The fear of being found out you cross-dress why is it so bad

Mandy (Amanda22) said (snipped)>
> And I have the support of my incredible wife. To sum it up, I think my situation is unusual and very, very fortunate.

That's something I've found quite heartening in the short time I've been on this forum - the numbers who have come out to their wives / SOs and HAVE ended up with a very supportive SO. I too am in this lucky position with a supportive wife but as I've posted a little earlier, I keep it quiet from others for the reasons explained.

It could quite easily gone the other way and led to pain and rejection for both of us as has happened to so many others.

xx Polly R

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Originally Posted by Marissa

[COLOR=darkslateblue][B]With the exception of this: "my heart goes out to you i wish you could see the world as i do no fear but i'm out and i wish you all were too." MJ was coming across as if life is full of tranquilaty and we should just 'come out' to the world without fear.


Marissa

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tranquilaty !!!! hell no like so many fear i lost everything twice ended up at a womans shelter with nothing so i know better. many of you live in fear my hope is that one day you won't have to live in fear

we are amazing wonderful people it's a shame we have to hide i meant no disrespect

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Originally Posted by MJ

tranquilaty !!!! hell no like so many fear i lost everything twice ended up at a womans shelter with nothing so i know better. many of you live in fear my hope is that one day you won't have to live in fear

we are amazing wonderful people it's a shame we have to hide i meant no disrespect

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MJ, please do understand that this thread has taken on another light to a degree where various experiences and fears are being presented so (one): we know what it feels like to have found the freedom for expression, (two): what some of the prices were, (three): what can be the prices.

If you had stated these comments from the get go and given what the your final results were..the freedom to express. My only response would have been "that's great that you have found it and survived the suffering, thank you for giving hope".

Again, the original post was as if you just flick a switch and all is good. Please understand my explanation..and dont see it as butting heads. I never said your post was WRONG, just needed that clarification.

Besides the unknown.. yes I fear disclosure, but its not a weakness, its a precaution. Its respect for my mother, my daughter, even my neighbors in a way.

Marissa

I think my answer is the same as many here. It's easy to say "you gotta be yourself and don't be ashamed of who you are". Unfortunately, the rest of the world doesn't always see it that way. I was fortunate to have a wife who was OK with my wearing women's shoes, but the last girlfriend wanted nothing to do with them and thinks I'm gay because of it. My family is pretty non-judgemental, but I'm very fearful of being a big disappointment to them if they found out.

I guess I was really lucky with how the family members I told reacted. They've all been supportive of me, even the ones I told whom I thought wouldn't be. The first thing my sister said to me when I told her was "I love you". :)

I'm not afraid to go out, and I do from time to time. But my crossdressing is private, like any other part of my sex life. I don't blab to my family and kids about my sex life, so why would I tell them about my dressing?
Further, many people equate crossdressing with being gay, no matter how you try to explain it. "Why would you want to look like a woman"? "Do you try and attract men"?
And lastly,I want my kids to view me, and remember me as "Dad", not "Dad the crossdresser".

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Originally Posted by Melinda G

I'm not afraid to go out, and I do from time to time. But my crossdressing is private, like any other part of my sex life. I don't blab to my family and kids about my sex life, so why would I tell them about my dressing?
Further, many people equate crossdressing with being gay, no matter how you try to explain it. "Why would you want to look like a woman"? "Do you try and attract men"?
And lastly,I want my kids to view me, and remember me as "Dad", not "Dad the crossdresser".

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I understand what you mean.. There's people I wouldn't want knowing, just because they wouldn't understand.

If someone goes out or risks other factors in life depends on how important their femme side is.
If one is TS and needs to live full time regardless of cost and passability, then yes it is worth it.
For some CD who guards their secret life in dire hopes that no one finds out, well so be it.

It would be hard to throw away a good social status, job, and family just to do this though.

Myself - I kind of grew up a loner, have faced embarrasement when I was a teen cause of a CD'ing incident that happened when I was a kid. I have never had a good career. Never had much luck in dating scene anyways. Family is accepting. Friends come and go. For each person that walks out of your life, another is waiting to come in.

I guess what makes it easy for me is I have been conditioned from my younger years for this rejection and/or embarrasement that some fear and probably have never dealt with. When you are in 7th grade, waiting at the bus stop, and the neighborhood prick decides to announce loudly about how you got caught wearing pantyhose, nothing is more embarrasing. (I don't think anyone really cared but in my mind, that was a trip to hell.)

We all have certain abilities, advantages, or maybe disadvantages that effect our desire to be ourselves or not.
I am more-less full time, as in, sure I don't pass but the world sees Erin daily.

Basically, MJ, we TS are living the life of "en femme" while to a CD, it is but a hobby. Sometimes I wish my TG life was nothing more than staring at my nyloned toes in sandals behind drawn shades and locked doors, but that is the hobby aspect.

A TS woman has bigger fish to fry. We have no choice but to take our nyloned toes in sandals out into the real world and damn the torpedos.

I've found EVERY outing I've made to be VERY STRESSFUL! Mostly, because I CAN'T express myself as the CD I REALLY am! :sad:

At home, I can dress; SEXY, SLOPPY, PARTIALLY, SILLY, STUPIDLY, or COMPLETELY NAKED if I like!:o And, NO STRESS! Just FUN!:D

But, when going out, I must select the rite granny, blending, matching, appropriate outfit! :doh: NOT fun!

And, CDing is simply NOT GENERALLY ACCEPTABLE for those of us that CAN'T EVER PASS!

I don't go around; flipping folks off, making fun of, or thumbing my nose at everyone! Why would I chance that from others?

Don't get me wrong, MJ. Dressing to meet other CDs. Or, going out to clubs or CD friendly venues is COOL! :) I want to do MORE of that!:thumbsup:

But, going to the grocery store, dept. store, or bank dressed? NOT for me!:thumbsdn: