Thictoria,
I have to say your last line is so true, the feeling of rejection is a killer, it did drive me to almost ending my life, so it can't be discarded lightly.
Thictoria,
I have to say your last line is so true, the feeling of rejection is a killer, it did drive me to almost ending my life, so it can't be discarded lightly.
Reading everyone's post. My heart goes out to those who's relationship did not survive and/or barely hanging on. The notion of being rejected existed before I told my wife. She is supportive and we do some shopping together but there is a balance. The fear of her waking up one day and saying "I can't" exist in my mind. I would say, 1. It has made our relationship stronger. My dressing has evolved. I started out in Victoria Secret panties, now I am full make-up. I'm just glad I was able to tell her and we have been able to evolve as my dressing has.
I am gonna answer in reverse.
Q2. Did you tell her on your on terms or did she find out herself?
I told her on my own.
Q1. Is your marriage/relationship:
1. Much better
2. A little better
3. About the same
4. A little worse
5. Much worse / we split up because of it
My marriage was about the same when I told her. She was supportive of the crossdressing, but was less affectionate with me at the same time. Hence the balance of a positive and a negative.
But as time went by and I felt CD'ing was just not enough. I sought help in the LGBT community and figured out I am more of a Transgender than a CD. Confirmed with a few therapy sessions with a specialist. Then decided to tell my wife, first, before coming out to my friends and family. That's where it all went downhill. Her attraction for me changed when presenting as female went to identifying as a female. Her exacts words were "I married a man, not a woman."
Still going through our divorce. Glad it's not a messy one. We are both being very civil about the whole thing. We have 19 years of wonderful memories. And will have more as friends, just not as lovers...
Mine is 1. i have so much more cloths and panties then ever. On top of that she ordered 3 new wigs for me.
I told my wife late in our marriage as I was needing to dress and could not hide it any more. She was at first in shock, but once she realized it was just crossdressing for me not transitioning or telling the world, she has been supportive in a prefer not to see me way. Our marriage was great but now much better as my only secret is out and we can talk about it even talk fashion and accessories, and she has seen me and is okay I have even received a few compliments. I think we are even closer in ways as I can relate to her in ways some men cannot or choose not too! I guess it was on my terms as I chose the time and place. I feel so blessed that it worked out for us.
My wife was very accepting of my dressing and would often buy me clothes. I'd dress and we'd fool around. I'd dress and we would go out together. Unfortunately we just broke up, nothing to do with crossdressing, she said we drifted apart, but she was seeing someone new right after she moved out. She broke my heart, I had been replaced even before she was out the door, sorry for the rant, it just came out.
:( :( :( :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Majella St Gerard
She found out. In general I would say our marriage is about the same. Two exceptions to that, first is it's better because the truth is out there, but at the same time she has hard time with it so it's a little worse in that regard.
It's complicated. My motivation to dress can vary and often has some element of suppressing communication. This might be a good thing to find the right words and search through feelings--on both sides.
all remains the same, except apparently shopping is a much more enjoyable experience :-)
1. A 4.5 -- much worse but we are still together.
2. I told her on my terms. She uses it against me often. I will not do anything that stupid again.
Impossible to answer your question. All I can add is, my wife did not know when we married. it was a few years until she caught me out. LoL. There was turmoil at that moment. We worked it out and have been very happily married in the 35+ years since. I remain a closest CD largely as she wishes that to be so. If I was out of the closest to the world would my life be better or worse, than it is? It pretty good now and has been for many years, so I doubt it.
There is more to life than being a CD.:eek:
I told all before we were married. Resistance grew after getting married and although I dress openly it is not completely comfortable. She believes that my cross dressing has diminished her femininity.
Lesson learned- just telling your future spouse that you are a transvestite (the term I used back then ) is insufficient. You both need to first thoroughly understand what that means and how it manifests itself and explore what it means in some detail, if necessary with professional help. I did not understand that my cross dressing desires would grow over time and that my sexuality would change as it grew.
So the net result right now is about a 4 to 5 though not all of that is due to cross dressing.
i am 4.5 not divorced but really a marriage in name only
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oops question # 2 i just blurted it out after i was late picking her up from work(i had been at MAC store getting a makeover)
that after 27 yrs of marriage is the WRONG way to come out to your spouse
#1 - 4 and strictly DADT.
#2 - She found out. I did try to subtly tell her for years but she either ignored me or got angry and simply refused to go there.
#1 - 4, but not only because of dressing, but it didn't help
#2 - she found out through playful sex, and it was a mistake, but she accepts and likes that I'm not guy's guy either.
Such a predicament to be in!
Q1: My wife thinks (I think), it makes no difference on our relationship. However, I think she is like 3.5 (wish I was just a guy). However, I think it is 2 because I feel I am better, more understanding and caring person because of my dressing.
Q2: Said on my terms.
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My heart goes out to all 4s and 5s...Don't lose hope folks!
