How come you are not transsexual?

As usual, Reine asks the important question. What do you mean by "trans"?

For myself, I take the term transgender to be someone who takes on, or has, some aspect of what is typically considered to be the gender opposite their birth one. Transsexual, is someone who feels they were born in the wrong gender, and such individuals may consider or need to transition to the appropriate gender. I know this is a gross over simplification, but this my particular slant on it, and is put forth for the purposes of my answer.

I accept that what I do (wearing skirts and hosiery as a man)is crossdressing, but I don't feel it is such in my own mind. I also accept that by most psychological definitions, I am trans gender, because I am using physical display and gender display of the opposite gender, and thus I appear somewhat feminine. My issue with that, is that the current accepted definitions of feminine and masculine are too rigid and will benefit from some loosening up.

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Originally Posted by PaulaQ

The biggest difference, in my opinion, between a crossdresser and a transsexual (we really are trying to get away from that term)

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As someone who left the Trans world behind in 1983 and came back in 2015, I am still coming to terms with all the new labels and definitions. And I am not trying to be contrary.

I kind of agree with the idea of not using TS anymore. But for discussion purposes how do we differentiate all the sub categories under TG. If we use TG for CDs or TSs, this gets confusing. Or only use TG now for ones that would have been TS, as some say it has become. I have friends who do not like being called TG, but CD or BI-Gender.

I came from an era that only had TS, as TG had not come under general use. Back then TS was not even in DSM II 1968-1974. Benjamin popularized the term in his 1966 book, The Transsexual Phenomenon. TS was introduced in DSM III in 1980. I have been doing this for over 40 years and I am old and feel I can still use TS if I want to identify as such. I will tend to use TG/CD or TG/TS to differentiate.

I am certain that I am a man in a male body. But I believe that the male population has very few 100% men as does the female population have very few that are 100% female. Everyone but a few has some percentage of the other gender in them. And thankfully that is so. Otherwise we would all be either men totally incapable of understanding anything traditionally feminine, or women totally incapable of understanding anything traditionally masculine.
And I am sure that I will never ever transition. I know this because I am happy to have a day OUT enfemme and happier as a guy because of it.

I am in awe and respect the trans people. To me they are like the explorer's, going where no one has gone before.

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Originally Posted by Georgette_USA

I kind of agree with the idea of not using TS anymore. But for discussion purposes how do we differentiate all the sub categories under TG. If we use TG for CDs or TSs, this gets confusing. Or only use TG now for ones that would have been TS, as some say it has become. I have friends who do not like being called TG, but CD or BI-Gender.

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Yes, it is complicated. lol.

No one is willing to come up with new single-words, and obviously using the term "trans" or "transgender" doesn't describe anything, and so using a few words instead of one makes things clear. For example (and this is only to people whom members want to give details):

• I identify as a man but I present as a woman occasionally.
• I identify as a woman but was born male. I hope to be able to transition in the future.
• I am a woman, fully transitioned, although I was born a man.
• My gender is fluid. I present as a male at work and as a female socially.
• I identify as a man but I was born female. I am in the process of transitioning.
• I have no gender. I'm a happy mix of all. :)

... or any other situation.

<edit> - One more, forgot to mention above:

• I identify between male and female. This never changes, although my presentation fluctuates.

I'm partially trans meaning I'm halfway in the ts zone.50% gender dysphoria.I only realized this in my late 20's.My fantasies morphed from looking like women to being them in a man/woman relationship,being submissive in that role.

Seeing them on youtube makes me green with envy, especially the ones who completed transition,srs before age 18.For me the idea of transition,ffs,grs is a nonstarter even if i passed the screening process.I'm not that young anymore,it would wipe out all my savings and the stress of all that would probably destroy my health.It'be a different story if i was 16,with stronger GD and had the resources.

If I knew then what I know now my life would be radically different than it is today. By choice, I will live out my days making others happy and conforming to how they have defined me.

I want to be a woman with some masculine personality traits and some feminine. I want to look entirely female, except maybe for genitalia, and I mean I want to be an attractive woman.

If science and economics make that feasible in my lifetime, I'm open to it, but I expect that I won't transition till after death. I don't like to irritate or disgust anyone, such as my family, who know me as "male", so I'll probably not transition till after death.

In spirit it may be possible for everyone to see each other as they would like to see each other, including themselves. So my family could see me the way they're used to seeing me, even when I see myself differently. Thus would be solved the problem of upsetting anyone maybe.

