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Although there's always that desire to dress to pass when I go out, for some reason, I've never been out dressed to pass as often as I've dressed carefully for photos and videos at home. When I go out, I love blending in with the public scene while presenting a definite female silhouette and form but questionably non-female face. Usually, I'll shave real smooth and do a little eye makeup but for me it's all about having prominent T&A in public. Hey, you asked!
I've been out in public since the early '80's. I find it is all about first impressions. We've spoken about it in other threads. If they see a lady then usually it all falls into place, even if your voice is a little masculine, which many GG's have (re: Suzanne Pleishette and Marlene Dietrich.). I like dresses to pants since I can wear pants anytime. I just make sure that they are age, time of day and occasion appropriate. Being 5'5" I can get away with 4" or less heels in boots or shoes. I would think that lower heels would help if you're taller and you don't want to stick above the crowd. I do find that passing is an addictive activity. So as you get better at it it may be harder to control your "pink fog". The most important thing to do is study what GG's wear, how they do their hair, accessorize (jewelry, scarfs, etc), how they do their makeup and how they use their hands while doing any activity. Take smaller steps and ALWAYS bend at the knees. Lastly, get in the habit of keeping the knees together. Momma didn't raise any loose girls here.
Stephanie,
That is great advise for blending in with the public.
Thank you,
Rebecca
....when I was going out (I plan to start again this year) thats exactly what I did....I would also go to the beach in the summer go figure !Quote:
Originally Posted by FemmeElastique
The way to break up all that silent staring is to carry on a nice conversation with the people near you. It may take time, but after a while it will be very easy. Sure they will look. So would I if I was getting a mani/pedi as a man with no polish, men do that more than we realize. Now, when they start putting a nice bright color on my toe nails, the conversation can get interesting. I just tell them that no one else will see them but me, and I like the look. Then we resume our talk.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rebecca W.
I have not gone out as often as I would like to, but I still get out plenty. If I start to feel a little nervous, I just think of the line from batman:
"Wait til they get a loud of me!"
Be proud of being the "different" one. If it bothers them and not you, then you have an advantage on them. Be defiant and insist on your freedom.
Yes I have gone out fully dressed. It takes nerve when you are 6 foot 2 inches tall. I have noticed there are several tall girls now out in public so I do feel a little more comfortable but also a little apprehensive
I really want to, more and more I have been thinking about especially now that I got my first wig. I like to think about what I would wear, and do, and go...ah a girl can dream.
I have been working on this while at home. When I was a kid my mom used to slap my hands or legs because I would "sit like a girl." So I am trying to bring the habit back in me. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Stephanie Julianna
Yeah i've been out a few times to a mix of busy places (main central station,shopping mall, McDonalds) and some not so busy (parks etc). Just kinda depends what mood i am in. Im 6'3" without heels so dont try to pass. Also tend to show a lot of leg which also gets attention ! Always use male voice and just try to look good. Walk like you own the place and you wont get much hassle. As others said its easy to detect fear or nervousness e.g dont keep changing direction to avoid people!! Only really interacted with women who have been great. Some 26 year olds were so keen to get my number ;)
Think i would get less attention if i went out with someone else but not tried that yet.
Hunni you look great
I try to get out 1-2 times a month if possible.
I've gotten used to the stares but once and a while if I get a funny far away background comment sometimes, sometimes my middle finger will stick up for me.
Update from Lara: I got up early this morning, got dressed, and drove to Nashville to meet my sister--she has suspected for years and asked a couple of loaded questions over the holidays, so I let her in that part of my heart. We met a a restaurant near Opryland and when she saw me she broke out in tears. I didn't know what to say so I just hugged her. She stepped back and said, "You are beautiful." (Second time that has happened to me). I then teared up while I tried to say thanks.
We ended up going to Opry Mills (the mall there) and just walked around and talked for the few hours we had together. She had to leave 'cause she's headed to Europe tomorrow.
This getting out thing with people close to me is getting easier by degrees. I remain cautious and try to be careful. Once again, fear is not an issue because I'm not intimidated by other people. On the other hand, I don't ever want to hurt anyone and some people are just never going to understand. Maybe that IS a form of fear.