Q1 is a 1
Q2 Apart from CDing when I was a lot younger it been something I had suppressed during previous relationships and I had just considered a phase. We discovered (rediscovered for me) it together and I am forever grateful that that's the way it happened.
I have a policy of total honesty between us, nothing to hide. It really is the best way to be.
Maybe a 1.5 and I told her on my own terms. We have been married for 43 years and she has known for the last 19 years. In the beginning things were rocky (the old i married a man line) but she soon saw I wasn't as depressed which was a positive for the marriage.
For question one, a little better and a little worse. On one hand, it sucks to have this thing that I can't share with her, that I have to keep out of sight. On the other hand, we haven't had very many big issues in our relationship so seeing how we are handling this and being able to handle this is really strengthening our relationship.
I told her on my terms.
Q1. Is your marriage/relationship:
1. Much better
2. A little better
3. About the same
4. A little worse
5. Much worse / we split up because of it
3 is my answer. DADT currently, and that is better than 4 or 5. I respect her and her feelings. I have tried to shake the desire to dress, but I cannot. I still love the feeling that I get when dressing.
Q2. Did you tell her on your on terms or did she find out herself?
She discovered my stash and was ultimately relieved that I was just a cross dresser. She did allow me to move my clothing and accessories up to our room. I have even gotten the rare, would you like this clothing item before I give it away? Progress certainly.
5 - Though, we have not split up.
Between a 1 or 2. I think my wife realizes how balanced on the gender scale I am (literally down the middle), so I'm understanding from both sides and I'm a much more understanding person. It is amazing how many of her female co-workers are divorced, or on the way because the husbands are jerks, or don't pull their weight, or simply don't listen to their wives. She's very happy in our marriage, so much so sometimes she's afraid of me going to the store in fear I'll get in an accident (always 5 miles from home). She's never had an issue with me dressing, in fact sometimes she'll get upset when I do it when she's not around because she feels like it's being sneaky, or somehow she thinks that I think she doesn't accept it. Honestly sometimes it just feels good on your own because of being slightly weirded out having a wife that's so accepting.
Q1 Number three, she is fine with it. She has known since we were dating some 40 years ago. Never was much of an issue and i wasnt into it as much then you know the story life kids work etc,,, But would dress in her stuff on ocassion and she liked me in Panties and thi highs . About 6 yrs ago went full tilt, have numerous outfits shoes wigs make up. She is ok with it buys me make up and cloths and such. She doesnt mind seeing my pictures but doesnt want me to see me fully dressed.
Q2 i guess it was on my terms,we were dating i was about 18 she was 17 at a drive in following around int he front seat, had a little to much to drink and i told her i like to dress in womans cloths, she oh ok. that was it never really discussed again till about 6 years go when i told her i wanted to dress more she said ok.
Q1. 3 (she understands I was born this way)
Q2. I told her and explained what I discovered about why do men crossdress.
Q1. My wife did my make up tonight. She put in her extentions, and I had a dress on. I already have long hair with an up cut. I looked amazing, and it almost brought me to tears. She got kinda freaked out by my reaction. I think she feels that it is some kind of goof off thing. I haven't dressed in over 8 years before this week. All I know is that telling her and dressing has brought out a wonderful sensitivity that had been missing from my personality for over 3 years. I feel like a girl today. I feel that I am gender fluid, and have a very masculine side and a wonderful feminine side. And, if accepted I know I can flow back and fourth all the time, dressed or not. My hope is that it enhances our marriage.
I'm long winded lol.
Q2: I told her on my terms. It came out when she had me try on a maternity shirt she wanted to send to her sister. I have a large chest, and her sister is busty, and I told her then. She wasn't surprised, because every now and then I put on her panties in the bedroom... So she kinda thought it was sexy.
Hi:) 1: I can honestly say that my marriage has improved because of it, because it forced us to really talk in a way that we haven't really been good at. So she knows me better and I know her better. After much tears and me not being able to concentrate at work (that also forced me to come out to my boss!! Luckily she didn't mind at all and said that everyone of my colleagues would support me no matter what:) she has accepted it at least to the extent that I can wear a bra and panties and also women's jeans and shirts whenever I like which is pretty much all the time...
2: she more or less found out on her own when she discovered my panties hidden in my drawer. I then had no choice but to confess about the whole thing. Our relationship went really downhill for a period after that and for some horrible months I was genuinely worriedly that she would leave me... But, as we have talked and I have seen a therapist, she has gradually come to terms with the situation. She even gave me one of her old jackets for me to wear:)
Ps: my wife and kid just left the house for 4-5 days and I going to try to venture out in my most feminine attire so far. I am scare and excited at the same time. She also took the car so I can't just run in there and go somewhere far away. I have walk out the door, wander all the way to the subway and from there take a train or bus... Wish me luck:))))
This is a very good point. Happily my wife also understands and excepts this. Even though she prefers the male side of me mostly, she excepts the female part of me and occasionally praises the benefits it brings. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Tina81
My relationship with my fiancé,#1 and I did tell her.We say our relationship is this way because of my crossdressing and she shows her support.Says Lisa is a great friend in her life and shopping partner.I do admit my life has been great since I met her and know I can dress around her as Lisa
#1 here, told her before marriage and she accepted me wholeheartedly. Her take on it "Its who you are"
I am sorry to say it is a 4 from me.
