It doesn't phase me at all.
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It doesn't phase me at all.
Lorna, it isn't uncommon in some cultures for women to not be allowed to shop in person. Instead, male family members go and buy a bunch of things they think might be ok. They take it home, and then the woman for whom they are buying then decides what they want, and the rest gets taken back. Just a possibility.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lorna
Hi Molly :hugs:, One thing I learned was not to make Eye contact with shoppers in the Ladies section, >Orchid**0:daydreaming:0**
I just went through these emotions The other day. I bought a new outfit at a store in guy mode and went to khols looking for stockings and panties.
Found myself alone for first part found what I was looking for. But then there were about 6 different women in the department so I put on my big girl panties and shopped right where I was and bought 5 more pairs of panties.
So I got 6 panties and as I approached the front I saw the line and there where men in it 🤔 so lost all courage for a moment and came up with a solution.
I picked up one mens t shirt and used it to hide the rest of my items until I got to register. So if you act naturally in the same situation next time regardless of how your dressed you should be fine.
I've been to buy makeup at a couple of local bargain bazaar-type store while dressed. The first time I did, I left my purse in the car, undiscovered until I was going to the counter - I nearly bolted then, but went and got it then returned to the store. But I'm normally in drab when I'm shopping for clothing or shoes.
I used to be terrified of going into the women's section of stores, and it got to a stage that my dressing was curtailed as I had nothing to wear. So I just had to 'girl-up' and go do it. That was a few years ago now, and I haven't had any bad experiences so far. Some of the stores I go to have gotten to know me and I'm just like any one of the GG women customers to them.
Sometimes if someone glares at me I remember that I sometimes may be giving people a look if they're looking at the exact section I want to rifle through, maybe they're just annoyed I'm in the way.
Yeah, unfortunately Kohls has stopped carrying pantyhose and tights. In my town of ~100,000 souls, there are no places now to buy higher quality hosiery, just grocery stores and Target/Walmart.Quote:
Originally Posted by cd300
Molly, once in Kohls, in male mode, in the lingerie section shopping for panties I had an older women tell me I was in the wrong section. I said, no I'm not. End of conversation.
Sometimes but not always. Depends on who is around and if they are at the exact section I want to look at. To bad you didn't go over. Kohl's has my favorite Vanity Fair bikini bottom
I don't have a problem shopping in ladies section when in male mode, but it's funny that every time I go there, shop assistant comes right over to help. They don't do that for the ladies and let them browse for them self, at least for a while. Maybe I still feel a bit awkward when waiting with clothes in front of changing room to get my turn to try them on or when trying on shoes and walk around the shop wearing high heels. But since I started going out fully crossdressed also during the day, I rarely do my shopping for female items that I have to try on before buying, in male mode.
I was once shopping in a ladies clothes shop in male mode. A customer made a fuss about there being a man in the shop. The sales assistant reply to the customer was to the effect that the shop could serve whoever it wanted.
You just never know...people can surprise you sometimes.Quote:
Originally Posted by cd300
I was in the women's underwear section of a local Walmart (I hesitate to use the term "lingerie" in this context here) a few weeks ago looking for a particular brand/size of panties.
As I was scanning the racks for my preferred choice, I was soon joined by a 30-something GG on a similar mission. I'm at a point now where I am just as comfortable shopping for women's clothes in drab as I am shopping for male clothes (although the latter happens far, far less frequently now than the former), consequently I stood my ground and didn't let her presence faze me.
I guess there is some power in just "owning it"....not only did this GG appear to be totally unperturbed by my presence there, at one point she actually turned towards me to express her frustration over not being able to find what she was looking for, and likely seeking sympathy and validation as women tend to do in such situations. Being the gentleman (?) 🤔 that I am, I comiserated with her and eventually moved on...also empty-handed, I might add.
All in all, a very uneventful interaction, and no children or small animals were harmed in the process 😚.
