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[SIZE="4"] This is the thing that still bums me. That I didn't tell her for 3 years. Recently she said to me, "I don't care if you stink". I guess it must be love.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeanna
As for the sexual part, I had that when I first entered puberty but I never felt guilty about it. After a while I fully identified with the gender I was dressed as and and now I really don't even need to dress to realize my gender identity. [/SIZE]
I used to feel guilty about it, but not any more. I realized it is who I am and came to peace with it. I'm sure there many more worse things I could do or be. So what if I like to look, act and smell girly.
no guilt, just reaxing and a clear mind.
Very good post doc, thank you and all that has responded. I have learned and relearned some things here. I think guilt is like a stone, some of us just walk by and look at it, others pick it up and carry it a while before dropping it, and some never do let it go. That been said, I only feel my guilt about cd’ing when I look in the mirror in drab, and think about me cd’ing. I am in my middle 50’s and see some of my dad in that mirror. That’s my stone I still have to find a way to drop.
“ What I learned: don't hold myself to a higher standard than I do others.” Good thought Rachel.
Mindy :2c:
I used to feel guilty because I didn't have "stereotypically male" behavior. Now, I don't feel that way anymore. In fact, I'm somewhat proud of it because it makes me somewhat unique! I do, however, still feel a little guilty because I haven't told my friends or family yet.
-Ms. q
I used to feel guilty for wanting to be a girl, because so many people tend to believe that being a girl is easier than being a guy. After I figured out that wasn't necessarily true, I didn't feel guilty any more. I was aspiring to a better existence. I believed, and still believe, that women in general are nicer than men. I guess it's because they can be, without sacrificing any attractiveness to the opposite sex. I like being nice to people, and it saddens me that I'm considered less of a man because so many people, especially women, think a guy who does what other people like is a loser.
Very guilty. Guilt over creating problems for myself and for others, guilt over not being in control of myself. Guilt over time and money spent. Guilt over letting something that should be so peripheral become so important.
And yet, and yet . . .
Michael
Only when I find a bunch of sales reciepts...
I've learned to toss them quickly so I only see one or two at a time :D
I used to feel guilty, but not so much anymore, and when I do, I realize that it's mainly because of what I think others will think of it, and not true guilt on my part. I also get a very sensual and sexy feeling from my female clothes, but I've learned to enjoy it, and hope it never goes away.
I used to feel guilty about my dressing, and went through my share of purges and "swearing not to dress again". It was about a year ago that I started to really accept that dressing was really just a part of who I am, and that I should stop trying to deny it until the urge would overcome me and I would dress anyway. It isn't really so much a failure to control as it is an acceptance of ones true nature anyway.
As for the sexual aspect of it, I would never say I have "outgrown" it, it is still there to a degree. But my other reasons to dress have grown to be much greater than the portion related to sensual feelings over time, such that now most of the time I dress my thoughts are not directed that way. But that said, I don't see any reason to feel guilty about the fact that on occasion they are ;)
Guilt is usually not a good thing unless what you are doing is hurting yourself of someone else. If this is not the case, try to let go of it and just be yourself, and accept the reasons you dress as your own. We are all different, and have varying reasons for what we do. Yours are no less valid for you than anyone else's is for them.
>>>hugs<<<
Pauline
I used to feel guilty about CDing when I was a teen. At that time, wearing and sex were tied together. If I was wearing I knew how that was going to end. And the feeling afterward was to take it all off. It was a pain to put it all back in place because I felt bad to be touching or looking at the clothes I was wearing. And it was a lot worse when I had to clean stuff.
That kept me from wearing at times and also during long periods of time. Masturbation was a relief in a way because it took me to the place after wearing but the truth is that the urge to wear was still there. The preemptive feelings of guilt kept me from doing it.
The guilt comes from your perception that you're doing something wrong. Wearing and masturbating. At some point I realized that none were really wrong, they were things that I had to kept in private for modesty but they were not wrong and they were both good for me. They made me feel good and I didn't go blind nor my hands grew hair :).
