You said a mouthful... I agree 100%
Steph
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You said a mouthful... I agree 100%
Steph
wow..what do I hate about crossdressing????
Psychologically I really dislike the fact that I am a crossdresser. I don't know if hate is the right word, but as much as this IS me, I often despise it.
I hate most peoples attitudes to crossdressing
I hate people assuming my sexuality because I may wear a skirt sometimes
I hate being confused by my CD more often than I am cognisant of it
I hate people thinking that maybe I chose to be a CD rather than born
I hate thinking...maybe they are right
I hate feeling guilty...and embarrassed
I hate hiding some of me from my friends and family.....even if it is there to be seen if only they knew to look
I hate the duality...the mixed emotions, the never ending uncertainty that I will be outed one day
I hate searching for the answers...I'd just rather not be saddled with the question
I hate that I feel maybe the happiest I ever feel when I am fully dressed (obviously I don't hate this when I am dressed!!!!)
oh......and
I hate shaving!!!!!!
I'm sorry tamara, but i didn't put as much thought into this as you asked me to...these are just off the top of my head....yeah, these are my life.
I too feel that hate is too strong a word so I'll stick with "I don't like...."
I don't like....
When CDs don't try hard enough to look female.
When I feel guilty for dressing in my own home.
When I've made all the plans and preparation, and then get depressed and don't dress at all.
When people reply to a thread with "Oh, not another one asking this question again!" You're not required to read it! Hit "back" and read the next thread. Replying takes enough effort that it proves you are just being a pain in the a** for the fun of it!
Feeling like a show off for posting pictures too much.
And one wierd "I do like"....
I do like the pain of electrolysis! It seems to prove to myself that I'm really not just playing dress-up if I am willing to go thru this pain every other week.
Sally
[SIZE=3]To clarify: When the SO/spouse/GF/partner already knows and is accepting but you still hide things, like buying stuff, and you still sneak around, that's what I HATE :Angry3: !!! You were honest enough to tell us and we accepted so why the need to still hide and be sneaky?+? [/SIZE]Quote:
Originally Posted by Jacqui
[SIZE=3][/SIZE]
Dear Tamara,
I admire your attempts to move the forum forward but you say it is out of boredom? I understand well the exasperation of covering the same old ground time and time again, striving to find new ways of saying the same things. Unfortunately a TG Forum like a TG Magazine is for many but a staging post not a final destination. Like teaching a class at school, each year brings a new eager intake asking the same questions. The teacher must keep the message fresh or drown in tedium. But the questions will always be asked so perhaps the trick is to lead the questionner forward. Q/ What color of panties do i like? A/ Pretty ones that tuck properly and are comfortable! I admire your attempt to move the Forum forward, i believe you do it out of love not boredom. There will always be a new intake and they deserve courtesy until they learn.
To your question:
What is there to hate? If there are things in one's life one hates but cannot change, accept them, manage them, circumvent them, but get on with living otherwise we wallow in self pity. If we can change them, then change them or we remain victims of our own weakness. To hate what one freely chooses to do is self defeating, either the means justifies the end and we must accept the integral parts or the means do not justify the end in which case we must ask why are we doing it in the first place?
Hugz x
[SIZE=4]Tiffany, what a fantastic answer! It would be so refreshing to see more of the accepting factor and less of the loathing. Thanks for an insightful and thought provoking answer. :hugs: CG gg[/SIZE]Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiffany Tuesday
Tiffany .... you are "the bomb" girl! Great answer. :D
btw.... for me personally, there is nothing I hate about cding, If I wanted to really say something, I'd say I wish it was more accepted in the mainstream, but I don't actually hate that. Hate is too strong a word.
If I understand you correctly, I agree that once it's out in the open, then the sneaking around, hiding things, etc. would not only be dishonest, it would be a betrayal of trust.Quote:
Originally Posted by Country girl GG
What I object to is those who equate "keeping a secret" with being "dishonest."
Crossdressing made me come to terms with my sexuality. I didn't appreciate men until they appreciated me dressed as a woman. Now I don't need to CD to feel like a woman, I just need a man to appreciate me as one, regardless of what I'm wearing. Believe me though , men are much higher maintenence then just a wardrobe and waxing! He doesn't understand my desires any more than my ex-wife. At least with her, we could always shop the same sales and stores!!
