I only hate the term because people automatically think you have sex with men.Quote:
Originally Posted by Angie G
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I only hate the term because people automatically think you have sex with men.Quote:
Originally Posted by Angie G
Could be worse . . . people could assume one has sex with women. :phbbt:Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
Strangers can call me anything they like...They don,t know me, so what differance does it make!!!
Does that mean if somebody calls me a bitch, they think i have sex with dogs?Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
Or if somebody calls me a b*st*rd, they doubt my parentage?
I think your taking things too personally myself...Just ignore them!!
:heehee::devil::thumbsup:Quote:
Originally Posted by CaptLex
An analogy: "Oh you're a vegetarian, obviously you love broccoli"Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
Veg: "BROCCOLI?! I HATE broccoli! I've NEVER eaten broccoli, I get sick if I even THINK about broccoli!"
compare with: "No, broccoli doesn't appeal to me"
Quote:
Originally Posted by deborah jane
WONDERFULLY said Deb. We are so caught up on what others are doing...why don't we just be who and what we are and to hell with them. It is a full time job just being myself without worrying what "others" are doing. I don't have time for them.
I go 24/7 all the time and I've yet to have anyone call me a name such as I have seen on this thread. So maybe it is our own consciousness that is drawing these labels to us.
Change your thinking and change your life! (and carry a big stick....hehehe)
Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
Shoot. Gay people are more accepted than this! The public can almost stomach that but let a man put on a dress, oh noooooo.
So I guess good, let 'em think I am gay, they are gonna think that anyway. Then they might be able to halfway see it. But in no way can they understand a hetero man CDing. Nor do they want to understand it.
Not to say I'd ever do it but hell, since I have some fantasies about actually being with a man while dressed I must have some bi tendencies I don't want to admit to myself anyways. In that fantasy I see myself as a hetero female all the way. Who knows, maybe I am TS "at times". Just all over the freggin map.
It would not bother me at all. After all it is not what others think of me, it is about what I think of me.
And honestly, if someone is calling me gay out of hate, then they can just go $$$$ themselves!
And if they are asking me, I just introduce them to my wife.
If it takes being considered gay to get people to accecpt me as a crossdresser, I'd welcome being called gay.
Or if they are threatening and using stereotypes, I might remind them that some of the best known crossdressers in the movies were homicidal maniacs. It could work as I flash my dazzleing smile at them and pull the chainsaw from my clutch purse.
:werd: Amen Sharon, you took the words right out of my mouth:D...I dont give a rats *ss about what they think, I probably would never see them again anyway, i can live fine without ignorant people like that:2c:Quote:
Originally Posted by Sharon
Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
so who cares????:brolleyes:
[RANT]Quote:
Originally Posted by Fab Karen
It isn't broccoli they assume about vegetarians: it is mushrooms. They take the regular recipe, take out the meat, and put in mushrooms. Somehow that's supposed to be protein. And I'm supposed to love it, since "after all, mushrooms are vegetables!" (oh no they aren't!!!)
(There are things I am more allergic to than molds and fungi, but people don't go around putting beech pollen in my food.)
[/RANT]
The word "gay" doesn't bother me one bit, the word can actually be quite erotic...
I don't like labels either, but what are you gonna do?
People have just begin to learn to accept gays and now, here we are... Somewhere in the middle.
I've often thought of having a T-shirt made up that says...
"Transgender is not gay!" with the triangle TG symbol in the background... But would anyone, except us understand?
I could easily live withat label
yes, indeedQuote:
Originally Posted by tvbeckytv
and there used to be buttons like this:
"how dare you presume I'm heterosexual"
:happy:
For a long time as a child i was terrified that crossdressing made me gay.
Now though, I almost don't care at all what people think and I understand that they're not the same thing.