It's just a matter of realizing who you are and what's good for you. Stop measuring up to other's standards. That's fine when you have to interact with others and certain rules have to be watched. But in your private life, your time, your space, it's only you.
I don't feel fine talking about masturbation so I'm making it short and simple. It's not that I feel guilt about it, I just think that it's something you have to keep in private. Even if you share with your partner, it's private between you two (or whatever the number is in your case).
I did it all my life regularly. I had and have a high sex drive and not always have the chance to have sex with my wife. Not only the opportunities are scarce, she can't keep up with it sometimes. We're not young anymore...
Wearing is not a factor for me because I wear almost all the time and I don't have the urge to masturbate all the time. I have to admit that it may help some time because I have stuff that it's designed specifically to create the mood for sex. I wear that mostly for my wife so masturbation is not needed then.
My point is that there's nothing wrong if you masturbate so there's nothing wrong with the things that put you in the mood. Would you feel guilty for watching a Playboy magazine? a porno movie? Or put another way, would you feel better or without guilt masturbating to a magazine or a porno? It's a nonsense.
I had some make me feel guilty about it last friday. It was a so called friend, more like a friend of a friend. I was at a birthday bbq & it was the first time I have been around a few of them dressed, my friends thought I looked super cute (I did too :heehee:). I even got read a gg on the way into the house by a neighbor who said to his friend, "homegirl lookin' fine!" I wont go into the details here due to moderation, but the friend of the friend made me feel subhuman with just one comment. If I wasn't so drunk I would have went home & threw away my outfit, and probably everything else (most of my clothes at this point). I didn't rejoin the party, I just went into my friends house (party was outside) & talked with a couple people 'till I passed out. I passed out with my wig on too, which I HATE!
Well, the feeling lasted a few days, and I had a panic attack mid week. I thought all this was not the right thing to do. "What the hell I am I doing?!" I thought. I called a friend, she calmed me down. I woke up & realized I overreacted & the comment that was made by that person was his own opinion. I'm just being me, too bad for him he can't accept people for who they are.
I feel very guilty because of all money and time I have spent Cding. If I had known I was going to be out of a job, I still may not have been able to control it. But I try not to dwell on it. What's done is done. Lot of people spend lots of money on all kinds of things. I don't. I drive old cars and except for Cding I am pretty frugal.
I am now trying to work on a reward system. If I get certain things accomplished, then I give my CDing a little extra time and money. It has turned out to be a good incentive. But I think I have been very busy trying to make up for the past - oh well.
But you should not feel guilty about the sexual charge. Give thanks that you get a sexual charge from anything. A lot of people out there can't get a sexual charge out of anything. Some get it from really bad places. Enjoy!
I not longer get such a feeling out of it. But I love to dress. Also, I love to have sex while enfemme, so I don't know if that qualifies. At any rate, I have no guilt about that.
I always felt guilty...but not about dressing.
I felt guilty when I was younger because I wasn't female.
I felt guilty when I got married because I hid it from my spouse.
I felt guilty because I would sneak the time to dress and it would detract from the time I had to spend doing things I should have been doing in our home to maintain it and improve our lives.
Now I no longer feel guilty.
My spouse knows all about my need and desire and fully supports me. I no longer sneak the time as I am free to dress whenever I please, so now the things I need to get done I do either as Cheryl or not depending on what it is as I know I will always have time to be me...thanks to my loving spouse.
It used too for many years but with study and a fuller understanding and of course aging I've come to know that it's just me. That's who i'm. I have tons of friends that refer to me as she now.
It's takes work to get past the guilt part
I think Ive never felt anything even remotely close to guilt about dressing like a woman. I actually feel I deserve to just wear whatever I want to wear as a human and people should mind their own business. I do respect the fact that it is a different case in the work place since what you wear is more like a uniform, so I really dont mind it there if I would be forced to wear mens clothing.
I think it is those who insult or bad mouth me and people like me who should be ashamed of themselves and feel this guilt.
