If CD'ing isn't about sex, then why....

I can't say that we dress or become our female side to become sexually aroused. For some that may be the case. I will speak only for myself as not to say this applies across the board of cross dressers. I started wearing girl clothes by my own choice when I was very young, around 4 and 6 years old. That was long before I ever knew what sex was. It was natural for me to feel this way. I still kept it hidden when I was that young for I at least knew that these were girl things. Then like any other young boy, puberty hit real hard and so the usual self exploration stage of life begins. Then when the dressing in girl clothes continued during the years from 13 to 35, I used to think that it was for sexual arousal. Now that I’m much older and wiser, of course the natural decline of libido takes place, but yet, the desire to dress or become Tara is still here today stronger than ever, regardless of libido. During my teens, of course I was so confused and with so little information about what I was, I had to try so hard to figure it out on my own. I didn't have it figured out nonetheless, but I was still confused.
So I ask myself now, why did I do this as a very young little child before I knew what sex was, and why do I still do this now when I do not get aroused by dressing or becoming Tara? I don’t do this with the hopes of getting turned on, I will always do this from now on. I mean I can get aroused from some things, whether I’m as Tara or not, but it isn't the dressing that gives sexual arousal. Maybe some are in the stage of confusing the dressing that has been done for all of their lives, and when puberty hits, it may seem that it is the dressing that causes arousal, but it may be just the natural full blown testosterone. What is your husband's age?
But WIFE, answer this question, does your husband get aroused when he does not put on women’s clothes? If so, it may not be the clothes. But when we dress, it does feel so good inside and so relaxing and brings so much more joy in and of itself than for sexual arousal. I apply my philosophy not only to myself, but to those that have done this since very early childhood, but not to the late bloomers that started up one day and just decided.

I look back over my life now and can see very well in hindsight, that as much as I loved and needed to do this, it wasn't for sexual arousal, it wasn't at 5 years old, it's just that I would sometimes incorporate it into my lonely times during puberty, when I thought I was very strange. Some cd's MAY dress in women's clothes only for the purpose of sexual arousal, and maybe many years from now when it no longer does that to them, maybe they will hang the clothes up for good. But for me, I will always become Tara because it feels so right sometimes. Just a few hours or minutes before I take my shower and shave with the intent to become Tara, there are no sexual thoughts going through my mind before hand at all.

After most of the responses thus far, if you are still having doubts, just ask yourself one simple Q.

WHY do you think so few CDers are WOMEN wanting to dress up as men? The obvious reason accounts for the lopsided ratio so easily visible here. No way to really determine it accurately but probably 20 to 1 [at least] if not 100 to 1. Possibly much higher?

Hi,

I have been in a situstion that for myself was not a good place to be, in regard to a surposed crossdresser, him being a him.

I was invited to this persons place as i thought was a dresser, while i was there fortunatly another woman come just after i arrived so two of us were women , natal.

The guy concerned started to make comments of going to bed with him & as iv told this before you know what i said, yes i am a woman & im not in the least bit interested in jumping in to any ones bed, for sex, so i told him in no uncertan terms dont even think about touching me in an in aproproprat places, ill deck you . & ill defend myself, so he asked again he got the same responce, ,so he left us women to talk then he got abusive & told us to leave ,we did,

I did not expect this to take place so was it because im a woman & a easy catch, or he thought i was , answer is not going to happen, so sex is on mens minds a lot remenber a males mind is continuly in sex mode, most of the time, for many. age will have a bearing on this as well.

He was dressed as a woman though i dought his thinking was any thing like a woman it was total male .

Just as a thought so you know, im a non sexual woman, & that started 20 years ago. so the sex act is not or sexual encounters is not a part of who i am, not all of us have that door to open,

,..noeleena...

Just look around you...EVERYTHING is about sex. Advertising has made it that way.
We are sexual beings or we would have died out with the Neanderthals.

That being said, many of us began our journey well before we knew what sex was (I was 7 or so) and it was definitely not a factor. Of course, as we went through puberty all the images of the 'perfect' woman flooded our thoughts courtesy of Playboy and advertising. Naturally some of that became incorporated into our dressing. We wanted to be that image on the screen or in the magazine. For some of us dressing still holds that 'thrill' while for others it does not. It's individual, but it's not because it's sexual. It's not an indicator of some hidden desire to have sex.

