I am a wife. I am accepting and supportive of the en femme dressing.
Printable View
I am a wife. I am accepting and supportive of the en femme dressing.
I am very lucky.
My wife has just read these threads and her remark was really reassuring to me. She said "......surely some of the wife's of cross dressers on this forum cannot truly love their husbands". She said, "..... her understanding of love is (with me and Andrea) unconditional and my dressing hurts no one." "Why would you want to stop somebody do what is so important to them, a part of them?"
I have only just come out and she is in a good place with it. It is like a renewed bond of love and trust between us especially as I have had such a hard time coming to terms with my feelings and my cross dressing.We live in a small and very bigoted part of the UK and my wife recommended that if we were ever to leave the house together it be at night when we take the dogs out for a walk. I have told her that I have no desire to leave the house and she remarked that if I ever did want to go out anywhere as Andrea she would be right beside me.(I love my wife so much we have been taking each other for granted for many years we now have a renewed love for each other) "you are so special to me"
Jennifer, I appreciate the advice. With my wife I do have to warm her up to some things because even though she is rather liberal and open minded, she can be very conservative in some ways. As a result of doing this, I am working toward the best result possible.Quote:
Jamie, just a word of advice: you can't hint or divulge this secret slowly. If you are ready to talk to her and your relationship is strong, just sit down and talk to her. It will be the hardest conversation you ever have but the result will be freeing, regardless of the answer.
My wife is accepting and participates. She lets me do pretty much what I want just don't let friends and family see.
It's not just a question of how much you love someone. I'm sure the wives who have a hard time accepting, love their husbands very much. But everyone is raised differently and has different beliefs about gender and sexuality. Take for example, a GG who supports her husband through transition (changing voice, softer curves and skin through hormones, breast growth, sexual reassignment surgery), and so the couple lives as lesbians. Would it be right for the GG to say that the GGs who do not support transsexual husbands do not love their husbands (new female partners) enough? No.Quote:
Originally Posted by andrea lace
To answer the OP, I'm 110% supportive, have been from the day she told me, even though we've had our ups and downs. I'm not convinced the down parts were all CDing related though. Sometimes it's hard to separate CDing issues from garden-variety couples issues. I often suggest we go out and do something dressed.
This sounds like my first wife! Thank good my second wife has transitioned from DADT to fully accepting and participating. We have even gone out shopping as girlfriends.Quote:
Originally Posted by jessicaswife
I think that an accepting and participating spouse is the best there could be for a CD'er. Fortunately for many on this forum, you have a wife like that. and, to a certain degree, I'm envious of that. Mine is very straight laced and the few times I have tried to hint that crossdressing is not so "bad" and it could be fun and sexy, I have been met with a rather sharp comment. So, i know that I have a choice, stay in the closet or bye-bye. So, I'm in the closet. But oh well, we all make the best of the choices we make.
To all you GGs out there who support your CDing SOs, thanks - you are wonderful. One conversation at a time, you are capable of changing a lot of attitudes.
I'm basically in the exact same boat.Quote:
Originally Posted by 5150 Girl
After thirty years, I'll say that my wife ha sort of stopped fighting it, although she still hasn't exactly embraced it. She'll kind of casually ask if I dressed after I've has some alone time and gives something between a smile and a smirk when I tell her I have, but that's about the extent of it.
Somewhere in the middle.
She's cognizant that I like to wear women's clothes - I have my panties, she has hers - and she accepts that it's part of me, but she doesn't encourage or participate.
we're separated, THAT's how she feels about it. Although it's a lot more complicated than just my tg life.....
The one thing that i have learned from this thread is that if you tell your SO no matter what the outcome
you as a person will feel better about yourself. If this helps you be more secure in your own skin then you will most likely be a more understanding person to live with.
You can only hate yourself so long before you hate everyone.
Wonderwho
Hello.
My wife is unenthusiastic and semi accepting. Does not want to see me or participate. Hates the changes I have made to myself (not that many really). Still she's trying to come to grips and learn to live with this.
My wife is accepting. Lately she has started to comment on my outfits which is positive; she called my new nightie modest.
I want to believe that my wife is in the dark, but I can't help but wonder when she sees me come out of the shower with a freshly shaved body and painted toenails if that is really possible. I'm not sure we've ever even danced around the subject; we certainly have not talked about it. I suspect she suspects; and she probably suspects that I suspect that she suspects. And that's OK with me.
My wife is totally in the dark. I've suspected that she would not accept it and I have been winding things down with the objective of quitting entirely. I had a chance to confirm my suspicions last week. I have been watching reruns of the Twin Peaks TV series from about 20 years ago. In one episode, David Duchovny had his network television debut playing a crossdresser. She didn't know about his debut so without describing the role he played, I asked her is she would like to see it. When she saw the scene she turned to me and said I just ruined her image of him. Then she stormed out of the room. That confirmed to me that even if our marriage would survive my coming out, she would never look at me the same way again.
