Bathroom/Restroom Etiquet/State Laws

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Originally Posted by docrobbysherry

At the SCC in Atlanta:
Use the restroom of the gender u r presenting.:)

At Disneyland:
(By their staff). Do NOT get caught in a womens restroom!:Angry3:

At the DLV:
Use the restroom of the gender you're presenting. But also, USE COMMON SENSE! Because that mite NOT be a good idea! Depending on where u r and the circumstances!:eek:

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disney is very open... but the reason for their responce is safety of the other patrons and yourself not because they dont want you as a male who presents as female in a ladys room. think of it this way.... an un passable male entering the ladies room, lots of children..... many different classes of people..... the steriotypical responce in life that something wrong occured.... i would sugest you pass before you attempt that one, and thats what they are saying as well...

does any one know what the law is in the state of Texas

Jean Ann

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Originally Posted by Butterfly Bill

Maybe I'm the only one here who does, but I always use the men's room and go into a stall with a closeable door. I've never got any grief for doing this in 17 years of being out. I don't want to run the risk of freaking any woman or child out.

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Nope, your not the only one. But I am a bit different, I never dress fully feminine. I call it my 50/50, half feminine, half masculine.

Anyway, my belief is (and I can be just as wrong as the next person), restrooms are NOT designed for gender, they are designed for biological sex anatomy, if you have male equipment you use the Mens room, if you have female equipment you use the Ladies room.

I always used the Mens room, I have to admit, though I have never had a problem, I have cleared a mens room when they see me come in wearing a skirt and high heels, to the point, they don't even stop to wash they're hands on the way out (please don't blame me for that)

Of course, the simple solution to this problem is, 1 (one) restroom for everyone, equiped with stalls with doors, even around urinals if so equipped, No more debate then.

Excellent advice Tricia! I don't know if it's legal or illegal, but I emailed the Minneapolis Police and the Sgt told me it's OK to go out in public, but I cannot go into women's dressing rooms, restrooms or locker rooms where other women are. At the DressBarn or TJ MAXX, I nturally went into the women's dressing rooms. At K-Mart, I used the men's dressing room when I was dressed up; not a biggie, as it was next to the women's.
Being that my wife and kids don't know bout me, I would go into a Mall that isn't very busy and change in the men's stall. Primp myself, put my wig on and walk out when no man was in there. If a man was just going in, I just keep walking and if people see me in the Mall, just keep walking. Then just use the hand sanitizer I have instead of wasting time washing my hands.
I try to remember, in all liklihood, they will NEVER see me again, as a man or woman. If I make a comment, they will look at me longer & remember me more.
I do remember that in the 1980's, in the Gay 90's in Minneapolis, I would see the Bouncers escorting CD's out of the women's restroom to the front exit. I don't know if they were just "86'd" or if they had to call the police on them. I used the women's restroom there and nothing happened to me; embarrasingly, that gay bar only had one stall and I was holding up like 5-6 women. Oops. Then on in there, which was rarely, I used the men's restroom dressed up. During the summer, if I need to use the restroom or while driving, as I drink a lot of coffee, I use a Satellite portable bathroom.

Just email the Police department in the major city you are near, as I did. (Emailing, you don't have to talk face to face with a police officer and explain yourself, etc. It's easier explaining in an email. I've only checked Minneapolis, but didn't check with the surrounding suburbs and where I live. At one point in time, 1970's or early 1980's, it was actually illegal to CD in Minneapolis before they changed the ruling.

On one occasion I used the womens room because I really had to pee when I wasn't dressed and when I proceeded to exit and employee walked in and said the it was the women's restroom I pretended to be very angry about the men's room being crowded. Nevertheless, I would use the one in which the gender i am representing

A while back, my wife and I started going to meetings of a TG/TS support group in N Charleston, SC. According to the information they were giving out In the state of South Carolina the law states that you are to use the restroom facilities of the Gender you are representing. I can't say I've seen it in print anywhere, but that is what we were told, and what we do.