As Ive always looked at it too anyway, dressing and appearing as a woman when I am a guy, what does that really change? I am still me, the way Id think, the way id feel, the way id make my decisions in life. Its just what I look like, not what I am, I mean I can wear a tuxedo but does that change anything?
The real guilt for me stems from what I've spent on this interest. Something I don't want to do is to add up all I've spent over the years to achieve the wardrobe I have now. And now that it's time to send a child through college, I may have my regrets even more. Will I stop? Would you?
Karen, you can just stop buying more clothes for now. Dont think about it too much, Im pretty sure we all spend on things for recreation anyway, we all need some leisure, otherwise we'd all burn out. Just be mindful of your spending and not like miss your bills coz you bought a $200 dress when you know you have to pay for things.
Quote:
Originally Posted by docrobbysherry
[SIZE="2"]No. Nada. Nyet. Never. Naw. Nut. Nah. Non. Nee. Nope. No way. Nein. Naa. Neen. Ndaga. Ning. Naheen. Ntax. Nou. Nono. Nay. Nit. Nne. Nun. Nann. Nej. Naa. Negative!!! [/SIZE]
I used to feel guilty about it. But I can safely say that i'm pretty sure any guilt had more to do with my parent's (and therefore my) religious choices. As I got older though, drifted away from their beliefs a bit and here I am. While I wouldn't specify religions due to the inflammatory possibilities I finally realized that if i'm feeling guilty about something that is such a strong internal driving force then I have to follow that internal force and not a religious influence. You cannot change what you are in you're heart, and if you have to pick... you're heart is the best choice.
Your mileage may vary...
Not for a long time. My companion and I are comfortable with who we both are.
I felt guilty and ashamed in the past. Now I am proud to have a dimension in me that separates me from the average Joe, and it has worked out fine.
I cannot say the same about my dad, who seems oddly preoccupied with movies like Mrs. Doubtfire, Tootsie, and anything to do with Monty Python.
Do I feel guilty, in a single word NO!
Why should I feel guilty for being me? Nicole is part of me, an expression of who I am and I am thrilled to be her.
Nicole
Hello DocRobby!
If your situation is like mine was, you are still dressing just for the sexual release. That all stopped for me when I started going out. Now I dress to look good going out....not just for myself in the mirror. The outfit, makeup, shoes and look is most important so that I do not stand out and am accepted by others. Get out and try it in some strange city where you will not be outed and known.
Thanks to u all for relating your experiences and feelings about CDing and guilt! There is SO MUCH valuable info and life times of experience in the posts above!:hugs:
After reading them, I feel SO MUCH BETTER about myself, and what I do:o, than when I first came out here, 2 years ago!
As a late "comer" to dressing, (just about 11 years now), I STILL haven't completely received the answer to this question:
why all of a sudden, dressing up like, and/or appearing to be, an attractive woman, is such a exciting TURN ON for me?:eek:
I know! That's a question that may NEVER be answered!:doh:
However, I get SO MUCH enjoyment from dressing, and so much SUPPORT here, I feel sure it's only a matter of time! Until I can embrace it, me/Sherry, and everything THAT entails!?:)
Heck, all things that I do make me fell gulity. Maybe I have some issues:doh:
The only thing that makes me feel guilty is when I let myself dwell on it at the expense of being productive. But that has less to do with my crossdressing and more to do with my willingness to let myself be distracted.
When I was younger I worried that I was using my crossdressing as a substitute for relationship(s) with women. As I learned more from various sources I realized that instead of being attracted to women wearing nice things I envied the way they can enjoy society's acceptance of them wearing things like makeup, earrings, skirts, dresses, stockings and heels. My public appearances wearing feminine things is constrained more by my concerns over people's reactions than guilt.
I've recently gathered the courage to visit one female cousin wearing medium size drop earrings, long nails and carrying a purse. She said she's tolerant of my presentation, but isn't sure I should appear with the nails at a larger family gathering next weekend. I'm still strugling with whether I should show up with the long nails. Compounding my dilemma is that I'm overdue for a fill (which I haven't experienced yet) and that I could stand to go job hunting week after next.
