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Paula, this is such fantastic news, and I can't think of anyone who has done so much to help so many other people and finally deserves a little help herself. Enjoy your new lease on life, and heal quickly. Life is just starting all over again. Congratulations, my dear friend.
Karen
Thanks everyone for your kind words and positive energy. Your words mean so much to me - I can't begin to express how moved I am.
Here's an excerpt from the first post I ever made:
Appropriately it was titled "Hi, I'm a liar."Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaQ
When I wrote those words, I was terrified, isolated, and had little will to live. I feel like I've come a long way in the two and a half years since I wrote them.
I made it through this. I can't believe I did, but somehow, here I am, alive, happy in ways I'd scarcely imagined, and somehow at the end of this horrible nightmare. No, breasts and a vagina won't solve all of life's troubles, but I believe they'll solve my GD. I had a dream this afternoon, it started out like one of my typical dysphoric nightmares - there was a horrible monster the sort of nameless thing that's stalked me in my sleep for so long. Only unlike times past when I'd had this dream, I pursued it, and it fled from me!
Congratulations, Paula!
Paula, I am so thrilled for you! You have worked so hard to save yourself, and you're already a role model. I know you will use your experience to help others. You have indeed come a long way in two-and-a-half years! :rose:
Paula, I'm so glad to that you have the monster on the run! But maybe right now is not the time to run, you will need time to recover!
I hope that your recovery goes smoothly and rapidly, as always my prayers are with you.
Hugs, Bria
Paula, I hope that monster has run completely out of your dreams forever! You deserve some peace.
Hugs,
Leah
Oh that's an awesome idea!!! Wait, I'll be going to NY on Monday. Oh crunk. Maybe next time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Eryn
Congrats Paula!!! I'm glad you're feeling better about yourself. It must feel wonderful to finally be free. I hope you have a nice, speedy recovery, and a safe trip back to Texas.
Congrats, Paula!
So happy for you - congratulations! ;)
Congratulations!! You look happier than ever!!
So happy for you...good for you...the more I understand about myself the more I realize that this could have been my path (had to started to understand myself earlier and not gotten married and had kids so young). Best wishes for a speedy recovery. Such a touching story about sharing the reveal with your partner.
I am happy to see that you have reached your objectives Paula, you deserve admiration for what you've been through and how you managed it all to reach this point, and for what you do for others aswell. You deserve happiness in your life, its time already you can live your life authentically.
I don't forget all the attention you put on me early on when I joined this forum which I'm very thankful for, back when I was terribly confused, your support was there, even though I am sorry for I can't correspond to any friendship much, given my situation and current need for anonymity.
All I wanted to say is, my best wishes for happiness in your life.
Congratulations Paula! Happy Birthday Honey ^_^
Sorry for the tardy update. Recovering from GRS has been the single most painful thing I've ever experienced. I was out of my mind in pain until they removed the packing, and catheter. I'm actually feeling pretty good today, and hoping for a pain pill free day.
I'm healing up well, I believe!
That is the best news all day!!!!!
Hopefully you can rest and recover your energy without all that pain!!
congratulations from me also. :)
You will be in my thoughts as I hope for a speedy recovery for you.
Every woman I've known has told me that it hurts to be beautiful. True or not, you are a most beautiful lady, and I do hope further pain is minimal.
Leah
I'm annoyed because we pretty clearly undersized my breast augmentation by a lot. I tried on dresses today - dresses that zip over my first rib are huge in the breast area. I may as well have kept the padded bra.
We'll discuss this at the doctor's office tomorrow.
Glad to hear you're healing well
Thanks for update. Sorry for the pain I know how that goes! Not good about the BA. Was it Drs suggestion on size?
Yeah, Beck recommended the size. I picked between this and s slightly larger one. Every woman I know warned me "oh don't make them too big!!!!!!!!!!" I felt pressure to go with a lower volume implant. Fine. I'm a C cup on a 42" band, all ribs. The first implant he showed me was 400cc. It was like doing nothing. Compared to that 600 looked huge.
