CD friendly GG's dating

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Originally Posted by MissConstrued

What a great big heap of steaming optimism you are!

Speak for yourself. Of the girls I've dated, about half are okay with crossdressing, and the other half enthusiastic.

In the last several months, what started as making just a few new friends has resulted in making a lot more -- and meeting literally dozens of women. Among those, I've run across ONE who's turned off. But that one is a too young for my taste, and a little on the promiscuous side anyway. Some of them I've met "en femme," and some in guy mode. Doesn't matter.

Saturday night, I was out at the bar, doing karaoke & such. Complete guy mode, but I did opt for a little eyeliner. I had three females flirting like mad, two of them I showed pictures of me dressed (to some ooh-la-las), and one tried to drag me home. That one might have been fun, but as her boyfriend was there, and I had ridden with someone else myself, it was unavoidably out of the question. Ah well. Maybe I'll call her.

Another night, I told a girl I liked her shoes, wanted them, and wanted to know where she got them. It led to a date. Not just with her, but with her rather fetching friend, too. I'm not sure what kind of friends they are... :heehee: ...but maybe I'll let you know later this week....

I don't think I'm the fluke here. You are.





Now that's true. But where your thinking strays is in what you think "masculine" means. Masculine isn't what you wear, or how hirsute you are. Masculine is your attitude. It's your confidence, your skills, your carriage, your strength, your courage, your protective nature.

Whether or not you dress in women's clothing is not at issue here. Rather, it's what kind of man are you -- inside? It's not like you can just put on a man suit. You need a spine. For attracting females, a man suit is optional. A spine is not.

I don't know you. I don't know what you're like, how old you are, what you look like. But, at the risk of sounding like a jerk, I have to say this. Your problem isn't in your wardrobe. It's in your head.

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I have to agree completely, I am married to a very accepting and supportive woman so some of you will ask what do I know about finding accepting GG's. I know a few women who know about my feminine side and don't have a problem with it, sure some of them might think of me as just one of the girls or not a threat because i'm married or they think I might be gay but some have said they wish they could find a guy like me because I know who I am. Please don't take this statement as meaning that I think I have all the answers cause I don't by any means. So I've asked them if it would bother them if a guy who dresses like a woman would be a turnoff, Ok, all of them said that it would not be high on their list of priorities they look for (yes they giggled) but if the guy is a decent, well mannered, HONEST man who is strong in his values they might consider it.

Like MissConstrued said, "it's in your head" You have to have confidence in who you are, don't hide the fact that you have a feminine side but don't everwhelm them with it either.

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Originally Posted by pinkeverything

The keyboard player that I play with is in love with me. She knows everything. Musically, we get along perfectly. Actually, we have a darn good time together. Sometimes, when it's just the 2 of us playing music, I wear girls jeans and shirts and she is totally cool with it. I just don't find her sexually attractive.

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How do you define sexual attraction? Popping wood on first sight? Because that sort of instant attraction won't last long with anyone. Finding a hot chick to boink is easy, but finding a soulmate, partner, friend... that's the hard part.

It sounds like you have plenty of mental attraction with this girl. Perhaps you might read up on how much of sex is in your head. If she's that ugly, just turn the lights off. :eek: But seriously, I don't think I'm the only one here who will tell you some of the best sex of their lives was with someone they didn't find visually appealing.

And you already make music together.... :battingeyelashes: :hugs:

I guess I should have gone a bit further. While I do have a great musical partner, and she is brilliant and attractive, she has been extremely dishonest with me in the past in attempts to get me into bed with her.

That is what causes me the difficulty in entering a sexual relationship with her. So, I just accept what has happened and continue to make music with her, which is very rewarding. Much more-so than sex. And while she is attractive, it is not at all a sexual attraction for me.

I value music at this point in my life, and I have that with her, so.....in regards to dating, It'll have to be someone else, I think.

I have to agree with what seems to be the general consensus. Find a GG who you like, not specifically one who likes CDers. Once you find someone you like and the relationship starts to get more serious tell her about your 'hobby'.

