Affliction for me. The answers probably go hand in hand with self acceptance. I would take the blue pill if it existed.
Affliction for me. The answers probably go hand in hand with self acceptance. I would take the blue pill if it existed.
I experienced this the other day, I was photographing a party for a friend and a girl there around the age of 18 was trying desperately to make sure her face was never seen in a photograph. I'm not a pro but I know that a big part of being a photographer is making people feel comfortable and when she ducked out of the third family picture I was trying to get she said, "I don't take photos."Quote:
Originally Posted by BrendaPDX
I said, "No problem, but you're one of the prettiest girls here, it would be a shame not to have a photo of it," that's something I would have never said before. I never understood how insecure that a woman can feel about her appearance and how important it is that they are happy with it. She had nothing to be ashamed of she really was very pretty. I could tell I made a difference to her, and later she got in a photo.
Thanks for the pros and cons. This is from a grown person who was trained in shame, coming from a second generation Sicilian neighborhood of Chicago. I was the outcast being Polish. My transformation took place about ten years ago.
Pros and cons.
“I am so addicted to dressing, I love dressing fully and shopping for dresses.”
~~TRUE for me in part. I gave up on the frilly things to wear and being fully dressed because I’m just too old, this town is so small and the stores don’t carry size 12 heels. I like being lightly dressed in sheer things. I like being the passive fem in everything I do. A flImsy top and silky miniskirt with high heel sandals is my perfect outfil. My makeup is powder and a high quality sunscreen to take the gloss and red off and maybe a lttle on the eyes and lips. I would love to be shaven but haven’t been able to do it, yet.
I hate when I feel shame.
~~ CANNOT RELATE anymore. My spiritual beliefs suggest shame is meaningless, like all of our mental formations. Sometimes I wonder how far I can take some of my selfdegrading thoughts but fortunately, I don’t have the courage to take it further. I like to think of shame and anger as ideas that are no longer part of me. Seeds of shame and anger remain in my garden; they just will not be watered.
I feel sad that my wife thinks dressing is all messed up!
~~MARRIED but wife is not involved. Sexually the thought is intriguing, but my wife cannot be part of this process. I cannot tell her that I would rather be with a CD because that is just not sexually true ... anymore. Recent readings of Thich Nhat Hanh in a small book titled “Communicating” has me understanding how important we are to each other. Therefore, my mind easily wraps its head around her, remembering my fem side and her male side. We get along swimmingly, one might say.
Thanks for letting me chime in. Good luck, honey. ❤️
This is me too - 100%. I love dressing but will give it up tomorrow if there was a magic pill.Quote:
Originally Posted by BrendaPDX
Dressing does tend to take over my life. All the planning, expense and not being entirely truthful with people because of it. My wife, while accepting, would much prefer I didn't do it, even though she sees it has some positives. I'm easier to live with, love shopping with her and really understand why she needs yet another pair of shoes!
Hi Judy :hugs:, I have been in this program for over 71years now, It is just who I m And it is just what I do!
It is just a normal part of who I am. >Orchid ..O:daydreaming:O..
It is an affliction and I wish it had never happened to me BUT if someone had a treatment that could cure me tomorrow I wouldn't take it.
Both for me too. I always think Im not going to order any new stuff, and that lasts right up until a new ad comes out ;P
Life would be easier for me but I am what I am.
Love! It is now a huge part of who I am and will probably grow as I go along on my journey! Hugs Lana Mae
When I was younger,I use to feel it was an affliction. that there was something wrong with me.
These days though, I feel its just who I am. I don't think I could change it ( or would want to) if I tried.
Its the overwhelming urge to express my feminine side. Its no longer a fetish for me and feel at this point
that I'm more trans than a crossdresser.
Although I enjoy dressing and have a supportive wife I still feel it's an affliction. I have a strong fem side but I'll never be more than a man in a dress hence I don't see any purpose or utility in pretending to be a woman. I'd rather spend my time in something more productive and lasting than the "pink fog."
The key is deciding whether you are going to punish or accept yourself for the person you are. You can fight it like the flow of water in a river, but you can't change the direction the water is going to go. Many TG people have a lot of depression issues. If you are really unhappy about your tendencies, then you need to do something about it. If not, stop beating yourself up, be happy, and go have a cup of coffee, beer, or glass of wine. Peace, sistur!