They look nice. They're just about the same size (maybe smaller) as pre-op and wearing a massively padded bra. That's nice I guess - don't need the padding, but clothes still doesn't fit me well. When I get something to zip over my 1st rib it tends to be way too big in the breast. I feel like they are still out of proportion to my chest.
Oh well nothing I can do about it now.
I'm sure they'll be fine. Just wanted an easier time fitting clothes - tired of my boobs being too small. They are too small to a lesser degree than before, but still too small.
We'll see what the good doctor thinks. Maybe he'll set me straight.
Congratulations Paula! May I say, you look so very happy now.
Your new picture reflects the obvious happiness in your heart, and very well depicts what truth there is in the moniker "Gender Confirmation Surgery". So, so happy for you.
As one who has been helped immensely by your posts, I thank you.
Congrats sweetie!
Hospital moments are pretty intimate. I think that's one of the roundabout ways nurses are perceived as 'sexy', they are there with you in the 'interesting' times... Most folks understand that this is hospital decorum- what happens in medical care stays there. My neighbor had no problem showing me a picture of his wife nursing their first baby- breasts fully exposed. And when i looked at it i saw a great beautiful kid and mother- the breast was not a sexual thing in that context.
He felt odd/bad about it later- but I told him as long as he chose judiciously- this kind of sharing is appropriate.
The Japanese have a says something to the effect of: nakedness is often seen, but never noticed. It is a sign of maturity- from the sound of it- you've got it nailed!
I worked in hospital setting a lot- sometimes modesty is compromised. But professional behavior ameliorates the unease- and sets the tone for dealing with 'intimate' issues. I've had surgery at my biggest account- my best client (biomed engineer) & others stopped in to see me during surgery- i had just gone under- naked- prepped... many people might worry- but the professionalism and care totally overrode any concerns I had.
The point of me telling you all this is to let you know the medical staff will support whatever you need- discreetly. Make sure you tell them anything that you are not sure of- everyone has questions- and nothing is silly or ignorant. Repetition is the foundation of clarity- if you need to ask a question again, do so.
Best wishes healing up, we all have a smile on our faces for you!
Some emotional context for my last post - where I seriously complained about my tits.
1. Sleep - next to none, stayed up talking to desperate trans women who's lives make mine look like Caitlyn Jenner's.
2. Starting the day with a random stalker on FB wishing my death - check
3. Realizing that they won't prosecute fully someone in Dallas who murders one of us - yep, the Janette Tovar verdict was this morning, and her murderer got 10 years probation with deferred adjudication for beating Janette's head into a pulp in 2012. (Yeah - deferred adjudication, so they can drop it off his record, because God forbid this poor innocent white boy be scarred for life because of one unfortunate incident with some tranny faggot.) Yes, this really happened back home this morning.
4. Weaning myself off pain meds - pain pill free day #1, oh that did NOT IMPROVE MY MOOD!
So when I spent an hour and a half at modcloth's fit shop in SF, discovering nothing there fits me right, I was really setup to be emotional.
PS - I hate modcloth.com. That I later discovered that my sister hates it too (why, why Tracy did you suggest going there if you hate them too - WHY????) was just the icing on the cake of a very long day.
PPS - the Janette Tovar thing is very real, and very serious, and about all they could do to make life less safe for trans women in Dallas would be to put a bounty on our heads or hire special police units to "retire" us when they discovered us.
This is wonderful! I wish you a speedy recovery.
I went to dilate, and screamed when I looked in the mirror. A good sized area in my perineum along the sutures has split open. I am completely freaked out.
Back to the doctor this morning.
I suspect I may have to postpone my flight home tomorrow.
Sorry to hear of the setback. I hope the doc makes it right and gets you back on recovery road!
