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Emily, your story sounds like mine, I have a lot of questions about this and get many different answers. I believe I am a transexual but I have not begun to transition yet and at the present I have no plans to. A lot of my transexual friends tell me it is just a matter of time until I change my mind. So I ask, are there any real transexuals who do not go all the way through to the end result? Can dysphoria be controlled?
@almostalady - Yes, there are many transsexuals that do not go all the way. There are as many reasons for this as there are people in the world. One big reason is simply the cost. To transition and have all the surgeries is very expensive. Many older girls feel they are just too old. That is nonsense. As long as one is in good health and can pass pre-surgery testing, there is no reason not to go forward if that is what you want.
Can the dysphoria be controlled? In some cases they say it can. It depends on how one is affected by it. For me, there was only one solution and that was GRS. I think the biggest thing is understanding what GD is and accepting that you have GD. From there you can make the decisions that are best for you.
how much is a tracheal shave? mine is really prominent and I just came into pain and suffering money from being rear ended.
Looks like no one has commented in a while. Hopefully that will change as I've got many questions. Let's begin with:
How old we're you when you began you're transition?
Did your age concern you at all?
How long was the transition?
Ok I have a question. I have been on HRT for just over a year now but I sometime feel like I don't kneed them, is that normal?
I began living full time and hair removal at 20, started HRT and got implants at 24... SRS @ 27... About 7 years totalQuote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl
My almost 4 year RLE was spent working full time and carrying a full load in college. I would have started younger, but I had neither the resources nor the support. I am now 31.
I started seriously planning my transition at 40. That's the year my wife and I agreed that it was the right thing to do, and the year I contacted my employer's HR department to work out a timeline. Admittedly I had already undergone extensive laser hair removal earlier, so this wasn't when I started down the path — but it is when I committed to it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl
Not really. I would certainly have liked to get to that point earlier in life, but I was ready when I was ready.Quote:
Did your age concern you at all?
I spent about a year working with a therapist who specialized in gender identity, overlapping a few months with a vocal coach. I did my legal name change and associated paperwork that fall, and my social transition occurred at the end of the year. I don't tend to write much about the medical side of my transition, but I know I'm somewhat atypical in having socially transitioned long before beginning HRT. The only physical step I took beforehand was laser. As far as I'm concerned being recognized socially and legally as a woman was the most important milestone for me.Quote:
How long was the transition?
You aren't the only one, if that's what you're asking. I don't think there's any well established benchmark for "normal" to worry about, given how far from social norms the whole topic strays. I've focused on health and happiness, because nothing else matters much in the long run.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lauren415
Ok ,thank you for your input.
We're the same age. Would have loved to have begun at 20, or earlier. Didn't know the possibility existed then.Quote:
Originally Posted by kellycan27
I found out that it was possible when I was 15 ..... From a man no less. I guess I'd have to credit/blame him for planting the seed of transition in my head.... Long story
I'm 41 and I certainly did not realize it was possible. I just remember thinking as a kid "when I grow I'm going to be a woman".Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl
I thought I would just magically change into a woman. Sadly, that didn't happen.
I started HRT at age 38.
Started elecrtrolysis about 6 months after that.
Age- wise I wished that I started earlier or at least started my electrolysis earlier.
But age doesn't bother me any more because the HRT makes me feel like a teenage girl! :heehee:
The transition is still ongoing. I haven't had the SRS yet. But I do live full time as female. :battingeyelashes:
Btw does any one else feel like a teenage girl?
For those post-op, I hope this topic isn't breaking any forum rules, how did you find living with a penis between your legs before and during transition? Did you feel any different after SRS when you looked or reached down and there was nothing there?
To me, it seems like being able to put on a pair of panties, bathing suit, jeans, whatever, without tucking would put a gigantic smile on my face. Oh how I hate having to tuck!
I've got a question pertaining to singers. Does transitioning affect your voice for singing? I know it changes your voice from a bass/tenor to an alto possibly a soprano, but have any of you had difficulty singing in this new range? I'm currently a music major and transitioning has been in my mind for a while, and this question came to me.
HRT for MtF transitioners will not affect your voice. We have to learn a female voice through practice. I have been working on my singing voice. I sang 1st tenor in HS. I can sing in an alto range but it is all practice.
Hello Everybody
I have an (odd?) question. This question was prompted by another thread I was reading. This question is for those who have had GRS or SRS, whichever is the correct term. When you're intimate w/ man, does it hurt versus being enjoyable? Reading about the Depth the new vagina usually is and the part of having to dilate for different purposes, is it what you had hoped for? Or, was the change not what you had expected? If 5 inches is the average depth of the vagina and if a man this is intimate w/ you is well endowed, is it more your satisfaction than his? Do you ever get the feeling he was cheated, by not being to submerge himself completely deep within you? I was just wondering.
