I was there, the panties, bra & skirt were there....and the rest is history!
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I was there, the panties, bra & skirt were there....and the rest is history!
Curiosity. Liked how the clothes looked. Then how they felt on me. Liked the picture of me in them. I dunno, I don't have a solid answer, it just seemed like the right thing to do for me.
I have a theory about this. Keep in mind that its just a theory. When I was a young child, I was told a story that when I was a baby, that a friend of the family mistakenly thought that I was a girl. He said something like, "Oh, what a beautiful little girl", or something like that. Obviously, he was corrected by my parents. However, I believe I heard that even though I was just an infant. Years later when I was told (and sometimes teased) about it, I think a "connection" was made somewhere in my brain. I know I started dressing when I was young, sometime around four or five. I remember running up the stairs to hide when someone would come over and I was playing in my mother's heels. Anyways, I think the "connection" was established/re-established when I was told about the event (events?) and teased about it when I was four or five, right around the same time I started playing with my mother's shoes and, on the weekend at my father's house, my older sister's bikinis, nightgowns, and other clothes that she would leave hanging on the hook of the bathroom door.
I think it would be neat if others on this forum could/would ask their parents if they were ever mistakenly identified by someone OUT LOUD as a girl when they were an infant.
I am not alone.
Even after all this time, it seems so unbelievable to read threads like this. It's like reading a thousand slightly different variations on my own life.
Perhaps nothing "made" us this way. I suspect there have always been ones like us, ashamed and afraid and isolated ... and here we are huddled together all over the world telling stories to each other that sound so familiar ... It's astounding.
More on topic, I don't know why I first tried on the tights my mother had left drying on the shower curtain rod. I just did, and I think it was inevitable. If it hadn't been that it'd have been something else eventually. Nobody ever asks why a baby starts moving it's legs, and first decides to try crawling, which leads to lots of things. It was just always going to, because that's what babies do. ... I think this is just what we do, baby.
I blame it on The Bossa Nova. Really I think that we are wired this way. Whatever the reason I love living as a female 24/7
Lucky you........I live 18/4 as female. OK, I can deal with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by ArleneRaquel
Interesting story, Desirae (Post #53). Maybe there is something to your theory. I read posts on the forum that many CDers believe their crossdressing is genetic, because they say that from their earliest recollection they had these feelings. We don't have conscious recollections from birth, but in early infancy (say, up to two years old) there may have events that happened that stuck in our memory but remain unknown to us, and these events may run the range from fears to fetishes. My CDing is based on fetishes, not on some internal girl wanting to express herself. In the couple of million years that we can call us human, clothing is a relatively new invention, and articles of clothing commonly worn by women that have become objects of fetishes are even more recent. So it's absurd to think that a fetish for high heels, for example, is somewhere in the genes. Some say that the propensity to have a fetish may be genetic, and maybe so, but the actual object itself that is the fetish item must certainly have been introduced in childhood, perhaps before any conscious awareness of it.
So I think your theory may have validity, both for pleasure dressers and for those with internal feminine identities introduced in childhood, such as happened to you.
I've always believed that it's no coincidence that when i was four my mom was pregnant and my Dad kept saying he really hoped she had a girl because they "had enough boys already." I was the youngest of three boys. Maybe, on some level, I believed my dad would like me better if I was a girl.
Think not, why, but, why not?
Sounds like a famous Robert Kennedy quote, only in fewer words:Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticLady
There are those who look at things the way they are, and ask why... I dream of things that never were, and ask why not?
your story sounds familiar. I can remember trying on my moms stocking one day with my older brother while we were playing in the basement and they were on top of the dryer.
Good point above about sisters. How many sisters dressed their brothers up in sister clothes--probably all. But for some, it had some sort of pleasurable effect and the concept stuck forever. For most--no effect at all.
I didn't have sisters, only brothers. I suspect--if a sister was in the house it always started with her clothes rather than the mother's clothes. What about if you were raised only by your dad?
