Have you ever had issues when going out En Femme?

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Originally Posted by Melissa Rose

I agree how well you blend in can make a difference and so does how overt your masculine traits that cannot be disguised or hidden. I tend to use the 80/20 rule or a variation of it a lot, and it seems to work in most cases. Out of 100 cross dressers, 10 are going to present and blend in extremely well, 10 are going to be very obviously male and would not pass at 100 feet (might as well have a flashing neon sign) and 80 are going to be somewhere in between. It is the 10 who are obvious that stand a greater probability of having a bad experience due to the behavior of others. The 80 will be fine except if they draw undue attention to themselves by inappropriate dress or behavior. It is usually a challenge when taking out new girls since they tend to way over dress even when you tell them not to. I dress to blend in which also helps not to draw attention to myself. I know I get read, but as long as your presentation is within general standards, most people will leave you alone or at worse stare a little longer than normal. And you can't forget that is not only about the way you look, it is also secondary factors such as body language and mannerisms. Those will get you read as fast or faster than your appearance in some cases.

If you are venturing out for the first time, I would recommend not doing it alone. Find someone with some experience, go with them, and learn from them. It will also make it easier and you will probably feel safer.

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I wish I had a friend I could go out with. I have friends but thay whould never undrestend my fem side. Only my GF and I am most happy and lucky to have her. We allmost went to the UK so I could go to a club there. I think we whould have had a lot of fun. But it did not pan out.

Venessa, the thing to do is to try and find groups within your area. Many will be very supportive in helping another get out for the first time or any successive times. Even if there isn't any groups, then you can just map out a plan of what you are comfortable with and go for it. Your comfort will likely grow and by being out, you stand a better chance of meeting someone that you can go out with in the future. But if you aren't getting out, it is a wee bit hard to be making these kinds of friends.

I have only had four issues that I can remember. 2 are funny, 1 not so bad and 1 rather upsetting. I live in San Diego, CA by the way if that helps anyone.

1) I asked to try on some dresses at Papaya clothing, and the girl let out a giggle when I asked. She was young, so probably just lacked the maturity to be professional, but she was so dang cute about it that I forgave her instantly. She was nice and everything too, and totally helped me out.

2) Some homeless drunk guy passed me on the street and asked me outright if I was a man or a woman. I just kept walking.

3) Some guy pointed me out to his girlfriend whilst I was trying on some shoes in target. No big deal, I just ignored them.

4) This was very sad for me at the time, as it was only my second or third time being out dressed. My wife didn't know about my dressing, so I had to change in my car outside of the nightclub. I was struggling to get into my corset, and with my attention on the corset, I didn't notice a couple walking by the side of the car. The guy just started laughing and calling out at me. It was so rude and upsetting. I still went out that night, in spite of him...and the girls at the club said it happens to the best of us. But it was very upsetting for me at the time.

You say ' I wish I had friends...' i now have more friends than ever, but none were there before I came out. Ask the world nicely, and the world will respond in kind. Not a quote, just my real life observations. Never have I been so happy, so confortable, as since I decided to tell people who I was. All the hiding, was just fooling myself, hurting myself.
My friends, are real friends, and they know who I am, and they love me for it, not judge me because if it.

I have always been very careful out there, yes i've been hooted at or followed but that was long ago.
Now I am not overly concerned with everyone around me, I'm living in my world.

I was having a late dinner in Vegas a few weeks ago at one of the Station Casinos. I parked in the structure and walked thru the main entrance.
Found the resturant, was seated, the waitress was nice, no one noticed me at all with the exception of an older Hispanic gal, she studied me for
quite a while and looked away when I looked at her, that was fun.
I practiced my dining ettiquette...elbows always in, take small bites and enjoy the food. The waitress stopped by to warm my coffee and chat a little
I checked my lipstick, grabbed my smalll purse and headed for the register.
When I was paying my bill, the big Hispanic guy next to me gave me a look over, I never acknowleged him.
I took a stroll thru the casino, didn't have my players card so I skipped the slots.
I made eye contact with many people, most didn't give me a second glance, a few ladies smiled at me, a few guys also smiled at me, including the floor boss and the security guard.
Like so many sisters here have written, a good presentation is essential and it gets easier every time.

I can hardly wait to return.

Here in smalltown, MN there is nothing mabie in st Paul but I can't find anything. I did how ever find events in the UK but thats just too far for me to go.

Search using "transgender" or "lgbt" along with the city name. You have to sort through the results, but you will find a various groups or those with links to groups. It just takes a little effort. Passively waiting around or only hiding behind a computer is not going to be very fruitful when looking for friends.

A quick look at the search results for Minneapolis and St. Paul turned up a number of good possibilities. Small towns will rarely have anything going on due to most girls being stealth for obvious reasons.