Kiss and Dish,
Luvya, Niki :doll:
I hate not being able to talk about panties
Without annoying someone
I try not to hate what I do as long as I am not hurting somebody else. Being a CD and being Bi is part of who I am. I would not be me if I were not a bi Cd. So I try to accept who I am. There are so many people out there willing to put me down due to my sexuality etc. that I do not want or need to jump on that band wagon. Definitely an interesting topic T.
The fear of being caught by someone that would quickly pass judgment and inform others that may be in the same activity circle. For example, my golf buddies and mens club.:mad:
I hated reading 90% of this thread...made me start thinking again about things I thought I had overcome and moved on with... about who I am ...but apparently not :(..
Seems to me there is already plenty of hate in this world that we do not need to add to it. Since we ourselves are often the center of hate then lets be different. As Tiffany said hating is self defeating, it is a dead end alley. Better to acknowledge an issue, learn to deal with it and move on. So I do not hate anything about crossdressing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherlyn
[SIZE="3"]Some of my thoughts exactly Sherlyn !:iagree:
Jennifer:straightface: [/SIZE]
I hate the hate that is directed towards us...I hate the stigma that is attatched to us as being perverts...need I say more.
...BUT I love life and all that come with it, including Marcie.
I had a feeling that this thread 'may' touch a nerve or two and I'm so sorry for that. But, doesn't facing up to things in your life make you a better person inside? I mean, let's face it, we all have things we dislike, but we either learn to live with them, or we face up to these things and deal with them right?Quote:
Originally Posted by Sherlyn
I hate the fact that my Tam looks good in anything, even a black bin liner... but that's because I'm overweight and I have to try so hard to look even half as good as Tam. I get to the point where I think I'm over it, but then something comes up again and I'm back to feeling this hatred for myself.
Now I see why this question hasn't been asked before, I feel like some of you would rather sweep this under the carpet, than face up to things. I have only one thing to say really, you only get to live once, live your life to the full, be happy, face your fears and stop feeling guilty. Life is too short ya know?
:hugs:
you know it's not always easy to look at who we are or not only to see who we are and accept who we are and to be OK with our baggage we carry alone in life some of which we have no choose in carrying some that we have no choose and must be carried and some we need to ....
and fear ??? wtf ???? i walk through life fearing no one ready to stand up for what is right and do as i believe is right .... but this little size 3 ...5 foot 2 inch wife of mine stops me dead in my tracks with her accepting my cding.... something i been thinking abought as of late could it be that this place i am at is were i am comfy with??? for lack of better words ... could her unpportive be my fault ???? could i be the real reason that things don't move forward??? ....
Yes Wendy I think that a lot of times it is the cd himself that stops things from moving forward or getting to a point of comfort and acceptance. I think Tree hit on a point that most partners of cd's really want to know that things in their life will not change as far as lossing a husband or financial support. Maybe the self doubt, lack of self acceptance and maybe fear of where the cdin'g will go if unleashed is what is stopping your relationship from moving forward and keeping your partner in fear of what is to come in the future. That fear is often interpreted as a hate of crossdressing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wendy me
My husband went through the gammet of feelings. I accepted his cd'ing without boundries and he went beyond his wildest dreams with it (pink fog to the 10th degree) he sort of went out of control (even for himself but he was powerless to pull in his own reins) and mixed with the craziness of detoxifying himself from a life time of abusing alcohol and a counselor who pushed him to think that he was a transexual, he got very confused about himself. This was a very very dark time for me but something made me stay. As you know this was so intense for me that I had to distance myself from crossdressing all together for a while. This did not make for a happy relationship. We have been on the brink of divorce several times but are making our way to clarity and harmony.
The more confident my husband becomes and the more clear he is about who he truly is the more calm I feel. When he truly accepts himself and is honest about who he is, the more he can assure me that he will stilll be my husband, the more comfort I feel in our relationship and the less I fear his crossdressing and where it is going and what it means to him. You see there will be no more pulling the rug out from under my feet.
I guess that non acceptance is fear based, even for the cd. Too bad it takes some pain to reach a higher understanding of ourseves but then it makes it more worthwhile. :love: Kitty
I cannot always control my time and expenditures as much as I would like.
I wish I could go out dressed anytime I wanted without social danger.
I wish I could be more passable. Even my wife wants me to go out dressed with her but I will not. When I look at my pictures from the one time we went out all night together, I cannot believe I went out like that! Now I am so scared. Yet I have invested in shoes and clothes I like. But I will not lose hope.