That is exactly what I did with my wife, and it has certainly worked for me. I made it clear when I first told her that while it was something I liked doing, that didn't mean she was forced to participate. She certainly wasn't looking for a CDer when we met, so I let her get used to the idea at her own speed.. Now many years later she regularly puts a bra on me before or during sex. It is not because she wants me wearing a bra, but because she knows I like it. She figures it is only clothes and it doesn't hurt anyone, so being able to do something that makes me happy then makes her happy.

Some of this stuff is hilarious.

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DONT go looking for that perfect gg. she will find you.

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Right. I've been asked out by a woman once, exactly once, in my entire life. Waiting for a woman to find me, I'll be dead and buried first.

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It's not likely that on a dating site you're gonna find a woman who is actually looking for a CD

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O.K., I'll bite. Where do they look? I mean, this is the age of google. A quick search would turn up this and other crossdresser sites for her in an instant. All other things being equal, the same percentage of single women who are interested in guys who CD in the general population would be represented among the millions on, say, match or POF. Or are we to assume that for a woman, being interested in crossdressers means she lives as a hermit in a cave somewhere and has no access to modern communicative tools?

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Speak for yourself. Of the girls I've dated, about half are okay with crossdressing, and the other half enthusiastic.

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So, you have found women to be 100% accepting of crossdressing. Sorry, but that doesn't wash. I don't think anyone here at all would believe that all women are just fine with crossdressing. Yes, if you go out with some obvious female things about you, such as make up, female clothing articles, or heels, you might locate the few women out there who find it interesting. But not everyone wants to be 'out'. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, there are plenty of people who don't want us around.

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If you advertise that you are a CDer that is looking for a GG for marriage, it is doubtful that you will ever find one

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Now that is as close to reality as you're gonna get.

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I have not met any who made that a deal breaker.

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Again, none? They all love it? Really? Amazing. They must have a private club somewhere, and never come out into the real world.

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I have to agree completely, I am married to a very accepting and supportive woman so some of you will ask what do I know about finding accepting GG's. I know a few women who know about my feminine side and don't have a problem with it, sure some of them might think of me as just one of the girls or not a threat because i'm married or they think I might be gay but some have said they wish they could find a guy like me because I know who I am. So I've asked them if it would bother them if a guy who dresses like a woman would be a turnoff, Ok, all of them said that it would not be high on their list of priorities they look for (yes they giggled) but if the guy is a decent, well mannered, HONEST man who is strong in his values they might consider it.

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Yes, and there are plenty of women who have no problem with gay men either, and some love to have them as friends. Doesn't mean those women want to date those men. And, that's where the division lies. Sure, they'd 'consider it'. But I think they were just telling you what they thought you wanted to hear. Women tend to do that with people.

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It sounds like you have plenty of mental attraction with this girl. Perhaps you might read up on how much of sex is in your head. If she's that ugly, just turn the lights off. But seriously, I don't think I'm the only one here who will tell you some of the best sex of their lives was with someone they didn't find visually appealing.

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I've never been able to get it up with a woman who I found physically repulsive, no matter how nice they were, and I've made several attempts at this. Sure, you can always close your eyes and think about someone else or put a bag over her head, but I don't think that's something I would like to do. And how do you answer honestly when they want to know how they look? Lie all the time???

While I congratulate those of you who have found a female SO, you are a very small minority. There are millions of us out here, and most of us are single. And as above, if there were all those women who don't find it to be a deal breaker, we'd all be in a relationship with someone by now. I've run identical ads on personal sites, one that mentions the crossdressing, one that does not. The one that mentions the crossdressing usually gets zero hits other than prostitutes and guys. The other ad gets numerous responses. I'm not an unattractive guy; I make good money, looks, well, I'm a six or a seven (and that's from other people, not my own evaluation), basically I'm pretty much an average person other than being tall (which is something that works in my favor, usually). I do go out on dates, but in carefully asking about how the woman feels about guys who crossdress, I haven't met anyone who would date us. The response I usually get is along the lines of the Seinfeld show's 'not that there's anything wrong with that' as their eyes roll towards the ceiling when I bring up any transgender discussion, usually in reference to someone else at work or one of our sales reps or customers. In fact, one of the most common responses is 'Eeeewwwww, I don't think so', when I ask if they ever dated someone like that. And that, my friends, pretty much says it all.

