Primal...
Primal...
At times I hate being a male ,I love my female side
if you dont identify as anything other than a CD,
not fluid
not trans
not TS
not BI
not gay
First of all I feel that I am just a CD, No other terms fit me at all.
how you feel as a man?
Tough question, Never really felt comfortable being a guy. So how does it feel.
It feels like an act, not the true me. just a part in the play that I got stuck doing. :doh:
I never was into the guy things, No sports, no big guy activities for me.
I feel like me, I dont know any other feeling, Im not gay, Im alone/ single have been most of my adult life. I am a father/ not allowed to be a Dad by the Mother, she hates me for being a cross dresser, I have good days and bad just like anyone. I work hard, I do guy things like cars and enjoy the social aspects of that, street racing/ drag racing, car cruises although Im poor and limited to my activities, Im new to any public aspect of this CD side of me, im making new friends or trying to at least. Lately Ive been wrestling with just where I fit into this "spectrum" I went to Trans Gender public group recently, went away rather disappointed with the experience, the group is for Transitioning women, I dont take hormones and am not interested in doing so, (1 of the main conversation topics, that and the group leader seemed most interested in talking about herself) Ive been dressing androgynous in public for some years. I am me, I dont know anything else.
Except for my current bout of ultra low "T" (I FINALLY got the testosterone prescription approved and refilled today and have given myself the first injection on the road back to feeling better), it usually feels pretty dang good to be male. I like most "male" activities very much (sports, cars, super-hero/sci-fi/fantasy/action movies, etc.) The cd'ing/underdressing part is simply a quirk or characteristic of who I am and what constitutes the "WHOLE" me. It's almost like being able to re-install that rib that the Bible says God took from Adam to create Eve.......I'm able to re-connect with my "Eve" side and feel whole again........there's no other way to explain it. I feel "different" but very good while cd'ing. But, I don't feel "female" or even "feminine" since I am and always will be biologically male and really, truly can't feel those things fully without actually being biologically female. HRT and surgery can only do so much.
I have really pondered this question. Hell on Heels seems to have summed up my position rather well:
As a male, who is a CD, I guess I just feel like me.
Put me in a dress, heels, wig, and makeup... I'm still me!
There's no split personality issues going on within my head!"
I'm not sure what it means to feel like a female. I have a full range of male interests and few if any interests normally identified for females. Hence I cannot say that I feel like a female when out en femme. Occasonally it seems odd to me to be out en femme, yet at the same time I would not, or could not, change this situation. It is too natural, too right somehow. I guess the gender issue just dosn't pertain to me, as I cannot grasp it. I'm quite happy with my gender and being a CD. Judging from the numerous posts on this I do see it as really serious issue for some people but not for me. Take away my CD interest and I would be just like any other guy. I don't know what difference adding in the CD side of me really makes.
I totally have the best of both worlds, And I surely can handle lf that,.
I'm bisexual and I love crossdressing, but I don't want to be a girl. I just do it because sometimes I like to be feminine, just that.
I've centered around being frankly 'a man in a dress', and that the choice of a dress/type of dress communicates my belief that men can and should share the fun and value [and hassles] of dresses with women. Wearing a dress communicates the obvious corollary that we can also share the fun and value and hassles of feminine feelings and behavior as well.
I am confident that many men and women would just as soon be free to mix and match clothing and behavior, and not to have to be consistent. It is challenging, since it opposes the accepted norm that it is OK/ necessary to police male/masculine and female/feminine norms. It isn't ok/necessary, just makes it convenient for people to avoid having to adjust every minute to someone else's sense of identity. Standing up for the value of being flexible allows a lot of useful freedom for a lot of men and women, and will make a much more humane society, and liberate a lot of new energy in relationships.
Time to move on!
BTW if anyone is in the SF Bay Area and agrees with me -PM me and let's work up a social consciousness raising event!
I like being a male. If I would want to be a woman I would dress as one all of the time.
However I thoroughly enjoy dressing as a woman and acting as one. I enjoy my feminine alter ego. But do like to go back to my original self.