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does any one know what the law is in the state of Texas

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So far it seems that Texas only has "Labor" laws.

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A BILL TO BE ENTITLED
AN ACT
relating to the prohibition of employment discrimination on the
basis of sexual orientation or gender identity or expression.
BE IT ENACTED BY THE LEGISLATURE OF THE STATE OF TEXAS:
SECTION 1. Section 21.002, Labor Code

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Texas H.B. No. 538 SECTION 1. Section 21.002, Labor Code

Funny you mention Walt Disney World. I saw a very tall "woman" being escorted from the women's bathroom. I was pretty sure that she was actually a he.

There has been time when so other Ladies have complained about me being in ladies Room! When the Cops or Security showed and they ask why didn't I use the Mens room? I say if you think you have trouble now! Just think of what would have happened if I went in the Mens room dressed like this! Course this was when I was frist starting out! Now it is secound nature to use the ladie room!
Loke one Ladie said act as if you belong there! And, if you think of it you do!

I'd say look for a family single type restrooms where you and the SO could go in together. As for a ladies room, just be careful.

Unless you are certain that the local police inspcet what's between your legs before allowing you into the bathroom, I would suggest that you use the bathroom of the gender that you are presenting. If there are non-gender-specific facilities that are not for disabled people then no-one should complain if you use them, but if they are disabled facilities think about how a disabled person would feel being unable to use them because an able-bodied person was in there.

Unisex/family restroom if its available else its what ever gender matches the way I'm dressed. And so far its not been a problem.

About two weeks ago at the Walmart in Lebonon Missouri a kind lady held the door open to the ladies room 'til I got in! I smiled and thanked her!

I am curious, doesn't Walt Disney Land/World have single user or "family" restrooms? I would think they would have the latter given the number of small children there (I have never been to either, would like to someday.)

One thing people often don't mention in the restroom debate is the issue of children. For me at least, it is a game changer and the "use the restroom matching your presentation" goes out the window; I wait until they leave if possible or hold it until I can find a single user. It is a potential lightning rod I don't want to go near.

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Originally Posted by Vickie_CDTV

One thing people often don't mention in the restroom debate is the issue of children. For me at least, it is a game changer and the "use the restroom matching your presentation" goes out the window

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To each their own, but I never stayed out of the men's facility just because there might be children there when I was presenting as a man, and I don't stay out of the women's facilities now that I am a woman even if there might be children present.

"One thing people often don't mention in the restroom debate is the issue of children."

I agree! To the misinformed we (non-passable CD) are perceived as threats and most will defend thier children from real or perceived threats, very aggressively, right or wrong! I go with Karren, avoidance is best then just use your head, get in, get out, move on.

its all about the way I am dressed, if you are dressed as a female why would you use the men's bathroom, to me that's asking for problems,

For Midlands, UK Members. Re: Toilets In Kingfisher Shopping Centre.
If anyone in Midlands wants to visit the Kingfisher Shopping Centre in Redditch and needs to use the toilet while dressed, I received an email regarding which ones we can use.

"We have no such policy in policy you are welcome to use the toilets you
feel most comfortable using. I had better inform you though that using the disables toilets would be difficult because they are only accessible with a RADAR key (a key which is applied for by any registered disabled person from the council)

Kind Regards,

Beth"

"-----Original Message-----
I will be visiting the shopping centre soon and was wondering if you had a policy in place regarding TV's/TG using the female toilets. Thought I'd better ask before I went strolling in, just in case. Otherwise I'll use the disabled toilets.

Thanks for helping me know which toilets I will be able to use.
Carly."

Hope this is of some help, if anyone wants to visit.
Carly.

The only time I've had a bad experience using the ladies room has been in Pennsylvannia where it is illegal. They get a little testy about the whole thing. One thing I always do is look for the "family" rest room expecially when I'm traveling. I'm the only one in there and no one bats an eye about it.
it is something that I truly plan for and is on my mind

margo

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Originally Posted by Yolanda_Voils

. . .