I absolutely love cross-dressing. In fact the more I look like a woman the better. However, I always know that I am a man no matter what I am wearing.
i see it as either an affliction or compulsion that controls my every thought i so wish there was a cure for this
I love it; feels natural and definitely adds variety to my daily wardrobe.
Sarah Hillcrest, I made the mistake of taking a snapshot of a women back in the early 1990's. I knew the woman, and it was at a singles activity. She was very upset. i won't do that again.
Affliction is the word I find myself considering, as a way to engage my wife, to persuade her to consider that it is very much like a sensitivity to sunlight or an allergy- sometimes, or all the time, we are uncomfortable being stuck in the male role and persona. Then she can be sympathetic and explain it to others, etc. Of course, that is a pipe dream. But it is not a minor inconvenience -the extent of the discomfort in daily life is big, so it qualifies as an affliction.
That said, I love crossdressing for what it is- the freedom, the sensual pleasure, the way my sexuality is expressed, and the fun of fabrics and colors and draping my body.
I love it, something about it soothes my soul!
I believe it is autogynephelia with me. A substitute for not having female beauty and intimacy in my life, and never having a SO, or wife. It also is for other reasons i am sure. My dad wanted only daughters, and i had a smothering mom. I had male shame, and did not like being considered a predatory male, by women and girls. The feminist movement, and also fanfasizing being a tall, leggy lady for a short time. Affliction because of social stigma, and 98% of people do not like it. But,part of me loves it
I originally hated being a crossdresser, but now I really enjoy it. I look forward to doing it whenever I have a chance.
I love it! It’s who I am.
For me was a frustration but a release while on the closet.
When I came out to wife so many things changed.
We make so many mistakes for ignorance expressing it.
Now in transition to dress is not an urgency because I see my body changing into a woman's like and is always a pleasure. I feel really comfortable...
Its a gift, I feel so lucky to have a female side, she has added so much to make my life better, i wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm more of a mixed-bag. :straightface:
In my early years, I definitely viewed it as an affliction. I wanted it to disappear & never come back again. I've had more than my fair share of purges. I tried & tried to shake it, but after a while I gradually smartened up & realized I was in this for life.
Nowadays, I do wish sometimes that I wasn't like this. In some aspects, life would be that much better & easier -- and... "normal"? :strugglin
However, I also realize this was the hand I was dealt. So, I make the most of it, and do accept myself. I also believe this kind of life is much less boring & average. :D
Love, on the other hand, is a pretty strong word. Overall, I don't love it, per se. But I definitely do like some aspects of it. :)
I actually think in my earlier days, I had stronger swings... Higher highs & lower lows. Way more love for it, and also way more viewing it as an affliction, back then. Totally conflicting & taxing. Years & decades of dealing with it, and growing & maturing, has certainly tempered & evened-out those feelings.
Anyway, as a side note, while I'm at it, before some reading this thread get the wrong impression... People out there really do need to understand that this isn't a choice, for any of us, really. It's not. Seriously, who would actually *choose* this??
I do, however, believe that for many of us, *how* we go about this *is* a choice, to some degree. For example, perhaps getting all tarted-up like a prostitute to go "strutting the mall" in the middle of the day, may be somewhat of a choice. And on the same token, toning things down a bit before heading to the same mall can also be a (better, wiser) choice. ;)
I had posted a response to this the evening that it came out, but it never appeared. Probably user error. Anyway, the gist of that was the observation that TG behavior is far from completely understood by even by those most educated on the matter. For that reason, expecting a qualified answer to the question, in this forum, is folly. Now, that's not to say that there is no value in the opinions like those voiced above. Support, whether from one "suffering and affliction" or enjoying a common pleasure, is almost always good to have.
Upon several days reflection, I now have a more nuanced answer...
The TG condition, crossdresser, transsexual, or any point in between or around, does involve an affliction, but it is not ours. It is an affliction suffered by society. It is born of ignorance and religious prejudice. No that's not an opinion on religion, just the simple observation that the vast majority of arguments about the immorality of TG behavior will inevitably devolve to the citation of some ancient proscription. I note that not all societies suffer that to the same degree. Some grew to be more enlightened. Some never suffered in such darkness. The bottom line is that if none of us ever suffered the disapproval, fear or hatred that most of us do, our "condition" would be thought of as neither pleasure nor affliction. It would be viewed as precisely what it really is, just... who... we... are.
