April,Quote:
Originally Posted by Aprilrain
you left out my favorite, the falling into a bottomless pit,cataclysmic explosion of joy that comes from dressing.
hugs
Danni
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April,Quote:
Originally Posted by Aprilrain
you left out my favorite, the falling into a bottomless pit,cataclysmic explosion of joy that comes from dressing.
hugs
Danni
No one likes a quitter!
[SIZE=4]Well I just don't get it! If I were trying to quit crossdressing the last thing I would be doing was joining a Crossdressers forum! I mean seriously ,,, did you post that expecting support and encouragement?
If you want to quit, quit but I don't care to hear about it. [/SIZE] [SIZE=4]
Crossdressing like any number of activities is subject to fits of obsession and then there are times you just don't feel motivated to do anything.[/SIZE]
Dude you can quit. But quitting is on a One Day At A Time Basis. Than you can do it. I quit for many years, about 15 year, and like to think that I chose to dress again because inside there is a lady who needs to express herself, and it just feels so good, and I do get a thrill out of dressing. Than I quit every year and started again, now I am dressed and am enjoying it and have accepted that this is me and there is nothing wrong with me, dressing in fact completes me and I am happy.
I have quit ****ing heroine and cocaine and booze and cigarettes one day at a time for over a decade and have no intention of getting my pretty self involved in any of that false none sense again today. You can step away from Cding if you chose to, you have the choice and can stop dressing. Think it through and you will see that you can indeed stop dressing.
You said " Originally Posted by Amanda22 View PostQuote:
Originally Posted by Amanda22
Oh, that's good. At least for me,[SIZE="4"] "quitting" would mean no longer living; [/SIZE]there's no other way to not be who I am.
I took that phrase to mean, your life depended on it--that is, living If you couldn'r dress, that day to day life was meaningless.
I haven't concluded anything about you. Just speculated about your place on the rainbow.
As I said, I don't know your history, and your above quoted reply seemed to indicate crossdressing was more that just a fad, fancy or whathaveyou.
No offense meant, I hope none taken. Enjoy.
One can stop and can quit CDing,it's all a state of mind but it always lurks in the back of my mind of oh how much better life could be if I could CD 24/7, even ultimately transition. What holds me back are usually marriage and church (I think that's the case with almost everyone who is held back). It usually leads to intense anger build up when I don't allow myself to dress up though. Thanks to my mother for overloading me with fear and worry issues growing up.
I've tried to quit a few times, at least going for a certain period of time without CD'ing, but I always ended up starting again. Now I've just accepted that I do CD and I'll most likely be doing it for the rest of my life.
I'm trying to quit, but too much crap keeps coming up that requires me to be in guy mode, so quitting right now is impossible... so, I'll do the guy mode thing in moderation just for family shit over the holidays.. but as soon as the the holiday's are over.. HE'S OUTTA HERE... I had enough of him... I'm already going through all his clothes so I can purge them because I need the space for my own stuff
I gave up giving up crossdressing...
Since I'm a little kid, I always knew that I was not normal! I used to crossdress couple of time then throwing away all my stuff persuading me that I was a real boy! But I always got back to crossdressing...
Now I've accepted it but I'm still not out to the world. I'm not the happiest boy/girl in the world, but I'm okay with that! At least I'm not hiding myself to me anymore...
I'm on a 2 month break until my double leg fracture has healed, I am a week into it and it's getting to me already.
I quit for 2 years between 13 and 15 - i didnt even think about getting dressed, it just did nothing for me. Maybe it was the close calls as clothes were found or people came home unexpectedly. I started again with a monthly dressup then weekly for the past 6 months.
It is possible to quit, but as others have said - will you be happy?
I am very comfortable with my crossdressing, Enjoying my life, But I do have a plan for quitting, I am quitting cold turkey, The same day they put my cold dead body in the ground. From that day on I will no longer be buying new clothes or crossdressing anymore.
I can't afford to quit.... again!!! LOL How many of you, like me, have given away hundreds of dollars/pounds/shekels, whatever worth of clothing, only to see something in a store, on the net, on a GG, that you just HAD TO HAVE... AH, and once again a joyful slide down the slippery slope... WHEEEEEEEE!!!
Let's face it, honey, if you have been dressing frequently for more than a year, now matter what, you can't put the genie back in the bottle, you can try, you can live in denial, you can bag it up and give it all to Goodwill or the Savlation Army, BUTT.... the genie will poke her head out one day, the urge will hit, you will say to yourself, "I would look great in that," OR, "I would look so much better than HER in that," and there you go... WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!