I'm happy being a man. However, I have a few feminine qualities. I also find that I enjoy having conversation with women, more so than men. I identify with more things geared to women, than men. However, I am NOT an effeminate man....just a regular guy. And yet, when I wear my female clothing, I tend to adopt a female attitude, and I walk, sit and FEEL like a woman at that point.
I agree with Piora I am just a guy I am only a underdresser but I get along better with females than males always have love riding my Harley but I am a lone wolf and a homebody
I believe most crossdressers have a degree of gender dysphoria, but it's not enough to push us into transition. Dressing by itself satisfies the itch—and for me that doesn't include dresses. Just tops, jeans, shorts, underthings, plus a little makeup, a little scent, and a woman's shoulder bag. I am happily a man, a married man, but a femmey man. Where does that place me in the continuum? I don't know and don't care.
I am outwardly as male as they come. I think, though, l would rather be female.
I feel great as a man, and in bliss when crossdressed. I love both aspects of my being, but as I get older, I find the femme side is becoming stronger.
I will continue to enjoy my spiritual journey and let it take me where it will.
Di
I am just me, you are just you; who needs labels? just be!
luv J
so first off thanks for all who responded, the question seems to have faded so i will share my"self",
i put some rules in so we wouldnt tread on some other open threads, one being "gender fluid"....it is why i wanted to exclude responses from those who self describe as fluid, trans ect. i also have another thread in another section "how does it feel to be a women" went much smoother than the confusion that occurred here, no one took the term as a personal attack but we have so many terms to describe ourselves. maybe there is some kind of hierarchy ? what i think stood out the most is that folks dont read or just dont care to follow rules and those who identify as men cant get in touch with theyre feelings. i had some who identified as female respond, not what i asked for, there were some fluid folks who responded ? some who liked to feel feminine ?
below is a link from another thread, you will find my answer there......but you summed it up quite well...Quote:
Originally Posted by ClosetED
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=gender+fluid
thank you, you get it, i did however not want to know the impact of CDing to be questioned, just how it felt to be a man, male feelings.Quote:
Originally Posted by becky77
we did however get lots of what becky described, enjoying the time en-femme, feeling feminine.
my premise was pure, nothing nefarious, this was asked of myself in another thread, it took a few PMs and responses to that thread but i felt i left what was my most personal response and reflection of myself on the table in that thread.....
this was not something that one could answer for you....it was something that is in you....its deep.....its something that is hard to share with folks....its a venerability. what man wants to show or share that ?
i pulled just a few quotes to reply too and wanted to reply to many but these seemed to pull everything together.
here is a link to the other thread by me....they had no issue following the rule....
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...en-only-please
I consider myself just a CD and very much enjoy being a man sometimes. I love to get dressed up in a nice suit and dress shoes, smoke cigars, etc.
I don't know how it *feels* though. Just natural, I guess. I've always been a male. I feel strong, masculine, independant.
When I want to be a girl, it feels natural also though. I've crossdressed for twenty-four years, so it's nothing new. Sometimes I just want to feel softer, more feminine. And enjoy it very much. It just all depends on my mood.
Well, yes, erm... Difficult to relate to without going off into some of the not's you've asked us not to comment on.Quote:
Originally Posted by mikell
I was born a boy and brought up as one - although looking back over my life, I know that Mum and my Aunts had all wanted daughters and perhaps some of that rubbed off on me ultimately causing a subconscious CD undercurrent that manifested itself in my 20's. I suppose I may have been a little different in not liking rough sports such as football or rugby at school but did and do like a lot of what are termed 'boys' pursuits. I wanted to be and trained as an engineer in both practical and theoretical terms - in my mid-30's, I went to university to top up my qualifications to an engineering degree. I drive a desk and computer these days in a very male orientated engineering business. Previously I was very much a hands-on engineer working in a small, all male team getting my hands dirty and taking a pride in keeping the machinery going in tip-top order. I enjoy my job immensely and my hobby takes me back to being a hands-on engineer restoring vintage steam machinery in again, a very male orientated team. (Hopefully) nobody has guessed my alta ego!
