I was going to post that but you beat me to it. It's the truth though so I'll say it again:Quote:
Originally Posted by kathtx
The "right" woman for you will be someone who accepts you as you are. :thumbsup:
I was going to post that but you beat me to it. It's the truth though so I'll say it again:Quote:
Originally Posted by kathtx
The "right" woman for you will be someone who accepts you as you are. :thumbsup:
This is the question of the ages. But, know that you won't likely be able to give it up, ever. If anything I've learned from here is that this sort of thing, whether it's CD or TG, it's for LIFE. You're going to have to learn to live with it, whether it's keeping it buried 10 feet deep in your closet or fully transitioning. It's not going away, even if you start dating Alessandra Ambrsio, Amber Heard, Kate Upton, etc...Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiegal
I think it is part of you and not something to give up. Heard many storys of cd's giving it up...or telling their partner they will give it up.....might work for a while but never have I seen it be a forever thing.
I THINK YOU should accept yourself as you are and find a partner that does as well.
Please do not try to fool yourself into the giving it up stuff.
There is nothing wrong with you....accept yourself as is.
Crossdressing is something you do so you can "give it up" just like you can give up smoking or drinking alcohol. I've given up both.
The question is, are you willing to give it up and do you have a good reason to do so. I'm not saying it is easy, but it can be done.
I could not have put it better myself, and my daughter (25) knows.Quote:
Originally Posted by AllieSF
Id say that 70% of the people on this forum are more TG than simply CD. Its not like a light switch that you can turn off and on. Its something very deep within us that we have had since birth. A lot of us dont want to be this way, but the inner feminine attitude wins out. I honestly dont know how you can simply say "Im not doing this anymore", and just stop forever. If I could....... I would have stopped years ago. Somedays I hate myself for being like this, but I'm drawn to it like a bug to a light. I just can't resist the feelings that come over me when I see Heather looking back at me in the mirror. Hopefully, someday I'll be able to put it in my past, but I have no idea how that will happen.
To me Cs'ind its in born and one can almost never stop the addictionm at this stage of my life I never want to stop or cut down.
I will never give up dressing because I feel that it may be potentially more than just a mere curiosity; more and more lately it's felt like something that i've needed to do but just how much I need to do it and how frequent is the questions i'm asking myself hehe
If only I had a better job; if only I lived in a better house; drove a better car; made more money etc...etc
Nothing is going change the fact you are who you are. And if you think you can give it up your either not a true CD or your dillusional. Besides, who wants to be in a relationship with anyone who wont accept you for the person you really are.
It's called "willpower". One can't give up breathing or pooping, but one can give up things he has control over. When you get up in the morning, you have a choice of putting on a pair of pants or a skirt. If you have the willpower to stop crossdressing, you will put on the pants and discard the skirt.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca Star
I'm not saying that anyone should give up crossdressing, only that they can if they really want to.
Do you actually know someone who has completely stopped dressing? I'm not saying that it is impossible, but I am not aware of anyone who has been completely successful at it. I tend to think that if someone's willpower was strong enough to keep them from dressing....they would begin to suffer greatly from the depression caused by the lack of dressing. This really is something deeply rooted in a lot of us.Quote:
Originally Posted by linda allen
I'm just repeating, but in my experience and capturing the received wisdom, this never goes away... you'll meet the right girl and give up and then... the beast returns! I have spent my life going through this... I realised in my late 40s that it was here to stay and that moment changed my life! If I had known that in my 20s...would life have been different?..... you bet!
Oh Linda, I think for many of us it's a lot more than an addiction. Unlike smoking and drinking, it may be an integral part of ourselves, hardwired into our brains. I think it would be more like hacking off your arm! Sure, with enough willpower it can be done, but I'm trying to imagine the one or two individuals who would actually try that. Odds are good if you could work up "The Willpower" to hack off your arm, you would simply bleed to death. So, The Consequences of your Act of Willpower could be something far worse.
