would your father be proud of you?

My father was a mentally ill alcoholic. He once beat a woman nearly to death with a framing hammer as I watched in horror. I was three. When he got out of prison for that, he nearly killed me and my sisters several times in a series of drunken car wrecks. He stabbed me through the hand with a fork once because I somehow annoyed him when I reached for a biscuit at dinner. He spent most of his life going in and out of jails and mental hospitals. In spite of all of that, we became close during the last year of his life. I came to understand him and was able to forgive him. But still, for some reason I don't worry too much about what he would think of me.

My dad was very very strict with the six of us when we were growing up in the 60's. If we got out of line we were beaten severely. I lived in fear of my dad but still respected and loved him, that was just the way that I was brought up. I think that my dad had a cd side of him. He always would dress up as a witch on halloween. I have seen pictures of him dressed up for other ocassions as well. I think that it is not a coincedence that all of these dressing up ocassions meant he enjoyed doing it. Maybe he passed this on to me, who knows?

No... my father would not be proud of me. My mom and sister and I lived in fear of him. he died in 1982 2 months after his first grandchild was born, I spent those years trying to make that man proud. The man who would make fun of me for helping mom cook and clean, wanting to let my hair grow in the 70's "not in my house". Was repulsed that I did not enjoy hunting. At that time I sometimes "hated" that man. He died at 56 of alcoholism like my 44 YO sister is doing now. He was a Marine in the south pacific 1944-1946. he had to kill and see his friends killed so I do not hate him anymore if I ever really did. I just regret that I never got to know my real father. My Aunt's have told me they knew he was a hardass but that he was not like that before he went off to war. He was a hard-working man who kept food on the table and a nice roof over our heads, but fought the bottle and inner demons his whole adult life, the bottle won. Perhaps the most unhappy man I have ever known. When I was 17 we got into a bad argument, I teared up told him I loved him and put my arms out for a hug... he turned away in disgust. I love him now and try not to dredge up those old painful memories.

My father was fascinated with drag. His favorite wrestler was "Gorgeous George" who typically entered the ring in a long blond wig and a very femme robe.

But dad was also very conservative and strict.

He died when I was 16 and we never discussed my dressing, which was quite secretive as a kid.

So I just don't know.

Rikki

I don't know. My Dad is very proud of the son he knows, I'm not sure how he'd take it. I think my mom kinda knows. I think he'd accept it, but it's the fact that he seems so proud of me that makes it hard to tell him. I want to tell my sister next time I see her, and I'll go from there.

This has to be one of the most interesting threads I have ever seen on the forum here IMO. No, I am sure my dad would never understand or approve of my cding. In fact, I will admit, I gain some measure of revenge, strange as it sounds, on him even though he has been dead for the last ten years!!!

not only no but hell no. When i was 10yrs old and got caught by my folks wearing my mothers skirt, my father said that real men don't wear skirts,and he also said that i was sick in the head. He thought that i was sick in the head until he died about 5yr ago.

Well, actually....

























[SIZE=4]NO!!!




Make that HELL NO!!!!
[/SIZE]

I know my dad is proud of me, as he has told me many times. I was good kid (straight edge for those in the know) a bad student who turned it around in college, and now a good father to my three kids. The man definitely loves me and is proud of me.

That being said, I also know that he finds crossdressing a little disturbing. "Weird. It's just really weird." was how described it to me when a guy who works for him came out. This guy is known for being quite odd (the the Eddie Izzard routine Weirdo Transvestite/Executive Transvestite definitely applies here). I am sure that my dad would associate the weirdness with the crossdressing, so it has never been discussed.

From the comments my father has made about cd/tg's on television it is clear he would not be proud of me. He does not think much of my earrings either.

Ya, my daddy would totally not approve.

My father knows all about Kandis, but he has the attitude "If I don't talk about it, it doesn't exist". All I have to say about that is "SCREW THE OLD *******". Besides, it's Momma that loves Kandis and supports her ;)

Kandis:love::rose2:

Both of my parents know that I am ts, and both freaked out when I told them (told them in 1998). My Da is 80 now, and my Ma is 79, very conservative, old fashioned and horrified at me. I don't really care what they think, to be honest, I had a very cold upbringing and I know that I was unloved. I was the last child of 5 and was a complete accident. When my Ma finally accepted that she was going to have another baby, she wanted a second girl. They had even picked out a name for me, Ruth. However, when I was subsequently born my Ma had a breakdown, and my brothers had to go into a home for a few months (don't know where my sister went). There are no photos of me at all as a baby (but tons of my siblings when they were babies), the first picture of me is when I was 3 years old. I knew I was different from other boys at the age of 3, and consequently I was an unhappy child, an unhappy teenager, and a very, very unhappy adult. I was in denial for years and years as to my true nature. It is only now that I am sorting out my life to be who I was meant to be that I have reached some sort of peace. When you are a child it is very easy to work out that you are unloved. As a teenager I still felt unloved. I knew I had to leave home if I wasn't to implode. Instead of just leaving the family house, I left the country (I am from Ireland) and moved to England, just to express myself. Do I make them proud? Not in a million years. I couldn't care less, I make my best friend and her family proud, that'll do me.