I think I identify with Lelak the most with a twist. I'm probably an agnostic TS. Or as I like to say, I'm 100% sure I don't know what I am yet.

I've always wanted to be a woman. Always. Instead I live my life as a feminine gay man. And I dress often - especially for my live in man. My family always knew and accepted me, my crossdressing and boyfriends. And when I was younger I spent too much time in the clubs. And most of the serious relationships I've had have been with men who are attracted to me when dressed as Virginia. It's simply not possible to ever give that up. But for me it was simply unimaginably hard to transition or to live full time as a woman. It's just a compromise I've made but I've never really regretted how I live my life.

V:

I think you've wandered into the right place! Glad you could join us.

DeeAnn

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Originally Posted by flatlander_48

V:

I think you've wandered into the right place! Glad you could join us.

DeeAnn

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Thanks DeeAnn for the welcome! Love your picture!

Virginia

Thanks so much!

One thing to pass along is this thought: Remember, we are ALL struggling with Something. We have people who dress, but who seriously wonder if that is a gateway to doing other things. We have people who are trying to figure out what their gender identity is. We have people who are uncomfortable in their current gender role and they are contemplating next steps. We have people who are currently transitioning or have done so already. We have people who, regardless of their position on the spectrum, worry about possible consequences for their families, homes and employment. We all worry about this slew of Bathroom Bills that seem to be the rage. On November 20, we will all be saddened by the names that are spoken during the TDOR and wonder what is it about us that seems to threaten so many and move them to violence.

But, in spite of the issues we have and that we face, we are all driven by the necessity to be ourselves.

By the way, your name has special significance to me. It was my mother's name and is now my granddaughter's.

DeeAnn

Thank you, DeeAnn. Some very meaningful thoughts.

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Originally Posted by sarah7391

I don't feel like a girl, but I love getting dressed like one and trying to look as glamorous and pretty as I can. I don't know why I like doing this, but I know I like doing it.

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I love that you smile! Why do so many of us else look so serious?

I am a guy who likes to dress as a woman. I also enjoy my feminine side.

But if I were to go 24/7 I would dress only.

Dressing relieves stress and makes me look and feel younger.

But I still like being a guy.

My masculine and feminine selves are incredibly different in so many ways. My wife and I has talked about this for days at a time, and she commented that she sees me as 2 apps running on the same database.

So, when I present as Tina, I really am her personality. She really has her own life. But the same thing is true when I'm a guy. Both lives are important to me, essential really.

Transgendered? Sure. Able to abandon my make self? Not a chance. The same is true for Tina.

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Originally Posted by suchacutie

My masculine and feminine selves are incredibly different in so many ways. My wife and I has talked about this for days at a time, and she commented that she sees me as 2 apps running on the same database.

So, when I present as Tina, I really am her personality. She really has her own life. But the same thing is true when I'm a guy. Both lives are important to me, essential really.

Transgendered? Sure. Able to abandon my make self? Not a chance. The same is true for Tina.

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I think suchacutie has summed me up better then I could have done myself. I think it's hard to define someone in a single word though society try's constantly to do that.

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How come you are not transsexual?

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That seems like a very odd question. Like "How come you are not black?" or "How come you are not Asian?"

We are what we are. There's no reason and no explanation (except for the medical and biological explanation). What's the opposite of transsexual? 99.9% of the population is not transsexual. They are what they are and don't give it a second thought.

I was born a male and accept being a male. Sure, I like to play a woman from time to time by dressing as one and strapping on a pair of boobs and a wig but there's no confusion in my mind that I am a female or anything other than male. That's reality.

It might be easier for someone to explain why they feel they are a transsexual than for someone to explain why they are not a transsexual.

I did a survey a few days ago, it asks How Feminine are you and I got a 95 % rating , on the other hand my wife did the same survey and she got 50 %. I love being a Man, I dont want to be a Woman.

If you did this online, Bruce, just know their algorithms are less than perfect and their questions are usually informed by stereotypical behaviors. I took one once and they asked what I preferred, a chick flick or an action movie. I actually like both, providing the direction and acting are excellent. There was no option for that. :p

There is a choice in being transsexual? I wish someone had told me!

Am I one still? I'm not so sure.

I think that men and women have both male and female feelings inside of us.

What is being a male? To like cars, sports and beer?
What is being female? Caring about others? Being interested in how you look?
There are women that like sports. There are men that are very interested in how they look.