I hate the beard.
I hate the fact there seems to be little unity and political organization across all breeds of the transgendered. We need to underscore our commonality and not our differences.
Michelia
Tamara, I appreciate you asking. Thank you
Two things
1) I don't look the way I feel. I feel so feminine but look so.....male
2) Shaving, in femme or in drag. It takes so long that its already growing back before I am done.
3) (I know I said two things but I was wrong) I can't just walk out the door.
Kitty you know what you said is so true ... how can i expect my wife to get comfy with something i do not make her comfy with ?? she has said before she was afraid i would "BECOME A WOMAN" and this being her fear or one of them .... i have some chances to help her along in understanding but did not ... as well as thought when things are right i will step things up .... but real life is not always that right time or place ....
lol now the thing is i can see it's me .... yes me that's the problem here ... i don't have a unsouportive wife ..... she has a CD/husband that failed to get out of that safe comfort zone and be more "AVAILABLE " to help her understand me .....lol .... wonders just how many don't know that it's them holding thing back ..... gawd i hate know it's me .... lol.... got to work on that..... lol.....
I agree with others that have said hate is a strong word. I hate using the word hate also. And we do not let our kids use it as we tell them you dislike, do not care for, or other words ....but I will use it here to stick with the thread.
I hate the influence that society norms have over my life as a CD. Most people in society talk of freedom and being individuals. And in the next breath try to put people in neat little boxes they can understand.
I hate how un-christian and narrow minded christian people and especially pastors can be towards TG people.
I hate the struggle between being me and covering up a part of me to protect myself, my job, and protect my kids and wife from un-needed harassment. But this is my life and I am choosing to live it this way.
I hate that someone that beats their wife, is a drunk, and many others that do terrible things are more accepted by society than someone who just wants to wear clothes of their choice.
I hate the pain it has caused in my marriage and continues to cause.
I hate having to either cover up what I wear, choose carefully what I wear, or stay in out of public when I am wearing something too feminine.
I hate having to put on makeup and wig to cover up my identity just so I can get out at times and not feel like a prisoner in my own home.
I hate other CD/TS/TG people that assume we all want to be girls and want act as girly and feminine as possible.
I hate other CD/TS/TG people that assume we all want to pass as female when we do go out. I want to pass as me, I am a guy that likes to wear more feminine clothing at times.
I hate other CD/TS/TG people that can not accept other people that are different from them, including different types of CDs, TG's, TS's, gays and other types of people, yet scream for acceptance for themselves.
But overall I do love my life, my wife and family.
KimberlyS-CD
Joe in a skirt
I'll add one more..........
I dislike having to break up with the one I love. Or her breaking up with me. (Tough to do when it's "real" love.)
I hate how difficult it is to find shoes that are large enough, and I hate it when all the items on the pantyhose rack are "control top". I hate it when all the slips on display have spaghetti straps. That's about all I can think of. Mostly I bloody love it!
i hate the guilty feeling i get when i buy femmine things knowing my wife would never spend that on herself. i hate feeling like a fool when i can't make myself look femmy enough. i hate hiding all my things for special days. that about covers it
I hate the pain it has caused my wife.
I hate when it gets hot under the wig, and the fact that I can't let my hair grow all the way out so I wouldn't need a wig.
Hate, I don't hate crossdressing or anything associated with it. Why? because I am a crossdresser. What is a problem is what other people think a crossdresser is and how do I deal with them.
I hate the feelings of guilt. I hate the fear of the unknown that must be overcome in order to step out the front door enfemme. But I especially hate being viewed as some sort of freak, put here for my neighbor's personal entertainment. And I hate intolerant people--the type who walk up to me on the sidewalk and then whip out their cell phone and start taking pictures.
Now, having said all of the above, I still love what I do so much that I can overlook the negatives and focus on the positives.
[SIZE="3"]I hate it that I can't be me, who I really am as I'm living a lie.
I hate it that my mum won't even acknowlege that I'm trans or talk about it and it kills me. :sad:
This might sound silly but I hate having to keep my hair short when all I want to do is to let it grow out and have it cut into a nice femme style.
:hugs: Anna Marie x[/SIZE]
the thought of being ables to choose between male dress or female dress what to wear
The only thing that I hate about CDing is the fact that I don't do it enough to satify my needs to dress up infem.