Actually that's a very interesting question! As someone who has just recently taken the new equipment for a test drive I don't have extensive experience, but I can comment on my own sensations.
It's very enjoyable for me and does not hurt at all, but I am also very tight. So my boyfriend does not just slip right in, and it's a snug fit.Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticLady
Hmmm . . . maybe not, but it's what I expected. The dilation part was no surprise and it's just something we do. I think we all have fantasies about depth, but I'm about 5 and a half inches and that's working just fine.Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticLady
I have a hard time believing that a man could not be satisfied due to the lack of a little depth. As long as he can insert the glans and at least most of the shaft he'll probably be quite happy. As for me, once he's in I'm good and when he hits the back wall it's all technique from that point on.Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticLady
In the first place, he's having sex. With me. The word "cheated" really ought not even come into his brain.Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticLady
I have a boyfriend who fits just fine, but in the case of any future guy if he's so well-endowed that more of him is on the outside than is inserted then he's too big for me anyway and we're not having sex in the first place, so it's not an issue.
And if my lack of another inch or so of depth is an issue for him then he's probably dissatisfied with every other woman as well, and there's nothing I can do about that.
Monique,
Transition will not affect your singing voice, but your singing voice may affect your transition. The only way to permanently raise the pitch of your voice is by surgical shortening of the vocal folds, which is only rarely recommended. However, because you have more experience than average in controlling your voice, you probably will have an easier time transitioning your voice to female qualities. One of the therapists I worked with was also a vocal coach and she gave me some of the same exercises that singers use. You will probably have a much easier time hitting a target pitch, and I would bet your resonance and breathing are better than average also. There are many other things to work on, but as I said, you probably have a head start on them over the rest of us........Stephanie
Silly question - Is "tranny" considered a derogatory term?
Yes, though there are certainly many who don't feel strongly about the issue or who use the term self-descriptively. It features often enough in association with sex work of one kind or another that it's probably worth avoiding, but I won't condemn those in our community who are trying to reclaim the term. People who use it without recognizing that it is problematic tend to get an earful from me, and I sometimes wonder how I should feel about cross-dressers embracing the term when they don't have to live with the consequences 24/7.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl
It's also worth noting that it's somewhat regional. I understand in the UK the term isn't as controversial, and that transvestite may similarly be in more widespread use.
The short answer is NO.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl
The long answer is we are a community full of thin skinned people who are actively searching to be offended. It's also interesting to note that a solid 80% of the people who have approached ME about my use of the term and told me they were offended by it, have not even been living the life. So in general my experience has been that most full time TS people do not consider it offensive. Some do however and to those people I say ..."tranny please".
I am in the UK and in my opinion it is derogatory. It is the sort of thing that drunken morons shout in the street and rad fems use when they are displaying their transphobia.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl
I do not think it is derogatory. I use it the time when talking to my friends, family or employees. These people know me as male and will probably still view me as male for the foreseeable future. I try not taking my transition too seriously around those close to me. I joke around all the time. I am what I am and since I am an active transitioner and at an awkward stage I view myself as a tranny at this time..
I guess it would depend upon the context it was given and the person hearing the comment. At times for me it is derogatory at others not.
Nonsense. It may well be that you don't mind it, and that's absolutely your right. To attempt to represent the community as a whole, knowing full well that there a lot of folks who disagree? That's more than a little irresponsible. Every civil rights organization I can think of championing transgender issues cautions against the use of the term.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
That's a nice, easy answer that you can apply to any derogatory term. It doesn't change how the term tends to be used (e.g.: hot tranny mess) or why it has been deemed problematic. Groups that have been consistenctly discriminated against for long periods of time tend to get sensitive about even subtle forms of discrimination. Go figure. Of course reacting with rage doesn't help, but following up casual usage of even mild derrogatory references with a bit of education does make a difference.Quote:
The long answer is we are a community full of thin skinned people who are actively searching to be offended.
Given that transsexuals represent much less than 1% of the population, the fact that 20% of the pushback you're getting is from that community should be a hint. The fact that there are non-transsexuals expressing concern is just a sign of the times. We have allies, which is why we're making social progress because we'd never achieve it on our own. Again, I don't have any right to veto your personal adoption of any term you find endearing, but I don't think it's helpful to propagate the myth that words cannot be used to hurt people. Words are what lead to actions.Quote:
It's also interesting to note that a solid 80% of the people who have approached ME about my use of the term and told me they were offended by it, have not even been living the life.
