i only ever felt shame if i masturbated during dressing,when that happened i tore my girly stuff off as quick as i could.i dont do that now i just enjoy dressing :)
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i only ever felt shame if i masturbated during dressing,when that happened i tore my girly stuff off as quick as i could.i dont do that now i just enjoy dressing :)
[SIZE="2"]There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you -- it sounds to me like you’ve found the secret door! Why not lock arms with the rest of your sisters and walk triumphantly to the land of magic? Embrace the excitement you feel, don’t waste any time feeling guilty about it, and be happy that you are different. Why can’t you be a man? :doh: Please don’t waste any precious time thinking about such nonsensical questions – you’re in touch with yourself in more ways than one (pardon the pun)...[/SIZE]Quote:
Originally Posted by ashgagal
[SIZE="2"]Excellent advice, Mary! If I get the slightest bit aroused whilst dressed, I peel, get it over with, and return to the land of Freddy as quickly as I can…[/SIZE]Quote:
Originally Posted by maryklinden
Yes, I agree with you, Why should we feel guilty as while it's god's gift to certain class of people.instead you should feel proud as in one birth we use to get both gender feelings. shame thing is why we have to hide from our daily life ? we have got high moral ,peaceful life feeling. nonviolence,nofake,no froud no jelousy We are a special greed whom god has especially , seperately created.We won't hurt anybody,noselfish nature,loyal.noble,humble leaving beings on earth. In India our god lord shiva's pictures are falleded one half with maa Parvati half i.e. Siva & Shakti both gathered & created the earth & living beings, So It's a proud moment when we c.d. or even think of c.d.ingQuote:
Originally Posted by Ashley_in_Texas
vjaducd:hugs::love:
ive been trying to get over some of the shame myself and with me i think it is a relatively sexual arousal related issue because the shame never is there until after climax
When I first started CDing in my teens I felt a bit strange about it but not ever guilty. After orgasm the desire to CD had usually vanished and so I removed whatever feminine clothes I was wearing, but not any more.
Now, many years later, I am quite happy and relaxed with all aspects of my sexuality... cross-dressing, a bit of bondage, lots of body piercings, etc.
I CD only for the sexual charge it gives me, I do not want to go out in public, I do not long to become a woman.
I had hoped to find a thread like this. I to have had this problem,feeling dirty and un natural. But after a few min's time "and it get's less each time" you realize that your not sick,everyone has done it. Im at allmost the plane the other girl's have talked about,where you are not bothered by it. hang in there. were all hear for you :hugs:
Hi I am another "lady" who has gone through the same thing and has lived to tell about it. Don't let shame rule your life continue to dress and try not to let the sexual side rule your life. It will take time but the mastrubation will slowly let loose it's grip I am a new member here but have read many posts and have learned a few things already, there are many ladies here to help you
Cathy
i will only speak for myself, but i was terribly abused by other kids when young. i was the one kids yelled 'faggot' at and bullied daily. as an adult i have always been very sensitive to any minority. ( i also have a very sesitive, but male persona without being macho) my conclusion has always been that people who are gay must truly be that for whatever reason. this view has been based on the question of why anyone would voluntarily join a minority group that is routinely targeted with ridicule. until recently, i never even thought of myself as an actual CD'er. just a guy who secretly dressed up in girls clothes from time to time to get off. well, its much much more than that.
due to my childhood peer conditioning (not my father, he is a loving sensitive man) the idea of being considered as anything other than heterosexual terrified me. at this point, after reading extensively on the matter, i still feel that i am heterosexual, but a lot of blurriness comes into play when we find ourselves on these sites calling other men hun and sweetie, signing off with 'kisses', etc. for the group i am referring to we are all genetic males- but somehow transcend the hardwire thinking when dressed. in the end, i find myself, finally, in a place where i am not terrified to know that some people who see me dressed in girls clothes (not dresses or wig/forms/full makeup) while out will assume i am gay. i also have no qualms about letting my friends know about this and let them make a decision where they stand. and even if i were to find out eventually that i have some kind of bisexual side it would not destroy me. yes, even if i recognized that i am actually gay i could live with that- even with the self perception at this time that the likelihood of that is nearly impossible. have you taken any time to contemplate this? i know i never did until just recently. denial of that possible reality could cause a lot of misery. not saying thats it, but its worth really exploring.
I think this sums it up better than I can say myself.:hugs:Quote:
Originally Posted by Ashley_in_Texas
I know exactly how you feel Ash.I have done the same for years.I don't understand how the urge to dress is so strong until the big O comes.I'd like to get passed this and hope I will.I spend way too much time getting dolled up just to rip it off and the feelings are unbearable at times..........I still question my crossdressing,why me?