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Originally Posted by sophieuk

silly question, but what is BDSM ???

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Sophie,

Bondage and Sado-Masochism. Basically, the kinky stuff with leather and stuff.

About the question: I agree with the girls who advocate looking for a compatible female first. Meet, fall in love, then (don't wait too long), let her know about your CDing activities in a respectful manner. You'll be fine.

SometimesMiss---Just read your post. I sympathize completely. With past girlfriends, I've always mentioned the CDing thing, just as a feeler. The response is ALWAYS (well, except once), some sort of Ewwww! My wife, who I married after four years of dating, is probably as conservative as I'd ever been with. But, we were in love when I told her after six months. It took a while, but she accepts my CDing (it's not full blown, just occasional). Make the connection first, then bring up the CDing.

Time and again, reading in this forum, the stories recur of romance or marriage dashed upon the rocky shores of Crossdressylvania.

He finally fesses up, or she catches him, or he gets ratted out, and she gets mad, leaves, wants a divorce, or something similar.

The discovery, by women, of their partner's dressing up is such an unpleasant event. Tough for everyone involved. So, as an against the current swimmer, my strategy is different.

I dress according to my mood and inclination, when I feel like it. Sometimes jeans. Sometimes a skirt. Tennies or heels. Always polished nails. Usually hoop earrings.

For some odd and unknown reason, women are more attracted to me, when I am dressed up. They seem to love it and approach me all the time, especially compared to when I am in ordinary clothes.

Unwilling to fight success, I regularly dress up socially.

Thus, I have no secret, and no fear of exposure. I like it that way.

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Originally Posted by pinkeverything

I'm not sure how to get out there. I'm not really a bar guy. At 37 years old, I'm basically clueless about meeting women my age, and terrified about meeting a good one and trying to bring her into my little world.

The keyboard player that I play with is in love with me. She knows everything. Musically, we get along perfectly. Actually, we have a darn good time together. Sometimes, when it's just the 2 of us playing music, I wear girls jeans and shirts and she is totally cool with it. I just don't find her sexually attractive.

I gotta get out there.

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I can agree with your feelings as some of us are unsure about venturing out to tackle the world in our own revelations.. what are we looking for? who do we want? a man ? a woman? or???

anyway, i do want a woman who is understandable to my needs..and yes i'll be understandable to hers.. as a man or as a woman giving as both woman and man.. not sure if that makes sense..anyway..

maybe your friend is who you should see as more..and explore.. maybe you will find out that she is just a friend..maybe that is what she will see in you.. and then help you explore the rest..like finding THE woman for you..

she cares about you and understands you.. maybe you should give her a chance to be that person you need..and in time..maybe you both agree, its just friends..then she will help you the rest of the way..

your very lucky to have someone who sees you for you..

good luck..

Ms Cassey..

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Originally Posted by sometimes_miss

So, you have found women to be 100% accepting of crossdressing. Sorry, but that doesn't wash. I don't think anyone here at all would believe that all women are just fine with crossdressing. Yes, if you go out with some obvious female things about you, such as make up, female clothing articles, or heels, you might locate the few women out there who find it interesting. But not everyone wants to be 'out'. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, there are plenty of people who don't want us around.

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Can't you read? I said, 100% of the women I've dated.

As I've described in earlier posts, I don't usually tell them right away. The first clue is that I have no body hair... and by then, it's too late... haha!

Now, I've adopted a slightly different strategy, just for fun. I wear makeup going out in guy mode. Women come chase me. That being the case, it's a safe bet they're cool with it.