I think of this every now and then.. my dad passed away a few years back and every now and then I think what would someone say to me.. I think it would go like this : "what would your dad say if he were alive and knew that you crossdress?" and my answer is I think my dad would just figure that I've been doing this for this long and he just found out about it and there was never any kind of hu-bub raised about it so why make a stink now.. also I think he would not be surprised that I crossdress because I was always the different one.. the one likely to do something completely different then the others..

I think my Dad would have been proud of the fact that I'm in touch with my feelings and am my own person. Generally that is not a strong suit with most men, especially those of his generation. As far as the dressing, I don't think he would have understood it but would have known I'd always be his Son regardless just as I will always be the Father of my children no matter what.:)

My father wasn't proud of me when I graduated Valedictorian from high school. He wasn't proud of me when I graduated Valedictorian in college. He never knew about my dressing. If he did, he still wouldn't be proud.

My Father can go **** himself.

I havent spoken to him in 3 years now.

doubt dear old dad would care. He died 30 years ago when I was a smite!

mine no ,
most people dont understand,
you ask about dad , but left out mom's ,
then there isthe one that is a real twist what would you do if one of your kids , wanted too ,then think about how you would act would you agree or try and talk them out of it, or come out to them

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by erica12b

you ask about dad , but left out mom's ,

---

There have been several threads in which people have spoken about "coming out" to their mothers, but few in which people have spoken about "coming out" to their fathers (although some of the ones mentioning mothers have said in passing that they don't intend to tell their fathers.)

Mothers get mentioned a fair bit in discussions about "borrowing" clothes, or about wanting to dress in one of the fashions that the mother dressed in, or mention of how the mother treated the child like a girl at times; posters have, though, historically not said much about their fathers, and what little has been said has often been negative, along the lines of "my mother told my father, and he beat me" :sad:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by erica12b

then there isthe one that is a real twist what would you do if one of your kids , wanted too ,then think about how you would act would you agree or try and talk them out of it, or come out to them

---

There have been a few threads about that, and there have been threads in the Loved Ones section in which parents (usually the mother) has posted with regards to a child of theirs who is crossdressing.

My dad was a pretty conservative, hard-working, hard-playing man who didn't approve of my look during my "hippy" years. He didn't realize that when he left my mother, he removed the best male role model around. Mom became the one that I followed and emulated. She wasn't too happy when she found out I'd been trying on her clothes and sent a 13-year-old me to stay with Dad for the summer. I don't think he knew why I was there. We never talked about it. Based on everything I knew about him (he's been dead for 15 years or so), he may have been proud of my education, career and my ability to build things or play ball, but not crossdressing. His may have been the "greatest generation", but it wasn't the most understanding one.

Nope here. My dad was proud of the guy things I did but wouldn't be able to understand my need to CD.

I definately would say " NO ", in 1988 my dad did see me in a dress and his reaction was violent and angry, I never let him see me dressed again. He died in 2002, and I almost immediately gave into my feelings and now I am transitioning; without my family, as they all dissaproved my transition.


Stephanie

My mom would probably by very disappointed, but love me all the same. Just like the time I pierced my ear. She knew about it, but I never wore it around her. My dad would probably use my cding to ridicule me or to put me down in front of others. However I don't really care what he thinks about me.:tongueout

No, my dad would not have understood. My mom knew that I would get into her closet, but could never bring herself to discuss it with me. I'm sure she told my dad. Too bad, since she really wanted a daughter, but could only have me. One of my real disappointments is that I could never discusss it with her.

I'm saddened by some of the stories in this thread. Why can't parents accept us for what we are?

Claire

Wow, a lot of amazing answers. My dad has been dead for about 15 years. Even though he was not very demonstrative, I know that he was proud of me and my guy accomplishments. I do not believe that he would have understood my CDing. I think he would have been quite upset. I am just as glad that he never found out.

Jaydee

I do not know how proud Dad was, he and mom both knew from the age of 9 or 10) all that was ever said by either was, PUT MY HIGH HEELS BACK IN THE CLOSET. What I do know is that on many many occasions I heard him say, It does not matter what color one is, when we bleed, we all bleed red, and if you turn us inside-out we all look the same. My dad was born in 1910 in the western half of Missouri, worked at farming and maintenance work all of his life and his best friend for many years was a black man from Alabama that moved to Missouri in the early 50's. The explanation above was given any time one of his co-workers or other aquaintenaces would ask why he spent so much time with a black man.
Usually there would be an added, BESIDES, HE KNOWS ALL THE GOOD FISHING HOLES AROUND HERE!!!

Do I think my father would be proud?
Short answer NO
A tad more information...my dad was a WWII army sergeant in the British Army, a guy's guy, very athletic, football (soccer) was his passion. Along comes me, not athletic, hated football, was chubby all my life. To top things off, he woke me one morning, I was wearing a night gown. I will never forget the verbal lashing and physical abuse ever.
Was he proud of me...no, I tried hard to be a good son, but I guess I came up short.