I realy dont remember, maybe it wuz moms panties & stockings hanging to dry on the shower curtain or the Sears catalog. All I know is its been a part of me since I wuz young.
I remember as a very young child (maybe 4 or 5) daydreaming about wearing a girl's swimsuit. I have no idea why those thoughts popped into my head. Actually tried girl's clothing on around age 9 or 10, and started seriously crossdressing at around 15.
My mother told me that when I was extremely young (< 4 months old) my sisters would dress me in their dolls' clothes, but I seriously doubt that had any effect on me; I would have been much too young to realize what was happening or even have any concept of gender identity.
I leave the why's and wants of this question to you forum shrinks. I do blame ArleneRaquel for blaming this need on the Bosa Nova. I haven't given that song any thought until I read her post. Since then, the song had been an incessant " ear worm ." Arlene, thanks for the chuckle that only us old farts can understand . Peace to everyone, Melissa
My older sister was the "Hott" girl at school and she always had the coolest looking clothes. For me it all started with my sisters clothes. Stealing things and panties from her room when no one was home. Or trying on all her skirts and dresses when everyone was out of the house.
I have been able to keep this a secret my whole life.
Or everyone knows and doesn't say anything about it
I had always wondered what it was like to wear a skirt. There was one there I was there and decided to try it on, and well it was pretty awesome.
Funny To Many :)Quote:
Originally Posted by MysticLady
When I was young, all my aunties wore deep red lipstick in the style of day. I became entranced with red lips so when I found a red lipstick in a collection of my Mom's stuff, I tried it out and was immediately hooked on the sensation. Then I tried on a pair of my sister's panties and things took off from there.
Can't say exactly myself..but I know of a couple formative things in my childhood..
1: In grade school, I tended to gravitate toward playing with girls. Never was a big tough sports player so I and a few girls would have fun at recesses playing with imaginations rather than sports. So I kind of started a bit as a sissy-boy somewhat from the early on. I was (and still probably am) a bit more emotional and empathic compared to most. (One of those girls later became a first girlfriend briefly in Jr. High). So that probably kept my feminine side going a bit.
2: while I never (that I can remember anyways) did any dressups with those girls (or a few neighbor girls either) I did develop a facination a bit with hose. (Still a fetish today). I do remember while I never tried them on, I occasionally played with mom's nylons just liking the feel of them.
I'd pretty much still never literally did anything CD-wise (although pretty much stayed a loner-and yeah a virgin to today even) but one day I won a camisole at a lingerie party I DJ'ed. Kept it (yeah I'm a hoarder). Eventually it was a thing where "i've got this here not getting any use...wonder what it's like" so I tried it on.
Nylon/hose fetish continued with some tights play at times later (pretense of making outfit for SCA/Rennaisance recreation) and now recently over last few months have just outright been Underdressing.
As to why continuing into full CD now... Well, not sure. Psychological in part, there is a base thrill to putting on the dress/outfit. (Its new to me and I can understand that the rush might be old to longer-term CDers here). But I've kind of got a second 'boost' in a way person-wise. I'm a bit reserved social-wise and don't get out much in RL. Being Kacey gets me feeling different, more empowered, and like the personality i wish I was able to be. It's also (unfortunately) triggered the challenge aspect.. To work toward being able to pull off a good presentation that might make a person not realize I was a guy.
So there's that too.