Iowa
trans people must be allowed to use the restrooms that match their gender identity

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I can give some info about Iowa (where I live). The law actually protects TG folks in the use of all public facilities - not just bathrooms. BUT, and it is a big but... the local police where I live (the most progressive town in the state) have told me in very certain terms that they will prosecute anyone whose "biological sex doesn't match the bathroom they are using..." This was from the desk officer, and backed 'up by the Sgt in charge that day. I've gone in and asked twice - same answer. I then asked the woman in charge of HR/Public relations about it and she said she has tried to convince them that the law has changed - but the police do not listen. I then called the Iowa Civil Right's main office in Des Moines. Here is the short version of their explanation for this:

"... even though it is a law now (as of July 2007), it is untested. Due to that, local police simply do not believe it is a "solid" law and are unlikely to follow it. If you have a problem somewhere, we'd love to defend your rights and test this law... no one has challenged it and so it is in limbo."

Now the important part here is in the day to day, what will happen? I've never had trouble using the women facilities anywhere in the state of Iowa, over that last 4 years. Even when I was not "passing" all that well. It seems likely that no one in any of those places (many) knew about the new law either.

Your best option in terms of this issue is to act normal, be polite and don't worry about it. Chances are good no one will pay attention to you.

Today in Annie Sez I saw the same poster as in Nine West. Below is a link. It states that they need to accomodate gender identity needs.

http://www.nj.gov/oag/dcr/downloads/...baccposter.pdf
I'm thinking about having a copy in my purse. It may stave off any wackiness.

New Jersey also allows for people to use the restroom of the gender they present in.....that includes CD/TG. ...the key wording in the law was "gender expression".
This law came before Fatso became governor, and I'm willing to bet he doesn't even know it exists.

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Originally Posted by Diane Smith

I often feel creeped out and a little threatened in public men's rooms even when I'm dressed fully male. I do not feel more comfortable being around others of my same sex in there, and would be much happier to be able to use the women's room all the time. (Obviously, I don't when it is not appropriate.)

Single-stall, unisex or "family" bathrooms are far and away the best.

- Diane

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I would have to say I feel the same way. I've never actually gone out dressed, yet... but I almost never use the bathrooms because of the discomfort. I never liked public bathrooms to begin with, and being around with other guys makes me feel even more uncomfortable. I would definitely prefer using unisex, single, or family bathrooms if I had the choice, dressed or not.

Hi Cynthia Anne! First... I really like your middle name! As a fellow Missourian, I am glad to hear of your positive experience! Peace, Anne

I haven't actually gone out dressed yet, well other than late night strolls near my house anyway. However I would use the bathroom for the sex I'm expressing. As other have said, if you act like you belong then people take no notice of you, this is true in ANY situation. Still I plan on going over to spain with a couple of close friends who know about me. There I will be going out dressed for the first time and I think I'll use the usual female formula of all going to the toilet together!

Like most of the ladies have stated here, I go into the bathroom that is appropriate for the way I am dressed. I can't imagine going into the men's room pulling up my skirt and taking a pee in a urinal, although I do find the visual amusing. I have never been called out for being in the ladies room, and I do agree with the others that said it is a matter of attitude, not necessarily how passable you are.
In fact, I was out with some girlfriends one night and had to use the bathroom in the club we were at. The band was a TG band, so there were many t-girls there as well as our group. Since there were also drunk guys, I obviously needed to use the ladies room. Once inside the ladies room, I started chatting with a couple of younger GGs that had little exposure to TGs. We chatted for a few minutes, although one of the young ladies was already over the limit and she could not believe that I was not a GG. In fact, before exiting the bathroom, she loudly insisted I had to be a real woman and her friend had to quiet her down. I had to laugh, and I also thanked them for the chat and what I considered a compliment.