Same thing for Trans People. The Attempt to try and quit, makes you depressed, paranoid, angry, and generally acting crazy! I have been told that we have had people who have committed suicide, related to such decisions. IMHO, to relate it to a simple Act of Willpower is probably trivializing an Act where one attempts to destroy part of themselves. In other words, it just ain't that easy!
Accepting yourself isn't easy either, but it's a hell of a lot easier than The Madness that can accompany The Effort to quit! Before people try The Latter, I suggest they think long and hard about possible consequences.
Peace and Love, Joanie
"One day," I always think to myself, "I won't be pretty enough to be a girl anymore."
It's a thought that terrifies me some days. I feel like I'm wasting my best "girl years" being poor and working myself to death. I can't find the time or the money these days to keep myself groomed and clothed as a female, and I worry that when I am in a position to slow down and enjoy living my life, I won't like the girl I see in the mirror anymore.
- The inevitability that I have to quit crossdressing... Right now, I have a big dream $40,000 collection of clothes, like over 120 skirt suits, beautiful cheerleader outfits, rare Catholic schoolgirl skirts, etc. And I'm faced with the thought that crossdressing curses my life. A BIG WORRY is that God is cursing me with unemployment until I purge ALL of my women's clothes, and that would hurt too much! Come Aug 15 2012 and I will be 4 years unemployed! But I tell God to bless me with two things, a pretty woman my size 4 to 6 so she can wear my collection and 2) money in the form of a good paying job or Lotto Win. - This would help convert my life a little, and make me crossdress less.
I used to think that way as well but, you won't give it up for "the right woman" or any other reason. I thought I would give it up when I started a family. I did....for a while, but it always comes back. I've learned that it's part of who I am and it ultimately has to be accepted. These days, I mostly regret not just accepting it from the beginning.
If anything, my female side seems to get stronger as I get older.
First off, don't ever go into a marriage thinking that it will go away. That is a move that has failed for so many.
But I am going to buck the trend a little. I believe there are some that can quit this thing that we do. I will admit it is small cross section, but there are some. One of the things that we tend to do is that we take our feelings and we automatically think it applies to all. Well we all have our reasons for doing this and it is certainly reasonable to believe that some do it for reasons other than those internal feelings. All you have to do is read this board for a while and you can see a broad cross section of about every thought process going. One wants to go out, one is for fetish, one will never leave the closet. Somewhere in here we have to understand that our thoughts and reasons are very broad and we have to try and stop painting each other to resemble ourselves.
And I think most will agree that those internal feelings are what keep bringing many back. But what if someone does it for some other reason than what is inside of them? Well the old question of where are they if they quit gives me a good laugh. They shouldn't be here any more than someone leaving a religion being at the church or a former smoker being at a smoke shop. So if they quit, we aren't going to see them again.
Now that I have said that, I want to reiterate that I do believe it is a small group as evidenced by the large group saying the opposite in this thread. So I wouldn't go in a marriage without disclosing. I wouldn't purge all of your femme items. I wouldn't do anything with finality that can hurt you later if you are unsuccessful. If someone was to be successful in the long run, the rest can take care of itself in the long haul instead of immediately.
O M G ...... This rings so true for me too, only difference.... I have yet to fully accept it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Josie M
Quitting is pretty much impossible. Do you need to dress to live? Literally, no, you're not going to die if you can't wear a skirt or panties. But this is a part of who we are, and giving up a sense of self forever is very hard to do. If you're naturally competitive, it's just not possible to be satisfied with a life where you don't have any challenge. Likewise, those people who I know that are nurturers are completely miserable when they have to fight every day and everything is a test of wills, strength, etc. Dressing is similar to us, we can ignroe it, repress it, mabye not even need it for very long periods of time, but the desire/need to do it always comes back.
The day i 'give it up' is the day i set off one way into the back country of the SD Badlands--- an exquisite place to stop living.
TE Lawrence was right about the desert...