I don't dress in public, but I'm usually pretty ok in most department stores in the women's section or in the cosmetics. If a store has a combination of self-checkout and humans, I try and use the human checkout just to gain more confidence. Usually they don't care. Even had a conversation with one girl ringing me out who was pretty sure what I was buying was for me and seemed to think it was cute. The exception is TJ Maxx...it always seems to have late-50's women in it who just look like they'll give you a hard time. I don't buy, ehm, unmentionables in-person though. It just seems ripe someone to scream "perv" through the store.
I haven't yet been courageous enough for a women's only store though. Thanks to the internet and COVID, there isn't one within 45 minutes of me anymore anyway.
Hi Molly,
I wish I had your courage to go out dressed. You are doing great and don't let them get you down. Now if I could only live my own works.
Brenda.
I think the answer to your dilemma is just experience. The more you put yourself in that situation, the easier it becomes. A lot of it has to do with the realization that sales staff is supportive no matter how you present. In fact, I truly believe that salesladies actually ENJOY helping CDs find their true expression. Could it be the novelty of it, or the knowledge that they're helping to break down toxic masculinity? Or something else? I don't know, but it's real and it's spectacular.
I have quite oftenhad that hesitation in guy mode ,but one day I told myself to own it, I went in to a dress shop as my fashion favorite is a peasant skirt nice long and flowing ,the sales girl came up and inquired I told her what I was looking for ,of course her next question was for who? I told her right out it is for me ! she did not blink an eye said it was good I was out about it so she could properly fit me , we found one I put it on and she took a look went down one waist size , then she mentioned if you can afford it you need the peasant blouse to go with it all came out great ,then after a bit of chit chat she brings a tape and takes all the important measurements and says keep it handy that sure beat the death stares I have encountered elsewhere
The older you are, the less you bother with other people. Forty years ago I got the usual rush and paranoia about shopping. That fades with time. How do people know you are not buying clothes for someone else? ?Real men are secure in their masculinity? is a statement that you can give anyone who makes a comment. Seriously, if you see a woman buying men?s clothing items, do you automatically assume she is buying them for herself?
Thirty years ago, my wife and I had a dinner party once or twice a month. We had a party on Halloween so I got dressed up as the maid. This is infront of vanilla friends. We went to a uniform store and I tried on dresses. I?m with my wife and no one cared. I had to go to a shoe store alone to get heels and that wasn?t a problem. Halloween seems to be the time that straight guys can dress up and it is fine.
A CD friend told me that some movie houses show the Rocky Horror Story on Halloween and they are filled up with guys playing Magenta.
Years ago I read a book called ? Vested Interests? which was about the cultural history of cross dressing. I read it pre internet and it was mind blowing.
I?d like to reply to this thread as it is something I myself have struggled with for a long tiime. I?m 46 years old so I rememmber the pre internet days. I f I wanted something I had to go to a brick and mortar store and buy it.now I can just go online and buy it. So much easier. I do feel very uncomfortable shopping as a guy in the female clothes and lingerie department however I am at ease and comfortable in the makeup aisles. I Jane no issue going up to a sales associate I?m the makeup dept and saying i am looking for a new foundation or a new mascara. None what so ever. Why? Idk. Maybe becuase as a man I do wear tinted moisturizer and some power and I know my colors? But when it comes to clothing shoes or lingerie I just feel like I?m being stared at or something. The same with accessories I have no issue looking at jewelry or handbags. None at all. I?ll spend whatever Amy of time I want looking through the jewelry or handbags and be completely comfortable. I have even asked to try on rings and no one bats an eye or thinks anything. I make my purchases and leave for jewelry handbags and makeup and don?t think anything of it. Clothes shoes and lingerie and I?m a paranoid freak. It?s just funny how our brains are conditioned.
I am always dressed as a man when I shop for my ladies clothes, I love shopping for lingerie and long since stopped worrying about what others might think about a man in the ladies area and in all the time I have done it, I have never had one single adverse comment from other shoppers or the shop assistants
It wasn't always that way in my head though, it took a few years for me to be confident
Our daughter told the story last night of her now-ex BF going to the store to get Midol for her. The customer behind him in the register queue gave him some cr*p about his purchase, "It's not for headaches, you know" kind of stuff. So instead of praise for being a supportive SO, he got harassed.
If somebody gives you grief, remember that it's not that it *takes* all kinds, it's just that there *are* all kinds.