Glad for the input here. This weekend is the first time in a long time I've gone out as my other self and I wanted to be that person, not half and half. Aside from that the club down town has antique furniture in the ladies room and the wife says I really need to check it out since I deal in antiques. It all sounds good.

I don't have the guts to go in either bathroom while en femme. Fortunately, I found a mall and a retail store in my area that have a private unisex bathroom in addition to the mens/womens. Most people use them for changing babies or feminine hygiene emergencies. But they are great for transgendered people who don't want to be hassled by either gender.

I've been out, not too much but I have had to use the bathrooms. I really do think its all about attitude. I am not very passable but when people see you in full wear dressed as a girl and you act confident then they won't bother you, because its understood that you identify(at that moment at least) as a girl and it would be discriminatory to prevent you from doing that.

That being said, I do live in California, so I'm assuming people here tend to be a bit more open, although as prop 8 against gay marriage demonstrated, not enough people are yet!

I have never been out dressed long enough to need a public bathroom, but I have been in the men's room at concert events when the women started coming in to use that facility
since it had a shorter waiting line.
That was totally overlooked by the security/police on hand, and for the short time I was there (with my former GF) there were no adverse events.
Everybody just wanted to relieve themselves and go back to the show.
This country, society, (the good old USA) is still way behind the times IMHO.
It really should not be an issue if you are there for that purpose.
I don't see many restroom facilities here in Atlanta for unisex/universal/handicapped.
At least the ones I have been to.

As for sitting or standing, If I did venture out in full girl mode I would hope the women's room looked better than the ones I have seen when I used to work as a sound engineer in lot's of Atlanta rock/disco/techno clubs.
I might want to hover over that seat, or stand.

I have always was the women bathroom till I moved here. I just moved to Fresno and I was getting bored of being inside I walk to the local bar looking good. I looked in the full mirror and yea! looking good I thought, I had a chock on, forms, gorgeous white up town dress, markup look good, and was having a good time. Then I went to the restroom and this lady Katrina just looked at me with evil eyes WHAT are you doing in here your a man! OMG my tears just ran! (the move, It was a bad time) But mascara running down my face, I looked up, and meet her eyes! and I’ll never forget the compassion that I saw in her eyes. She felt horrible that she made me cry (I love women) We talked the rest of the night and I still talk to her Now if I would have gone in to the men's? In this town I try not to go I don’t know if I’ll meet another Katina,

When dressed as a women, I always use the Ladies Room, I act like I belong. but I also try to find low usage restroom, places like Staples an Office Depot have low usage individual ladies rooms but I have also used dept store, movie theater, fast food restaurant etc. I also try to avoid restrooms with children, don't want issues with that. I feel using a Men's Room en femme is down right dangerous and think a woman would understand as long as we're respectful and private in our bathroom usage if discovered.

My philosophy is "When in Rome....".
I'd rather risk the confrontation with a woman and some explanation..(never happened yet) than the wrath of some macho guy with his T level in outer space.

I have been in restrooms with women and children...one in particular had these air dryers that were like hurricanes on the wall. I heard the little girls giggling and the dryer going when I came out of the stall. One little lady was under it with her hair blowing everywhere having a great time while her sister watched. When I came over her mom said to her..."that's enough honey, let the lady dry her hands". That's mostly the attitude I've seen from women and it's nice to know that not everyone is cd-phobic.

When enfemme I always use the ladies restromm, Ive been doing this for year and I havent had any complaints yet. I just do my business and leave - NO loitering !

Iowa is a very friendly place. Being from Iowa, and returning regularly to visit relatives. I can attest to that friendliness. The hospitality I saw riding RAGBRAI four years ago was superb. So I would expect few problems in Iowa.

OK, here's my story:
I was dining at a restaurant en femme in Morristown, NJ in January or february 2011, I can't exactly remember which month.
I had to attend the ladies room for obvious reasons. I'm a lady, so I use the appropriate door.
I was in a stall for close to five minute when a goup of real gg ladies decide to have a conversation for a verly long time by the vanity area, I would say there were about 4 or 5 of them........Yak yak yak.