I think it's important to remember that anyone who quit crossdressing is not likely to be a member of this forum so the posts here will naturally be pretty biased.
For anyone who thinks crossdressing is "hard wired" into someone's brain, I want you to think of tribal people living in the jungle. Any crossdressers there? How about in the Islamic countries. Any crossdressers there?
It may be cultural, it may be something based on early life experiences (I suspect I crossdress because my mother really wanted a daughter, not a son, and may have done things to let me know this when I was young).
I don't think the Creator makes babies and decides "this one will be gay, this one will be a crossdresser, this one will grow up to be a criminal, etc.".
I do not feel as you at all. I think you "think" you will give it up for the right woman but I believe crossdressing is genetic. It is part of my DNA, not a fetish thing. There is no way I will ever "stop" even if I don't dress for lengthy periods, it s there.
I think the right woman for a crossdresser is a woman who can accommodate this part of your life. That does not mean join with you in your dressing but simply understand that this is a part of you and allow you to dress when you need and within certain boundaries that she can live with. These women exist. They are even on the forum.
I haven't lived in a tribe in the jungle so I can't pass comment on that. But I can assure you there are Transgender people in Islamic countries. Difference is, they keep it under lock and key, because if they didn't and they were found out, they'd likely be stoned to death or something horrid like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by linda allen
I don't profess to know the answers to why some guys CD and others don't. But like Jennifer I also believe it's in our DNA.
But all the bad stuff that happens in the world, like starvation, wars, persecution, greed, floods, that's ok is it?Quote:
Originally Posted by linda allen
Because I believe it's part of our DNA, I believe at the time of conception some of us just happen to get that extra gene. It's why I think some are gay, they're just born that way.
As far as a criminal that's a broad spectrum. I'm sure some people do it by choice to survive, while others decided (make a mental choice) to become career criminals. On the other hand, there are pathological killers. These type of criminals display narcissistic behaviour, antisocial disorders and most times including clinically diagnosed mental illnesses. People like Ted Bundy for instance.
While I respect your opinions, I'm going to interject and say, I think in some instances, your generalisation are way off the mark. Hence I'm sticking with the opinion it's in our DNA.
Added:
Explain how a 3 year old become a violin prodigy at such a young age? What about these children who have never visited a destination but can recall infrastructure - roads, buildings etc..etc to fine point detail. These certainly aren't learned behaviour. Yes I believe in reincarnation. Maybe my Cding could also be the result of a past life experience as a woman, maybe my life was cut short, IDK.
What I'm confident in is, I was born a CD not made into one.
I'm an old CD, I know you are looking for younger members for opinons, but I was young once, and had the same feeling you have, I would have given it up for the right woman too. Turns out in fact I did, but it only lasted a couple of years, and then the need to dress came back stronger than ever. It all depends on why you dress, but I seem to have no choice, I need to dress, or I'm miserable, so the only answer was to find a women that would love me just as I am, I did, and life has been great every since.Quote:
Originally Posted by Katiegal
Tina B.
The question posed was about stopping your crossdressing for the right woman, and it's a good question. I think you could stop. However, if you are one of those who has this as an integral part of their personality there will be tradeoffs that will likely come to play. I've put off dressing in the past and eventually I get difficult to live with, distracted and begin to build emotional walls between me and those I love. By denying that part of my life, I am punishing not just myself but those around me. On the other side of the coin, if I invest too much in crossdressing I ignore the needs of those I love and it becomes a mistress that will ruin my life that way as well. It's more of a management issue now, finding the right balance between all the needs in life and making sure those things that are just "wants" aren't mistaken for "needs" and upsetting the apple cart.
I can only hope you find that the "right" woman will understand that she loves you for your ability to experience a wide range of emotions and appreciate life that encompasses a non-traditional take on gender expression. Those are parts of your personality that can be positive if encouraged and properly channeled. If you are anything like me, don't expect that you will be able to wall it all off because, if experience and lots of examples are the case, it will eventually bust down that wall and over take you at the worst possible time.