Sometimes the 'pink fog' drifts in and I find it quite difficult to deal with. Don't know what triggers it - stress of a particularly difficult project / task or perhaps a beautifully dressed woman walks by and I think, 'how I'd like to get dressed up like her'
I'd say for 80-90% of the time, I'm quite happy being the provider for my family and doing big boys 'things' but as many have commented, sometimes 'things' build up inside you and the only way to relieve the stress is to turn from chrysalis into butterfly to relieve the stress for a few hours and calm down. Afterwards, apart from a few flash-backs in the following hours, it's back to being a man be it for a few days or sometimes a few weeks.
As to my feelings towards GGs, we do have quite a lot of GGs in work, some are fellow engineers and I treat them as equals. Likewise with our PA's and technical clerks. I still try to do the 'right thing' and open doors to them and generally treat them with respect. I try and compliment them if they're looking nice (perhaps more so because I know what it takes to get to that state!) although I sometimes think to myself, wouldn't I look good in this or that outfit... I also tend to notice their mannerisms probably with a view to following their footsteps when I turn into a butterfly. I've been married to my wife for many, many years and I try to be a good husband.
There, that's my take on the situation. I hope it helps.
xx Polly
I guess I am Bi-Polar in that respect, I can redneck it up with the best of them but really like a pink bra and cami. Flows with my mood.
I feel like me. I do what I do regularity. I would say I feel different in girl mode. More relaxed like I am getting away with something that doesn't hurt anyone.
When I become Martha, I become a lovely, feminine woman.
When I am in male mode, I am regular guy.
I feel like I normally do as a guy. I mean, I do have a house to take care of and I have my factory job to deal with, watch sports, go out hiking, etc. I'll dress up when I feel in the mood to do so and have some free time to sit around and enjoy being dressed up... because it's hard to blend in the real world when alot of your outfits need a petticoat or hoop skirt!
Love being a guy. I was born a male, love sports, love growing a beard, love oggling ladies. Except, being an alter ego is fun. I like wearing jump suits.
Having been primarily an alpha 'in-charge' male my entire 6 decades, I feel like I have short-changed my CDing or transgender sole. I feel that if I had followed my CD dreams at an earlier age...listened to my heart more...I would have had a different life. However, my long and happy marriage to a wonderful woman and my two children would not have ever happened. Who knows how my life would have turned out? I can only hope that in my next life I get to find out by coming back as a natural female from birth...of course I won't know my previous lives or desires or will I?
I wanted to say that all those people who identify as nothing who crossdress say they don't fit anything. Well I researched it and there is a term for that and that term is androgynous. One who is male/female display and in spirit or dress or anyway else. That is what they are. Many women are that and use it well. So, on males who cd that is at least what they are. They are not gender variant but are androgynous.
Here is a link. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Androgyny
In terms of how it feels... it just... is. I am a male. It doesn't feel bad, or good, it just feels what it is. I have never been successful at traditionally male things (sports, cars, etc... could never throw a ball to save my life), but in terms of how it feels to be male... a person with male genitals and XY chromosomes... it just "is".
Sometimes GGs will ask what "feeling feminine" is. Sort of how I feel like as a man. It just is "normal", or "default".
Your statement "I feel like I have short-changed my CDing or transgender sole" really hit home with me. I'm 50 and started crossdressing about 10 years ago. I just wish I discovered this much sooner. I feel at home when dressed and at a CD friendly club. I feel 25 years younger when I'm dressed and many people have said I looked 15-20 years younger. Make up can do wonders to not only how young you look but that translates into who young you feel.Quote:
Originally Posted by Rita Leigh
Lori
Mmmkkk, how do you feel as a man.
First of all, I feel like a man that was short-changed. My dad raised me as best as he could.(Or for what he knew) His father was killed in an industrial accident when he was three. I don't think he got too much guidance in the fine art of being a man. He did have friends that pushed him along, and would teach him about life in general. But then, he had friends that lived close by. I didn't. So I learned nothing from him about women, or even how my body worked. I guess he figured I'd learn from my friends.