As the girls here say, we've all been through that. I can remember the first few times I dressed in public and how ashamed I was of my male self. Now I kniow that is rubbish. It is about me me, not whether I am male or female. And you know what? Since discovering that, the guilt melted away in all forms. Keep going hon!
I have to admit I was once much like you, but with me I discovered I really wanted to be female. For me that was when I accepted who I am, and now enJoy the time I spend as my self. It will come, there is no reason why you can't accept and love your self for who you are.Quote:
Originally Posted by ashgagal
I wanted to add my newfound hope to this topic. I always felt guilt & shame over my CD'ing and masturbating until just this last week.
When I realized that the porn I watched was the real problem with my shame I felt much better. I only enjoyed watching girls & lesbians in porn, no men except for an occasional 2 girls 1 guy scene. I decided that if I love women sooo much that I want to dress and act like them, how can I objectify & rudely lust after them? I can't anymore!!
That night everything changed for me. I CD'd inconspicuously at work the next day & slept in girly pajamas that night. I woke up severely turned on and enjoyed myself. The key there was I enjoyed myself & the way I felt & didn't think about anyone else. Know what? I felt perfectly fine afterwards!! :yippee:
I just had to quote this post Lorileah.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
I was born with that gene!! I used to enjoy getting drunk, but can't anymore due to the medications I take now, and would puke sometimes. That made me want to not drink too much anyway.
However I do still have the urge to drive a motorcycle/car really fast, but not over a cliff. I'd love to learn to race cars!!
Best of both worlds for me now!!
Dani
The only way through this issue is (as others have said in one way or another) to separate the emotional/hormonal flow that is associated with any physically pleasurable act from the emotional/hormonal desire to be your feminine self. You really have to separate these issues or you will just twist in the wind over it. This may not be easy to do, but I do have one suggestion as a starting point.
Keep one "outfit" for the sexual/feminine self and all your other clothes for your platonic feminine self. Then, in whatever direction you are headed you have separated these two heavily charged emotional situtations.
Good luck with it and please let us know how you are doing with it.
hugs
tina
Dear Ash-
<big hug, girl> I so feel for you and understand what you're going through, I think it's a phase that many of us, perhaps not all, but a lot, have gone through. For so many years, dressing in girl clothes, usually just panties was so erotic and so emotionally charged, and yes, I felt guilty and hid things and vowed never to do it again...but of course I did...and the feelings happened over and over.
To be honest, I don't know how it happened really, it wasn't some blinding flash of light or anything, but I just got tired of living my life how other people thought I should, or even worse, how I thought they thought I should, which made it all in my own head. I was the one shaming myself and making self feel guilty over something which is, in the grand scheme of things, not a big deal. Nothing about being TG/CD is wrong, bad, illegal, or immoral. Nothing.
Absolve yourself, girl, give yourself permission to be you. You're the only one who can do that, no else can do that for you. Don't let others dictate how you should live your life.
Hugs...Joni Mari
I think many of us should have been born female. Now we wrestle with the fact that we feel normal when we transfer into the female world where we were meant to be in.
at the risk of boring you with clinical etiology and psych sterility...I will take a crack at condensing a novel into a cheap "Cliff Notes" reply...lol
Most paraphilic (CDing included) activity has a "compulsive" quality attached to it. ("inability" to control the impulse) Stress, anxiety/depression increases the desire. Resolutions to "stop" are usually followed by a return to the behavior, acting out and then strong feelings of "guilt". (exacerbated by the inability to abstain).
Generally speaking, there is only a moderate success rate in trying to stop or "control" these behaviors. The most constructive approach is acceptance in this part of your life, and finding a way to comfortably incorporate it in a well-adjusted manner that allows you to be happy.
As far as the "guilt" following orgasm...this is partially the result of normal sexual excitement "phases". Skipping the details...there is a chemical change involving the neurotransmitters (brain chemisty) that follows orgasm. Think of it as a kind of "tank" which is full of dopamine, serotonin, etc...which is "emptied" or "depleted" with the onset of orgasm. (you are "exhaused"...which is the way the body makes you "rest" (both of your "heads", lol) while it replenishes the supplies for you to "perform" again.
anyway, when you "combine" the natural resting phase of post-orgasm with your "guilty" state of mind...it appears that one is causing the other...etc. Actually, you are simply attaching negative thoughts to the time your body is doing a natural process. This "fools' you into thinking they are connected causal/effect...not necessarily so.
ok, I will quit now. 100 lbs in a 5 lb bag...lol
moral of story...you are just fine...
havefun/behappy
been there done that.