I could throw in a few entertaining stories, but you'd think I was making it all up, because you're so firmly convinced in your own head that no one wants anything to do with you. And that's exactly why they don't. I'm gonna tell you again -- you need to adjust your attitude. As long as you think you're a loser, so will everyone else. Why would they disagree? You know you better than they do!

Either that, or you give off some kind of perv/molester vibe, and I can't help with that.

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Originally Posted by Sedona

Sophie,

About the question: I agree with the girls who advocate looking for a compatible female first. Meet, fall in love, then (don't wait too long), let her know about your CDing activities in a respectful manner. You'll be fine.

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Mmm good advice. My fella told me after a couple of months of us getting together. I had really fallen for him by then cause we'd known each other some time before hand and I thought he was just wonderful.

I really dont know what I'd have done if he'd have blurted it out before we fell in love. I think my already knowing him and getting to trust that he was a decent human being made me realise that if he had a hobby like CDing then it couldn't be that wierd. (although Ive been tested in this area from time to time)

The first few weeks, months of any relationship is about getting to know and trust your mate so too much information too soon could put the mockers on things. I am assured that there are women out there who do actively seek CDs and I have met a few who say that it really turns them on. I however am turned on by the man I fell in love with and accept his CDing as another facet of his personality. Something that we have learnt together to get the best out of and enjoy as a partnership. I couldn't really admit hand on heart that it turns me on, but he does so thats good enough for me.

That said I have to admit the CDing has caused us a few uphill struggles. Like a lot of you there is more to his personality than just dressing and I used to get tired and frightened at the amount of other CDs and Doms who have in the past tried their best to encourage him to experiment with his sexuality. However, thats another story and for the sake of our relationship he has closed the door to that side of it.
Take care
Bev

I regularly go to the gym. I'm happily married but, I see women there who would date you no matter what... I think. Many women above say 45 would be happy to date anyone crossdresser or not. I think they might draw the line at axe murderer.

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Originally Posted by Marjory

I regularly go to the gym. I'm happily married but, I see women there who would date you no matter what... I think. Many women above say 45 would be happy to date anyone crossdresser or not. I think they might draw the line at axe murderer.

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Awww Marjory,
What are you saying. Are you inferring that women over 45 are desperate.
Hope not honey cause honestly I dont think your right there
Bev

I have alot of things that deal breakers for GGs.

1. I'm disabled.
2. I'm a closet CDer with a fitish for pantyhose.
3. I think I'm alittle OCD.
4. Been hurt so many times, I have trust issues.
5. Needy family.
6. Only seem to attract the undesireable(crazy, druggie, alocoholic, etc.)
7. Just told by a very attractive co-worker via email that eventhough we have great chemistry, she's not that in to me.(avoided telling me to my face eventhough we spend most of our work day in deep face to face conversations and she asked me out)! Go figure!
8. ETC.....

Even with all this, I still feel that GG is out there for me. I just need to live my life and stop looking.

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Originally Posted by Bev06 GG

Awww Marjory,
What are you saying. Are you inferring that women over 45 are desperate.
Hope not honey cause honestly I dont think your right there
Bev

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I didn't say all women, I said at my gym. Many are not there for the exercise and the appear to above the age of 45. Some of them are quite open about being available. This is southern CA, specifically Orange County, anything goes.

My :2c:

I've been married twice, both times they knew right out of the gate: i.e. I was fully shaven, and only wore thongs, so first round of intimacy got it right out there, in the open...

First wife, it turned, took me on "as a project" amongst other aspects of our connection, and tried to fix/cure me of my femme side, and we all know where that ends up!

Second wife is older then I am, and do think there's a correlation between older women being more accepting of percieved "defects" given you're otherwise a "good catch" and provider (and these days, "cougars" are kind of a fad/trend!). She spent most of her career in high-end retail fashion, so a bit like having one's own personal shopper, image consultant! Tho she does prefer I not spend too much, and tough to "pull the wool" over her eyes, due to her fashion savvy!