I became a do-it-yourself man. Being bullied in school got me to retreat, and just use it as a place of learning-and not socializing. Curiosity about women got me dressing-that was the closest I was going to get to a woman.
I feel self made. I learned by doing. I like working because people depend on me to do the correct job. My opinion is asked and respected.
I'm a man that can't approach life aggressively. It's not my way.
When i pursue my other interests,the best word i can come up with is "neutral".When sexuality comes into play,it brings along Gender dysphoria,thus i feel completely out of place as male.
I think I may be like you, CarolynO, I like only the fem role in the bed room.Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolynO
That is a very strange question. I identify as "just a CD" and feeling like a male is normal. It's all I've ever known.
thats exactly my question....can you describe it
I don't feel as manly as those manly guys especially at this point of my life. I giggle to myself when I see men doing those tough guy gestures, stance, gait style etc. Also the clothing of guys that have that hunt and fish look - thick belt with knife in holster etc.
But why did you exclude CDs that are bi or gay? Your grouping sexual orientation and gender identity together by doing this.
Marla, i get what you said, about curiosity about women got you dressing as one, because you thought that was about as close to one as you would get. I was so estranged, and a loner, and lacking confidence, that is one reason i started to dress at age 14. Exactly the same here! I am more like the passive woman in the bedroom, than male aggressive, if i ever do have an SO or wife. I did meet a man, as Alice, and we "pretended", and i was not the aggressive one.
As I grow older, I find that my male image grows fainter and my female image takes control. I have never lost the desire to be a truly real woman. It's amazing how the desire keeps coming back, no matter how I deny it. So it seems as if my desire to crossdress will never go away.
I feel fine and dandy. I got my brother to take up some light sparring again (hand wraps and mma gloves), i wear plain clothes (jeans and blue or whiite tshirt) to work, and I usually chill in athletic shorts (male version) and a tshirt or tanktop (male versions). I have only gotten my first two tanktops (male version) recently since it seemed weird, but I enjoy them. I totally love mind my dick (though if actual magic happened I wouldn't die to trade it in), but i am sad I have no boobs (A or B cup preferred). I hate my thigh fat, stomach fat, and arm fat. I've never gone full female mode and only crossdress in things I think are cute and would look good on me and comfortable. Love and embarrassed by the red shorts (girls) i bought that the patterns on my panties show through. I don't mind male clothing at all, except for dressing up. "Flip the bird" at suit and tie occasions, i would rather be easily dresssed up in a yoga pant and dress, or something.
What other things I apply to male? Every gender knows about sports and to different degrees, know about politics, raising babies, getting jobs, blah blah. This second paragraph was to clarify I don't know how to answer. [teasing] I'm so manly I eat meat and mow the lawn and wear man's deodorant and use man's shampoo and conditioner. Just kidding, screw mowing the lawn, my dad does that and when I actually own a home that grass is growing to at least half a foot before I cut it. Everyone eats meat! Man's deodorant, psh, my sister wear's man's deodorant and what do I wear? Unscented. Shampoo? Whatever is there. Conditioner? Whatever is there. There are those men that need everything that reads "Men's _____" because there's nothing more manly than wearing deodorant to smell like a tree. Sorry, Old Spice Denali ---- with spruce (tree) - deodorant.
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You look like an badass with that cigar. Irish mafia!Quote:
Originally Posted by Tabitha_Sinn
I feel like a man. I've accepted that I dress so the guilt is gone. It is just part of who I am. That is it!
I have no proble being a male at all. I don't feel any desire to change or that I am a "female in a male body." When en femme I do tend to behave in a softer, more gentle fashion. This is partially because the very femine clothes I wear make me feel "softer" but also more at ease.
I feel perfectly normal as a man.
I kept my CDing secret for 60 years and during that period do not recall analysing why I dressed (probably because it was a mystery to me) - but I do remember the fear of being discovered.