I am only a recreational crossdresser, dressing at most once a week for a couple of hours so I feel I stand a good chance of quitting. The incident with Duchovny's crossdresser role has given me even more incentive to quit. I feel that just going cold turkey would not be the best method of quitting. I have a plan which includes a bucket list of things I want to do before I quit and figure that the list will be checked off within the next week or 2. At that point I will stop.
Well for me I knew my husband crossdressed when we first met back in high school which wasn't that long ago. This was the time it began being popular for the "skater" guys to wear girls jeans so most people didn't think anything of it. However I had a major crush on him and noticed he sometimes had vpl and even caught a glimps of his panties peaking out over his jeans once in a while.
Before you conclude that, realize that for many this is reality:Quote:
Originally Posted by Wonderwho
(qouting AllyCDTV above)
My wife is totally in the dark. I've suspected that she would not accept it and I have been winding things down with the objective of quitting entirely. I had a chance to confirm my suspicions last week. I have been watching reruns of the Twin Peaks TV series from about 20 years ago. In one episode, David Duchovny had his network television debut playing a crossdresser. She didn't know about his debut so without describing the role he played, I asked her is she would like to see it. When she saw the scene she turned to me and said I just ruined her image of him. Then she stormed out of the room. That confirmed to me that even if our marriage would survive my coming out, she would never look at me the same way again.
. . .
(apologies to Ally, not trying to parse your post, just quoting the part that I thought that summed things up best for me.)
There is no one answer that will fit everyone's situation. If you're not doing this very often, don't want to continue, know your wife is not going to take it well, etc. I don't blame you for being discreet. Just know that there will be hell to pay if you do get caught. It's easy to say love is unconditional, spouses should accept you, your marriage is strong enough to overcome this, but that's just not how many women (GG's) really feel about dressing; it is a big turn off for many, and it does affect the quality of your marriage. Hopefully you hit the lottery and find a spouse who not only accepts, grudgingly, but participates. IF you do, you better feel like the more fortunate person in the world because most pray for that every day.
I have an update. I discussed the issue with my wife and she actually fits into the category of what's good for the goose, is good for the gander. She is supportive, and a participant in that she wishes to get more men's clothes of her own. She is also willing to share clothing and other stuff that fit.Quote:
Originally Posted by JamieRobert
Mine knows of it and has seen it and indulged me on a few things...but she doesn't seem to want much to do with it overall.
My wife is completely accepting of my dressing,she loves to go shopping with me and choosing outfits she thinks would suit me.and we spent one of our anniversarys together in hotel,and going out in the city doing "normal," activities.
She has not been in the best of health and I've pretty much been the housewife these past two years.as long as she gets to see her man every now and then she has no problems at all with my femme side,and I appreciate that so very much
Sophie
My wife is accepting and she admits that she doesn't even notice that I'm dressed anymore. She just sees me! :)
My wife is accepting & might participate. Over the holidays she saw Vicky for the first time and made positive comments about the dress that I was wearing. Discussed what type of makeup to use and even purchased some the next day. I will never pass in public but now it will be fun putting the total package together.
She hates it (me) totally and viscerally
My wife knows I wear panties 24/7, also knows I dress but it's kind of a "don't ask don't tell" thing around the house. I'll only go out as Susan when one of us is out of town, but if I'm out doing things while she's at work I'm in bra, panties, ladies jeans and shoes with a male looking top.
Accepting but not participating; I am in here. A participant.
My wife runs hot and cold. When we are away I get encouragement. At home don't let anyone know.
My wife accepts it but is close to DADT. She has given me a drawer in her dressere for my underwear so our kids don't find panties and bras in Dad's dresser if they go snooping. Has on occasion bought me lingerie, a bloouse and a dress over the last however many years. But has alos told me that she does not find me a turn or have any attraction to me when I am dressed. She has a lot of questions about my sexuality but they have seemed to lessen as time has gone by...all and all, I will take what she gives and appreciate that she let's me explore my feminine side.
My wife is accepting and participates in that we have been shopping together for clothes and for shoes.
We often joke about it and her attitude is it's still me no matter what I wear. My personality doesn't change when I'm dressed. We'll often critique womens dresses and makeup on tv especially Tess daley on stricly come dancing lol
I usually sleep in knickers or nighties but recently toning it down as have a 3 year old who saw some knee high boots and said "daddies boots" lol. We will discuss it when she's old enough to understand but don't want her getting bullied cos daddy wears dresses :-).
My wife is accepting and an enthusiastic participant. She is always willing to go out with me no matter where we are going. She regularly goes to TG or Tri-Ess groups with me and should be going to Diva Las Vegas with me this year (family issues have blocked her for the last few years and I really hope she makes it, she has earned it.). I believe from our discussions that she would be okay with coming out to everyone, so I am actually the throttle on who knows instead of her.
Hot and cold. Started hot. Full sexual encounters. But it cooled. Got hot again and back to cold.