I think that most of us who have been doing this for a while have been through the "binge and purge" stages multiple times, and with a little experience, wisdom, and most of all acceptance of who we are as our femme self enjoy and revel in the part of our soul that is "her." Mine is much more blended now, and even when in jeans and a t-shirt I subconsciously feel dressed. It is beyond sexual, it is my true gender..... TRANS! :heehee:
Good luck on the quitting, but I am afraid, that unless is was just a short-lived experiment, like Arnold, "YOU'LL BE BACK!!!" :brolleyes:
The real key to "quitting" is the realization that CDing is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to understanding who we really are. Many unfortunately, never get past the "window dressing" to see the real deal.:)
Hi busker, I apologize for being overly sensitive. You are right though, that crossdressing for me is (much) more than just a fad, fancy, or what-have-you. This puts me toward one end of the spectrum, for sure. It's so interesting how we're all quite different within our little group. I'm definitely not transitioning to becoming a physical female, and never will. For some odd reason, emulating a female while remaining in the body I was born with is "it" for me. It is the destination and feels exactly right. I think I'd probably fall into that last 1% of male crossdressers at the end of the spectrum, where going further would mean contemplating transitioning. Neither I nor my wife want any part of that...Quote:
Originally Posted by busker
I am not actively trying to quit and doubt that I ever will. But quitting is an option that I continue to consider. While I enjoy CDing immensely, it definitely complicates my romantic, family, social and professional relationships, and it distracts me from participating in other life experiences. I wish my desire to CD would just go away, but that is not going to happen. For now, I have decided that quitting would involve too much effort and would make me very unhappy. Nonetheless, I continue to weigh the pros and cons of CDing, and I struggle to maintain a reasonable balance between CDing and other interests.Quote:
Originally Posted by tosbourne
I quit trying to quit many years ago, at some point I finally accepted this is who I am and have been happy ever since.Erica.
Quote:
Originally Posted by darla_g
Oh goodness I feel so foolish now. I know I was not the O P and am a touch too sarcastic , but truly ,I did not realize the errors in my ways.
Foolishly thinking that gaining knowledge about something that affects me could possibly be of any use what so ever. When anyone who knows anything will tell you that only by keeping your eyes and ears closed to the world around you can you truly be happy with who you are.
Now that I know this I can easily get back to the real world and judge others accordingly. Thank you for helping me put my head back in the sand.
Hi Tosbourne,
I am joining the thread late but I am a late starter! I also had a full day today (GMT).
I really hope you succeed. The trouble is that most people here aren't trying to quit or have tried and failed, etc... Please do not be put off by any negativity, there are trolls everywhere these days! :sad:
A lot of people are looking for a model for this. For example, is this an addiction (so we treat it like alcoholism or nicotine addiction); someone on this thread suggested a link to masturbation, i.e. it is a "habit" linked to another and there is an association; there is the view that "it is who I am and I can't change"; and many others no doubt.
The thing is no-one knows! The vast majority of us who quit wind up returning. My only suggestion is that if you do quit and want to stay that way, you need to walk through a door that you will never ever want to go back through. You need to put yourself in a place where that urge to CD is truly unattainable should the urge come back. That will require a strong psychological block.
I am afraid I finally (after years of the usual purging, etc..) decided to feed the demon. I am hoping I will eventually gain control, but at the moment I am enjoying the acceptance and am happier than I have ever been. :battingeyelashes:
Hey, Jonnie, You posted while I was typing! Totally agree! I hope my comment isn't taken the wrong way! :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonnie
Bravo! Well played.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonnie
With all due respect, if topics sincerely generated concerning CDing can't be safely brought in here, where could one go? I'll repeat what I posted earlier which was buried in my earlier and too long post.Quote:
Originally Posted by darla_g
Just my opinion, I know, but I hope it is shared by others.Quote:
Originally Posted by Olivia2
Well said, Olivia2, and I couldn't agree more. This thread is irrelevant for many, but it provides very useful insights for some of us.Quote:
Originally Posted by Olivia2
OK, here is The Problem! You can "abstain/refrain" from dressing, but your still going to be a transgendered/transsexual/crossdressing person! We are kind of playing a game with semantics, but what ultimately counts is What is Going on Inside Your head! And, I think that you will find it impossible to "banish" The Thoughts, The Emotions, The Desires.