It does bother me that most people when they find out immediatly ask if I'm gay. I suppose sometimes it's a propositon tho....
im a lesbian..i only like girls...my views on gays would only lead to a flame war..suffice to say i do not like guys and in fact i like to only buy items from ladies which includes even a new vehicle from my local car dealership...i do not trust the male gender and i am one....99% of my close friends are in fact GG women...dont ask me why but thats always been the case with myself
I don't get why that is the first thing that pops into a persons head when you say that you cross dress.. one has nothing to do with the other... I've said this before; I told a woman that I was talking to on line that I cross dress and the first thing she asked was am I gay.. and my answer was no and that cross dressing has nothing to do with being gay, that most cross dressers aren't gay and that most gay men don't even think of dressing as women..
An analogy: "Oh you're a vegetarian, obviously you love broccoli"
I've thought about that analogy myself. The one that just came to me is my perfect example of how I feel. Because I'm tall, people are always asking me if I played basketball. I like basketball well enough, and I'm not necessarily offended, but if you're going to judge me on how I look, are you a horse jockey? Then I wait for the response as whether or not I like zone or man on man defense:)
What's kind of funny is that while a lot of cross-dressers are keen to make sure everyone knows they're not gay, there are also a lot of gay men who are keen to make sure everyone knows they're not (gasp!) cross-dressers.Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
Each group seems to feel it would be worse stigmatized by association with the other (tee-hee!).
But seriously. When I was young I was paralyzed and traumatized by the idea that anyone might think I was gay. At the time I knew no gay men, and would have fled from them if they had made friendly overtures.
Today one of my close friends is a gay man. I'm not attracted to him, and I'm pretty sure he's not attracted to me. The idea of guys doing it with other guys is just not a big deal to me anymore. Not very interesting, either.
I'm sure some people think I'm gay. I'm sure others have no idea that anything unusual is going on with me! Either way, it hardly matters.
Being called names by bigots is a different matter. That's scary, but mainly because of the potential for violence.
Now, if someone called me a "fashion victim," THAT would hurt!
***Jenna Lynne***
[blogging at jennalynne.wordpress.com]
I have to say, like a couple of other girls who have posted in this thread I am also bi.
it does bug me though for some reason. I guess part of that is because well... I used to only date boys before I started dressing. um... being Michaela turned me into a bit of a lesbian essentially so I have a few issues that surround the whole gay-str8 issue...
I have to say though, it doesn't really matter. only people who are close to me should know the difference and chances are if I know them that well I have already helped them to understand. Anyone else's opinion doesn't matter to me
I'd prefer to be gay, probably. At least then my partner might be interested in sex.
I reiterate... I have no idea where these "women" are that you come across. Last I looked, it was my GAY male friends that had MORE women around them then all of my heterosexual male friends did combined. And its not just on a "friendship" level. If you ask the majority of the GG population if gay men turn them off, they'll laugh at you and tell how how good looking most of them are, how well they dress and how understanding they can be. If you ask them whether they would sleep with their gay male friends if given the opportunity, I can guarantee the majority of them would say yes. Why? Because women love the PERSONALITY more than they do the looks, money, etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
Amen!Quote:
Originally Posted by deja true
My thoughts exactly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Angie G
Kate you put yourself out there by making statements that sound like being called gay is the worst thing someone could call you.
Oh amen to that too sister!Quote:
Originally Posted by tvbeckytv
I don't get upset when anyone assumes I'm gay or straight even though I'm neither. What DOES bother me is someone making a statement that sounds like being called that is disgusting.
WHO CARES if someone thinks you sleep with men?! Do you? No? Fine then move along! Geez! Such a big deal over something so minor. Bi's and gays are presumed straight every single day by everyone around us and WE don't freak out, bitch, complain and make it sound like we were just called something vile. Get over it!
Every time I was called gay - I lost a job, friendship, or a possible date with a girl. And if they think you have sex with men, coworkers will give you hell and you don't last long. So the gay label is a big deal, and you can't protect yourself from employemnt discrimination and lawsuits are a losing matter! You gotta keep it all under the rug at work!
I hate being called gay in public. It is so awkward, because if you stop to correct them, and tell them you are a tranny, there is no telling where that might lead.