I always shop in drab and no matter how long I've been doing it or how far away from home I go to do it, I always feel like I'm out of place and I can't seem to shake it. It takes effort to push through how I feel and buy what I want anyway. Just for that reason I'd love to try shopping en femme, among a million others...
I definitely remember a long time ago looking at bras in a wal mart and a middle aged woman suddenly snuck up behind me and we were both looking at the same bras. At first she didn't bat an eye, but then she looked at me for a sec and then it must've registered for her what I was doing there because she gave me an audible "oh!" and then she winked at me and smiled...I felt so relieved and happy! She just shopped right along side me and didn't say anything else to me or I to her. Eventually I left and went to pay. I think that was as positive an experience a i could have had, given everything.
Not long ago I was shopping (drab) the Lane Bryant Doorbuster panty sale and had picked out panties for both my wife and for myself. The sales associate asked me if I realized that my selections were in more than one size. I replied, "Yes, they are for more than one person." No problem...
I wouldn't say that it concerns all women, and territorial may not be the right word for it (it's more like wanting a safe zone). But I agree with 100% of Leslie's explanation here. Women have valid reasons to be concerned when a male ventures in their section. And the CD explanation - vs perv - will probably not be the one that comes to mind for most of them. Keep in mind that most women will experience some kind of sexual harassment in their life (in USA, 81% of women, 43 % of men, and the perpetrators are primarily males, even for the male victims. See https://www.nsvrc.org/statistics). If you don't believe it, ask the females you know. I asked my wife once, and was surprised to learn that she was harassed many times including unwanted contact.Quote:
Originally Posted by Leslie Langford
This is just the way I do most of my shopping now. If I shop for my male self I just do it myself. If I shop for Amy I ask the first female SA I see to help me select what I'm looking for. I always walk away with better quality/price than if I had did it myself.
It's kind of funny...
I feel more comfortable shopping for lingerie in menswear. I don't want people to see a crossdresser in the lingerie section. I would rather they see me in a skirt doing non-lingerie things. I overthink everything.... but I would rather not have someone's only CD encounter be related to panties. :) I'm a nut. I know it!
I use to avoid shopping for women's clothing in drab, but no more. I pick out what I want and take it to the cashier. If anybody asks if it's for me I always give them a big smile and say"absolutely."
This thread makes me want to go shopping all dressed up but go the men's dept. and shop for myself. That would be interesting and amusing.
I don't get worried about the looks I get - but I do feel them. However, this reminds me of a time my wife and I were at JC Penny shopping in panty section (for both of us) and I don't know if they heard us talking or just didn't think a man should be shopping with his wife on such a place - but these older women walked by and made some kind of rude comment to us. Can't remember what they said but I thought it was funny until it made my wife not want to get panties for us.
Just before Covid, around 2019, I was travelling for business in male-mode. I stopped at a Goodwill in the north Dallas, TX area and found the prettiest long, flowing nightgown in a sheer seafoam green (think "Endora" from Bewitched). Surprisingly, it was a plus size and fit me very well. The cashier gave me a sly look and then she said in a low voice that the nightie matched my eyes and added that she thought it would look good on me. I didn't know if she was serious or joking, but I thanked her for the compliment. Then, not to be outdone, I added that I had already tried it on and that I knew it looked good on me. Still looking for matching panties ...
I've done this alot, and mostly in pretty busy walmarts. Online shopping is a lifesaver, btw.
But when I still go in person, I just walk in like normal. Never really encountered any weird looks, and for sure nobody has said anything.
It's easier than you think. It stressed me out for awhile, but I got over it. If you really need cover, buy some men's socks, underwear or shirts, and if you think somebody's gonna say something, say "we're out here on vacation, forgot a few essentials."