I think that you have A Gut Feeling, that to stop The Dressing will somehow make all The Bad Feelings go away. There certainly is NO Evidence that is going to happen. Yes The Accounts are anecdotal, but over and over again we read a personal story from hundreds of T-Persons, and it's always the same, "I quit dressing for years/months/days, but The FEELINGS never went away/came back, and now it's worse than ever!" So, to use your and many other's terminology, "quiting" is about certain to not stop all The Perceived Problems you associate with Crossdressing. Because you haven't Quit....your just not dressing!
What to do? Gosh, I'm not an "Expert" but the only thing I can imagine is a Compromise. Accept that in your Head, you'll always have feminine feelings, and if you don't express them through dressing, find some other alternative that WILL work to keep all The Brain Hassles under some sort of control. You try to completely expunge your femme-self, prepare for alternatives like anti-depressants, divorce, and things that could even be worse. Try to at least accept IN YOUR HEAD that "this is who I am!" Maybe you can make that work. Good Luck!
Peace and Love, Joanie
Well, if i could stop breathing and live I'd give up cding....... :)
quit...well most anything is possible.
but why would you want to squash part of who and what you are? to be a cross-dresser - transsexual - (enter life) is just how we are hard wired.
but if you must change your self, then first you will need a support group of former (***) to help you.
just like stopping smoking you need support and to keep away from the areas and people who enjoy the subject.
it will be very hard. but good luck.
.
[SIZE=4]I apologize if what i said was misunderstand or if you thought it applied to anything you had said , but I am not clear what point you are making. Quite frankly I never read your earlier comment (the rant) until now.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jonnie
This site is about embracing CDing and discussing related topics including people questioning their motivations for dressing. That is fine. This site is a refuge because as we all know CDing is not generally accepted within society.[/SIZE] [SIZE=4]
[/SIZE]
[SIZE=4]What I objected to and what many others objected to then was this original statement: [/SIZE]
[SIZE=4] I reject this assertion entirely! You imply I am passing judgement, but that comment is a real slap in the face to anyone that finds CDing a form of self expression.[/SIZE]Quote:
Originally Posted by tosbourne
[SIZE=4]I still stand by my original statement; why would someone decide to join this forum if they truly feel that crossdressing is damaging? If that's the way he feels then I fail to see how joining this forum was a sensible choice. Everyone is always free to dress, not dress, or pursue whatever else they wish to do as long as they don't infringe upon anyone else.[/SIZE]
I am trying to quit smoking but that's about it. I have long since learned that this is who I am and it will always be there, so why bother? honestly I will have better luck with my smoking... at least they can prove that is bad for me:heehee:
I quit a year ago! you can do it hun! its very much worth it.
Can't quit who you are, you can act like who ya ain't but that always catches up to you one way or the other.. I , just like many others , tried and tried and no luck...Maybe in time a break through will happen in the medical field and it will be as easy as taking a pill..Until thenI will continue hiding in my closet..
I have learned a long time ago one can never quit, maybe slow down some never quit.
some one asked me a question "How badly do I want it " so at what price are you willing to pay for it good luck
I lost the urge to dress over two years ago, because I had LOTS to occupy my time. Now that I've been able to slow down a bit, the "urge" has come back in a BIG way (here goes a lot of money)!
I'm not trying to quit. If someone asked me "If you could live your life over again, would you wish NOT to be a CD?" The simple answer is NO. It's part of who I am. I may not be "out," as it were, but I enjoy those times I get to see "her" in the mirror.
Tosbourne, obviously this subject can be a raw nerve here, but still you are welcome to ask and discuss it. Take in the replies that apply to you and just listen to the others.Quote:
Originally Posted by tosbourne
Although I am not trying to quit, I would like to comment that I think you have a good attitude to start with. Crossdressing is not inherently bad at all, but like anything, it can be used negatively.
I think that if you want to quit, it would be best to approach it like nuns or priests do when they take a vow of celibicy. Nothing wrong with marriage or sex, but in their love to serve a higher calling, they put it aside. Not everyone can do that and it's not eazy for the ones who can. As a human, it will be a constant thought in the back of your mind and a constant struggle to keep it there. As a crossdresser, it will be just as difficult.
There are also situations where the crossdressing could be feeding some sort of addiction and has caused all sorts of problems, but usually it's a case where the person has not accepted themselves completely and cannot maintain any sort of balance in their relationships. That will take a lot of therapy to get through. In some cases, crossdressing could be a trigger for whatever addiction the person may have and going cold turkey on the cd'ing may be the only way to help stop whatever the addiction is. In that case, I would agree that being here on this site would not be helpful.