Ya know... Thinking back on the grade school times... How come we never keep up "recess-es"... Life would be more fun if there were recess times even thru adulthood :)
That's interesting. Did you know that our memory for odors is stronger than all the other senses. One of my early crossdressing memories is the first time I tried on lipstick. I'll never forget the smell of that lipstick. I don't know why but I loved that smell from the first whiff. To this day the smell of lipstick still turns me on.Quote:
Originally Posted by Teddie
My earliest memory is trying on a training bra I found in a house my parents had just bought when I was 6. I put it on out of curiosity and wore it a few times but soon forgot about it. From then on the thought of crossdressing never occurred to me until I was 17. My girlfriend one day commented on my body and said I would make a hot looking girl. That did not boost my ego considering I was skinny and was trying to bulk up and I didn't want to look like a girl, or so I thought. Before I knew it she was turning me into her girlfriend, mostly for her amusement. That worked for her because she was into other girls anyways and it worked for me because I was pretty much willing to do anything as long as I was getting sex. I feebly complained about dressing but the truth is I would have dressed like Bozo the clown if she asked me to. It didn't take me long though to realize I really liked dressing, especially dressing for sex. At this point my psyche was all messed up. The dressing went on for a year or so with but we eventually broke up and I stopped dressing. It was like I turned off a switch. I didn't have any desire to dress at all. I didn't even think about it. Probably because it reminded me of my girlfriend and I wasn't getting any sex either. I was torn up pretty bad over the breakup and actually ended up joining the Navy partly to try and put things behind me. For 6 years I didn't dress. Then I got out of the Navy and got married. I discovered that having my wifes lingerie sharing the same dresser as my socks and underwear would lead to frequent dressing malfunctions where somehow my wifes panties would wind up on me instead of my Fruit of the Looms. Of course it was only a matter of time before she noticed things in her dresser drawers were not arranged like she had left them and then she came home early one day and caught me dressed. I explained as best I could what I was doing but she pretty much already knew what I was doing. Our relationship was strained for a while. I didn't realize it at the time but that was the best thing that could have happened and soon felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. 24 years later we are still married. My wife doesn't approve of my dressing but she tolerates it. At times I think she actually enjoys being around me when I'm dressed but she'll never admit it. All in all I have no complaints.
When I told my wife, one of her questions to me was what made me start and what was the first thing I put on. I told her it was a long time ago and didn't even remember the first thing I wore, but I do remember when I was young I always wore pantyhose and slips and never wore panties till later, so as far as I can remember it was my love of pantyhose and slips then and still now.
I was in 4-H with 3 of my siblings and Mom was one of the leaders and we were thinking of a play to put on for Fun Night. Someone thought of doing a Wedding with just each member of the wedding party introducing themselves with a short funny rhyme. My brother came out toward the end wearing a box with strings over his shoulders, as if naked under the box. I think he got the most laughs. His line was: I'm the father of the bride. She took everything but my hide.
Someone thought it would be funny if one of the boys played a girl and one of the girls played a boy. So my sister agreed to play best man, or something, and I played the Maid of Honor. Wow, did I ever hit the jackpot! Our main leader happened to have an old bridesmaid's dress, a dark green, that looked and felt great, very satiny. They made a wig for me out of yellow baler twine, I think, so I got to go on stage looking pretty. I felt rather ugly most of my childhood as a boy.
A classmate of mine in another 4-H group later said I was the best-looking girl in our group, but he probably meant the other girls weren't hot. It happens that his group was all boys and they all dressed as girls. That used to be funny, you know. Like Milton Berle used to play a girl now and then in his comedy show, and Flip Wilson did it later.
I'm not positive, but I think that was the first time I wore a dress, although I remember when I was about 2 that Mom put her scarf on me and my brother when it was cool out, and I loved that too.
At about that same time I saw my sister's girlscout dress in her closet one day and decided to borrow it, so I could wear it in the bathroom when no one was around. Unfortunately, Mom found the dress in my hiding place one day and asked what I was doing with it, but I fibbed my way out of that embarrassment.
That's a no brainer. It's because I can look like this and wear prettier clothes
"I'll try anything once" Sound familiar? This got me thinking. Maybe the question we should be asking our self's is why the second time. Most of us seemed to be hooked after the first time.