Stephanie
My wife is supportive, accepting, and participates in a way that could be described as a dream come true. Also to her credit she loves, accepts, and most importantly put's up with my male persona, and many of the annoying traits I share with the male persona. It's bad enough that in guy mode I leave underwear, socks, and clothes scattered about. One can only imagine my wife's frustation with pantyhose, bras, shoes, panties, make stains in the bathroom, etc. being scattered about. Her one rule is no permanent Jocelyn 24/7, and pick up my clothes.
Laura, I still feel "weird" dressed in front of my wife. I think mostly because I am not being a "man" when dressed. She has zero issue with it. I always ask her for feedback on the outfit or makeup and she is great with objective, constructive criticism. Once I get past my first appearance, I always settle down. It's a little funky but all part of the fun.Quote:
Originally Posted by Laura28
My wife is half way between accepting and participating. She fully accepts my female persona but will not been seen out with me. She says this is because she would feel for me everyone looking and passing comments even though I have tried to explain that that is not the case. However she does participate by buying clothes with us both in mind and ensuring quality management is maintained in how I look.
Maria
My wife is accepting and supportive, buys me lots of female gifts and quite happy to go shopping with me.
My wife is somewhere between participating and being the initiator. She just doesn't want to come out into the public limelight with me.
My wife is accepting with occasional participation.
My wife is supportive, encouraging, and helpful. She knows all about it and helps me pick out my wardrobe. Heck, we love shopping together and I even buy clothes for her. We have occasional getaways where I can dress in full, but we stay inside. We don't go out and I've never been in misty mode in public. Friends, family and kids do not know and my wife and I desire to keep it that way.
My wife is accepting and honestly tries, But most of the time I really get the feeling that she wishes it would just go away.
She tolerates it because it makes me happy.
My wife knows and accepts and loves me. She would prefer I did not dress but has no desire to end our relationship. I also love her very much.
I'd say pretty much the same thing, though the participation is reluctant at times. She's been out twice with me (a third is in the works) and had much more enjoyable times than she expected, but not without a lot of trepidation.Quote:
Originally Posted by JamieG
I told her shortly after we started dating and it's been a roller-coaster ride to get where we're at today. I'm sure that if she had her wishes she'd much rather this was never in our lives but because she realizes how much it means to me she's done her best to understand, accept, and help where and when she can. The ride isn't always smooth but I wouldn't trade it or her for anything.
-Bree
I guess I'd have to be a participant with many times being the initiator. Many times I find excuses to get the children out of the house so he has time to relax properly, and when the children go off to grandparents during school holidays I often say "why are you not pretty yet?".Quote:
Originally Posted by julie marie1
I told my wife before we were married and she seemed open at the time to trying to understand. But I was very nervous about it and I didn't handle it as I should have. As we've gotten older (we've been married almost 30 years) we've settled into a DADT routine. She knows I underdress daily and I feel my crossdressing is the elephant in the room.
One of the reasons I started on this board two weeks ago is to try to figure out a way to break the logjam and get the conversation flowing again.
Like with anything the spark has to be ignited again, maybe the spark needs to be found again. If you've been married for so long then something must be going right. Is this a part of you that she feels hard to be part of, as in it's something which can't be enjoyed together. I mentioned before in other posts that we play games together, not sexual games, just dressing up games. We had one where we each had to guess which outfit the other was thinking of and without saying anything go and put it on, 9 times out of ten there would be a shout of "biatch I was going to wear that one". We also had a game where in an hour we had to take turns to dress in the most outlandish outfit ever, mixing various neon colours and going for serious random looks. I'm working on a game at the moment based on battleships, making a huge game board but instead of the ships it's a card with a code on it that corresponds to a packet containing an item of clothing. if one of us scores a hit on that point we have to put on the item of clothing. It will leave us both wearing a right mish mass of clothes but it'll be one hell of a laugh and certanly gives us something to talk about.Quote:
Originally Posted by Valerie Sparks
My wife for now is in the accepting and supportive bu not participating
Mostly in the dark, by choice, but seriously opposed when I want to go out, but not talking of divorce. DADT doesn't work when I go out because she is (rightfully) concerned if I'm out later tyhan normal and she doesn't know where I am.
My wife is*unenthusiastic but not opposed. Meaning I can dress in front of her, but she usually like I guess it's okay to dress. Love her very much and grateful she allows the occasional dress up time.
Ditto... sigh....Quote:
Originally Posted by Richelle
Lol.... this is where I wish we were!Quote:
Originally Posted by MsRenee
My wife believes that dressing in clothes of the opposite sex is perversion and that anyone who does this is a pervert. It is an unhappy situation for both of us.
Throw away every single pair of her trousers/jeans, afterall following that train of thought she'd be one too :doh::brolleyes: :heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by Cheryl James
Strangely, I know what both sides are like. My ex wife was basically bi-polar so we would go through a month of her being totally accepting followed by a month of absolute rejection! At one point she would be doing my makeup and helping me shop for clothes and a few days later she would throw away everything in my closet and tell me never to dress again.
Not surprisingly this same "flip flopping" behavior was manifest in other areas of life as well, hence she is now my ex-wife. If I ever re-marry it will be with a partner who loves both me and Stephanie.