Let me ask it in reverse, and I've asked my wife this also.
If you are going out somewhere special, and you are dressing to look your best, your makeup perfect, your outfit divine, don't you feel 'sexual'?? Don't you feel at least a little bit excited? Isn't part of all your effort at least a little bit intended to entice others into "feeling" how good you look? Of course it is or you wouldn't go through all the effort. Therefore whenever you dress to look nice you are being at least a little bit 'sexual'. Of course your response is only seen in a flushed face by the world. It's not as evident to others as your husband's response is to your eyes.

It's not that big a deal...it's natural.

Well wife,
If you were confused when you wrote this thread what are you now?
Did you find this useful?
Marks out of ten please. :)

Di, I think the two can be intertwined from adolescence and puberty. Even those of us who felt "different" from an early age, often rediscover Cding as adolescents...coincedentally, around the same time we become sexually aware. Its not surprising that women's things become arousing, because at that age, everything is arousing. And, honestly, for a male that can true well into middle age.

Many of us have at times a bit annoyed by arrousal, because in some sense it detracts from what we really are seeking. As one gets older...sadly in some respects...its a little more difficult to get sexually arroused, but many of us welcome the ability to dress without that annoying side effect. I think of it as kind of a divergence that occurs with maturity. Sex and CDing go down the same road together, but as we get older, they may follow different paths.

Sister, For me because of where I live and my size, cross dressing is exclusively done at home and is almost always related to sexuality. My wife knows that when I cross dress I am totally sexually charged - even at the age of sixty six. I love the feel of lingerie and the peace and strength my feminine side brings me. And my wife LOVES it also. Sometimes we even wear matching outfits. Occasionally when she is away because of her job, I get thoroughly dressed and it is still definitely highly sexual.

Di, you ask a very pertinent question. For some CDs, it is about sex. For others, it's sometimes about sex. Yet still, for others it's NEVER about sex. So really, sex in CDing is the same as it is with sex in all other walks of life. We read sex into everything. You can watch a soda commercial, and sure enough, some sexy babe is practically doing fellatio on the can, wearing her sexiest dress, and ruby red lipstick. We see sex everywhere, especially in American pop culture.

But as it pertains to heterosexual crossdressers, I think the answer is pretty easy. Many of us, myself included, have been attracted to, and even found sexual stimulation in, the way women dress themselves. We are very attracted to the feminine presentation, and all things feminine. A beautiful dress, pretty hair, sensual perfume, jewelry.....all of the female acoutements, act as a sexual releaser to us. That's not to say that crossdressing automatically progresses every time to some sexual climax, but uh....it's been known to happen.

The crossdressing itself is more often in answer to something internal, some desire to present as female, and live in the moment. But all our lives, we have found the very same things we use to crossdress very sexually alluring and stimulating. Have you ever gone out on the town with your husband all dressed to the nines? Was he acting towards you in a way that suggested that he was more attracted to you than usual? If so, I imagine you enjoyed the extra attention. It's probable that he's very attracted to the fact that you wore something beautiful, feminine, and very attractive. When we crossdress, we also wear things we find feminine, beautiful, and very attractive. So the sexual stimulation, while not always manifested, is always there somewhere, waiting for the opportunity to arouse. At least that's the way it is for many of us.

Ok so whats the story with being a CD and sex? here's where most people get confused and try to relate gender identity with sexual orintation.
What they forget to take into concerdiration is the fact that although conected they are completly seperate things. As a famous TG once said, (sorry can't remember the exact person) Gender is between the ears and sex is between the legs. In an effort to understand this issue a little more and as general information for all those who don't know about this, here's a link to a web site that has a multitude of articles on the topic on being TG and CD. http://www.wpath.org/journal/www.iia...on/index-2.htm Pay attention to the last article at the bottom of the page when you scroll down, (A Sex Difference in the Human Brain and its Relation to Transsexuality.
J.-N. Zhou, M.A. Hofman, L.J.G. Gooren and D.F. Swaab
Reprinted with permission by the authors from NATURE, 378: 68-70 (1995))

This article clearly shows that being TG or CD is a pure genitic condition just like most everything else about us.
As for your husbands sexual arrousel gained through CDing this is just a normal male reaction to sexually desire females, as Darwin pointed out this is mealy the 2nd of the 5 basic human instincts, which is servival of the species. All he's doing here is externalising his internal sexual desires towards females by wearing womens clothes. Do not mistake this however for him being less attracted to you as that is not the case at all, it's just basic animal instinct which at the end of day is all we are realy, and can be seen in any animal behaviour.