For me, I don't think that my body is that important. I can dress up in womens clothes with my male body. But I am sexually interested in women and only women.

So, even though I in some says feel like a typical male and in some ways like a typical woman, I like to keep my male body so that I can have traditional sex with women. If it hadn't been for that, I could just as well have a female body.

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Originally Posted by MarinaSweden

What is being a male? To like cars, sports and beer?
What is being female? Caring about others? Being interested in how you look?
There are women that like sports. There are men that are very interested in how they look.

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How do we define exactly what is 'male' or 'female' behaviour? Usually it seems to come down to simple (often misogynistic) stereotypes - men are assertive and dominant, women are meek and passive; men will refuse to ask for help, women won't; men are independent, women are cooperative, and so on. How much of what we think of as our 'female' side is just a 'normal' human characteristic that society happens to have labelled as 'female', 'feminine' or 'womanly', so we feel we have to identify (at least to some degree) as women in order to properly express it because we've been taught 'men just don't do that'? If our society had no gender stereotypes or gender roles (if such a thing were possible), would there be trans people at all?

Why am I not a Transexual? I don't know, maybe I am and haven't accepted it yet. Maybe I'm on the cusp of fitting all those various and conflicting feelings together in a statement that says "I need hormones and surgery." Or maybe I'm not and that's why I haven't found that avenue to be the obvious choice for me. I'm in the process of attempting to figure that out if it's possible. I do fret about it more than I want to and it would be nice to resolve the thing one way or the other. It seems there are barriers between me and the freedom to make the decision and most of them require letting people I know about who I am. I read about those who know early and it's such a strong understanding that nothing can stand between them and transition, and maybe that's a clue for me.

At one time I thought I was weird and evil, later a transvestite, after that transgender or gender fluid. That's where I am today, I'm a transgender person and what I do is crossdress quite often. My mind is as gender fluid as the language has been, so check back some day and maybe I'll have sorted myself out a little more. But as long as I can smile and continue to explore, things are peachy!

It's the way I'm wired?

But, I always add a caveat. If there were some super science fiction way to make me truly female (actual new and functional organs) I'd consider it. I think I would be happier as a female, but what we have currently to realize that does not do it for me, so I'm satisfied to stay male and CD to relax.

I'm not explaining it well. It's a giant complicated thing in my head that's difficult to articulate.

Hmm. I have been having this conversation alot lately. I like the idea of being trans, lately i feel as if i am dressed the wrong way when i go to work and i feel dirty in my male wardrobe. sadly i cant exactly go out my front door in drag cuz im still trying to read the town i live in. is it safe to dress this way or not. I feel if i get good at my make up i can pass as a woman, and not a cheap-... sorry im getting off topic. Back when i lived in California my family made it like this known truth. My little cousins look up to me in a big way, and any changes i make wont just effect me, it will effect them. I love my family and in no way do i want to walk out of their lives so i can have the right body and live without my personal live effecting them in a good or bad way.
Ehh it gets personal from here so ill leave it at this, I feel like i am transgender but am content on putting on the persona that makes me feel dirty just to be the older sibling my family needs me to be when i visit on the holidays. If i figure out a way to fem out all the other days a year, i have 0 problem putting on a mask for a week to make an appearance :3

I never really understood the point of this thread - "How come we are not something we are not?"

A lot of good answers explaining what we are, or think we are, or want to be, or what we feel like, or words that we think describe us. I feel like this thread is one of those cards sent around at work when someone leaves and you have to write something and someone has already taken the words you wanted to write.

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Originally Posted by heatherdress

I never really understood the point of this thread - "How come we are not something we are not?"

A lot of good answers explaining what we are, or think we are, or want to be, or what we feel like, or words that we think describe us. I feel like this thread is one of those cards sent around at work when someone leaves and you have to write something and someone has already taken the words you wanted to write.

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I simply took it as a critical thinking thread. :3

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Originally Posted by heatherdress

I never really understood the point of this thread

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And yet you replied. Several times. So something's going on. Sure, the thread thesis is a little bizarre... why am I not a marble statue? Why am I not a squirrel? (Opinions vary on that last.) I've always felt that I can never answer any question that starts with "why" because I can never really say why, at best I can only describe how. Why does the earth orbit the sun? I can give a detailed explanation of how it happens but I can't say why it happens. ;)

But we talk (write? correspond?) using our words that we think describe us and sometimes those words resonate with someone else and they gain a little insight into themselves and then describe what they've learned and perhaps we get a little insight into ourselves as well. I first came to this site pretty confused. But reading many people's experiences and illusions helped me understand me better and continues to do so. I think that's where the value is.