Otherwise, if you don't think that cd'ing is bad or could trigger an addiction, then some some of the forums here could be of great value to help you serve a higher calling.
Quitting is not a option for me - I would be less than half a person. The world we live in is of many many different levels. from the individual who is "turned on" by dressing to the very brave people who have risked everything to transition to the man, or woman that they truly are. The damaging part of this is when a person continues to deny who and what they truly are. Which for many people leads to destructive activities.
I for one have no intention on for lack of better term mentally castrating my self. To fit in with societies norm??? I don't think so - I will be me and happy.
Well said! That describes me perfectly.Quote:
Originally Posted by kristinacd55
Well Darla I will work with the same logic you are going with then. I fail to see why anyone would even look at a thread on quitting an activity which they embrace so passionately. Would reading such things seem sensible when quitting said activity was not something you would ever consider doing?Quote:
Originally Posted by darla_g
Tosborne did include a link to their introductory post in which they said they admired the bravery to live the lives they wish , talked about by so many members here. As well as his own concerns, all in a non judgmental way.
My point is that if society is ever expected to be accepting of the diversity that exists in the world then we should not , cannot , continue to isolate ourselves from those who do not wholeheartedly agree with us.
Reading accounts of other peoples experiences allows me and perhaps others ,to see parts of ourselves from outside of ourselves , and by doing so gain a greater understanding of myself and my motivations for doing what I do. In the course of reading I have come across many accounts of those who wish they didn't "have to" be this way. What I have learned ,We don't have to be this way , we "ARE" this way and the best we can do is deal with it in a way which serves us best. For some , we feel it would be best for us to not crossdress, for others , it is best to embrace it. And for all , it is part of us , or of someone we love.
I did start cross dressing since child hood. I used to take dress from mom's or sis's closet. But once i grew up i started to buy it from shop. But often i feel guilty and decide to leave it. So i dispose all the cloths and stay happy for a week thinking i did quit and now i am a great guy. But it had happend a hundred times. I cannot even imagine how many gorgeous heels and panties did i throw of in the bin in hope of quiting this crossdressing. I dont know how big I am addicted to it. Still i am a secret crossdresser. I do not do it often. But when i see hot girls around the streets i feel badly to be like them. So i head to store to get some gorgeous outfits and then started again.
I did quit last week, but today It forced me to buy some gorgeous outfits. I cannot be least without wearing my lace panties.
I dont think I can continue this after getting married. I dont know if I am right or wrong. But being all dressed up as a girl is simply superb.
[SIZE="2"]I read the OP a few days ago, and I saw the “damaging” quote. At first I felt like writing a reply, but when I saw it in the proper context I changed my mind. I, too, don’t understand why anyone would come here to stop crossdressing, or even discuss that issue. That’s like trying to stop drinking by going into a bar! Just because crossdressing isn’t accepted within society is no reason to jump on the bandwagon and assume it needs to be stopped. Why not simply enjoy this precious gift? This is not an AA meeting, you know...Quote:
Originally Posted by darla_g
Not to beat a dead horse, but society creates these alternative expressions simply by rejecting seemingly incorrect behavior out of hand. There’s too much emphasis on innocent, yet “wrong” feelings, deflecting attention away from actual problems. Imagine convincing someone that putting on certain clothing is a crime against your gender – you’re not allowed to embrace a feeling that comes from within, but listening to voices other than your own, from the outside, is perfectly OK. I don’t think that’s right at all, but nobody listens to a representative of a lifestyle that involves sensory awareness (i.e. crossdressing)... [/SIZE]
Clearly there are a lot of opinions on this site about this topic. I can see there is logic and rationale or most of them. By you being on this site trying to understand yourself better through the experiences and opinions of others makes you like most of us on this forum IMO. I believe that the human spirit is capable of many things. If you choose to not dress en femme any more, you can do it. I do believe that it will take it's toll somewhere else in your personality. It really isn't like quitting smoking or drinking. Those things are addictions. I may have an addiction to buy strappy heels and may be able to stop, I cannot "quit" feeling like I need to express my feminine persona. That would be like "quitting" liking women (or men if you are gay or ftm).
I'm just coming out of a long hiatus - I missed being complete so now I'm back.
[SIZE=4]Thanks Frédérique I agree with your point here and I thought you cited the same example I was thinking of as well.[/SIZE]Quote:
Originally Posted by Frédérique
i 've tried quitting many times and i would clean out all my clothes and say this is it i am done.
after 3 days i would go shopping and see something i liked and buy it so i gave up trying to quit
It's hard to quit after 30 yrs
Tried a few times, but it's became too big a part of me to quit now.