I like how I feel when I'm dressed. I feel relaxed and comfortable with myself. There is a feminine side of me that needs to be expressed. It is not an affliction because I enjoy it.
For me, it's not an affliction, condition, neuroses, defect, oddity...none of that.
It's just how I am, and that's the way it is.
I'm really quite happy I introduced my dress-wearing side to my wife of 20+ years, and she didn't freak out about it.
hello,
for me I think the shame is waning - I love dressing up in private
luv J
As for me, I love dressing, It makes me feel good. It satisfies the part of me that wants to be a woman. I have a very supportive wife and she likes me expressing my feminine side. That is now. When I first started dressing in my early teens for me it was like an affliction.When I started it was the 70's when you had no easy way of finding out why you were attracted to wearing women's clothing, I took me many years to figure myself out. The age of the internet really helped me to accept myself and just enjoy dressing. That's when I started loving dressing.
I adore being en femme! I feel so "right", somehow! I love being Roxanne, sweet, caring and so very feminine. It makes me feel ever so complete, and at ease with life!
Roxanne Lanyon
As several people have said, it just feels right. I'm fully dressed right now and could happily stay like this for a week or more. I could stop if I wanted to but I can't imagine that ever happening.
Okay, so you've got a passionate & vocal segment of a population, telling another passionate & vocal segment of a population that they're wrong & need to change.Quote:
Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly
And then, at the same time, you've got the second group telling the 1st group that *they're* wrong & need to change.
Yeah, good luck with all that... :brolleyes:
BTW, whatever happened to promoting diversity, as well as tolerance & acceptance of *everyone*? :strugglin
Anyway, I've always been fond of this quote...
"Choose your enemies carefully, for you will become like them."
:)
Love to dress? no more of a desire to emulate , to acheive a look as close as is possible, I have been "clocked" a couple of times but nothing happened I did not feel intimidated or upset and in any case the moment soon passes. It certainly is not an affliction for me more of a way of life most of the time.
Oh, puh-leeze. Every time I hear that false equivalence I want to scream. It is not, in no way, shape or form, "intolerant" to refuse to accept intolerance. So let's get clear on the terms. Tolerance means (by one common definition), a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from one's own. I tolerate opinions, beliefs, and practices that differ from mine. I do not tolerate, no one should ever tolerate, actions that impinge on my beliefs and practices. In other words, your liberty stops where it begins to negatively affect others, and so does mine. So yeah, any group that doesn't get that needs to change, because they are ...intolerant.Quote:
Originally Posted by ellbee
Note that I have not named any political party or portion of the social/cultural spectrum. That's because it does not matter which "side" you're on. If you refuse to grant "the other" the same rights you claim for yourself, you're still wrong.
Bringing this back around to the subject, I can live with other people thinking I'm a dangerous degenerate. I'm not. They're wrong. We disagree. No problem. I absolutely refuse, however, to allow that "side" to do all the destructive things they do because of their fear and ignorance. No. You do not get to make laws that deny me anything any other citizen is entitled to. No. You do not get to bully the sissy, or the tomboy. And I will be damned if I will be called intolerant for saying so.
What Kelly said.
I believe I could remain Roxanne for months and months! I truly enjoy being a girl, in my heart and soul! 
I never look on the negative side, I just LOVE what I have done for years.
Tbh, I feel its both sometimes. Other times one or the other.
Part of me knows that things would be easier if i wasn't this way. The other tells me that it hasn't stopped me in regards to other things such as my love of videogames, cartoons/anime etc back when I was growing up. Love what you love and dont let people stop you and all that jazz.
Part of me tells myself that I'm a degenerate fetishist, the other tells me that this is a part of how I feel whole and express myself sometimes, and which one I feel better about seems to flip every other month or so...
I guess the problem is I am looking for a clearcut answer where there just might not be one...
When I dress initially get a sexual response to it, which has to be hidden in some skirts and dresses. But after that, I feel very comfortable while dressed and enjoy every minute of it. So I guess the first part is an affliction, the latter part I love.
I agree with Georgina.Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgina
NEVER felt any shame in something I have thoroughly enjoyed since 5 years old.
