The less comfortable I was with it, the less she was. She also learned a great deal about herself because of my dressing. My wife and I are opposites in every possible respect. But we have both had very much richer lives because of that. She is kind of a jock. I'm kind of a girl. That is not what the world sees when we go to work or hang out with friends, but that is who we both really are. Both of us are two different people in public and in private, and we are both very different people than we were 30 years ago. But we are still together because we both love and respect each other very much. I hope this, and all of the other posts help.

Love, respect, and understanding. Walk the mile in each other's shoes.

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Originally Posted by Patti Girl

Jersey,

Well you could buy a few things for him :) I know that when my wife surprised me with a few things, it went a long way in convincing me that she was really okay with it and that she truly liked me in feminine things :)

As for borrowing things, I don't borrow hers, I like mine better ;-) However, yesterday I noticed that she had on one of MY sportsbras! LOL Why are you "scared to leave your panty drawer open"? What are you afraid of?

Realize that for a man, there is a lot of confusion and questions in his own mind as to what it all means and what is going on. Having a wife who truly accepts and/or encourages it goes a long way in helping one to make peace with themselves.

Patti

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hi patti
the reason i am so scared to leave my panty drawer open is Ï guess i don't like to share my things I have never had a sister and I think I am protective of my clothes

Jersey,
It's very hard, my dear. My wife freaked out, but was very vulnerable when I came out to her and she tried hard to accept it. We had to find separate houses, though, because of my extra curricular activities.

Many people are accepting, but many are not very sophisticateor cosmopolitan or whatever to condone dressing.
Morgan