Super topic. I've often thought it would make a great subject for a book. Maybe someday I'll write one.

But, my answer is no. No, No, Hell No!

I was born in the early 1950's. My dad was a tough, blue collar, hard (very hard!) drinking WWII veteran who mostly just despised me for being too small, too smart, and too nice. (Yes, looking back, although my family never knew of my CD'ing, I can see that he and most everyone could see through my facade. Even a bit of of femininity on a boy shows. I was different, and in the worst way possible.)

Although I ended up going to war, then to college, into a good professional job, and also supported my parents to a great degree, in my father's eyes I never equaled my brothers (who did none of the above, but were "real" men).

Now, a decade after he died, I've put it all into perspective and maybe have accepted his good and bad. But mostly I don't care. I avoid men who are like him, and I have never treated my son in the manner I was treated.

Cindi Johnson

My Dad loves me regardless of what i do but wishes that crossdressing never existed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Cindi Johnson

Super topic. I've often thought it would make a great subject for a book. Maybe someday I'll write one.

But, my answer is no. No, No, Hell No!

I was born in the early 1950's. My dad was a tough, blue collar, hard (very hard!) drinking WWII veteran who mostly just despised me for being too small, too smart, and too nice. (Yes, looking back, although my family never knew of my CD'ing, I can see that he and most everyone could see through my facade. Even a bit of of femininity on a boy shows. I was different, and in the worst way possible.)

Although I ended up going to war, then to college, into a good professional job, and also supported my parents to a great degree, in my father's eyes I never equaled my brothers (who did none of the above, but were "real" men).

Now, a decade after he died, I've put it all into perspective and maybe have accepted his good and bad. But mostly I don't care. I avoid men who are like him, and I have never treated my son in the manner I was treated.

Cindi Johnson

---

Cindi...your story almost completely mirrors mine. The only difference largely being that I was in the military too but never went to war. (I was very lucky not to have to go to Vietnam.)

My dad was a very blue collar, 12-13 hour a day, 6 day a week worker, a bread truck driver, and the sole provider for his family, and like your dad, he too was a WW II veteran who served in the Pacific theatre near the end of war. (In the Philippines) My dad had orders to be in the 3rd wave of the invasion of Japan when President Truman made the decision to drop the atomic bomb...which just may have saved not only his life but hundreds of thousands of other G.I.'s. A very sobering thought for me for most of my life is that had the atomic bombs never been dropped on Japan, my dad could very well have been killed in the subsequent invasion and I never would have been born and my brother, who was 3 at the time, would have had to have grown up without a father, much like many children of that war had to. War...such a terrible, terrible waste. :sad:

My dad was born in 1906. He was 65 on my 15th birthday. He did not understand my interest in engineering (he tried to get me to be an accountant :brolleyes:). He would definitely not have understood my gender spectrum, nor would he ever have been able to 'deal' with it before he died at 80. I wasn't very close to him, 5th of 6 on a farm where work took priority over most things, so I can't speak directly to how he would have felt. But I do believe that he would have been proud of me - regardless of cd'ing. I say this because I am proud of myself and my life, and given that I believe he was a reasonable person, he would have no reason not to be. Maybe a little drumming my own drum there, but honestly, I believe that he would have been able to see what I have done in life, and been proud of that.

My mother had a soft spot for me. I think she sensed the real me. She passed when I was 16 after a few years battling cancer. I sometimes wonder if she would have helped me see myself much clearer, sooner.:sad:

Strict Irish Catholic raised in Boston...ah,... I think not!!!!

Put me down in the no column...

But my saving grace to them was "he's adopted and not of our flesh wife"!!!!! he could have always blamed it on my biological parents for my "short comings"!!!!

ngie

Both my parents already know, and they re-assure me they are proud of me, because despite this (or perhaps in spite of it), I am a pretty balanced individual who is intelligent, has an education, and a job. There isn't a single ounce of doubt that they are proud of me and my accomplishments. I doubt they are specifically proud of this aspect, but as a whole, I believe they are.

probably would have been my father's response. We had a pretty good relationship after I graduated from college - enjoyed similar literature and were interested in the same issues. He tended to speak in generalities and I to speak in specific examples. We traded books regularly. I visited him every 4 - 6 weeks until he died, not quite 2 years ago (I still think I should take a new book to him).

As far as I know, he had no clue about my cross-dressing, but we had enough mutual respect by the time I would have been ready to discuss CD'ing with him (the last year, roughly), that I think his response would have been this email's subject. He might have had some questions, so it could have led to another interesting discussion... I miss those...

Lee

my father is happy that i'm experimenting, and proud that i'm not a societal robot. however, i come from a very, very different family than most, despite Irish catholic upbringing.

Heck! Dad hasn't talked to me since he found out that I stole his favorite pair of heels.