I hesitated to get out of the stall for a very long time (didn't want to blow it) , but I decided to get out and powder up. I said like wo words in the conversation, put on lipstick in the mirror, and left.

They seemed way too involved in the conversation amongst themselves to notice me. ....I hope that was the case. I have no idea what happened after I slipped out of there, in terms of what they might have said about me. It doesn't matter.

I joke to my TG friends by saying "so now I know what women do when they go to the restroom".

I use the restroom for the gender that I am presenting. After more than 200 times out, I have never encountered a problem, with or without children present. That is not to say that it will not happen one day. When, and if it ever happens, I will deal with it as best possible and hope for a positive, non-scarring outcome.

I use the restroom for the gender I'm presenting as well. So far, I've not had anyone say anything if they did notice.

Acting like you belong there is a great way to be invisible, which is to say, be confident. That said, I don't know that I'd recommend using a public restroom on your first time going out dressed in the world.

And, Loni, thanks for posting that site. Thanks a bunch, a great resource.

I haven’t been out in public a whole lot enfemme but last night I attended the Neutral Corner monthly meeting, Neutral Corner being a local transgender support organization. A few of us, including two other members from this forum decided to hold our own impromptu get together prior to the scheduled meeting. We meet in a private room at Coco’s. A couple of the girls ordered a beer and I decided I’d have a beer too, I rarely drink beer and don’t keep it around the house; well I keep some dark ale for cooking. My Daughter loves corned beef and I always add a couple of bottles to the pot. It wasn’t long before the beer made it presence known below the belt. I excused myself and said I had to go to the restroom, and I was told that being a woman to use the Women’s Room. Walking through the restaurant, of course the meeting room is at one end and the restrooms at the other, I was a bit self conscience being dressed enfemme and also thinking “Oh shoot, what if there is another woman in there?” There wasn’t and as it turned out I was in and out and no one even noticed that I had used the Women’s Room.

A couple hours later after dinner and another couple of beers, I had to go again. Walking through the restaurant one of the staff stepped out and said “Ma’am, watch out that you don’t step on that fork on the floor” and I couldn’t help smiling the rest of the way to the restrooms. Then a man coming out of the restroom area told his two small children to be careful and not run into the lady and the smile got even wider. This time after I came out of the stall and washed my hands, I noticed that my lipstick was just about gone and since I was alone I decided to freshen my lipstick and dab on a little pressed powder on my chin. Yep, a woman walked in, she glanced at me and we made eye contact in the mirror, she just smiled and nodded her head and went into one of the stalls. Walking back to the meeting room my confidence was considerably better and I wasn’t feeling so self-conscience, I actually noticed that several people, including a couple older men, smiled and nodded at me.

What are some experienced that you have had out enfemme when using a Women’s Room?

Relief that I've been able to take care of my business and not get yelled at. That seems simple, but it's worked well for me.

Considering that GGs don't consider visiting the restroom to be an "event" I try to take the same approach. I go in, take care of my business, make sure everything is in place, wash my hands, and leave. No real drama there.

I happy for you in gaining your self confidence in using the women's room. Keep working at it.

When dressed I always use the ladies room. Wouldn't it be more noticable if you went to the men's room

I use the ladies' washroom all the time when out en femme, and while the first couple of times might have been a bit nerve-wracking for fear of what unknown problems might arise, this has since become a non-event for me. Never had a problem, an awkward look, or even been made to feel out of place.

I use the ladies' facilities mainly to fix my hair and make up, and when I do need to do my "business" there, I always make sure to sit so as not to attract any undue attention. I've actually had a couple of humorous incidents happen to me while in the ladies' room, one of which I highlighted in another post earlier this year:

http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/......&highlight=

Here's the actual text:

"An interesting "girly" experience - women's washroom edition...

