Is This a Choice?

I really have been treated well by most gay/lesbian people I have met. You are always going to find a jerk in every crowd. I don't think your encounter is going to be common...at least from my experience.

You may have a choice not to dress all the time but you still are a crossdresser. It is not a choice. You are always a crossdresser, even when you aren't dressed.

I think that some gay/lesbian people might look down at crossdressers because they feel that they aren't putting themselves in a position to be ridiculed...basically hiding who they are. But there are a lot of gay/lebsians that are in the closet too...just like a lot of us are.

To discriminate for any reason is wrong. For a gay person to discriminate against a crossdresser seams crazy to me. Afterall, they should know how it feels to have people look down on them for being different.

Kisses,

Allie

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Originally Posted by BarbiB

And then there's those who suffer EVEN MORE THAN THAT.....
Because they don't dress in consideration of the wishes of a loved one.

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Hi Barbi -- there's a whole lot of wisdom in your comment, and maybe a lot of sadness too -- huge thanks for the former, big hugs and love for the latter -- Love, Diane

chioce just like anything we do
do I be male mode or girl mode
do i wear a dress or pants
we are what we are from the choices we made to get to were we are now
at least that is the way i see myself

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Originally Posted by AmandaM

Gays can be so stupid, and as ignorant as anyone else. I have the choice to be a basketcase on meds the rest of my life, or to express my female side. Some choice.

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You so have a way with words Amanda. I think its just more a case of prejudice. To be honest we all have them. How often do you hear on here people critcising women for not being feminine any more, yet if we were to to come on and say guys aren't masculine any more we'd get shot.

For a Gay man to say something that insensitive smacks of ignorance and lack of empathy toward anyone else who's a bit different. We are all wired up differently and we should learn to respect other peoples way of life instead of comparing it with our own. How can any of us know what's going on in someone else's head when we can't even work whats going on in our own most of the time.

I can't really work out though why most people see thier differences as some kind of affliction that they can't help. Its almost like theyre asking for pity. Hell if I'm different to others then I'm quite releived really, and if they can't or dont want to accept that then surely thats their problem not mine.

Bev

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Originally Posted by Ralph

it has been established up one forum and down the other that most of us have had this compulsion since our teen years or much earlier. What we can choose is when, and how often, to give in to that compulsion and put on the dresses, or makeup, or bra, or whatever.

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Damn skippy.

I'm sure most of us know that alcoholism is physiological in nature, and generally hereditary. Someone can be born with the propensity to alcoholism, but avoid any symptoms by never touching one beer for his whole life. Alcoholism is not a choice.

But drinking is a choice.

Tracy, I do not think we have any choice in being or not being a crossdresser. It is just the way we are and I am surprised that your gay friend does not understand this. Do you think he has a choice in being gay or not? I think not! He is gay for the same reason that we are crossdressers, it is just the way that our brains tell us how to act and live.

As for the GLBT label thing I for one resent being grouped into this catagory. The GLB part is a definition of sexual preference. We as crossdressers fall under the T part but what we do or are is not anything related with sex. I feel that since we are associated with the gays, lesbians and bisexuals society makes the assumption that our dressing is a sexual thing and I believe that it is not! If we are to gain any level of acceptence from society we probably should be "riding the coatails" of the GL&B group but it is sad that this is so. I prefer to not be associated with GL&B's not because I have anything against these groups. On the contrary, I believe they have every right to do thier thing just as we have that same right. I just want society to know there is a difference between the two.

I dont think dressing is a choice. I will admit I feel good when I dress up. I been doing a bit of reading lately and I found something,forget where, that transgendered behavior like cross dressing and transsexualism as well as being gay can and most likelyare caused by a hormonal inballance in the mother while she was pregnant. if this is truely the case its a type of birth defect. most of us started dressing in our early teens or younger. I will admit I feel better when I dress up and have never felt guilty doing it.

I dont know if any of this can be passed on to our kids. I did recently have my oldest son admit to cross dressing and he is seeing a shrink and could be on hormones before the end of the year. he was supprised when I didnt flip out on him.

Sexual and gender minorities have very different understandings of each other.

I once spoke to a group of gay Catholics. During the Q & A, several were surprised to learn that most crossdressers are heterosexual.

I met a FTM-TS at our local support group's kiosk for PrideFest in Harrisburg PA. The first time he came to a meeting, he presumed that all the males wearing dresses were TS.

You had an opportunity to educate, or at least to clarify. You're still a crossdresser when you're asleep, naked, or in drab. You can choose WHEN to crossdress and WHAT to wear.

Your gay antagonist probably did not think before he spoke. I'm certain he's always gay, even when he's not engaging in sexual intimacy with his partner.

There's always a choice in what we wear just as there's NEVER A CHOICE IN WHAT WE ARE. We can choose to be true to ourselves or play other people's game for what ever reason, which seems important to us at the time, but what, how, and who we are in the core of our being is not subject to other folk's whims, ignorance, or opinions. The core of our being is fixed whether we know it, deny it, object to it, supress it, or flaunt it. What we do in regard to our core of being is an issue all it's own and does not alter that core. J

"We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately"
Benjamin Franklin at the signing of The Declaration of Independence



Huntress

Hi Tracy,I really don't know if it's a choice,or nature,I just turned 60 and I still wonder why I'm like this,but if it's a choice,I think I made the right one,if it's nature,let nature take it's course and don't fight the feeling.

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Originally Posted by AmandaM

I have the choice to be a basketcase on meds the rest of my life, or to express my female side. Some choice.

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My thoughts exactly!!

Yes we can stop, but at what cost to our sanity?

I choose to be true to myself!

I have no more say in who and how I am than I did about being born in the first place! Of course I could choose to fake it!!

Kelsy

As a GG I dont see how its a choice. Thats why i would never demand my husband to stop even if I find it difficult.
Why would he choose to do something that could lead to the break up of his marriage and his family (we have 2 little boys). That makes no sense to me. It cannot be a choice its definitely something he feels compelled to do.

I would like to thank those of you who explained it so well, it must be a choice. And I have wasted so much time and $$$ at Doctors and so much time of my life and so much $$$ between purges and I have caused so much agoney between myself and my wife. I just didnt know it was my my choice and all I had to do was stop, how could I have been so ignorant, thank you for clearing it up.

Ok enough of that rant on to the next, like most I have been cd'ing the majority of my life and have spent most of that time trying to figure out why. it has only been recently that I have come to someone accept and understand that it is NOT a Choice but who I am, much like being Gay or straight. You do not ask to be this way and trying to deny it usually ends up with mental distress. Yes if physically force i could wear either clothes, if phisically force I am sure I could do anything, but if I do that for too long mentaly it would be dammaging, that is why I must partake in the actual action once inawhile to maintain some sence of sanity. I do not CD 24/7 but I am still a CD, there are things that prevent me from wearing wommens cloths: society, family ect. I once looked into a support group that insited that you CD and it must be appropriate, knowing that I was not good a makeup and such I did not think my appearance would be appropriate thus I never joined. Wow this rant went longer.