Ha. One of my GG friends joked with me once that whenever she saw me checking a woman out in public she was always wondering if I was checking out the girl, the outfit, or both.Quote:
Originally Posted by BritneyLynn
I told her it was usually both.
i had some guilt when i was a kid. since then i have come to terms with myself and have done a lot of soul searching. i've concluded that this is a really big part of who i am. no more guilt. i just want to be me.
Dressing, makeup, jewelry, and oh yes perfume, it all makes me very happy! Emotionally, Sexually, or whatever, its all good. Never guilty!
Hi DocRobby,
Great post (obviously) with lots of responses. When a lot of us got into dressing, the sexual aspect was a *big* part of it. It was *so *taboo that it was a huge turn-on. It was a great introduction.
One question I consider is: now that I've come to some terms with being a crossdresser, would I want the sexual excitement part to go away? Would it be worth not feeling occasional guilt to no longer be sexually aroused?
I understand where you're coming from and what you're saying. Most guilt is gone today, but occasionally...
- Rachel
Good thread .
The overall cost of the entire dressing package has certainly made me feel guilty at times . It really hit home of late when I had a sort thru of my clothes and shoes . It made me slightly ashamed and concerned me so greatly alongside my recent unemployment ( which has affected me no end ) it had the effect of not wanting to dress . The desire came back with an almighty bang , but it left me feeling very shallow and not wanting to dress in front of my partner at all . My wife has'nt seen Shelly in the flesh for nearly 3 months now . She's even remarked on it .
Then theres the additional guilt. I keep this side of my life secret from my family . I can't imagine the look on both my parents faces were they to find out that the eldest son is a transvestite . Without running off on a tangent , the thought of that certainly fills me with angst , fear , and worry . It also makes me feel a little angry that I simply haven't got the balls to be me without the horrible image of rebuke and possible confrontation that would certainly develope amongst others who would eventually learn of a tranny in the family , or that guy they know who dresses like a damn pervert . I ask myself , why worry ? Live you're life for you . I then ponder and reflect that if this is why (although my partner knows ) I have'nt came out fully to the world and dressed outside of the home .
Don't get me wrong , I love feeling girly , enjoy the whole sensation of being enfemme , but at times I hate having this part of me which at times leaves me near to tears .............
Ask any person who masturbates on their own in secret if he/she feels guilty afterwards and I bet he/she does. I don't think the dressing is a big part of feeling guilty, no more than say using a vibro or looking at sexy pictures.
From early childhood we are taught not to touch ourselves in those "private places" it's dirty or naughty. When we do, of course we feel guilty.
Nor do I think that anyone who wears clothing (male or female) simply as an aid to masturbation is a crossdresser. Most people have some "aid" to sexual pleasure, clothing is just one. Would we call someone who uses a vibrator to help them a "Vibro"? "Oh did you know that lady is a vibro?" Of course we wouldn't, so why call someone a crossdresser just because he/she likes to get it off in a few bits of clothing?
I'm not indicating here in any way that you are or are not a crossdresser and I'm sorry (admin) if I drifted of the plot a little, just delete it and reprimand me if I have.
Woody Allen says masturbation is simply sex with someone you really care about :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Samantha Kelsey
Guilty? No, not at all. It's part of who I am. My SO wishes CDing would make me feel that way, but I learned to accept it and embrace it.
Guilty? Nope, just makes me feel like I'm having some fun.
Oh yes, I used to feel really guilty about it. I've got over this feeling now as I realise it does nobody any harm and it's just the sort of person I am and I am not alone, as anyone can see who visits here.
I still haven't had the nerve to go out but I'm not sure exactly what I'm frightened of. Perhaps being "outed" or laughed at or attacked. Or maybe there's guilt there too...
L
Sorry to bring up older post. I was actually in that guilt right now and searched the forums for a similar situation. I only feel guilty after the fact I've unloaded the pistol.
CRAP! Well I just basically with two sentences told you what I did tonight! oops didn't mean that, but o-well its straight forward. nothing to hide on this site.
Lets continue shall we...