I think that it's in the way that you use it. For most it is healthy and it is so much fun but CDing is something that can also be abused. I do feel the same way, immediately after acting out, from either being dressed up or looking at other photos of myself dressed up. Once I do that I feel totally exhausted. I can blame it for my lower energy level throughout the day, if I gave up badly needed sleep hours for doing it, if I feel it raised my blood pressure, if my heart palpitates too much or if it has taken too much time away from important responsibilities during the day.
At such time it then can make one question CDing as self-destructive behavior or addiction.
What I think is going on is there are the CD issues which are normal but something underlying taking place which is causing it to become a negative behavior - like in my case I have had to deal with a fear and anxiety disorder since the late 80's (and for some there can be other psychiatric conditions present that are combusting with the CDing that make crossdressing seem like it's the problem). Again, it's in the way that one reacts to - and uses CDing to whether it is good or bad.
I answer to the original post....
I would say you were a fetishist rather than a crossdresser.
I used to be this way. Then one day.....walking down the street in drab (I still remember it clearly) like I bolt out of the blue - I realized that I needed to accept myself as I was, or my life was gonna be a failure. Acceptance leads to a lessining of guilt and stress, and allows you to more fully embrace and express our fem side.
With the self acceptance, the guilt disappeared. Immediately. And that was about 20 years ago. Since then, I've never purged my clothes, and was able to open up to my future wife on our third date (once I decided she wasn't going to pull the fire alarm when I told her).
I believe that, in many of us, we struugle with this. This is the EXACT reason so many marriages fail - we have problems accepting ourselves, and when it finally happens, OOPS, been lying to the wife for that last XX years.
Good luck :)
Well yes, that's true - having better self acceptance certainly can keep it from being a problem.
Well I can't speak for anyone else, but it works well for me. I used to go throught the binging thing often - because I felt guilty, and needed to get rid of the evidence of my "crime". Up to the age of 20 or so. Since then, I've pretty much dressed continuously (at least 3-4 times a week) and over the last several years, incorporated dressing into my every day existance. No guilt. No shame. It's great!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Aleca
ok anouther person posted on a simular issue, the responce was due to the feel good chemicals in the brain wich are released after orgasm, endorphins i think there called, dressing u feel good and tingly inside and when u orgasm all those feelings are gone and u want to hurry and get all this stuff off u as soon as u can But just like after sex if u sit and wait for a little while the feeling will return and you wont feel the need to rip all your stuff off , and it true resist the urge and just watch tv or something to take your mind off it and wala youll feel just fine in about ten minutes or so
only thing i dont like about u saying this is what if he didnt have a orgasm or even try his urge to strip it all away wouldnt be there so if and when he learns to control this even after orgasm what would u call it then. theres people that dress for less than an hour and people that dress for weeks on end needles to say there all crossdressers are they notQuote:
Originally Posted by CharlotteW
Ya think? I never thought about that, but "We" should ride side saddle, LMAO!
Like a friend once told me about something non-CD related -
If you ain't hurting anyone, just have your fun, call it a day, and go about your life.
I have started dressing when I have menial things (cleaning, washing, etc) that absolutely need to get done. There's no temptation to do anything other than the tasks and the time gives me an opportunity to get used to being dressed. It's not a time for glam- it's for acclimation. It's helped a lot with the cyclic emotions that I used to have. :2c:
I want to say that like you I have been cding sense childhood also but had to hide it for years and now I have a wife that not only understands but helps me with my new wardrobeQuote:
Originally Posted by ashgagal
Yep, did that for years. you are conflicted about why you dress. figure that out and realize that whatever the reason... it makes you happy. So give yourself permission to be happy. Only you can. Carol
I like thatQuote:
Originally Posted by Nicole Erin
Here's the thing: you have nothing remotely to be ashamed of, and don't let anybody shame you (and they probably won't--the fear of that is much greater than its likelihood of happening).
Clothes do not make the man, nor the woman. Our naked bodies are unfashionable, except to our lovers, and so we adorn them in various ways. In this curious dark age women have all the cool options of adornment and men are forced into uniform, which explains our male push-back. (I'm speaking of the West; in other societies it's the other way around.)
Reject shame as having anything to do with how you dress--clothes are how we improve upon our unfashionable bodies, and any-body should be able to improvise and innovate on how they choose to cover themselves.
I could probably write pages for you on this with respect to myself.
For years I went through what you describe as the feeling of being a freak...stop that...you did not ask to be born the way you are (and yes I believe we are born the way we are and I believe science backs us up on this). I said for the longest time "I hate loving what I am".