As to "mechanics" of meeting gals to date: Do something you already enjoy doing! Met wife #1 at a Learning Annex Class, wife #2 thru the SF Ski CLub (a singles ski club). A music school/society might be an option, given your stated interests. Most universities/colleges have various extension classes, so those might be of interest. On-line groups like Linked Up, or meetup (think I've got those names right), and here in the Bay Area, there was a group "Meeting for Good" where singles did volunteer work, and then mingeled afterwards.

Back when I was in the service, the "scam" for finding young gals to date, was thru going to church, but think that's a bit hypocritical if you weren't otherwise interested in that church's services!

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Originally Posted by pinkeverything

How do I attempt to date after many years of not dating? How do I find a GG that is interested in a cross dressing father of one?

Even the pay sites don't seem to have much in the way of GG's that are interested in cross dressers in my area.

Candy

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Ok Here you go for some reason No One has ever said they play on a site that is Called
Tagged.com
Im one of there best taggers you may find me there even though Im not into males But more tg cd and others in there are Bi females and I have so many gal pals on there makes me wanna sorta
Go blind with so many ladies tagging this Tg Lynette !
Have Ball or what ever makes you smile !
Love to all my sisters here on cd.com
Tag Your it !

In sometimes miss's defense, I will say that yes, a lot of CD/TS do tend to think everyone will hate them. Some in society still act like we're some disease or big joke, what are we suppose to expect?

On occasion I have met women who seemed somehow attracted to my femme side. Some sexually I guess. Thing is, when I find that happening, my first thought is always - "Can't this woman get a "real" man instead of having to chase someone like me?" The words "fag hag" come to mind. Maybe they got beaten up too many times by their "Bad boy" lovers before?

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Originally Posted by Marjory

I regularly go to the gym. I'm happily married but, I see women there who would date you no matter what... I think. Many women above say 45 would be happy to date anyone crossdresser or not. I think they might draw the line at axe murderer.

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One good thing about older women is it is way less likely they will have school-age brats living at home, or if they do live at home, they are usually at least old enough to not need constant attention like younger children.

Men are not attracted to "maturity" or women who have bratty-ass kids.
Women are not attracted to poor men or gender variant men.

How fair the world is

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Originally Posted by rickie121x

And I am not only old, a CD, having a BDSM fetish, financially conservative, and only enjoy slim girls ."

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when you find such a girl can you ask if she has a younger sister?:love:

this is sertainly a question that I have been asking for a while now, so thank you for getting it out here. now that I have learned what it is all about (thank you Deja and all that have had a say) I can get back on that horse myself.:hugs:

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Originally Posted by Jean Ann S

As a single person and a CD ,,,,,I find you just got to get out there and meet some People . Shop ,,,,,,talk to the shop assistants and become friends .
Get makeup and become friends . Lots of times the first step is in becoming friends first

Jean Ann

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After a bad break up with a longtime girlfriend I started dressing more. I would go to the same places and evebtually became friendly with a few SA, and when one found out I wasn't gay, she asked me out and we dated for a few months. I agre that if you go looking for it, its much harder than just going about your daily routines and being friendly.

I'd really just like to be with the mother of my child. It's been very difficult, though. I'm thinking of just being the very best guy I can be and see if it will work. She has been extremely insensitive and cruel over the years, but since she's been armed with the cross dressing, it has been unbearable. Last night she said she was sorry and actually enjoyed it as long as it wasn't too often. I think I'm gonna run with that one for a bit.