I do not, and strangely do not have a desire to. Am happy staying indoors most of the time. I do admire those that step out and brave the world dressed. Don't know that I could muster up the courage for that.
In the end it comes down to persistence. After a while you somehow learn how to interact with the world in ways that work for you. That's been my experience anyway. I've been presenting full time as female for over ten years now, and though I'd fooled about with hormones bought privately, mainly to see if they actually worked, I didn't bother with them after realising I was 'getting away with it' most of the time. I've had no surgery (too complicated for me), and wear a wig, which I loosely plait and then clip up at the back. I'm pushing 60 and I think this style suits my age. Often we hide a little behind our hair, so it takes a bit of nerve exposing all the face, but on the other hand you can show off your earrings. I love leggings too. At my age I can wear them with really feminine, pretty tops, which, on their own would look like I'm trying to reclaim my youth.
After a while your dread will mostly subside if you're blending in not too badly. I agree with Paula's advice on beard shadow being a huge giveaway; I tried laser unsuccessfully and ended up plucking my growth everyday for about an hour, which sounds like some kind of madness but I was desperate. Other than dressing down, and attitude, there's not much more you can do other than get out there.
The whole business of 'passing' is, I think more about the relationship you have with those around you rather than how female you look. I'm sticking my neck out here, but it seems to me that the bloke mentality is to continually 'scope' the people around, whereas my female identity in public has somehow learned to find sanctuary in being 'in my own skin', more grounded. I live in a densely populated part of London and go out at the beginning of every day for a forty-five minute walk before work, doing errands or just getting exercise. I've been doing this for years, and think this habit has helped me hugely. It simply forces me to interact. When I'm clocked (do you have that expression in the US?) and it's inevitable, I might reflect on it for a few seconds, but these days somehow shrug it off and move on.
edit: I mentioned clipping my hair back. I've been on this site so long I just noticed my pic is way out of date...
I am an at home dresser. I am 6'3" and 260lbs. I have a beard also, my attraction to dressing is purely an aspect of pleasure. Going out does not interest me at this time. I feel if my wife was behind my feelings and would support me I could talk her into an outing but that just isn't going to happen.
Hi Allie,
I was holding out for one of them to say the first word. I should have said something, but I chose not to. The young lady doing my nails was very nice and I had a nice conversation with her. If I go out more often to have my pedicures done, I will open up a little more. The women who stared at me, never broke the slightest grin. Kind of tough looking women. I had fun and that was all that mattered.
Lara,Quote:
Originally Posted by LaraPeterson
That is what I fear the most. The fear of hurting someone close to me. Some people will never understand and some are very close to me.There is however, the understanding that I do have many feminine preferences and that has been accepted over a long period of time.I just take my dressing on very careful steps and see how far that I can go with it, without hurting someone close to me.
Your story on meeting your sister as Lara was so touching and inspiring to me. I am not sure that I could do what you did, but you never know. To never have that ongoing pressure between you and your sister is going to change your life forever. I admire you so much.
Rebecca
I go out dressed as often as I can now but it was different before. I longed to go out dressed but didn't have the nerve to do it though one day I told myself enough is enough and decided that I would go out fully dressed. So one day I called up a salon I've been to before and set up an appointment. Before we hung up, I asked if it would be alright if I came to the appoint wearing a dress(I know that is more of running instead of crawling when it comes to going out dressed for the first time) and the person I asked said it was ok. I was really excited to do it, I made sure that I had no body hair below my neck because the dress was strapless. I also wore a pair of wedges. I also made sure that I didn't have any facial hair as well because that could ruin the illusion. I'll tell you that I was really nervous about it and felt like not going through with it :sad:. In the end I did it and got myself a pedicure and chatted with the lady that did my pedicure (It was somebody that I have told about myself and she was really cool with it). After I was done however, I put on my wedges and ruined a few toes. Then the moment that made my day happened: I went back in to get my toes fixed, the people at the front desk were busy so I hade to wait, while waiting another customer walked in and then somebody asked who was next and the customer called me ma'am and said I was next even though I mentioned that she could go first. After that, I knew I was atleast passable in image.. not voice. It makes me happy when people see me and address me as a female and not just a male in female clothes