I had always loved when the Christmas catalogs from Sears and Montgomery ward arrived in the mail,when I was probably from 6 years old on. I liked the toy section but always went to the lingerie section too. I loved the look of the slips girdles and all in ones. When I was maybe 9 or 10 and home alone I went into my moms drawer hoping to find lingerie, I pulled out a girdle with garter snaps some stockings and put them on because I wanted too Not curious I WANTED TO. I so loved how it looked the gusset was smooth and flat like the women in the catalogs. Loved the look and it felt so snug and wonderful. I loved looking in the mirror and spent sometime posing. I loved that and the feel, I added a white slip with lace and have loved it ever since though I did not get my own until years (decades) Later. If Santa had brought me what I really wanted I would have been in girdles and lingerie at a very early age. It was how women looked in the catalogs and how I wanted to look that got me going and once I tried them on,the feel of wearing the clothes was a real plus.
I believe our brains become hard-wired in early childhood to become predisposed toward cross-dressing. Then when we reach puberty we discover that just touching some feminine clothing gives us a thrill. The experience releases dopamine and other neurotransmitters which produce the sensations and expectations of gratification similar to an addiction response.
In my case my mother wanted a daughter. I was born. However a year later she gave birth to my sister. My mother would tell stories about how badly she wanted a girl when I was born, and how I was such a disappointment. However a year later she gave birth to a daughter and that was the happiest day of her life. My sister was pampered, and spoiled rotten. I grew up thinking that all parents prefer girls because girls are smarter and prettier. Girls had it better in life - they got all the pretty things, and everyone made such a fuss over them. I believed that my mother would have loved me more if I was born a girl. When I was about 3-4 years old I started playing dress up by going into my mom's closet and playing with her things. This never ended well. That was when I was introduced to aversion therapy.
I gave up cross-dressing for a few years, at least until puberty hit. Once the testosterone started flowing then everything changed and cross-dressing because a sexual thing.
When I was about 4 a young girl about 6 was if her friends and she watching for my mother. And she had me and another girl exchange cloths even underwear and she put lipstick on me that got from her mother and we stay that for hours and I liked it. Years later while in Boy Scouts they needed someone to dress up as a female a skit since I was the smallest it was me. I had to try on skirts and tops with petticoats and frilly lace panties by then I was 10 and now I can stop at 66
I believe it! When my wife and I went to bed one night, I detected something I hadn't smelled in over 25 years, and I knew instantly what it was: she got a perm in her hair that day. I remember my mom and sister getting Toni home perms long ago. That smell was still in my memory.Quote:
Originally Posted by SometimesBrandi
I also agree with you about the smell of lipstick. Nowadays, those great scents are mostly gone, and some lipstick smells are downright unpleasant. But the other reasons for applying lipstick override. Those great lipstick scents of the past were just a bonus.
Okay, lets look at this analytically. 95% of the male population feels nothing special from wearing lingerie and stilettos, except overwhelming humiliation. Most real females will only wear dresses for special occasions, and they say pantyhose feels uncomfortable. Most real females say it is much more comfortable to wear androgynous clothing. For us wearing petticoats, wigs, make-up, etc, is just a wonderful fulfilling pleasure. What makes us different? What made us this way?
It has to be the way our brain is wired. In our early childhood our brains were programmed to associate cross-dressing with female contact. When we cross-dress our brain interprets it as contact with a female and releases dopamine and a host of neurotransmitters. This neurotransmitters produce the sensations of well-being and sexual gratification. It affects the reward centers of our brain, instant gratification, and thus it mimics the addiction response.
This couldn't start in puberty. The first time you cross-dressing during puberty was already a thrilling experience, so you had to be hard-wired much earlier than that. Most likely in early childhood, when our brains are very plastic, and the connections are just being made, we made the connections. When you were a wee little boy, (2-4 years old) you craved the love and attention of your mother. You wanted that contact, but you don't believe you got your needs met. Then you made the association that females had it better in life, mothers prefer girls, your mother would have loved you more if you were born a girl. Whatever it was, there was some form of female envy. There was a childhood perception that became a reality in adulthood.