My wife believes our marriage is much better because of the dressing. She compares us to our other married freinds and can't believe that nobody communicates with each other and she loves to shop and share together. Thirty plus years something must be going right. Q2 I told her on my own terms, but I was alittle disappointed I did it after we were married. I guess I thought once married I wouldn't dress anymore and I was tired of living as a fugitive and didn't want to live the rest of my life as one either.
1, pretty clearly. Learning from earlier mistakes and consequent regrets, I told my then girlfriend, now wife early on. It isn't naturally her 'bag', but she loved the trust I showed in her by this. At that time I still had things to process regarding it - there was me, and there was secret me that loved to hang out at home in feminine clothing. The two didn't overlap, and the disconnect caused me stress. She learned details quickly, showing an absolute trust in me that permitted me to trust myself, and in the 6 years since (we married last year) I've put me and secret me back together, chatting with her about where my thinking is on the subject regularly. This is still something for doing at home, but now I understand and have confidence in the limits of what I do and don't want to do with it - and perhaps most importantly, don't feel terrified of the secret leaking out in some unexpected way. I am one person with an interest rather than two people.
So yes, a 1. It provided a means to show full trust and that let us move easily to the highest level of emotional intimacy, which is an integral part of a good marriage to me (I know some work differently and well with it; no judgement). I think we'd have got there without it, but what initially felt a nerve-racking confession turned out to be a short-cut to where we needed to arrive. Like I say, it wasn't something she was into, but she prefers trying to understand to reflexive judgement - and happily loves shopping for clothes and giving people gifts; adding me into that round came to her very easily. I crossdress at home regularly, most of my feminine clothing was bought by her, and it is just a part of what I/we do. I'm a more complete person than I was before we were together, and we are more complete together - both things intimately tied to how we react to my crossdressing.
If that sounds a bit saccharine, I apologise. But it's true.
I think the choices are a little odd. Specifically "A little worse" and "Much worse". The language implies that the marriage was not good in the first place. Normally, we would like to think of our marriages as "good" without the crossdressing thing.
Time changes a lot of things so more than just the crossdressing effects a marriage over a period of years. Also, a marriage can get better in some aspects and not as good in others.
To answer your question, crossdressing has probably not made my marriage better or worse but it has changed it.
I told my wife on my terms. I've written about it here.
Our marriage has always been very good, so my CDing did not make things better or worse as it has always remained the same.
I told my wife about my CDing, however I think she had an her suspicions for the longest time.
She knows and my marriage is much mush better. We shop for girl thing together all ghe time. And I dress 100% at home with her there.:hugs:
Angie
1 - much better
2 - on my own terms - i had to build up a lot of courage (and Dutch courage) to tell her and my wife just said "what's the problem? - it's only clothes!" (see answer to question 1)
luv J
Our marriage is about the same. It has allways been a very good marriage, and me comming out hasent really changed that fact.
I came out on my own terms.
Louise.
1 for the first question for me, and she knew and accepted before we got together.
After my first marriage dissolved in part because of this (and drinking among other issues) I made sure she knew front and center! This relationship now is fantastic and I am sooooo lucky to be with her.
It is a bit mixed but overall I would say it has definitely brought us closer. While my wife doesn't want to have me dressed in her company, I think she appreciates the insight I have to clothes and always asks me for opinions on her clothes. I also am trying to bring some of the more feminine characteristics into the marriage, more communication, feelings, etc. and she likes that.
Thank you to everyone who replied. While I don't think we can make any concrete conclusions, just over half of those who replied said their marriage was better while about a quarter said it was worse. I was a little surprised by the latter as reading the various threads, my perception was that there would not be so many where things have got worse.
Maybe it goes to show that coming out to your wife is not always as good an idea as many on here think? Totally unscientific of course, but interesting none-the-less.
I came out to my wife before we were married and she did not see my cross dressing as a barrier to proceeding with the marriage. Afterward she began to object to my dressing around the house. Now I do as I want and dress as I want but being in the open about my cross dressing well before we were married did not seem to help us at all. Looking back I realize that she did not really understand transvestism and as this was well before the availability of the Internet, it was difficult to be properly educated about the subject.
So, my being a fetishistic transvestite (a more thorough description of my "condition") has not helped my marriage at all but I am glad that I am being open about it and not creeping around in the shadows of shame.
I told my then girlfriend on my own terms very early on our dating time, her reaction was great, she started to give me gifts related with like panties and pantyhoses, even she performed the pierces on my ears.
I am a very hapy CD-girlish man, I always wear something from underwaear or nail polish, we are a very happy couple.
Mine is a 3 hopefully in the future it could be a 1 but I am not rushing it. I told her myself, I made a promise to myself that if we got married there would be no secrets.
Divorced twice over it but happier now