It is like the case of visible minoroties who are immigrants who used to be asked, however politely, "How long have you been here? " when it is thirty years or something. Just a little off-putting.
I am so sorry that you have had to work in situations like that in the past :( just so you know, not all jobs in this world are like that and I have come out of the closet for girl me, as well as "gay" me back in the day with a decent amount of success as well as failure...Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
It is possible to get some sort of progressive social situations in some jobs... even if it seems like they never exist.
Hi KS,
I'm not gay some of my boyfriends are! lol
but I'll tell you what... Lets take all your gay labels and all your other labels and put them in a pile and torch em then we'll sit around the bonfire and we'll all hold hands and realize as adults how silly the labels were in the first place...... it's time to stop dissecting the pie 2c:: love ....lacie:battingeyelashes:
mmmmmmm piiiiieQuote:
Originally Posted by whitelace
what kinda pie? key lime I hope!
I'm with you Kate. I have had so many people ask if I'm gay when they find out I'm a crossdresser. My wife believed dressing would turn me gay so I kept it in the closet for 26 years. All my gay friends who know Jill also know that I'm straight as an arrow and they're ok with it. When I get into a conversation with someone who asks, I tell them that the great majority of crossdressers are straight.
Katespade: Im with you, I really dislike being labeled gay because I crossdress.For someone who is happily married to a wonderful women it is an insult .My wife who does not really like my crossdressing does support me.This idea that cding is all sexual really bugs me. Best of luck Kate.
I don't like the assumption being made, especially when I'm not gay. Do people think I wake up in the morning and think, hmmm how can I dress so people know I like guys. Please. It's hypocritical is what it is. Do people assume when a woman wears pants she's a lesbian?
I dress for myself (as do many GGs).
If I was gay (which I am not), would I not try to dress as MANLY as possible - as that is what gay guys would be interested in?
I have never understood why a lot of the public assume cds are gay.
Even if you was gay, it doesn't mean that you would have sex with every guy you meet. You might not even like the look of them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DemonicDaughter
THREE CHEERS FOR DEMONIC-DAUGHTER!
[QUOTE=KateSpade83]So the gay label is a big deal, and you can't protect yourself from employemnt discrimination and lawsuits are a losing matter! You gotta keep it all under the rug at work![/quote}
So you are sleeping with men and just don't want others to know for you are keeping it "under the rug."
This is EXACTLY what your worded sentence implies!
Again, as someone said much earlier in the thread, you do sound homophobic.
Yeah, sometimes . . . :straightface:Quote:
Originally Posted by noname
[QUOTE=Roberta Llyan;1384912]THREE CHEERS FOR DEMONIC-DAUGHTER!
No, I don't sleep with men. I meant you have to keep crossdressing under the rug!Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
The gay label is the reason why I resisted my urge to CD for so long. But I thought to myself,I'm straight, I love GG's especially my wife who accepts my CDing,so why not?. I now love CDing every chance I get.No one knows about my CDing so no one can assume that about me.
Felicity :)
Being called gay no.
Being called gay and this is just a sexual fetish yes. THat I'm some how trying to trick deceive people .
Quote:
Originally Posted by KateSpade83
Maybe you ought to try it sweetie. It might help you to cope.
And that is not what you said.
These discussions about CD versus gay have come up before and they always generate a lot of heat.
We are (I hope) liberal in our attitudes but unfortunately we live among a lot of people who aren't, so labels like this can give us problems in a practical sense (as mentioned by the OP).
Other than that, I don't find the label of 'gay' as applied to me to be either an insult or a compliment. It would just be a mistake.
It gets annoying after a while but its unfortunate that is how society is. For a while I thought because I was a CD I was gay but realized I’m not.
I try not to use labels and I also try to ignore being hung with one. Yes, I love being with a man. Yes, I dress as often as I can as a woman and feel more kindred with women. If that makes me a gay crossdresser, then that's the label some will use. I am me. Cathy. I love who I am and who I am becoming.