Immediately after I rip all the clothes off and remove any makeup. Go back to being completely my male self. In fact sometimes I get pissed off and say WTF was I thinking! What will my friends think if they found out! Your a man, not a dress wearing little girl! I'm quitting tomorrow! My girlfriend has seen me do this and shes like...yea right liar...I'll see Susie soon
In fact growing up I went through those phases and I actually burned my girl clothes once or twice.:Angry3: The problem is weeks or months later I found myself buying more clothes. When I met my girlfriend I threw everything away, but this time something happened. I kept my heels. Finally a minor breakthrough. When I told her I was a CD I used the heels to show her I wasn't lying.
I think with me its an age thing. As I get older I seem to accept what I do more and more. The guilt after may only be a few seconds until I realize I'll wake up tomorrow or the next day with the same urge to do it again. Today I also have less to worry about. Back in my school days if anyone found out I was completely ruined! I was a sports all star and this would be frowned upon by my whole town. I couldn't put my parents through that. Most of their friends were my friends parents.
This same concept applies to so many sub categories...
CD's that don't want their SO's to find out.
CD's whos job is at risk if anyone knew.
CD's who's parents or siblings might be disappointed or even worse.
CD's who are afraid the neighbors might see in the windows and tell the neighborhood....trust me I keep my blinds completely closed!
CD's who are afraid thier pictures online might be seen all over and your male name posted on the description or worse your male photo. <<<I FEAR this
Well I hope I made sense. Thanks to this website I have also been able to subdue most of that guilt and in fact this site inspired my new purchases and some serious talks with my girl about where the future might go. Maybe one day I'll go outside dressed to a meet or eat dinner in a neighboring towns restaurant....
It used to. But as of the past year or so, I've been exploring a number of my fetishes within the context of the BDSM community here in the UK - let's just say that I've gotten to the point where I consider crossdressing, along with a number of other interests, almost completely "normal behaviour". I feel it's a healthier attitude to take, and I think I'm a lot better for it.
I certainly feel less guilty now, anyway. :)
The only time I feel guilty is when the dog is staring at me and saying with his eyes "not this again, can't we go outside and play instead" ? I also feel guilty when buying clothes sometimes as I hate shopping for male clothes but love shopping for Danni's clothes.
There was a time when I felt guilty about dressing. No more. I feel good about drerssing and it is more natural than wearing men's clothes. I feel more relaxed and confortable when wearing 'my clothes" than the things I am supposed to wear. I have no problen wearing men's clothes when I have a job to do. But when relaxing I feel better in my girl clothes.:brolleyes:
I was the same way, since she found out and started to enjoy it, the guilt kinda went away. I hadn't really noticed it though since it was a gradual thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by kristinacd55
I feel guilty about my wife not knowing. I am scared about our friends and my family finding out. I enjoy dressing for all the same reasons that every other CD'er does.
I don't feel guilty about the turn-on aspect anymore. I've decided that I enjoy everything TG, from the research, the transformation, fantasies, you name it.
Nope .. it never has from way back when and and it never will. It is who I am and I rather like that.
Now there are those I have come in contact with who will (have!) readily accused me of feeling guilty about being a CDer because I don't take a somewhat more 'out' stance vis a vis crossdressing. To them, I say, I'm sorry deary, but as John Lennon said -- If you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao, you ain't gonna make it anyhow.
However, there have also been those who have tried to make me feel guilty about crossdressing. To them I say -- in the words of Alex in A Clockwork -- I was cured, all right!
Huggles
Toni-Lynn
I am pursuing SRS and feel guilty when not dressed. Any ways you should not feel guilty what so ever if this makes you happy.
I lost my guilt about forty yrs ago. You could lose yours at any time. Next week, next year. WE are all different in both the way we feel when we dress and when the guilt goes away.
I do feel guilty, I'm not sure what it is though. Maybe the thought of being caught, as I think it would be very bad.
I don't feel guilty because this isn't a sexual fetish for me, its more of a self acceptance and help mate for me to grow and become a better person.
Hannah~~