[SIZE="3"]Now that I have purged what it is I hate I have taken stock and have found the thing I hate the most! I hate struggling with accepting the thing in myself which I truely love! If I could toss all of my CDing and my affections for my feminine things and my female self I would be but half a person!
because this tread has been very useful for self examination and has served as a realignment pointing to the things in my life that I need to overcome in order to be able to accept myself as I truely am!
Jennifer:happy: [/SIZE]
I wanted to give this a lot of thought before posting to this thread. I'm not a big fan of giving hate a foothold in my life. Dwelling on the negative does little to make one happy, especially if not balanced with positive steps to take to make your life better. Let's face it, things happen to us all the time that throw us a curve, and it's not all related to cross dressing... the water heater goes out, the car breaks down, illness, and so many other issues happen to us daily. Some we can control, some we can't. But dwelling on the bad never has and never will help us move forward. In fact hate, if left unchecked, can and does consume us. Maybe the better question would be what is it about cross dressing that we would like to change? Why would we change it? How would we go about changing it. Now we've identified what it is that is standing in the way of our happiness. We've determined why it is impairing our joy. And we've made a plan to make it better. But why stop with cross dressing? What is it about our relationships with our SO's that we would like to change? What is it about your job that you would like to change? What is it about where you live that you would like to change?
So what do you think? Instead of moping around feeling sorry for ourselves about our lot in life, wouldn't it be better to have a direction to work toward to change those things? The most powerful tool we have to effect change is our minds. Let's get busy!
I hate that I can't ask girls where they got that cute top/bottom/shoes ect
I hate that people I love don't know
I hate that there is a part of me that makes me feel bad at times
Quote:
Originally Posted by Holly
[SIZE=3]Holly, you have said, so much more eloquently than I could, exactly how I feel. Now these are some positive thought provoking questions! You should start another thread or two asking some of these things. Bravo to you Holly, for really making us think! :love: CG gg[/SIZE]
One thing I hate alot, is... I'm not taking seriously. Everthing I do or say is disregarded and then I'm disrespected cause I got read. Another thing is CD'ing is only a temp fix to the feelings I have, I never will be a "normal" woman, but from what I have learned reading the encyclopedia is, there is no such thing as "normal".
The societial pressure of feeling guilty for being different. :2c:
1. i hate the instant fear that runs thru me when im dressed and someone knocks at my door, reminds me of embarrasing moments of childhood when mom caught me after i thought the door was locked
2. i hate that it turns me on to wear womens clothes(why cant i be normal?)
3. i hate that the love of my life couldnt, and didnt want to understand this side of me
4. i hate the fact that this is not what i choose to do, it chose me,and wont let go
5. i hate being a hetro crossdresser, there arent any women who like it
6. i hate spending an hour to shower shave get all femm and wind up sitting on my couch alone too scared to go out
7. i hate that my parents felt i needed to see a shrink because of my dressing
Sometimes I hate all of it, because of the hassle, planning, expense and lonliness. Most of all the lonliness. At the same time I love it for many of the same reasons. I still struggle with the lonliness but it is my struggle.
Good reply but I think this has been a constructive thread. No moping......just good dialog for self examination.Quote:
Originally Posted by Holly
I wanted to respond to the question with a thoughtful reply, and I think the question will still be rolling around in my head long after I click on the 'submit reply' button, but here's my honest response.
I don't think I would say I 'hate' it, but I think the thing that always concerns me the most deeply about CDing, is how I am very much of an 'in control' person in all other aspects of my life, and the crossdressing has always been so much more about feeling and emotion rather than the usual reason and control. I have referred to it more than once as an 'addiction', and it is the emotional appeal of CD that I also find so discomforting. But if I had to declare that I 'hated' it, I could also say that I 'love' it for the same reasons.
1# :Angry3: one thing I dis-like is CD or TS that get on T.V . and makes a fool of them selves .It makes us all look like perverts and sexual predators.
2# thing I hate is CD or ts that don't try to act feminine when dress .Talk like truckdrivers ,sit in a skirt with their legs wide open ,:( .or worst of all is not looking in the mirror and going out with a five clock shadow or worst yet is short dresses or skirts in public that are not age appropriate.
3# I hate is if I am near or with them when they are doing any of those things .:o hugs ,Wendi
:iagree:Quote:
Originally Posted by jessicanataliemonroe
Hiya Tamara
Since you have bought this radical question up... I will reply to it... cuz till this point ws only thinking in one way, you have just made me realise there are others lol...
