How Important Is It To You To Pass

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Originally Posted by KathrynW

Veronica ~

"it lets one off the hook" ??? What the heck does that mean?

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It means you don't have to do anything that breaks you out of your comfort zone. That's like me when I used to say things like, "those big city gals are so lucky, they can go out." And I was resentful of them and it led to jealousy and perhaps some anger.

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And just who gets to dictate what one must do in order to advance personal growth and self acceptance?

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You do, but change is a part of growth, and saying "I can never go out, I don't pass, I'll get beaten with a bat", discourages change. Also breaking ones comfort barriers on occasion is a good thing.


Veronica

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Originally Posted by JoAnnDallas

Melanie...How do you handle excursions when in port. Don't you need somekinda of ID to get off/on ship.

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No, the ship issued ID card is sufficient. We never have a problem in the ports.

Melanie

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Originally Posted by VeronicaMoonlit

You do, but change is a part of growth, and saying "I can never go out, I don't pass, I'll get beaten with a bat", discourages change. Also breaking ones comfort barriers on occasion is a good thing.

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For some people, there are very valid, legitimate, reasons for not cd-ing in public.
With passability only being a part of this, among other things...
With no way of knowing a person's individual situation & circumstances...perhaps you shouldn't make this sound like such a blanket statement? Just a thought...

[QUOTE=KathrynW]For some people, there are very valid, legitimate, reasons for not cd-ing in public.
[FONT=Georgia][COLOR=darkred]QUOTE]

And one very good reason is "I don't want to. I am content with the way things are." But to say that also takes some courage as many feel that to go out in public is expected as a "civic duty". Other reasons usually have solutions to them. Many are reluctant to accept the solution to their block. This is not because the solution is a bad one but because to accept it would put the person closer to confronting their fears about stepping outside the comfort zone. To coin a cliche "We have nothing to fear but fear itself".

I have yet to hear anyone who has finally taken the plunge say "I wish I hadn't done that". Rather it is a case of "What was I worried about? Should have gone ages ago."

NOt very important,I won't dress outside of the house.

For me I 2 am in a constant state of semi-passable, never more than a
few steps away from living f/t as a women , Ive thought about it.
I'm reasonable sure that I could pass , with some more work in certain
area's , also as it has been said before , passing is a state of mind too.
Yes to me , its important. Or it could become more so later on ......

I would like to pass as best as I could. However, I think that is is possible to at least look fairly attractive without passing. Some of us-me included- have physical features ( such as height, wide shoulders, etc) that make complete passing difficult. I try to look at least half way decent even if people know what I am when they see me.

at least when I am enfemme as I am not to tall. (5ft 7in) so mostly when I am out I wear flat shoes (But not always):D When it is sunny out then I can wear my sunglasses and don't get many looks at all (darn) I must not be pretty enough. I once had a black gal tell me she thought I was beautifiul when I was shopping for shoes at DSW. I could tell she read me but it made me feel good anyhow. That time I was dressed rather elegantly with a nice pants suit and heels.:D

I think Vicki Rene sums it up quite nicely with this quote on her website,
"It is great to be passable but it is even greater to be accepted!"

I pretty much will go wherever I want when I want to, and I truly enjoy being able to be perceived as a woman while doing so. I simply will let others decide for themselves how convincing they think I am. :battingeyelashes:

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Originally Posted by Wendy Seymone

I think Vicki Rene sums it up quite nicely with this quote on her website,
"It is great to be passable but it is even greater to be accepted!"

I pretty much will go wherever I want when I want to, and I truly enjoy being able to be perceived as a woman while doing so. I simply will let others decide for themselves how convincing they think I am. :battingeyelashes:

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Absolutly Wendy!! And the corollary is that in order to pass, a T-Girl first has to learn to accept herself---once she does that it really doesn't matter.:dom:

I have had many thoughts on this subject in the last few years. It has been important for meto find a place of comfort and safety when I went out.

In the begining of going full time, I want to go out and not attract attention. I didn't want people looking at or staring and whispering about me. That happened some in the beginning and I found my self always on edge and not able to relax in to the moment.
For the first years I changed little things about how I looked and what I wore and eventually I stopped being noticed.
I tried different skirts, pants and tops, hair styles and shoes, coats and jewelry and on and on. Yes, even make up.
Now, I don't seem to get noticed much at all and if I do it is a non event.
The interesting thing to me is that I'm not sure it was the clothing changes etc or the increased comfort level with myslef or getting used to being out in the world en femme.
I've now gotten to a place where I often like to be noticed so that people will know that I'm TG. I think that's important for me know and it's one way to help and support my community.
After all that being said I do like having the ability to slip under the radar when I feel the need.

Thanks for a great thread

I usually try not to pass. Sometimes I dress up without makeup out of lazyness (despite that's where a lot of fun is at), sometimes I dress in outfits when clearly I don't have the femine figure to do so. Sometimes I don't wear a wig because I dislike getting it tangled up.

I crossdress because it's how I like to look and feel, not as how some other person percieves I should look.

Passing is not all that important to me right now since I don't go out en femme however once I do go out I'm sure that no matter how well I think I pass there will be some folks that will read me.

I'd have to think that getting read as a CD is not nearly as traumatizing as a GG who gets mistaken for a CD so I don't see it as a big deal in the grand scheme of things.

I get into the female mode like an actor or actress playing a part in a show. I want to feel like I am close to passing in my performance, although none of us can master all aspects of the beautiful female, so in summary yes, passing is important to me.

It's getting more and more important for me now. For the longest time it was just dressing up in private and I didn't really care too much what I looked like as long as I got 'the thrill'. However, lately I've been worrying more and more about how I look, how good my makeup is, whether my walk is right etc. etc. I've only been out under cover of darkness, but really want to feel like I could go anywhere en femme. So, yes I want desperately to be passable, though I doubt I ever really will.

Everyone...thank You So Much For Your Comments On This Subject. I Never Thought I Would Get Such A Wonderful Response. I Have Learned A Lot From What You Have All Shared With Me. I Feel Much Better About Myself Now. If I Am Passable Is Not The The Most Important Issue, I Understand That Now. It Would Be Great To Pass All The Time, But That Will Not Happen. The Fact That I Can Express Myself As Belinda When I Want To, Is Something I Should Cherish. I Am Very Lucky To Have An Understanding And Accepting Wife By My Side. Yes, Passing Is Nice....but Not The Most Important Part. Thank You, I Not Only Received Great Advice, I Also Made Many New Friends, And That Is Something That Is Important.
Thanks Again....belinda

Right on Jodi. I have no delusions of grandeur about passing. While dressed I pass a lot of people therefore does that make me passable? Sally2

Passing isn't that important too me.. because i don't go out much..And when i do its too a club that is very accepting and i know there will be other girls there..But i do enjoy playing with makeup and clothes always trying too improve how I look and what looks right and what dosn't....Always looking for that next cute outfit too wear out !!! I say just enjoy yourself why you can !!!

I find that it's very important to me personally, to try and look passable; it's a big part of the fantasy and image I want to try and project.

Heather

Passing is not an issue at all for me. On the very rare occasions that I do get to dress the only person that know is myself. And it is not all that ofetn that I look in the mirror at myself. When I do no matter how I am dressed I just see myself in a dress anyway. The rest of the world will probably never see me dressed, so no big deal here.