Why go out?

Very true Teresa.

My very first public outing is in less than two weeks so this is a timely question that made me turn a bit introspective. With so many good responses it's difficult to come up with something that hasn't already been said so all I can do is say it in what I think is my own way.

I guess, for me, it is part naughty, part revolution, part in-your-face, part expression of what I feel inside. Most of all it is the girl wanting to be perceived as a woman by others whether they are in the community or not.

Those thing may not happen at all but they're definitely not going to happen if I stay home. I'm ready for the "may not" versus the "definitely not".

Lauren

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Originally Posted by Crissy Kay

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

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Crissy Its all a matter of personal choice. I gave my reasons why I go out.

Its not compulsory. Also no one should be made to feel put down here for any reason.

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Originally Posted by Helen_Highwater

Why go out?

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Because from a psychological & sociological perspective, it was a total mind-trip.


"See how the other half lives" is an expression typically reserved for the wealth/class divide. For me, it was regarding gender.

Why not go out? I've only been out a couple of times and it's been a positive experience. No one pointed and laughed, didn't get any dirty looks. Most people didn't seem to even notice.

I go out dressed because I can and I want to. I am a crossdresser, it's what I am, I can't change that. To not go out as me would be unacceptable. Granted it was not so easy at first, I fell prey to the same insecurities and shame as others here. But each time out got easier and also showed me that people don't really care that you are dressed in women's clothes. I used to attract a lot of attention when I presented as a man in a dress, now that I've embraced wearing a wig I just blend in more. I don't "pass" on close examination but that doesn't matter. I present as a woman except at work. I am separated so I don't have to worry what the wife thinks, she was very accepting anyway, my son knows and is accepting also as are my siblings. I don't care what the neighbors think or anyone else does. I enjoy going out to bars and clubs and being sociable and I receive many compliments and I can tell you it is an mega ego boost. Some here are content just dressing in the home and that is cool for them but this genie is out of the bottle and going back in is not an option.

Why go out? Why stay home???? When you go out, you can breathe, staying home is stifling.

Crissy,
While it's true that there is the occasional catty put-down of this or that group that is considered "less than" by another, I wouldn't call it "constant" by any stretch. I wonder if you mistake the encouragement of others to let go of their fear and venture out as something other than that. I do that for the girls here who need it, for those who want to do more than dress at home. Please don't think that we think any less of someone who does not want that. Honest, sweetie. You are just fine the way you are and you should not let anyone here make you feel otherwise, intentionally or not.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

I go out because, Why should I be restricted? I'm not trying to prove anything, or put on a show. As for statements, the only one I'm trying to make is "This is me, and I'm no threat to you."

Being involved with a crossdressing social group for nearly 15 years, I could tell you that I have listened to more reasons for crossdressers to not go out than the common assumptions like the fear factor. Like one reason already expressed within this thread where there is nothing in the interest of the person to do out of the house. Perhaps people should start listening to all voices in the community.

Hey another princess. Hi princess chantal. I love going out. I love feeling cute. I always make sure to smile and be social like i normally am. Its not as scary once you get used to it

basically the whole concept of 'boys clothes' and 'girl clothes ' is a social construct`. I guess it's kind of like 'if a tree falls in the forrest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" or...If you lived in a society of one, there'd be no male/female distinction concerning clothes. So the whole point of crossdressing is to present as what our culture has decided women 'should ' wear. When you sit at home it's not really 'crossdressing', it's just 'dressing'

I'm not in the closet and go out socially a few times a month. I don't see any reason to criticize someone that doesn't go out because there isn't any kind of hierarchy like some here like to think. Some live in the closet their whole life.. not by their choice. And those that don't have a reason to go out, stay home to avoid the stress... I totally get that.

Why go out? AS being a non-binary most of the time. It is so nice to be fem and out and about. Why, Can't really answer that but the freedom to be yourself is liberating. There is a theater here and I never been there as a male. So nice to be in a skirt, heels and being part of the ladies that are out there.

Because we are members of society! Also, what's Self Expression without an audience?

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Originally Posted by Princess zelia prime

Hey another princess. Hi princess chantal. I love going out. I love feeling cute. I always make sure to smile and be social like i normally am. Its not as scary once you get used to it

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Hiya Princess Zelia Prime! I love going out as well. Matter of fact the majority of my dressing is to socialize out. However, I do respect those that don't go out and tend to try my hardest to not make assumptions on why they don't.