But my main point here is to say that Gender ID and Sexual ID are seperate things, and although they cross over at times, they should never be confused as being one in the same.

In my instance to follow what everyone else is saying, being "dressed" as it were is sometimes about sexual stimulation and sometimes not, it's about being comfortable with who you are and the qualities and attitudes that you want to express, just like everyone else regardless of being CD or not. For example for me personally, I don't own any male underwear, and just like every other female, I have normal underwear, and 'sexy' underwear all of which I wear at different times to achieve different things, I have my day to day underwear which I wear day to day, and then I have my special underwear if you will which of gets me sexually aroused as it is designed to do to any person, after all why would we have all the frilly female underwaer if it wasn't meant to provoke a responce? I'm sure you sometimes wear underware that makes you feel sexy per se while you go out in normal clothes and do normal things like go to the supermarket etc.. and all the while you think to yourself or you catch yourself occasionally throughout the day thinking I feel sexy because I'm wearing my sexy underwear and no one knows it but me. That in itself is the clicncer. No one else knows. And the thing to remember here is that men are no different when it comes to this, and often CD's are just more responsive than most.

Cheers,

Beth Cooper.

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Originally Posted by Beth Cooper

I have my day to day underwear which I wear day to day, and then I have my special underwear if you will which of gets me sexually aroused as it is designed to do to any person, after all why would we have all the frilly female underwaer if it wasn't meant to provoke a responce?

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The big difference is in whom the wearer wants to provoke the response. Women wear sexy things to arouse their partners, not themselves. Men, not women are aroused by seeing women in lingerie and an entire industry is built around this concept. Frilly underwear simply do not arouse women sexually just by themselves.

Men are simply more aroused than women are with sexy women things, whether the man is a CDer or not. Sex = women = women-who-wear-sexy-things (if he's hetero). :) If he's a CDer, then he'll become aroused when he's wearing them in addition to seeing them on a woman. If he's not a CDer, he'll just become aroused by seeing them on a woman.

Hi Reine,

I take your point and I think your right. however isn’t feeling sexy per se a state of mind rather than what you may happen to be wearing? therefore is it not possible for women to feel sexy while wearing lingerie without having to show it to someone to get the validation of their state? Hence self perception theory which I think for the most part plays a huge role in how and why some people get aroused while wearing lingerie, or not. After all some people get aroused by dressing up in animal costumes, for what ever reason, but their self perception is what triggers them to change their state of mind and what they wear or don't ware is mealy a device for the conscious mind to represent what the sub conscious associates with whatever particular state they are trying to achieve.

Yes, we do feel sexy when we wear lingerie (if we're in a sexy mood to begin with). But the lingerie, in itself, does not arouse us in the same way that it does a CDer. We are aroused at the prospect of being appealing to a man. Please believe me. :p

I know a lot of women who have admitted to becoming sexually aroused while trying on nice shoes, boots & dresses in a store.

So when you figure that out, you'll probably have the answer.

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Originally Posted by ReineD

Yes, we do feel sexy when we wear lingerie (if we're in a sexy mood to begin with). But the lingerie, in itself, does not arouse us in the same way that it does a CDer. We are aroused at the prospect of being appealing to a man. Please believe me. :p

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Exactly. The cloths themselves are just cloths. They don't elicit a sexual response. But if you're in the mood and want to give your man a little extra kick, looking sexy for him can also make you feel sexy.

Sometimes I'm feeling a little sexy and that might influence what outfit I pick when I'm going out with friends or the boyfriend, but the that short skirt doesn't do anything for me by itself.

For me, it's not the crossdressing that gets me turned on. However, that doesn't mean that I never get turned on while I'm crossdressed, either; I dress as a girl about 90% of the time when at home, so just watching some steamy action on TV will get me aroused, and that can happen whether I'm in boy clothes or girl clothes. They're not mutually exclusive.

I have to admit that occasionally i have looked at myself in a full length mirror when fully dressed and have actually found myself attractive and become aroused (DONT JUDGE ME LOL ) i guess i have looked at myself and thought " I would" Ha ha but yeah most of the time no i dont become aroused when dressing up For me its day to day life ! I get home from work stressed to the max and just slipping into something girly seems to release all that tension and i feel human again ! Lucky for me is i have a very open minded partner who doesn't mind my Crossdressing (she actually supports it and has admitted that i does add to the fun of our more personal activity's together) So really i can only say that for me it can be a turn on and can (with the right person) enhance sexual activity ! Thanks for starting such an interesting Thread :)

Anastasia