Embrace what you are, learn to say "it is OK" and accept what/who you are.
Once you get to that you can go about figuring out how to enjoy this gift and find peace in your life. It becomes a matter of "balance".
I think the older u get the less there is, I believe it has something to do with something in our male systems called testosterone! When I was young I used to swear I'd never cd again........oops a week just went by & voila! would I love to dress up again! :daydreaming:
I used to be just the same with the guilt and shame till I started to accept it was part of who I was and now can sit at pc or laptop for ages while dressed and feel so right. I think we have all been there at the start.
I do no harm 2 others & feel no shame ! :)
I have had to work through the same feelings. It is like this voice tells me, "What are you doing? Are you totally nuts?"
I have learned to live with that. It has not been easy. But I know that I am a much better person for allowing Nora to live than I would have been if I denied her presence as part of me.
I have just re-read that last sentence. I am sorry if it sounds pompous or self-absorbed. I know that what many of us go through, the sense of shame and guilt, are not easy.
Whatever you do, girlfriend, do resist the urge to purge. Those beautiful clothes are expensive!
My simple rule is if it feels good, doesn't hurt anyone, including myself, then why not do it?
We spend far too many hours of our daily lives trying to please those around us - there's nothing wrong with pleasing yourself. I need my dressing time, it's my "therapy" - my connection with a hidden part of me, and it ultimately makes me a happier and better person.
What's to feel guilty about?
I get the same feeling. When I dress I get really excited and exillerated. But when I finish I feel guilty and ashamed like I am cheating on my male side or something. I can't explain it.
Oh, but you do sound like a younger version of me.
I have been through all the same stages as you. I just never had the courage to admit to anyone.
As you get older, the compulsion to masturbate will lessen and then dressing will become more of a state of being and less of an event. It will get better.
Sick would be a desire to hurt someone or something. A joy in others' suffering, or a lack of empathy or remorse, or compassion.
What you are doing is not sick. You are instead BEING A MAN by not ignoring your need to express and embrace part of yourself. What do you think you should be doing instead? Going through the motions of looking and dressing "manly" and feeling miserable inside, being grouchy and sad? You are instead taking the harder road and being true to yourself. It takes a REAL MAN to do that!
You have nothing to be ashamed of. You have known about this part of yourself since you were a child. It's not like it's going to change!
Look at yourself in the mirror and dry your tears. You are a real man because you choose to not live your life in denial. :itsok:
I've felt shame immediately after I have an orgasm, but within a few minutes, it passes. I'm usually ready to try on a new outfit and start over again.
I have the same feelings too. After i have an "O", sometimes i feel like dressing back into drab. But if i'm out somewhere, i'm not able to do that, and that can make me feel very uncomfortable.
Very normal response - it happens to the best of us!! ;-)
I have had the same feelings. Though I have found that these feelings are not connected to the dressing but infact the sexual gratification afterwards. If I let my self get that far. I have been doing a lot of dressing in the past few weeks and been able to surpass the sexual relief which has also stopped the guilt feelings. Be strong and give that a try, I hope it works for you as well. Its difficult at times, but believe me it is very worth it.
You are letting what you assume society would think of you control your feelings .
I used to feel shame afterwards, but it went away with time. I would sometimes underdress and force myself to do normal activities or sleep dressed (without any play-time). It became less and less of an issue so the point where I would start dressing for the sake of dressing and MAYBE relieve some stress.Quote:
Originally Posted by ashgagal
Since I made the leap to getting fully dressed (not just under-things), if I felt ashamed afterwards I just stayed dressed and waited for the feeling to subside. And it did. And now I primarily dress for comfort and other activities just aren't a big deal anymore if you know what I mean.
Exactely the same for me and for many of the same reasons as Ann's. It took a long time for that guilt and shame to go away so don't despair, take heed you are not alone.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ann Carpenter
haven't been able to check in for a bit, but all these responses help so very much.
And girls, thanks for all the hugs and your combined wisdom. you all took so much time and made such thoughtful replies. i don't feel so terrible now.
A special thank to Shananigans (GG). I already feel less than attractive to girls when I am in drab, but when I think of them finding out about my CDing, oh god I feel like they would scream and call me names (even tho i think i look so cute when dressed!).
i used to feel shame for the way that i thought, and my fantasies, especially after orgasm. I used to feel sick and low, like this isnt me, but that was only when i exclusively kept it a secret... I came out to my wife, told her that i wish i was a woman and that im bi.... now i feel alot better and i dont get ashamed. maybe telling someone close to you will help, but i dont know, we are all like planes at the airport. we carry different baggage, and it all comes from different places