For MTF's with accepting or at least tolerant SO's

As I'm reading responses I've started to notice a pattern here. Women are generally more accepting and compassionate of othersdifferences than men are. However, they also tend to be concerned with what other people think about them. It's the "you're behavior is embarrassing me" attitude. This understanding and compassion in women is great but tends to stop the moment it might embarrass them in front of others.
Women are always saying "stuff" about men and "pissing contest" or men getting their feathers ruffled or guys trying to be macho in front of other guys. But women have the same thing going on its just in a different form.

This "not in my back yard" type of attitude is the problem. And not one which is easily overcome. Personally my wife is accepting and encourages me to seek friends and go out dressed. But if I need her to be understanding about something all I do is relate it to something she already knows.

For instance, People who discriminate will continue to do so until such time that they themself are descrimnated against. Your woman is the same way. You just need to find the thing that relates to cdind and make that emotion more powerful than embarrassment.

My wife puts no real limits on me. She shops for me and with me. She understands that I identify as a woman, but knows I will not transition, although I have told her I am terrified of where this gender dysphoria is taking me. She feels badly that I have had to spend my whole life hiding who I am.

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Originally Posted by Maureen

My wife puts no real limits on me. She shops for me and with me. She understands that I identify as a woman, but knows I will not transition, although I have told her I am terrified of where this gender dysphoria is taking me. She feels badly that I have had to spend my whole life hiding who I am.

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I hate it when I press the wrong button and lose everything I wrote! Arrrgh!

It's quite remarkable how much difference one person can make, if we let them. You are sharing with her, so you don't have to hide from the whole world, just most of it :)

At the moment I have 16 friends here, and all of them have helped me in some way. Yet my partner and my closest friend, now that I have been honest and shared everything with her, is challenging me in ways I could have never imagined.

There are lots of ups and downs, and I am just now learning how to deal with the emotions now that things are "out".

The dysphoria is always going to be there. I don't think I will ever fully understand what is happening or why, but I have decided to enjoy and learn from the journey instead of worrying about the destination...I will probably never graduate from "gender dysphoria" to "gender certainty"!

Meghan

My wife goes with me while I'm dressed. This is an answer to prayer. She even helped on some pointers. I remember the shock she felt when I told her. My place of worship knows me as Genevieve.

In my case I have a spouse who is 100% supportive. I finished early today and came home and dressed and she just went back to work after we had lunch together.
We go everywhere together. Originally it was under the 50 mile limit but that gradually disappeared and we go anywhere and everywhere. We've been to local malls and restaurants and even take walks around the neighborhood.
When I first came out to her and we discussed it the basic ground rules were that there would be no hormones or implants. That's fine with me as I don't have any intention of going those routes. Other than that and keeping the family from knowing we pretty much don't restrict ourselves. Sometimes we'll go out shopping and then to dinner and she'll be tired. I ask if she wants to go home and she will insist on staying out so that I can have more ME time. Of course I don't do that. We take care of each other and since I can dress anytime I want to it's not an issue to go home if she's tired or not feeling well.

Guess after all those years of hiding and being in fear rewarded me after all....I'm so very lucky!!

Firstly I am married to the most wonderful understanding person in my world , we have been married for 9 years on 25 Oct second time for both of us , she was widowed I was divorced because my then wife didn't understand or accept , we met via a mutual friend whose place I was able to get dressed at , so my wife knew Sarah before she ever met Colin so for us it has never been an issue , we don't have any secrets from each other , our marriage is based on love, trust and honesty, personally I think the main problem is not that we cant help doing what we do , but we can help hiding it from our s/o's , if you are married to someone for say ten years then suddenly you say look I'm a t/v I want to wear dresses etc, you have moved the goal posts , you have taken away everything that they think you are and what you stand for , I think that is the main cause of problems leading to seperation divorce etc.
That is my experience obviously everyone's is different .

Here's the unofficial rules for us:

1) No surprises! For example, if I'm going to shave my legs, I let her know first.

2) Don't let it interfere with family life. Going out is okay once or twice a month, but she and the kids must come first.

3) Don't spend too much money. Almost every femme thing I buy is with money given as birthday/Christmas/anniversary gifts from relatives. I don't spend family funds on my second wardrobe.

4) Don't come out publicly. It's okay if trusted people know (although few do), but we don't want our community to know that I am trans. This would embarrass her, perhaps affect her ability to be a girl scout leader and volunteer at our church, and could impact our children (if bigots don't allow their kids to play them).

This seems to work well for us. She encourages me to go to my TG support groups, I've been to TG parties at bars, I've been to a trans conference three years in a row, we regularly have dinner parties with our T-couples (en drab), etc.