Jennie.

You say 'Why does the earth orbit the sun? I can give a detailed explanation of how it happens but I can't say why it happens.' I say 'Newtons Law of Universal Gravitation, that's why'. You see you can do why as well as how. The difficult one of course is why does gravity exist? (the answer: because it can).

I don't want to take this down a rathole, but Newton's Laws describe how things happen, not why. And in a move parallel to the concept of binary gender, Einstein later proved Newton to be correct 99% of the time but not the whole answer. ;)

Jennie, I think we definitely wandered down a rat hole as you suggest. Humble apologies if I led you to the entrance and invited you in and totally off-thread so to speak. However, you are mistaken. Gravity, or more specifically the existence of it, is WHY the earth orbits the sun. HOW it does it is simply the mathematical equations associated with gravity, the mass of the objects, relative speeds etc etc etc. No gravity = no orbiting (and no celestial objects to do it with come to think of it). Now, what was this thread about (I think I had better go back to the beginning and start again)?

Love Sandy x

I am never wrong. I once thought I was wrong but it turned out I was mistaken. :)

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Originally Posted by Jennie-cd

And yet you replied. Several times. So something's going on. Sure, the thread thesis is a little bizarre... why am I not a marble statue? Why am I not a squirrel? (Opinions vary on that last.) I've always felt that I can never answer any question that starts with "why" because I can never really say why, at best I can only describe how. Why does the earth orbit the sun? I can give a detailed explanation of how it happens but I can't say why it happens. ;)

But we talk (write? correspond?) using our words that we think describe us and sometimes those words resonate with someone else and they gain a little insight into themselves and then describe what they've learned and perhaps we get a little insight into ourselves as well. I first came to this site pretty confused. But reading many people's experiences and illusions helped me understand me better and continues to do so. I think that's where the value is.

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Jennie - Fine to have a random thread that enables people to say what is on their mind. But if a reader takes the time to read each response in this thread, what would they see of value? What would they learn? What is apparent might be confusion and contradiction. Maybe there is value in that, for some. I guess I am just tired of threads that ramble without focus, generate more confusion than understanding, and leave us more apart than together. Don't forget, this thread begins with a question asking why we are not something that we are not, which is logically unanswerable.

For me, transitioning would be expensive and not practical. I would love to transition but being married, having kids, my job, the expense all make it impractical.

I'm not a..

What? squirrel?!?!@?!

/chase

Vote me in for Jennie.

Cripes Jennie, most folks want warning on math, never mind physics. };>

My toes are PINK today!!

- MM

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Originally Posted by Brenda456

For me, transitioning would be expensive and not practical. I would love to transition but being married, having kids, my job, the expense all make it impractical.

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For some of us, it's practical in order to live. I'm just passed the transition or die moment and pretty much missed the whole CDing phase en route to transition. You can thank years of repression for that.

hi,
perhaps if was growing up today things would be different.
now there is the internet and information and a sense of community - why I was young I just did not fit in and did not know why.
luv J

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Originally Posted by Sandyhappygirl

I am never wrong. I once thought I was wrong but it turned out I was mistaken. :)

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Lucy Van Pelt?!?!?! I didn't know that you dressed...

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Originally Posted by heatherdress

Don't forget, this thread begins with a question asking why we are not something that we are not, which is logically unanswerable.

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Perhaps the question may have been a bit inarticulate in structure, but I took it to mean something like:

What makes you think that you are A and not B?

You might also consider it to be:

Where is the line for you (between Crossdressing, Transgender and Transsexual)?

DeeAnn

I belong to that group of crossdressers who feel a strong need and desire to dress in female attire. This is a very important aspect of my life, and I can go so far to say that only when I am en femme am I my true self.
However, it stops there. I have wondered from time to time whether I was a kind of transgender but being on this list has tought me that I am most certainly not. I do not share the feelings of those who are transgender. I am a 100% male and who is also a very hard core CD. Although I have an immensely strong female orientation when it comes to clothes, that's as far as I go in my female oroentation.
I am perfectly happy with this situation.