Even if cross-dressing doesn't make logical sense as an adult, the sensations (neurotransmitters) are indeed a reality. The reality is it makes you happy. Perception is reality.
I believe the scent I'm attracted to is ambergris. Ambergris used to be an ingredient in the more expensive lipsticks and it was also used in perfumes. It's been banned in the US since 1973 so that probably explains why I can't find that smell on new lipstick. Probably for the better. Save the whales and all that.Quote:
Originally Posted by NicoleScott
,
One night just before I turned 5 I was beamed up to a large black oblong thing in the sky where they hooked me up to some machines that were covered with flashing lights and tubes.
It's rather vague but I think they contaminated my DNA or Genes, this hasn’t been confirmed though, but I’ve had these feelings since.
I have a bridge for sale too.
:)
.
it started at a young age, growing up feeling guilty, shameful about it, why was i cursed with this, since joining i feel why was i blessed with this, so i guess for me because i could,
why does a dog lick himself ?
Hi Staci, It all probably started when I was two or three days old when my
mom dressed me in that little white receiving dress when
mom & dad brought me home from the hospital.
Then when I was four or five pulling on a pair of moms nylons and hi-heels
and I never looked back, At almost 71 dressing is now more fun than ever.
I myself never knew why I began CDing: maybe it is because I have done it since I was a child, maybe it's because I am more feminine, maybe I grew up as the only guy in my family, maybe it was because I was bullied, or maybe it's because when I was 15 my sisters friend dared me to put on a bra. As a Behavorist maybe it's the attention, access, or a sensory issue. But all I know is how I feel and what I want. Instead of asking why, I need learn to accept myself for who I am.
I always loved soft materials like silk...things guys never wore, I like the way a women looked in a skirt, how women had many more options than men. I was always into the fashion side of dressing myself...then there are heels...omg!!!
Mom's bra. I kept checking in to see it just lying there, folded neatly in the drawer. And then one day, it talked to me..........
When I was a younger teenager, home alone after school each day and hormones raging, and no internet at that time, I would scour our house for anything sex-related. Women's catalogs with underwear models were my first exposure to women in what one could consider sexual clothing, so that was probably a big imprint for me. With that fixed in my mind, that place to go to next was my mom's closet, and while hardly anything fit (and I most likely stretched out a couple of her wardrobe items!) I was hooked.
I remember going to K-mart and buying a package of thigh-high stockings for myself and the cashier didn't say anything but I blurted out "It's for my sister!" (I have no sister btw). Oh the memories of my silly teenage self...
After many years of introspection about why I am like this, I think I finally realized it's because I was abused (not sexually) as a child by my father. My sister, on the other hand, wasn't; she was put on a pedestal. Early on (about the age of 6 or so?) I started sneaking into my mother's closet when I had the chance (when everyone was in the family room watching TV) and putting on her clothes as an unconscious escape mechanism. Girls weren't abused, so I think part of me wanted to be one to get away from the abuse.
As I got older, the urge to dress waxed and waned depending on whether my father was away on business trips and how much abuse I'd taken recently.
I remember my first time.........it was like a magnet drew me to the chest of drawers at the neighbor's house where I was babysitting. I went through he undergarments and pulled out a pair of pantyhose.........Why? Still no clue! Put on her pantyhose, which I never had even thought about before and left them on for a couple hours. Hooked without even knowing what the bait was or that I was being fished.
Uh... To be honest, porn. I stumbled across a CD video around... 14, I think and that was it. I've wanted to do it ever since and before now would only occasionally wear panties, pretty gloves, socks and other suck things only in my room and for very short periods of time. After my dream of enlisting in the Marines fell through I talked to my boyfriend about it and here I am.
This thread is fascinating. So many different stories with common elements and vivid recollections.