Hugs,
But why would it be an insult, unless you consider being gay is a bad thing? A mistake yes, but an insult???Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkygirl
And that is so often the underlying implication of many here and why these threads always get so heated... Many of you just do not realise how what you say sounds. :sad:
I wouldn't say I feel it's an insult, but I do feel it's improper and not polite to ask someone (particularly a stranger) about their sexual orientation.
Ok I hate labels i take off the labls off my water bottles as well as my soda bottles
I do not like being under any label that not me
So you can say I hate all labels
OMg i am a label hater
that is a label in it self
One more thought: Just as I was rather clueless about FTM guys, the general public is pretty clueless about me. I have to ask. If someone asked me with no animosity if I was gay, I might see it as a chance to inform them if they are receptive. There are a lot of people whose minds will never change about me, but there are also people who just don't know and might understand me better if I told them.
If they have a stupid question attitude and ask me, "are all crossdressers gay?". I would reply, "I'm not, and I don't know all crossdressers, so beyond myself, I can't answer that question."
Is this freekin' thread still alive? Sheesh!
Well...I guess it has to be...or be replaced by another one on the very same topic.
We get so many new members each week that many of the same questions have to be answered over and over again. That's okay I guess.
And for new folks here, that question is almost always at the top of the list..for themselves ...and for their SOs... and their friends...and their new acquaintances...
But gosh,y'all...!
It sure is annoying in a forum that's supposed to be predicated on acceptance for all.
I hope that the new readers of this never ending thread and (it's cousins) come away with the realization that the vast majority of intelligent and thoughtful members here have pretty universally said, "Gay? Who cares?"
And those that continue to trumpet their "absolutely 100%, never-a-doubt-in-my-mind, totally, unequivocably, goll-darned-guaranteed, straight arrow" hetero-ness may have an acceptance problem of their own..either with non-heteros or with themselves.
Like DD says "Get Over It !"
As for me? I'm hetero-curious! Always wondered what it would be like to be an overweight, beer-drinkin', anniversary-forgetting, belly-scratchin' straight guy!
:D
My 25 cents! (inflation, ya know!)
I think the reason most people assume crossdressers are gay is that the most vocal ones tend to be. Take drag queens for example. My theory is that they have already taken the big leap by coming out as gay, so admitting to CDing as well is not much more of a step. I do think (hope may be a better word) that as more straight CDers come into the public eye like Eddie Izzard, concepts will change, but slowly enough that I don't expect to see it. I know I'm not helping the cause by staying in the closet, but I do choose my battles carefully, and I'm not quite ready for this one. I am grateful to those of you who have taken it to the streets, so to speak.
In answer to the question, which I seem to have skirted (pun intended) I'm not terribly disturbed by any labels others put on me, and since I don't see being gay as a bad thing, and many of the people I like are gay, that label bothers me not at all.
Dee :fairy1:
Gays are proud of who they are and crossdressers are proud of who they are, why would someone calling me gay when I'm straight affect me? It's like someone yelling at me that I'm rich, as if that were an insult.
I bet too there are CD's here that profess to be hetero, and yet I bet they fantasize about being kissed and wooed by a man. It is only natural. Will they admit it, not to themselves at least.
And like passing and everything else, there is a continuum of a definition of what it means to be hetero, so please, get over it all ready.
No one cares that you are straight or gay, because your straight and the next guys straight are two different things. Sexual orientation, gender identification and sexuality are all fluid, and no two people are exactly alike.
Next topic please :drink:
[QUOTE=TSchapes;
No one cares that you are straight or gay, because your straight and the next guys straight are two different things. Sexual orientation, gender identification and sexuality are all fluid, and no two people are exactly alike.
Next topic please :drink:[/QUOTE]
exactly right.
people dont really care that deeply.
you are exhibiting effeminate behavior...why wouldnt people think that you are gay?
they arnt interested enough to know any different. get over it, really