My experience is that it's pretty mixed at the moment, but that I find far more usage among those in that rebellious period leading up to and through the first few years of transition. It will be interesting to see how the general sentiment plays out over the next few decades, but few terms survive the kind of scrutiny "tranny" has received. "Geek" is one of the few examples I can think of — and there are pretty unique circumstances elevating geeks to positions of extreme privilege and respect.Quote:
So in general my experience has been that most full time TS people do not consider it offensive.
I'm a fairly well regarded professional in my field and as an obviously transsexual woman, I leave a pretty good impression behind about people like us.
The trans community gives me nothing. The CIS world is where the money is and it is incumbent on me to fit in and make THEM feel comfortable with me. Making other trans people feel comfortable about themselves isn't really my responsibility.
If the word tranny offends you then perhaps you should have some therapy to find out why you are wiling to give away so much power.
Knowing many Transsexual women, I find the further we travel away from Trans-land and become normal functioning women in society, the less important the terminology becomes to us.
I like hearing that. You're fully integrated back into the world as women, not in-betweeners or newbs. You're not fretting about whether you're a CD or a TG or a TS or a...whatever. You're able to live your life with all that garbage behind you and are more concerned with other, more important, aspects of life.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jorja
The problem is, some can never get to that point.
To get to that point of fully integrating takes a long time, and I am not even close to that point yet. At present I am at a very awkward phase for myself and those around me. Those that are there or have been there know what I talk of.
A very keen observation, indeed. And I'd agree.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jorja
As for whether "tranny" is a derogatory term, I'd say that all the answers given so far are correct. It depends on a variety of factors such as context, who the speaker and the listener are, intent and environment.
In my experience it's kind of like using the "N-word"; insiders can use it, but outsiders can't. In the circles in which I travel we sometimes use "tranny" to describe ourselves and other trans women but we don't want civilians saying that to us or about us.
Understandably so. Once we're comfortably aligned again with the gender binary there are plenty of more pressing issues that we face, challenges that have a lot more in common with the general population. Just because we've got ours doesn't mean there isn't value in considering those who are still struggling, or who have yet to begin their journey. Spending time on forums like this one and donating to causes like LGBT youth shelters isn't about enriching me – it's about paying it forward, recognizing how much I benefited from the work of many who preceded me down this road.Quote:
Originally Posted by Jorja
I'm offended that the transgender populace is misunderstood and derided. That so many of us struggle for decades to come to terms with who we are, knowing full well how much negativity and violence is aimed at us collectively. I don't think concern for others and a desire to make the world a better place is a problem I need to work on. Nor do I demand that others take the same approach I do to improving matters. Disagreement is part of diversity, and I agree that you make a positive difference just by being out there, living a productive and rewarding life despite the stacked deck. Visibility is an important step for any minority when it comes to societal change.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
Well, ...okay then.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael
The only thing I'll add is being hyper sensitive or responding to every perceived slight, is not a good strategy for us or any marginalized community. It makes us look weak and reactionary. I prefer to look strong and unflappable.
So true. There's a huge difference between finding teachable moments and flying into an indignant rage. I try for the former, and do my best to listen as well as speak. There's no value in being absolutist or expecting the rest of the world to be as informed about issues that are personally relevant to me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Badtranny
Did HRT or any part of your transition affect your sexual orientation? I've read that one's orientation can change and am curious about your experiences.
Nope! I was heterosexual before transition and I still am heterosexual post-transition.
I think the terms heterosexual and homosexual can be ambiguous in the context of gender transition. Nobody's ever entirely sure what sex they're supposed to be relative to. That's one of the reasons why I identify as a lesbian, which makes matters a lot clearer. I guess we could try to popularize the terms gynophile or androphile, but that kind of sweeping change sounds like an uphill battle.
Back to the original question: no, nothing has changed regarding who I am attracted to.
I agree with Kimberly that the terms heterosexual and homosexual are at best ambiguous for a TS My Gender specialist prefers to talk in terms of whether you are attracted to men/women/both.
I asked him early on about changing orientation and he said in his experience it can happen but not often. My attraction to other women has not changed so far.
That may be true for you, but I am not the least bit unsure of whom I am attracted to. As for "what sex they're supposed to be relative to", I'm not sure what that means but the standard of "supposed to be" doesn't have to apply to anyone unless you want it to.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael
No, those terms have well-established definitions; not ambiguous at all.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rianna Humble
That's sexual preference, and not the same thing as sexual orientation. For most of us sexual orientation and sexual preference match up, but that doesn't make the terms interchangeable.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rianna Humble
I believe that your therapist is correct; sexual orientation does not change, or at least not often. In your case, your sexual preference stayed the same, but by definition your orientation changed. Now you're a lesbian, before transition you were not.
In my case I was heterosexual before transition and I still am, but the gender of my partners has changed.