Throughout my life i have always felt I had a softer personality and was less aggressive than many men, and also seemed to gravitate more towards women.
Now my secret is out, I want to be more public - not necessarily away from home but certainly within our house - and no longer wish to be "locked away". But I also realise I cannot realistically present as a women (due to my body size) and do not wish to transition.
But if asked what group of "trans" I fit in - I still really have no idea, and i don't think it is important to me. I simply want to enjoy my cross dressing in the little time I have left.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ressie
what prompted this thread was this : http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=gender+fluid
i was pressed by a member to describe how i felt gender fluid or like a women, tough to self assess ones "self",
but while i learned much about my "self" i then tried to describe how it felt to be male, very humbling tasks.
i had much "self" awareness about myself and about members here as well and it prompted this thread and another by myself:
http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...t=gender+fluid
so this is a crossdressing site.....how does one get the alfa male aspect of how it feels "to be a man" when they are out hunting or fishing or cutting down trees, not posting on a crossdresser site :thinking: so i made rules, we have some here who are adamant about how they identify and i choose that group as the best to represent as the alfa males....it was not a slight or judgement on any who were not included or even those included.
i even gave up on this thread in the end as it became a hot mess....but it seems to be back on track, most responses almost always reverted back to dressing and acts, some who clearly identify other ways responded..... i found it curious that men who say the identify with women could not get in touch with theyre feelings and describe how "they" relate to feeling like a man without what could be described as misogynistic or narcissistic traits.
i was one myself but after i was pressed and dug in i was able to find an impartial look at myself and i felt better for it and thought these threads would be interesting....wasnt judging by excluding or including anyone....
I hope this is not out of context, but as someone new to this, how I feel/will feel is something that has constantly been on my mind as I have slowly entered this journey. As of today, I definitely feel like a man and have no desire to become a woman. However, sure there is a fantasy of what is would be like to be a woman, and understanding that feeling of being out in public perceived only as a woman, treated as a woman, and all the things that means.
I think part of the fear i have had in dressing is whether putting on those clothes, or putting on that makeup would somehow change who I am inside, and further confuse the situation. Recently, I have come to feel that I am a man, and will continue to be one, and just trust where my desire leads me.
After reading all the replies here, I think it will be interesting to see how I might answer this question again in 6 months.
For me, I have a very strong "type-A" masculine personality, and really like being a man. I just want to wear women's clothing even when I do "manly stuff." I am the kind of person who would chop firewood in a wedding dress lol.
Stephanie, I really admire, you, that you are a Viet Nam combat veteran, yet have embrace you dressing side. I am a vet, but never saw combat, but was bullied by older brothers, and bullies at school, and on some jobs, and going through bullying form the same cruel nazi brothers now, having to fight over and over. But Nam combat must have been total hell. I can see why you suppressed any dressing desires then. Humans and animals are very adaptable when circumstances dictate.
sorry i screwed up a link in post #91 the other link is this http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/...en-only-please
auld and hirsute
There really is no feeling when I'm male. I just feel normal. To contrast, I feel special when I'm dressed as a girl.
I think the hugely varied answers really point to how nuanced the question is. I doubt that there is a black and white, definitive answer to your question, even for "alpha males". It would be like trying to describe the feeling of a color.
"Man in a dress" conjures an image of a guy in a kilt. For me crossdressing is more like crossgendering. I am and love being a guy and pretending to be a girl makes me giddy.
Being a "man" doesn't require "hunting or fishing or cutting down trees". Being a man is just that, being a man. Some men hunt or fish and some cut down trees, but many sit at a computer adding up figures, work in retail stores, make or sell jewelry or pluck chickens. Some even dress as women now and then.Quote:
............how does one get the alfa male aspect of how it feels "to be a man" when they are out hunting or fishing or cutting down trees, not posting on a crossdresser site...............
We are what we are and since we've never been anything else, we can't say how it feels to be a man other than it's normal.
Im a crossdresser and i need both of me its who i am inside.