When I was in high school my girl friend gave me a perm, her and her sisters were always getting them back in the day. At first I acted reluctant but after a while I said what the heck as her friends were over at the house that day too and everybody said to go for it. As it turned out there was already a box of Toni perm in her house, ready to go so out came the perm rods and they went to work...Quote:
Originally Posted by NicoleScott
I was 6, 64 years ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I went into the bathroom getting ready to take a bath. There hanging on a hook on the back of the door was a white nylon slip, my sisters. It was just hanging there laughing at me daring to try it on, I've never passed on a dare, big brother wouldn't let me, so I took that slips dare and put it on, Oh it felt good, but more important, for me, it felt right, not naughty. Well with a big brother like mine, it didn't take a genius to figure out, keeping this to myself would be a good idea.
While learning to dress from a dirty clothes basket might sound icky to some, it did have the bonus of all of the lovely smells of womanhood, and it was private and safe. When I got a little bigger, and could find time alone, I moved to sisters closet, she had some great clothes.
As we grew up, my sister joined a club that was very formal, in fact They actually wore formals to special events at least a few times a year, Sis always got a new one for each event, mom was great with a sewing machine and it left a lot of formal clothes in the closet that didn't get used much, except by me.
I loved playing with the hoop for the hoop skirts, strangest form of a slip I've ever gotten to play with. An open frame of hoops and straps to hold them together it always make me smile putting it on, and layering crinoline slips over it.
Wish that slip had never dared me, I've spent a lot of time and money chasing that feeling I found in that bathroom at 6 years old. If I ever did anything, or thought of it before that day, I don't remember, but that first day with that plain white nylon slip sent me on a life time journey.
The evidence for the major [or almost always at least one "contributing"] CAUSE of WHY is overwhelming at this site alone. Even if one never bothers to read the Qs or responses.
This site posts the FACTS everywhere in the form of #s scattered about the site in various places. I don't think this is any accident. Members are free of course to ignore these #s.
I find it ironic that ONLY members have access to these #s and that so few choose to utilize them.
The most prevalent "WHY" I can think of: When I was 13-15 years old I had absolutely limited social skills and dare I say zero success attracting women. right about then was when I started crossdressing. I'm no psychologist but maybe it was a way to get that female contact that I was unable to get at the time. I guess it's a part of me now because my social skills sharpened up but the crossdressing kept going on :P
My therapist and I have talked about this a little. I remember at a young age I would sleep with a silky night gown that my mom had as like a security blanket. When I got to the age of 4 when my little brother came she took it from me and said, "boys don't sleep with things like this anymore." I remember feeling really sad; after that I loved the feel of women's clothes, how it felt on my skin and made me feel happy and secure. When I got to puberty it became more of a sexual thrill but now it has returned to that feeling of happiness and security.
I was 5yrs old and when I was playing with the neighbour girl, I saw black patent tap dance shoes in her closet. Like a moth to a flame, I had to try them on. The rest is history.
Interesting question, I'd say in my case it was as simple as I thought the clothes were pretty and wanted to try them on. Also, I was really skinny as a teenager so in my mind I think I just figured they would look good in me since I was about the same size as most girls my age.
It's part of our biology. Our brains are hardwired to release dopamine and other neurotransmitters when we feminize ourselves. These neurotransmitters produce the sensations of well-being, pleasure, gratification and bonding that we love.
To give you more information on our biology: Your brain goes through a couple of critical periods of producing neural connections. (In biological terms this is called synaptogenesis.) It is interesting to know that you have more neural connections when you are 12 months old (just a baby) than at any point in your life. Then you go through a period of removing connections that don't make sense, and reinforcing those connections that do make sense. It's is believed to be part of the learning process. (In biological terms this is called synaptic pruning.) Now the funny part. Sometimes you keep some neural connections that don't make a lot of sense. For instance some people see colors associated with numbers. When stimulation in one sensory pathway produces an involuntary, automatic experience in a secondary sensory pathway it is called synesthesia.
It is only a theory, but cross-dressing may just be a form of synesthesia.