My sexual preference didn't change.. In another thread I mentioned that people thought I was gay because I liked boys and at the time I looked like a boy.
So when you say that you were heterosexual before and still are after transition, you mean you were attracted to women and are now attracted to men? Or that you were always attracted to men because you've always been female, but that people mistakenly read you as homosexual pre-transition? Or do you mean you've always been attracted to women, and don't care that for any observer who accepts you as a woman that you now appear homosexual?Quote:
Originally Posted by Michelle.M
No, that's not the least bit ambiguous. :doh:
I didn't mean that I was confused about my orientation, just that the words to describe it are confusing when you know I've transitioned and aren't sure whether it's relative to my assigned sex or gender identity.
Exactly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael
I think we sense that this is ambiguous because we get confused about the working aspects of sexual orientation. Look at the root words. "Homo" comes from the Greek word for "same", as in homogenous (of the same kind), or homonym (two distinct words with the same sound). "Hetero" refers to the complement, the opposite number, the yin-yan relationship.
Sexual orientation has nothing to do with a person's plumbing. My orientation has more to do with the person being my opposite number. Some of us began to explore that before transition, like kellycan27 who points out that people thought she was gay because she liked boys and at the time she looked like a boy.
Got it. It only matters if you think it does, as this is your business. For me it's relative to my gender identity (and I'd guess that's probably true for others as well). I was in a heterosexual relationship with my boyfriend when I was pre-op; the same holds true for many of my friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael
"Assigned sex" is based on how our bodies are configured, and the assignment is made when we're born. If you're a woman with a penis (gender identity) and you have a relationship with a straight man then you're likely to identify as a straight woman, irrespective of plumbing. If you prefer women and have a woman as a partner you probably identify as a lesbian, as many of my friends do. Some of these friends are post-op, but many are either pre-op or non-op.
This doesn't have to be any more confusing than we make it. YOU are the one who gets to define yourself. My comments are meant to explain how I define it, and nothing more.
Without resorting to labeling sexual trysts as XX/XY or XY/XY we all feel we have to call it something. Cumbersome to say the least. Early in ones transition, it's easy to call sex with a man homo, but later, as a more female form is achieved, it becomes obviously hetero. So where did we cross THAT line? It would be so easiest if people stopped asking us our orientation.
I yams what I yams-Popeye
Aside from eating and breathing, sex (and all things related) is probably the most universal aspect of human existence. It's the foundation of the propagation of life and human relationships. Yeah, it really is important.
If people could have open and sensible discussions about sex and to do so without shame or embarrassment then we probably wouldn't have so many unplanned pregnancies and, even more importantly, there wouldn't be such xenophobia when it comes to accepting anyone whose sexual orientation is different than our own.
I have no problem answering questions about my sexual orientation or how that was affected by my transition. Knowledge is understanding. That doesn't mean I share intimate details, but open, mature discussions about sex and sexual orientation? I'm in.
Hi Dreamer, sexual orientation usually does not usually change during transition. For Michelle her sexual preference changed. That does happen and is documented.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl
I have confused people (what else is new :))by stating I was straight while living a TG life as a guy(sexually attracted to women). Starting transition and still being sexually attracted to women well that would define me as a lesbian instead.:heehee:
The fact is every TS woman is actually female and always has been. So put simply if they were always sexually attracted to men they were always straight. If they were always sexually attracted to women that would make them lesbian.
Hope that helps.
I'm OK with the question, I just don't have a good answer.
Dreamer_grl- For what it's worth, my therapist says HRT won't CHANGE your orientation. However, if you've been sitting on a fence about it, it may push you over.
her opinion- pheromone receptors changing. Not scientific, but...who knows.
I don't want to split hairs, but no, my sexual orientation did not change. My sexual preference did. The two are not synonymous.Quote:
Originally Posted by Marleena
@ Michelle. Fixed my original reply for you..:)
Sorry for the wording, ladies. I think you all still understood the question though and your answers are appreciated.
I'm currently hetero with some slight bi interests, hoping to turn homo after transitioning. In other words, I like girls now and hope to keep that attraction to girls later. Time will tell.
It will. I have zero evidence to back up the claim, but I suspect that for a lot of people what changes during transition isn't their fundamental attraction but rather the environmental factors that play into relationships. What does society have to say about your relationships? Ditto for your friends and family? Who feels comfortable showing interest in you in public? These all play a role of some kind in how we feel about ourselves and others.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamer_grl
In my case, I took to lesbian pride like a fish to water. I don't mind being controversial,and I was already in a stable relationship with a woman I love deeply. So nothing changed, and everything changed.
You may be on to something there. I see a lot of girls who get confused about what direction they should go instead of just letting things flow. Looks like you've got it figured out.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly Kael