I thought I was the only one that "purged" until I read here that it was common. Fortunately for me most of my purges were simply easily replaced items. I began to ask after I purged, and went back to it, if I enjoyed the things I purged or the "hunt" for new things. Anyway, keep them, bury them, rent a storage room, put them in your mother's attic. You will come back to them. Now if you find out they were tacky, then give them to the Kidney Foundation and write them off on your taxes.
Quitting is not an option. A day never passes that I do not think about dressing. Recently, I have been able to stop that inner voice which drove me to wearing bras 24/7. That was all I thought about. In the past, wearing a sports bra daily was common for me. Now I put one on and it is not long before I take it off. It just does not seem right. I am now down wearing panties, leggings, shirts and lipstick. The issue is how to live with crossdressing and not have it destroy your life. Cross dressing was fun and enjoyable when I single or married with young kids. Those kids are now teenagers and almost as tall as me. One of the rules I live by is not in front of the kids.
The older I get the less I care about what other people think or care. The only opinion that matters is my wife's and my kids. Having purged in the past and finding it solved nothing was not the answer. Realizing who and what I am has helped. Everyone on this site at one point in their life has wanted the urge to crossdress to go away. How they have dealt with that inner struggle has defined who they are. For me, acceptance has helped me find inner peace.
I quit trying to quit
god I've tried to quit so many times. It just will not happen, I've quit smoking smokes. I do not drink lol! this is one thing that is part of me forever I believe. I guess I'm really a girl thats stuck in a mans body LOL!
I've stripped the response to my question from a multi-quote as Olivia was addressing various comments. My suggestion was to find something that provided as much enjoyment, satisfaction and positive feelings as a potential substitute for crossdressing. I am fortunate to have a good core group of male friends with whom I can share the stresses of life. While that addresses some of what I get from crossdressing, it is only one facet of a complex set of behaviors. There is so much rolled up into the crossdressing experience that it seems to be more than the sum of it's parts, and that makes it very hard to replace with activities or behaviors that get at only one piece of this puzzle.Quote:
Originally Posted by Olivia2
I went several years as my career and family were developing where I did not crossdress. All of that was very fullfilling and satisfied my needs, but I kept an eye out for something more all the time. Adventures, creative activities and work toward a better understanding of my relationships all were positive and meant a lot to me, but I still ended up crossdressing again. There is something very complex and, dare I say, seductive about this that I have been unable to replace with any other individual or group of behaviors. I guess I haven't been trying very hard either.
I have a question about alternative sites to this. When someone comes here as part of their effort to quit, can anyone direct them to a "crossdressers anon" site where the support they are looking for can be found?
Quitting
I remember the thrill of putting on my first piece of lingerie when I was in my early teens. However, I'm still in the closet and don't see myself going public anytime soon. Like many of my sisters, I've felt the occasional guilt of not doing the "Man Thing" and purged. I've finally come to realization that I really enjoy the life style and I don't care what others think. Being a CD make me happy and don't see myself quitting anytime soon. It great to know that there so many more like me who support this position.
Carmon
OP here.... wow. I've seen quitting threads before but nothing like this one. There's a lot to take in. Some replies:
- Why would I join here if I was trying to quit? I figure who better to ask my questions to than the people who have far more experience with this topic. From my lurking here for many years, I've seen plenty of people that are in my predicament. The moment anyone here started trying on women's clothes with any regularity, we became crossdressers. Many are very happy with that, and as stated before, I'm not here to challenge them on that. In my New Member introduction I explained the high degree of respect I have for the community here, and am absolutely not here to cast stones or judge what makes other people happy.
I'm here because I want a better understanding of people like myself... who are not entirely comfortable with the urges they have. I think there are others out there like me. From my short New Member intro thread, I've already found one or two who might also be in my shoes.
Being here actually has helped my goal. It's helped me write down just what causes my urges, and it's taken a bit of the "taboo" nature away from them, which has actually been very helpful. Another poster likened my being here to a recovering alcoholic going to a bar. I don't see it that way, I see it as looking around for people who are involved in a certain activity and trying to connect with those who maybe aren't comfortable taking part in it anymore. But, comfortable or not, they're currently taking part in it, so this is the place to talk to those people.
There's so many other things in this thread to reply to, I need to go back and read it all first!