"Sir," How much longer do I have to tolerate this term being used/applied towards me?

I am not 24/7, only in my head, but when I'm dressed and out it does hurt to hear the sir, or he, but I always take it in context. Was it a slip or was it truly said to be mean or embarress. I just simply correct the mistake, and educate the person. I did once respond back to a saleswoman as sir, and said how did that make you feel? I think you have to take each incident on its face value. I aslo think that we are making progress but it's going to take at least another generation to get it right.

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Originally Posted by Edy

You said you were picking up a prescription for t-blockers. She would know that. She was trying to be a smart A-- . Very unprofessional . You could talk to management.

You look great. Keep being you and thanks for helping others.

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Thanks. You seem to totally get it. Although at the time I was just sitting there, she had not looked up anything and I had not spoken to her. She was helping another customer and when through turned to me and said, "how may I help you, sir?" What's worse is after I told her what medicine I needed, she asked for my birthdate, checked the computer and said, "is your name John ****?" Not only is that a Hippa violation by saying the client's last name, and she could be fired immediately for that, at that point I felt like she was either being a smart a** or was just one incompetant clerk! Both of those things could get someone fired.

Thanks for your support! I appreciate it.

Paulette

I just wanted to give an update and clarify a few things that have caused some confusion here. I did approach the girl and asked, "do I look like a John or a Sir?" She did apologize....but it was too late. The damage had already been done. By the time I paid for my perscription I was already in tears, and although I did make a comment as I was leaving, I didn't "blow up" at anyone as someone has stated. I had my emotional tiraid in the privacy of my car. I wrote this on here, not for any other reason but in hopes to get some support, which I have and thank those who have given positive and affirming feedback. I also wrote it to see if there were others who have had an emotional reaction to being "sir'd" and other misgendering mistakes made by the general public and those in customer service in particular. I also was questioning my own self because one would think at this point (almost 2 full years of transition....and yes I do have a legal name change, someone asked) one would think I would have the emotional "toughness" to not have such a reaction and was questioning; how long do I have to have this kind of thing happen? Will it happen for the rest of my life?

I could have SRS tommorrow and it wouldn't make a difference as far as this is concerned, the girl (and everyone else) isn't going to check to see what's in my pants!LOL! So I couldn't help but breakdown in wonderment of these kinds of questions as I've invested so much into my femminization process already (time, energy, money, etc...) and still have to have the occassional incident of being misgendered not only on the phone (which is far more understandable considering how I struggle with my feminne voice) but in-person face-to-face as well. All of these questions and issues were on my mind at the time of my original post.

As for action taken. I had a business card with the owner's phone number on it that I had aquired earlier in the month. As a professional counselor I also work as a consultant. I run training seminars and workshops to train staff members of local businesses, churches, medical facilities, and mental health clinics. So I immediately called the man to ask if I could do a presentation for his pharmacy staff since they obviously need it! He responded by saying, "yes sir, we will do that!" After misgendering me several times himself and aplogizing each time (what a fool, omg!!!) I ended our conversation by telling him I would email him a copy of my resume, my presentation outline, and a photo of myself so he could clearly see that I am NOT a sir! He agreed and said he'd attend the training himself, admitting he needed it too!

Since then (five days ago) he has still to reply to my email and has not returned my phone calls. I'm a little concerned he might have just been blowing smoke up my a** to appease me as an upset customer and has no real plans to let me do any kind of a training. That would really be a bummer. I hope that's not the case, and that he's just really busy since he does own two pharmacies. I am curious if any of you have opinions or suggestions on what else I could do next? If he doesn't respond to my emails and phone call, should I continue to bug him and try to pressure him into letting me train his pharmacies (as he promised) or just let it all go and just stop doing business there?

I appreciate and love this forum. You all have been so great! Thanks again for all of your love and support.

Paulette

I think you should let it go. If he wanted you to train his employees, he would have contacted you by now.

The lady appologized, that is what is important. I don't think she was trying to disrespect you, my guess is she had been busy with other customers, gave you a quick glance (see my other post), and used the wrong word.

It's a shame the English language doen't have something other than Sir or Ma'am (or Miss) for occasions where it's not obvious.

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Originally Posted by Krisi

That said, if you are being routinely addressed as "sir" by strangers, you have to look in the mirror. What is it about your appearance that is projecting "male"? Your hair? Your beard shadow (obviously)? Your figure?

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Having gone through a cosmetic surgery paper that shows in detail the differences between male facial features and female facial features, I can say that my face is neutral with the exception that my eyebrow ridge has a (relatively small) bony protrusion that, if smoothed out, would take me into neutral all around. The ridge height is, I estimate, about a millimeter on me, and that area is normally hidden by my glasses.

My hair is not the operative factor: people Sir'd me more when I used to wear wigs than with my hair as it is now (my own, grown long.)

Breast forms: Not it either. I've been Sir'd while wearing professionally-sized professional asymmetric prosthesis (that is, as used by women who have had breast removal.)

Beard shadow: Laser did a number on that. I'm doing electro on the rest now.

My figure: hard to see under my winter coat. Normal hip and butt padding don't make any notable difference for me. Perhaps if I got a butt-lift. Perhaps if I got padding enough that I appeared to waddle (I know a couple of women that shape.) But considering the number of times I've been Sir'd by someone who cannot see that far down on me...

My perhaps benefiting from having a millimeter shaved off my eyebrow ridges does not explain why people ignore / overlook all of the female cues.

The one that really ticks me off is being called "It". That robs me of my humanity as if I wasn't even a human being.

I almost never get called "sir" anymore, and on the rare occasions when it happens, it's usually because the person thinks they are being clever.

When they call me sir, I just don't respond at all. When they call me ma'am or miss, I smile and say "thank you".

I've been dealing with jerks who called me "miss" or "maam" or far worse - when I was presenting as male.

At this point, life is too short to make an issue of people who don't have good manners.
On the other hand, I can celebrate and acknowledge those who do have good manners with a smile and a thank you in my sweetest voice.

On one occasion, a cashier called me sir, and I gave her a deadpan look and took my card and my bag. As I was walking away, I heard her getting a reprimand from her supervisor, telling her that if she was rude like that again, she could go back to stocking shelves.

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Originally Posted by Edy

You said you were picking up a prescription for t-blockers. She would know that. She was trying to be a smart A-- . Very unprofessional . You could talk to management.

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T-blockers are used for more than TS purposes. The clerk might just have had the wrong idea about how people wish to be addressed. Assumption of malice isn't the best way to deal with this.

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Originally Posted by Rachel Smith

Eryn here in the south ma'am is used to address a woman just as sir is used to address a man.

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In that case I'd have no objection at all, as it is normal for the deep south. What I was referring to was the waiter or other person who emphasizes the "ma'am" or "ladies" much more than they would normally here in SoCal. Since I'm in my 50s I don't object to being called ma'am as I've earned it! The fact is, being accepted anywhere, either as a woman or as an accepted TG individual is fine with me.

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Originally Posted by divamissz

And I hate this "we're all ambassadors" thing. I represent myself, an individual.

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You're within your rights to hate it, but the fact is that our individual actions form public opinion about our community and you cannot escape that. We can individually assert "that's not me" but that doesn't mean a thing to Joe Public at the ballot box deciding on a piece of anti-LGBT legislation. People behaving nastily are remembered longer than people behaving civilly.

Sometimes I feel it is used intentionally to say - you didn't fool me. What I don't get is if you can tell the look I am going for, why not go with that?