Attachment 294412
To much joy in emulating women that inspire us :battingeyelashes:
I think it is an affliction I love, just part of me
Giselle, Totally agree with you . I wish it would not be in every thought. I cannot function in a healthy way, with it in allo my thoughts, cannot concentrate on important matters, or details. I would take the blue pill right now if there was one, to free my mind.
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It is healthy for all of us, if we can just agree to disagree peacefully, and realize we are all products of our heredity, and environments and upbringing, and many other things. We are complex creatures, and sometimes change.
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ellbee. Love the kitten avatar! I agree. We all need to be able to disagree agreeably, or there will be no peace.
Thanks, Alice.
I'm glad you posted. I was going to respond to Aunt Kelly, but after reading your words, I've decided not to. :)
I will say, however, that both sides do sometimes spew some serious garbage. It can be juvenile, disrespectful, pathetic, and even disgusting. And a whole bunch of other words. :roflmao:
They certainly won't be winning over many hearts & minds this way.
Fortunately, I believe a large swath of the population is somewhere in the middle of all this, at neither extreme. And they'll probably be staying put, taking things on a case-by-case basis, probably rightfully so.
For many years (perhaps decades), I did not understand my need to wear women's clothing - it was an enigma to me. Yes there was quilt, shame, etc. at times, but the desire never went away over the years. After I came to terms with my gender identity, wearing women's clothing is a part of me, no affliction.
That is a noble ideal. I support it completely. Alas, the reality is that some feel compelled to force their beliefs on others. For purposes of illustration, let's confine the discussion to our lot, the transgendered. I'll use just one case, one familiar to many here, as an example. How is the treatment received by Kai Shappley in any way, "peaceful" or "agreeable"? How is it "intolerant" to call those who perpetrate such injustice ignorant and intolerant?Quote:
Originally Posted by Alice Torn
Caution: Before you reply with an indignant assertion that "It's not ignorance. It's their deeply held beliefs", know that I am not questioning their beliefs. They can believe anything they want. It's their actions, and in many cases, inaction, that I refuse to "tolerate".
Now, again, tell me how it is that we should all just "disagree agreeably"?
Aunt Kelly has struck a very powerful chord and one I concur with.
Ultimately I agree that the affliction is cultural and societal. If tomorrow cross dressing was deemed completely normal and accepted I would imagine that the feeling that it is an "affliction" to be carried by the self would
disappear for most.
To take it a step further look at Two Spirit's in Native American culture. There was a time when the world wasn’t simply divided into male and female and many Native American cultures held places of honor for people of
integrated genders.
Can you imagine feeling you were gifted and should be held in a place of honor?
As of now we are a strictly binary culture that is intolerant of nuance. I suspect that is slowly changing and you can see it slowly evolving in our society with greater awareness and slow acceptance of the greater LGBTQ
community. But clearly there is still a long way to go.
For me it took almost 50 years to not only come to a place of acceptance of myself but to realize that it is a gift. Truly, for me it is a remarkable experience.
I know how you feel all my life I have had the guilt and shame .I often think what kind of man would I have been if not for me wanting to dress as a girl.im 60 now I don't think ill ever stop .but it dose wear on you I feel like is this all there is when im dressed I read all the comments on here and some I agree with others I don't .I just want to be happy be myself with out guilt or shame its so hard just hang in there . don't give up on life just try to enjoy when you do dress its part of us all we cant change even if we wanted to believe me I have tried a lot thru my life I have come to see its part of who I am and that's that .:hugs::cheer::cheer:
I do not believe in a binary culture! Roxanne lives in my heart, and one day, she will come outside forever! But, at times, she is ever so lonely. 
Second:)Quote:
It's an affliction that I love.
Oh, I'd say for a fact that that's how *both* sides feel. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Aunt Kelly
Anyway... Kelly, please understand that no one here is "going against you" or anything.
And I can only speak for myself on this, but where I'm coming from, is that a part of me is able to intentionally distance myself from all this, so I can reasonably attempt to observe & analyze things from a big-picture perspective, as objectively as I can, on a psychological & sociological level.
I assure you, I have seen & heard a lot over the years. Sometimes, I really wish I hadn't. And that goes for *both* camps.
Perhaps someday this will all settle down. But I ain't gonna hold my breath on that, either, LOL.