That's the bull crap that floats around from non-accepting people; stick their nose in where it does not belong. She was not trying to be "helpful." She was giving out political commentary. The worst stare I ever got when shopping for a fem garment occurred when I was standing in line at a Fred Meyer (Kroger) with a vivid red Vanity Fair bra in my hand. Even though it was Christmas time a guy gave me such a hostile stare I've never forgotten; almost "How dare you ever hold a bra in your hand!" I took it as I was attacking the masculinity of the world by holding a bra.Quote:
Originally Posted by alwayshave
Stephanie,
Your post reminded me of an occasion a few years back. I was shopping at Wal Mart, in male mode, and had selected some make up, jewelry and some panties as well as a couple of clothing items. I was not as comfortable shopping then as I am today and rarely went out. As I was checking out an older man was in line behind me and made some comment about a man buying that stuff. I was embarrassed and know I turned red but made my purchases and went on. I do remember several people looking when he made his comments. He made it seem as though I was committing a terrible wrong. I recognize today it was his stupidity and narrow mind.
Shop On!!
Molly
Hi Stephanie,
Most of us have probably experienced harshness when shopping ranging from harsh looks to harsh words. I am no way in a position to pass so I try to shop in male mode as a gentleman. I don't try to hide from narrow-minded people, but I do try to avoid them by focusing my shopping to establishments that are welcoming at least of my patronage and hopefully welcoming to me as an individual. I have found many establishments that fall into that category and I plan to visit several tomorrow.
When I go to the ladies section I am in full Natalie mode. I do not care who sees me. Or what they say. But I never had a bad comment. I did stop in CVS once and I was wearing a tank top and cute shorts as Natalie. I thought the store would be relatively quiet. Boy was I wrong. I was in line to check out with 5 other men between 30 and 45. I felt myself break out in a sweat. But being in CA, nothing was said.
I don't shop around my home but I always do it in guy mode. Besides shopping at the department stores I will shop at stores that just cater to women clothes. I will even ask to try on things. I am a pretty stout guy and no way can I pass. Most of the time I don't have any issues even if the SA is going out of her way by asking "SIR SIR do you need help SIR!" That is the SA I will make sure to ask if I can try something on. Just to see the look on her face. But as Molly said, once in a while I will be shopping and all of a sudden I will get anxiety. A lot of times if there, all of sudden, a child present.
What Suzanne said,
I just want to be comfortable and the more comfortable I am the easier it is and others around me seem to recognize my comfortability. Something like that!
Great topic Molly, I am not 'out' yet but I have always loved shopping for lingerie in store. Early on in my shopping days I would say it was for a girlfriend but eventually I decided to tell the SA that I was a CD and was looking for something for a romantic night with my boyfriend. Each of the SAs who came up to me were very nice and helpful, suggested something beautiful, and the feeling was exhilarating.
One problem of shopping in store is the bewildering array of bras, panties, shapewear, suspenders etc. on display.
I was looking for a soft bralette with no underwire, but I was confronted by walls of outsize support bras, sports bras, F cup plunge bras, strapless bras, full cup bras, minimiser bras etc.
Even if you can negotiate this Maginot line of underwear, it's difficult to be certain if the bra you desire is exactly what you want.
But online, you can see the bra being modelled, you can see the band fastening, the cleavage and the strap buckles.
First time: I was standing just outside the lingerie department at Nordstrom when a coworker and his wife walked by and he nodded to me. I did a major blush. It was around Christmas and a few weeks later the guy commented he thought it was pretty cool for a guy to buy his wife nice lingerie for a present.
Wosrst: I was in drab in Target shopping for panties when a group of junior high girls came over. One of them pointed at me and said very loudly "thats a guy over there .. thats SOOO creepy!!" Then each of the others added a similar comment. It just caught me off.
Latest: I was at Kohls en femme looking for a nightgown. A 50ish lady was pushing a shopping cart with a toddler sitting in it while her 30ish daughter was perusing the sleepwear racks as well. As I walked past, the lady burst out laughing. Once past her she said to the toddler and her daughter "Nothing ....gramma just thought of something really funny".
Best: Shopping at Kohls en femme when a lady asked me whether one top looked better than another witb a skort she had in her hand. Soon an SA joined the conversation. We solved the first lady's dilemma and then they helped me pick out a cute outfit as well!!
People will talk ... just go with it.