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Originally Posted by Crissy Kay

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

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Crissy,

I hope any post I make never implies that anyone who chooses to stay within their own four walls is in some way wrong. As in my original question let me try to use another metaphor to explain why those of us who have been out wax lyrical about it.

You've been around the supermarket many times and each time walked past a particular brand of biscuits without ever a thought of buying a packet. Then at a friends house, over coffee you're offered one with the proviso, "Try one of these but I warn you they're more'ish". You try one and next thing you know you want another, more'ish.

That's as well as I can explain why I would encourage someone contemplating going out to do it. It may well leave a "bad taste" to continue the metaphor or it could become a regular purchase. You won't know until you try one. But if biscuits aren't your thing that's fine. Doughnut anyone?

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Originally Posted by audreyinalbany

basically the whole concept of 'boys clothes' and 'girl clothes ' is a social construct`. I guess it's kind of like 'if a tree falls in the forrest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" or...If you lived in a society of one, there'd be no male/female distinction concerning clothes. So the whole point of crossdressing is to present as what our culture has decided women 'should ' wear. When you sit at home it's not really 'crossdressing', it's just 'dressing'

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If that were true and/or you actually believed it, you (we) wouldn't derive such a distinct and profound preference for the 'other half's' singularly different attire. It is a social construct - one whose violation gives us our oxygen. Don't be trying to boil out and sanitize the feminine pleasures out of crossing over or the beautiful differences that make it so sweet and tart. They're the very spice of the escapade!

[SIZE=1]- - - Updated - - -[/SIZE]

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Originally Posted by audreyinalbany

basically the whole concept of 'boys clothes' and 'girl clothes ' is a social construct`. I guess it's kind of like 'if a tree falls in the forrest with no one around to hear it, does it make a sound?" or...If you lived in a society of one, there'd be no male/female distinction concerning clothes. So the whole point of crossdressing is to present as what our culture has decided women 'should ' wear. When you sit at home it's not really 'crossdressing', it's just 'dressing'

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Sorry, forgot to add that that's so whether we do it in private or not. In public it's another thing altogether. It's misguided to want to be accepted for our sameness which is a fallacy, but being treated kindly instead of with fear and hate for our differences and aberrations would make the world better. I'll stay in thank you, it's too much to hope for unless you can really blend.

Interesting question. I go out because I want to and have the confidence to do so. Like many on this site it was baby steps starting with drinks in a hotel bar through to dinner, to travelling to a hotel, to walking around a town, to going out for dinner. Yet to come is trying on a dress, traveling by train / plane and maybe one day (though unlikely) walking around my own neighborhood! I find it interesting that I am happy to show myself to those I don't know (judge all you like) but am not being honest about who i am with those i know. This is based to some extent on the reaction of those I have shown.

Now when we the older generation started we didn't have the affirmation of a community on the www so we didn't share experiences or learn from others. If i was starting over now I'd be out more and more open from a young age. It would allow others to see who I was and I'd get to know those who liked me as i was.

Steffi, maybe that's a part of it too, verifying to yourself that you are not the only person who does this? That last bit of knowledge of seeing someone face to face.

I simply want to go about my business. I don't need a reason to go out wearing jeans and a T-shirt, why should I need a reason to go out wearing a skirt and blouse??


Karen

It makes it so much easier to try on and buy clothes. You get first hand feed back from SA's and it allows you to go where men are not allowed.

This is a thread that I found to be very thought provoking. I found myself agreeing with something that just about everyone said. For me I guess it that going out gives me a sense of freedom at being the real me. The real me has been hidden so long. The sunshine feels good.

Don't think I have chimed in on this yet
Well to me the obvious reason is its fun to go out and do things sitting at home in front of a mirror looking at a TV gets really boring after a while no matter how good the show is. The other reasons are we, humans, are social animals so we want to interact. We, has CD's, at least this one wants to see how well we "pass" Social interaction is fun

I go out because that's where the "and about" is.

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Originally Posted by Crissy Kay

While I do enjoy visiting here, the one thing that does kind of get on my nerves is the constant put down of closet dressers. I have no reason to "go out". There is nothing out there for me. I like what I like, and thats pretty much it.

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I'm the same, sugar. You have my support.

I don't play tennis, but would love to play in heels ;)

When you ladies do go out where do you like to go? I have read a lot about cross dressers going to gay bars or places like that but im an alchoholic and have been sober for 6 months now so i cant really hang out at bars or clubs anymore. Theres really only one place i go out crossdressed and thats my local comic book store but i know mostly everyone there. Just wondering where people go or what they like to do when crossdressed out of the house.