Here's one for all you ladies who fret about using the women's washrooms when out in public en femme :

After a fun day out shopping yesterday as "Leslie" and before heading home, I decided to grab a bite to eat at the mall's deli restaurant, which is part of a well-known Toronto-area chain. After I had finished my meal - and no one batted an eye all the while I was sitting there, nor gave any indication if I had been "read" - I went to use the ladies' washroom. After I had finished and was touching up my make up, I saw a lady walk in and occupy a nearby stall. I was just preparing to leave when I heard a faint "Excuse me, excuse me..." I didn't react at first, not realizing that this call was being directed at me. When she called out again, I turned around, and became aware that we were the only ones left in the washroom at that point, so I replied with a tentative "Yes...?"

It was then that she asked if I might be good enough to pass some toilet paper to her under the stall as she had found out too late that her dispenser was empty. This was a first for me, and not being familiar with the drill (apparently, this is a common occurrence in women's washrooms), I winged it, gamely unrolled a length of toilet paper, and passed it on to her. She was very grateful for my assistance, while at the same time venting about the overall poor condition of the facilities. That was actually a quite legitimate observation on her part, as I had noticed the same thing myself, and I commiserated with her accordingly in our brief conversation. I even alerted her to the fact that the air dryer by the sinks was out of commission as well, and that the adjacent paper towel dispenser was out of paper.

I then finished up and before leaving, I asked her if she was alright now as she was still in the stall at that point - it seemed like the "gentlemanly" thing to do :heehee: . She replied "Yes", thanked me again, and I was on my way.

This was an interesting "first" for me, and I'm willing to bet that here was at least one GG who was grateful to be sharing a washroom with a crossdresser - even if she didn't know it at the time. :eek: :doh: :heehee: "

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Originally Posted by Nikki A.

When dressed I always use the ladies room. Wouldn't it be more noticable if you went to the men's room

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Because I don't dress to pass as a GG, I always use the Men's room, let me tell ya, I have caused a stampeede out of the mens room when they see me come in, please don't blame me that because they were in such a rush to exit they did not wash their hands..

An interesting turn of events while in Vegas with some friends (names withheld to protect the innocent). We had a map of family restrooms and went into a casino as it hit all three of us at once. After waltzing around and having no luck, one of our group darted into the men's room stating she couldn't wait. I then decided I couldn't and went into the ladies room. The third went on and I believe found the unisex restroom. So we had every possibility covered it seems and no incidents.

Ya before you use the ladys room the first few times it seems like your doing somethng wrong. It feel like everybody's looking at you going to and from the bathroom. But as said many times here it's just a normal thing to do. Like you do everyday using the mens room , that is what (if you have not done or not much) must try to think about if your nervous. Just go in , do what you need to , don't look like your doing something wrong and then leave like a lady and youll be just fine.

I go out a lot and always use the Lady's Room. I am very confident and comfortable doing that with no negative moments to report. That does not mean that sometimes I don't get a nervous twinge or two. That doesn't bother me and helps to keep me on my toes, whether in flats or heels, and hopefully keeps me safe and sound.

I always use the ladies' room when dressed and away for tranny weekends. Two weekends ago in Harrogate UK I used the facilities and was washing my hands when a lady who was just about to leave turned to me and said 'what a lovely dress'. I said 'thank you very much, I got it from Debenhams store'. I was not sure whether she was the wife of another tranny or with a dancing group who were also in the hotel that night, but she did not seem shocked at my slightly male voice.
The golden rule in the ladies' room is always to sit and not to stand and pee on the floor.

Three days last week as Sara and I used the ladies a few times. Twice in Starbucks, they seem to all have single sstall version for the timid here. i also went to a very large spa and used the restroom in the ladies locker room. Probably at the limit with this one since the shower and all is right on your way to the comode room. Uneventful trips al around. For those still afraid, most salons have restrooms and if you simple walk in ask a few questions and then ask to use the restroom they will let you and it will be a secure place for the other timid ones here. I now can do the public restrooms but it is still an "event" for me, but I'm getting better.