Ok.. what I hate about some Crossdressers is:
1) Those who make a less than average effort to look the part.
2) Those that like to show their genitals under their skirt or dress.
3) Those that use obscene language to get their points across
4) Those who behave irresponsibly when out (Causing troubles!!!!)
There are probably others, though cannot think of them right now.. but will add at a later date, should any dawn on me
Those who make a less than average effort to look the part.
Crossdressing is the need to project or express your feminine side... how much you dress and how well you dress is surely down to how committed you are to who you are. While I am totally aware that some no matter what they do still cannot pass, i truelly sympathise with them... I guess if your a builder, or weight lifter then your extreme build might give you away... or some other very male attributes... In that case i guess it cannot be helped!, but dressing can be... trying to make an effort will reflect how committed you are and how much your crossdressing means to you in your life. Well thats what I think there.... those that pose in obscene pictures online, or showing only pictures of a skirt with genetalia under, what does that prove...lol... that they got one lol, hey so have i and it's bigger lol... so. It's so sad some get their kicks from doing that... so sad.... I cannot be annoyed about them, I used to... I guess I gave up and look at things in a more positive light now, so pity them instead.... ahhhhhh pity .....:straightface:
Obcene language users.... Obscene language, this really gets into my guts, it really does. We are all adults here, so behaving like it surely cannot be that hard, or can it. Surely there are always alternative words that are more suitable.. the use of vocabulary reflects the true inner personality, though some really don't care about language and would meet yah anyway... you could be losing potential friends and contacts if they feel the same as I do. so now is the time to really give that matter some enhanced thought!
Behaving badly out dressed...
If you find yourself in a spot of bother, then adding fuel to the fire really ain't the best way to address an already awkward situation, these situations could have been avoided, and can be avoided... but should you find your self in the situation and they have a go at you, then only use force with discretion, otherwise you'll be the one done by the police. Remeber all the time you behave properly, the police will support your needs, you throw the first punch and then you are the one breaking the law, regardless of what the other party said to provoke your actions... try to behave in a respectable manner and be a true decent ambassadour to our Transgender society, as thats what you are when you are out dressed. being any less throws Crossdressing into issues and some ain't good. Crossdressing in UK ain't illegal, so let's not give cause for the powers that be to change it..ok...
believe me they can change anything at a drop of a hat.....
well I will now get of my soap box lol, now i have aired my thoughts...about things.... I know there will be replies on both sides of this... please bring them on lol... as I said it's only my views!!!!!!!!!
I hated when I took my time to dress up and all of the sudden somebody arrived and I had to take off all what I had done, which BTW, was the best dressing I had ever done.
Less than an average effort???? Isn't that pinning YOUR idea of what average is on everyone else? Isn't that what we all dislike in society as a whole. That they want us to fit their average?Quote:
Originally Posted by MelissaAndProudOfIt
There's not much about CDing that I hate, but I don't like waiting for my nails to dry. I don't like wearing heels for long periods of time (I would hate to have to wear them all day on the job); I hate make-up that doesn't last long enough (though I enjoy applying lipstick). I hate feeling that I have to be so careful of my behavior (not because of being a CD as much as being a woman: as a woman, I think that people scrutinize a person's behavior and appearance much more closely and critically than they do a man's behavior and appearance.
I sometime dislike the limitations imposed on movement and behavior by a woman's clothing, make-up, and jewelry.
Even though I hate these things, I don't hate them enough no to do them, and in acknowledging my dislike of them, I realize and appreciate and empathize much more with the things that GGs face every day.
What I dislike is the paranoia I feel after I'm done crossdressing. I imagine somebody might have seen me through my windowshades or heard the sound of my pumps walking across the floor even though I have a carpeted floor. I also dislike the fact that i'm overweight (yeah, I'm still working on that one) and sometime feel like an outsider even when I'm posting on this forum. I even joined Tri-Ess and have gotten very little response from them. I also dislike those moments when I dress up and then promptly remove my outfit and switch back to guy mode because I don't feel comfortable at that moment.
I've got a long way to go....
-Audrey
..,,,,,, those misconceptions that abound about "US" perhaps..
then ... same stuff .. that pisses real Girls off ?
... why such a reach ??..oh well,,,"mascara" OK ?:eek: :( "K"