54, only had a few semi- serious relationships, hundreds of painful rejections, losing to other guys. I went to a number of weddings of ggs i dated and lost. I go to a singles dance, for 10 yrs, and only a few dates, in thjat time. GGs over 45, and I see none who want to go out. They will dance, yes, and talk some there, but the ones i know, seem to want no part of dating most of the men. The competition thing, has been a hassle all mt adult life. There always comes another guy, to compete, and win the gg over! It has never ceased to amaze me, that there are so many men competing for too few single ggs!!! Some of us come from very destructive, dysfunctional parents, and families, were given very negative examples, and no clue about relationships! Major deficits, and loner ways, make it a whole lot more painful, and challenging, to start positive communicating with a gg, who doesn't understand the difficulty such men struggle with, and confidence is extremely hard to have for, some of us. I have had personals- both as a guy seeking gal, and have had myself as CD. There are many guys answering my ad as CD, wanting to meet! Very few ggs answer my guy seeking gal ads! Why should i be surprised!? I will keep going to the dance, still hoping against hope. Someone told me, that I, and others, were never meant to have mates, or marriage! That may well be true, but it hurts bigtime, like an anvil dropped on your chest!

MlleErin said:

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One good thing about older women is it is way less likely they will have school-age brats living at home, or if they do live at home, they are usually at least old enough to not need constant attention like younger children.

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One would like to think it worked both ways. Having spent the whole weekend (and this week coming since it's half-term) picking up after and cooking for his school-age (18 year old) brats I'm beginning to have second thoughts. As an "older" woman I've got my offspring safely and fully equipped off to university. My SOs guilt has meant he can't say "no" to his kids and as a result they're lazy and over-indulged.

Most of what I would say has been said. I've been married for 5 years to a very accepting GG. She knew I was TG on our first meeting and saw pictures on our first date. I was dressed as a boi in both cases. I've told everyone I've dated since my early 20's (early 90's). Only one rejected me for it and she was very nice about it. We were even good friends afterward.

That all being said, I would say I've always met accepting women, because that was what I was looking for and the only type of woman I would date. If you go looking for a girlfriend or a wife at your local church, your odds are probably a lot slimmer than if you go looking at the BDSM meeting. Also if you're living in the suburbs in the bible belt, you may want to look outside your normal circle of friends for people to date. Where would you expect open-minded women to be? Church? gay club? Aids benefit? Opera? The last two are the best bets, although I did meet one girl I dated briefly at a gay club.

Look for open-minded people to befriend and socialize with. If your prospective dates or friends, are homophobic, bigoted, racist, overtly religious, or generally close-minded then they are probably not the good candidate for an accepting girlfriend or wife or friend.

If they were open minded and liked me, they either really liked my TG side or at least accepted it.

MissConstrued wrote:

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Can't you read? I said, 100% of the women I've dated.

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Whoops. Sorry. My misinterpretation. I get like that sometimes when I'm way tired.

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I could throw in a few entertaining stories, but you'd think I was making it all up

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No, everyone has different experiences. I think if you're willing to out yourself, yes, you will come across some women who are curious (not all of them hate us, even the statistics reveal there are about a million of them in the U.S. alone who might be interested in a crossdresser), and perhaps some who are truly open to a relationship after knowing us. But I spent my whole childhood being an outcast, teased by almost everyone, and it's had the effect of making me avoid anything that could precipitate that experience again. So, I'm perhaps more careful than most to avoid being outed. And in the past ten years, the lack of any interest by GG's out there really makes a statement to me. After all, I'm not asking any to share the Cd'ing; just accept that I do it, and that it's not ever going to go away, and there will be sometimes I need to do it. Also, we have to be realistic about how we look. Picture a pro football lineman in drag. That's how I look. Never gonna be even remotely anything other than a great big guy in a dress. There's no way I could appear cute, pretty or feminine, and I kind of get the feeling that if a woman was into it, she'd probably want us to be somewhat pretty when dressed up, and that's something I don't think I can manage. Bad attitude? Hmmm, maybe. But I think I have to stay realistic with my expectations. After all, no matter how good I might like to believe I am, I'll never play in a pro all star game either. Not even close.

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Either that, or you give off some kind of perv/molester vibe

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I kind of doubt it. I can get dates, but no one that's 'CD friendly' so far, so I just don't pursue it.