Wow! I thought I was the only one. I believe with me it was being brainwashed at a young age. I'm going to go back to when there was only one car in the family and we would all go shopping together. When we would hit that big department store the boys would go one way and the girls would go the other. My father would tell me that we don't go there, we go to the sports and men department. Still till today when I enter the women's department I feel like all the women are stairing at me. Once my wife dared me to get a pair of pantyhose for myself, when I got to the section there was a lady there and I chickened out. I don't know I would really like to overcome this because I think I would really enjoy doing some fem shopping myself.
I always wonder about a woman in the mens section What ARE they doing there :doh:
Nobody else can really know the reason a guy is shopping in the women's section unless you make it obvious. A man might be buying for an SO who is in hospital, disabled, hates shopping or any number of reasons. We should be able to shop in any department without fear or confrontation.
I was talking to an SA at Macys in the lingerie department, unfortunately our Macys closed, and she said they can always spot a guy shopping for himself. This SA was very helpful and nice but my point is to just try and own it and you may be surprised how much fun it can be and how easy
Hi Crissy,
Totally agree with you.
Davina
I always enjoy this topic when it comes up and have enjoyed reading all the great replies. I started buying women's clothes in person as soon as I was out of my folks' house. This was pre-internet and it was really my only option if I wanted my own women's clothes--and I certainly did! They say necessity is the mother of invention, so I invented some courage and just dove in. I began with panties and sleepwear as that's where my crossdressing interests started. I was a little nervous at first like most, but powered through and just did it. The only time I had a customer or SA say anything about me buying girly stuff was when a SA asked me if the panties were for me when I was checking out. The tone was playful teasing and not mean at all. I just laughed it off and said no it was for a GF. I even joked by saying something like she must have had guys buy her clothes. I still don't think she bought it but it really was kind of a sweet interaction and I got what I came in for.
Later in life when my crossdressing interests developed into fully dressing, I started buying women's outerwear in department stores and always bought in guy mode. It took a while until I felt comfortable trying stuff on in store as that removed all doubt that I was buying for me. But I'm fully there now and my favorite dresses are ones that I've tried on and fit perfectly. I'm comfortable now asking an SA to let me into the changing room with an armful of dresses.
Back before I retired and I was driving truck I often went to thrift stores for clothes, especially when I was looking for clothes to wear while greasing the truck's zerks. I'd buy jeans and a shirt which didn't cost much and maybe wear them twice or even three times then throw them away as they were too greasy to keep. Now most men don't give their old jeans to a thrift store like women do so I seldom was able to find cheap men's jeans, but the ladies racks were usually full so once I learned my size in women's pants, I'd get a couple of pairs. At three or four dollars for a pair of jeans to grease the truck and a couple more for a shirt or blouse, men's or women's, I was happy to have throwaway outfits.
Once in a while I'd find a really great looking pair of shorts and a blouse and buy them too. Not once in the 18 years I drove a truck did I have anyone comment on my purchase in the stores. I did encounter one "ugly" comment when I was in a shoe store buying a pair of wedge sandals. Some young girls 16-18 yo commented about my sizing them (not trying them on but placing them next to my shoes) to my feet. About two seconds later the lady I was shopping with came up and asked if they would fit her. I replied, "I think so, but you'd better try them on." I did buy them and wear them when we were on a run together and she wanted to know how well they fit me. She knew they were for me.
Maria,
Try this, go for a bra fitting and have them set you up in a room...if you are in the SE US try SOMA,
they are quite trans friendly,crossdressers...
Davina
I am more apprehensive going into the lingerie section. Once I am in there it seems like a little different world and I don’t have as much concern.
In my opinion there shouldn't be any feelings of shame at all. I go to the woman's section all the time in drab. I go alone and/or with my SO. I really don't think anyone really cares.
Hell, I even get my panty liners, feminine spray, makeup, nail polish etc. No one really pays attention; maybe just a quick glance but no weirded out looks or cares. Just my 2 cents.
I have found that if I dress in Sunday best boy mode and shop directly like some men like to, ya know get in grab it get out, no one cares or looks funny at me. SA are so helpful asking me shopping for someone special. I like to say her birthday is coming up. Of course shopping lingerie close to valentines day is the best excuse ever for a fella to be in there.