Oh, my daughters live Modcloth. Perhaps it isn't Meant For Us!
Paula, I'm sorry to hear of the setback, I continue to remember you in my prayers.
Hugs, Bria
The hell with modcloth - as my friend Alana said to me: "no one will sleep with you in those clothes!"Quote:
Originally Posted by Eryn
I mainly care because I think I will have similar issues with certain shall we say, special interest garments that I do care a lot about and that have a direct impact on activities I enjoy.
Not sleeping tonight. Too worried about having three holes down there.
You wont have three holes.
Everything is fixable! Don't panic (ha! like I did not have my little panic episodes the last 4 months!)
I just saw Marci's nurse. I need some suturing tomorrow. No flight home for me for a few more days. Wound separation.
sorry for your setback. Wonder why it came apart. Too much activity? You didn't ride a SUV limo did you? I hope this is all that you have to contend with. The boob thing, you can get fixed later in life if needed, They do that all the time. I am questioning doing it at all. I kinda like the swimmers body look.
Somehow, I don't really know why except Caitlyn has put us out there, violence and hate toward us has increased. I don't understand the weak sentence. But then I don't understand a lot of things.
Heal up. Feel better. :)
Umm, these are my *daughters* I'm talking about... :heehee:Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaQ
Modcloth seems to lean a bit more to the artsy eclectic than to the sexy!
I hope your issue is remedied soon.
Really sorry to read that. I hope the doctor can sort it for you and that you'll soon be back amongst your friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by PaulaQ
Heh, yeah, I understand. I was talking about, as was my friend Alana, my sex life, not your daughters'!Quote:
Originally Posted by Eryn
They think I used too big of a dilator, and that this isn't uncommon. I used the smallest one they gave me, but its not the smallest one available. We may never know, really.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorileah
My doc thought I should just lose weight, and then my boobs would be fine. (I asked.)
I haven't been my ideal body weight since childhood. I'm just now "overweight" rather than "obese." I'll keep after it, though.
@Rianna - thanks. I'm tired and I want to go home. I miss my boyfriend. I miss my girlfriends. I miss everybody! I miss Mr. Wicked, my cat.
What I really miss, though, is my eyeglasses. Somehow my sister misplaced them week ago.
I wish home wasn't in the middle of hell, but that's about it.
Chin up girl! I drove 200 yards down the road and found I had a flat tyre this morning... :facepalm:
Paula - you (and everyone that goes through this) are incredibly brave and courageous - I have nothing but admiration for how you've faced this and I'm gritting my teeth and praying good things for you - hope it all gets sorted soon... Oh, and take the pain meds if you need them - use what help you can get... :hugs:
Katey x
Huge, amazing congratulations, Paula!!! This was a beautiful post. Will you treat us with a new, equally beautiful post when the catheter comes out? :P
Speedy recovery!!!!
*edit* I was referring to your OP as beautiful, not so much the dialating "split". Sure hope you're okay!
Screen shot or it didn't happen.
@stefan37 - I can send you a PM with a photo if you really want... lol!
I'm stitched up and back on pain meds. Wheeeeee.....
The doctor says it'll heal in it's own even if we'd done nothing. She stitched it up in a different direction, thinks that'll help a lot.
Just a little levity for the gaming nerds.
Glad things are working out. I'm still waiting for my gastroenterologist to sign off on my pre-op clearance
I'm feeling better today. My sutures seem to be holding up, and so far, I haven't needed pain meds.
I love good news. Hoping everything continues to go well.
Hugs,
Leah
I'm finally on a flight home. Travel isn't too comfortable. I'm so ready to be back home...
Travel safely.
congrats. Best of luck on the next stage of your personal journey! thanks for sharing with us.
Have a safe trip home Paula, and hopefully being back home in familliar surroundings will help you heal better.
Paula,
Have a safe a relatively pain free flight, there is nothing like home cooking, am very very happy for you!
There's no place like home!