Thank you for this thread.
I've been asking myself this question for a while and after reading all the post I can truly answer the question.
I am a guy. When I dress up, I love being wrapped in femininity and I try to act like a lady but I don't feel like one inside. I have had fantasies of changing for an extended weekend but when I get up in the morning and go to work, I'm a guy.
On the work subject, I think it would be fun to wear high heel boots, mini skirt, tank top & tool belt.

I met a lot of CD's and some of them are so feminine. But they know they are men and one lives one hundred percent female and enjoys it. so many more of them. One spends time working on another part of the country for six months and is always en Feme there but when he goes home to his wife who is accepting but he is male at home. Others are like that so many others in various stages but none of them are in transition, yet I did meet one in transition. But out of over 100 of them, only one was in transition. I told him about this site but haven't seen him here yet.

I've been cross-dressing for 50 years, I love it , it's so much fun.
I use to think I wanted to be a woman in my teens but I never felt any desire to be with a man.
I love banging women, my wife, LOL and I dress up as Judy when I get a chance. (wife doesn't know)

I do not really know how to respond. I can just say that I like being a man, I like my life, love my girlfriend.
I just sometimes like to embrass this little part of me and have fun with girls' stuff.
In a way, it is because I crossdress punctually that I have so much fun doing it.

I am who I am.

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Originally Posted by shortskirt87

I am who I am.

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I know as far as me, I have always had very strong feelings for dressing. Now that I am grown and a little older, it is way more than dressing!! I can't stand being a male anymore. I feel like I have to transition. It seems like the only way to survive. Just the way I feel.

Thanks very much for the link to the WaPo article. It is indeed interesting.

I was particularly moved by the anecdote where the transsexual surgeon witnessed a shock treatment being administered to a transgender in St. Louis in the 1960's, and the comment, "They were trying to remove something that can't be removed."

I personally have been CD'ing for about 20 years, and am a late-bloomer. I feel Fem sometimes, and feel Masc sometimes, but I never feel that I am a woman trapped in a man's body. On the other hand, I am also a late blooming Pansexual in my sex orientation, and when I go to bed with a man I never think of it as being Gay Sex because I am identifying myself as Fem at the time. I've never had sex with a man except when I'm presenting as a woman.

I like being androgynous, and have no desire to transition.

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Originally Posted by Tina81

I'm with Jennifer. I tell my wife the best part about crossdressing is that I can go back to dressing as a male. There was an interesting article this past week-end in the Washington Post. I concur that the reason we are crossdressers or transsexcual is due to the "hormonal wash" theory. As a crossdresser, it's just not as strong for me to identify as a female. I prefer the clothes and trying to understand the motivation for wigs and make-up.

Here's the link to that WashPost article: http://www.washingtonpost.com/sf/nat...sgender-at-70/

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Originally Posted by Sandyhappygirl

Jennie.

You say 'Why does the earth orbit the sun? I can give a detailed explanation of how it happens but I can't say why it happens.' I say 'Newtons Law of Universal Gravitation, that's why'. You see you can do why as well as how. The difficult one of course is why does gravity exist? (the answer: because it can).

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Curvature of spacetime.

I see a couple of questions that keep popping up, one is "what do you mean by trans?" and the other is "what does this question mean?". Sorry for waiting so long to post, I've been busy with some personal stuff.

What do you mean by trans? - Sorry, on another forum that I go to it's kinda easy to just say "trans" because to mostly everyone there it means the same thing. When I said that I am trans, I meant that I identify as a gender other than the one that I was assigned at birth.

What does this question mean? - Once again, sorry for any confusion. Although in my defense I kinda did ask the question clearly the first time. But I'll be more clear this time. *ahem* For those of you who identify as male... why? I get that this comes off as a silly question, but as a transgender person (not transgender as in under an umbrella, but transgender as in I don't identify as the gender assigned to me at birth) I am often asked that question. I just wanted to see how cisgender people would answer that same question.

I've never had a desire to become a woman. I have absolutely no negative feelings concerning women. If I was not a man, then being a woman would be OK too. I have a theory about why I like wearing women's clothing. My wife has made remarks that seem to be akin to my reasoning. We are in a DADT marriage. Over the past year, and, since she had a back operation and I am waiting on her hand and foot, she has stated several times she believes in a past life I was a woman. She had made that statement concerning transsexuals, especially when Caitlynn Jenner was in the news. She had made that statement many times when the news comes on with all these "bathroom bills."

I too believe there is some truth to influence concerning past life experiences.