Princess,
First of all, congratulations on your 6 months sobriety. :)
Broadly speaking, you have two choices, "safe" and accepting venues or everywhere else. Safe and accepting would include (as you've noted) most gay bars, some lesbian bars, and any other venue that has been noted by the community for their embracing diversity. Depending on where you live, that might include a restaurant or two, a shop or two, a whole neighborhood, or most of the city. How do you find these places? Networking, girl. Here (the forum) is a good start, but most cities of any size will have LGBTQ resources that can steer you in the right direction.
Then there's "everywhere else". My first time out en femme was in Las Vegas. I don't recommend it as a first-time-out venue because the tourists tend to gape and point at all the unusual sights. Once I got past that, though, I was able to smile back at them and enjoy my evening anyway, and that's my point - if you can let go of the terror and just smile and be pleasant, almost anyplace is OK. Sure, you'll encounter bigots here and there, the frequency of that depending again on where you live, but your behavior will dictate how people respond. Act normal and pleasant, and most of the time the worst treatment you will encounter is the occasional double-take.

Hugs,


Kelly Marie

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Originally Posted by Kelly Marie

if you can let go of the terror and just smile and be pleasant, almost anyplace is OK. Sure, you'll encounter bigots here and there, the frequency of that depending again on where you live, but your behavior will dictate how people respond. Act normal and pleasant, and most of the time the worst treatment you will encounter is the occasional double-take.

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I completely agree i with you there. Im never really afraid to approach or talk to people and i always smile and have a lot of personality. I like to have fun with it and i think that helps people who might not understand why we crossdress to see that we really arent anything to be afraid of. I live in Denver which is a very LGBT friendly city. Ill take your advice and look some stuff up. Maybe i can find something on meetups or something

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Originally Posted by Princess zelia prime

Just wondering where people go or what they like to do when crossdressed out of the house.

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All the normal places, really -- the grocery store, the sub shop, CVS, the gas station, etc. Just live the life you normally live. If you're looking for places with the highest probability of acceptance while you build confidence... probably libraries and book stores, any events happening on a University campus, theatrical and live music venues, coffee shops, museums -- these are all places that, around Boston anyway, attract a pretty reliably liberal clientele.

Crissy Kay, there are lots of put-downs here on the forum besides those directed at closet dressers. Men with beards in dresses, OTT dressers, etc. Sometimes I ignore, sometimes I push back.
So, here's what we should do: put on our maid's outfits and go out. Pass/blend crossdressers will tell us we are setting a bad example for the community and tell us to get back into the closet. OK, if you insist, but make up your mind, will ya?

The very first group meeting I attended, remember it well, there was someone there dressed in the full maids outfit right down to frilly ankle socks. Out and about this was someone you would notice as she was over 6' tall. Oh and did I mention the curly shock of blond hair and red eye shadow. This didn't stop her from stopping off at the fish and chip shop on the way home for supper. I would loved to have been a fly on that wall!

Again I reiterate, if going out isn't for you, that's fine. My question was aimed at those that do and to describe how you would explain that which drives you to do so.

It's a fact that the CD/trans world is, albeit slowly, coming out of the shadows. More of us it seems are crossing that threshold and presenting ourselves to the world. I'm looking to find out what initially carried you over that doorstep.

I have been a big chicken all of my life. My first time out was to prove that I could put my fear to the side, pull up my "big boy pants," and be myself without regard to what others think. For me it was one of the high points in my life, because I had finally decided to set myself free, using the keys I always had in my hand.

Decades ago I took the plunge and went out several times for an evening drive. I wanted to experience life as more than a shut in. It took awhile to intentionally interact with other humans. I did that on two Halloweens. I sort of got the urge out of my system for a long time. When our daughter went to school in the mid west my wife visited her for seven to ten days every year. Her absence gave me a lot of time to hang many of my dresses in the closet and trade my male underwear for my women's attire in my armoire. Then the urge came back and I started taking longer strolls almost every night. I enjoyed the cool breezes caressing my legs and playing with the skirt of my dresses and slips.

Yes, I did chicken out and did not interact with humans out of fear that I would be shunned or worse. I would be very comfortable being among like minded individuals who are truly accepting of men who like to wear women's clothing. If I could only knock about six inches off my six foot height I think I would go further.